Thursday, January 3, 2013

backYard polaroIds

chalk wall, Charlottesville, VA

fresh! pristine winter
snow shovel in hand, i
dig reality beneath

screams & yells
kids run fleeing from their
father's tickling fingers

a dying tree
bare, gnarled limbs raised high
patiently awaits spring

a birded branch,
silently listens to the song
perched upon it

wet kitten smell
two wings & scattered feathers
everyone a critic

Over at dVerse Poets today, Sam has us writing Collum Lunes...3 words, 5 words, 3 words...kinda like a haiku without the syllables, each three line verse a complete picture...fairly easy...but fun. Have at it, the pub opens at 3 pm EST.

And 5 - 11 word verses makes 55, for  g-man.

104 comments:

the walking man said...

Each stanza a picture of newness happening. good start to another years worth of writing Brian.

Heaven said...

Great snapshots of winter Brian ~

I specially like a dying tree awaiting spring ~ The part of the kids fleeing from father's tickling fingers made me smile ~

Happy Thursday ~

DJan said...

I love these images, Brian. It's interesting to realize that the word "polaroid" will soon stop having meaning to anybody, going the same way as the "kodak moment." :-)

Laurie said...

such beautiful pictures you paint with words

Tara Miller said...

I agree, it it a very lovely snapshot of a winter day. And, that's one fat and happy kitty cat with a guilty look of satisfaction on his face amidst the scattered bird feathers. ;)

farawayinthesunshine said...

...a birded branch,
silently listens to the song
perched upon it...I can see it :-)

...thank you Brian as always for this paintings your words create in my mind

Elsie said...

I love this, even if it reminds of cold snow brrr! Is it summer yet?!

Everyone is a critic, aren't they?

Travel & Dive Girl said...

"a birded branch,silently listens to the song perched upon it" - gorgeous!

Mama Zen said...

This is really cool, Brian! I particularly like the last two.

kaykuala said...

We miss the fun of having snow over here! Still a fun thing to hear about them! Inviting new form. Will work out something to submit later. Great write Brian!

Hank

Daniel said...

Even your words cannot sell me on winter. Ugh. (smiles)

Gloria said...

just lovely like always:))

Gloria said...

I love winter sooo much!!!

Betsy Brock said...

you finally got snow? yay!

Optimistic Existentialist said...

Images of post-Christmas winter. Well-done indeed sir.

Eva Gallant said...

You seem to have the ability to tackle any form and totally nail it!

Myrna R. said...

There was snow on the ground here this morning, but not enough to need a shovel. Wish I could have described some scenes as beautifully as you have.

Alice Audrey said...

I really like this one, especially the everyone's a critic line. Nice progression of images.

Cloudia said...

Like your wordplay images,and directness.
Aloha

happygirl said...

Cool format. Love children fleeing father's tickling fingers. :)

Pat Hatt said...

Playing in the snow
Can be fun at ones show
But eww to the sight
Of it building up over night haha
Great moments caught
All hot err um cold to trot

ladyfi said...

Beautiful words!

G-Man said...

Winter in Virginia...?
Oh you poor boy!

Laurie Kolp said...

So vivid... I can just see you chasing the kids with your tickling fingers. I especially like the image portrayed with:

a dying tree
bare, gnarled limbs raised high
patiently awaits spring

my heart's love songs said...

enjoyed your voice in this form, Brian!

each complete on their own, yes, but lovely as a whole...

especially love ~

"i dig reality beneath"

and the fourth stanza. the ending made me smile.

have a great rest of the day!

manicddaily said...

First - good job combining prompts! Ha! I appreciate that kind of efficiency. My favorite lines the end - everyone's a critic. You got it. k.

Mary said...

Some very good ones here, Brian. Lots of sights and sounds. My two favorites are the first stanza....digging reality beneath the snow; and the last stanza with everyone a critic (however this is nature's way)!

^.^ said...

Welcome to winter and wet kitten smell and winter and winding up in the ditch on your way to work ... :)

Claudia said...

such vivid snapshots...my fav is the first with digging reality beneath the snow..and the birded branch..and oh my..that cat..we used to have a neighbor cat that laid us her "treasures" on the door sill...ugh...mostly it didn't look that nice...

William Manson said...

Brian my friend, what a fabulous start to the new Year. I wish you all the very best pal, and thank you for all your kindness in the past years.

Umesh said...

As always, wonderful poem Brian!
Loved these lines
'a birded branch,
silently listens to the song
perched upon it'

rumoursofrhyme said...

Lovely Brian - you've taken to this form like a duck to water. I especially like the birded branch listening to the song.

quietdaemon said...

Compact moments vividly rendered...seems the season's inspiring many of us still.
Gene

jane hewey said...

your last stanza nails it. also, your dying tree in the middle is pretty perfect.

Nico said...

These are all beautiful. I especially like the prayerful posture of the tree. Very nice work!

Frank Watson said...

Somehow even though you're talking about winter and waiting for spring, the atmosphere of the poems made me feel that spring was already here.

anotherwanderingsoul said...

that last one is so good - loved the polaroid idea

Uneven Stephen said...

Wonderful backyard snippets, Brian. I am particularly fond of this one:

a birded branch,
silently listens to the song
perched upon it

I dare say the lune form is a bit more fun than haiku.

Paige said...

brian you've created a clear picture of a wonderful winter.

Raining Iguanas said...

It's all so clear.

Jennifer Dougan said...

Hi Brian,

I'm picturing the snow and the children's yells! Your snow finally came :)

Blessings to you and your family,
Jenifer Dougan
wwwjenniferdougan.com

Wolfsrosebud said...

though I think everyone, but one, had a good time

Tom said...

i'm impressed. they spelled it correctly.

pandamoniumcat said...

Just lovely snapshots, loved the kids fleeing from dad's tickling fingers can just picture it... gorgeous pictures.

Bill said...

a birded branch,
silently listens to the song
perched upon it


That is very good. I especially like "birded."

Wish I'd thought of it. :)

Natasha Head said...

the wet kitten smell...oh dear...you have no idea what springs forth from that line, but I am roaring! Best Birthday Present EVER! One day I'll tell you why ;) Each and every one are awesome...but I enjoyed reading as a whole...you've captured some wonderful moments

Lady In Read said...

my favorite here today is the birded branch listening to the song perched upon it:)
you weave magic with words..:)

RMP said...

I so love the ending...poor tweety bird. each lune is a lovely snap shot of your backyard.

Semaphore said...

Cool, so this is what you meant when you thought of the lunes as polaroids. Very effective, and the device serves to focus each image as well. Pun intended ;-)

hedgewitch said...

That second from the end is great, bri--all of it very good of course. Looks like a fun form that might lure me out of my cave...nah! It's nice and quiet in here. ;_)

California Girl said...

"bare gnarled limbs" . . .that's me!

jasmine calyx said...

I like the "Why I/Me?" hiding in your title, and also the double meaning in "dig" (first stanza).

The fourth is great, the fifth is awesome.

Lisa said...

Beautiful snapshots. Love the title. I don't quite understand the last stanza. Happy New Year Brian! May your 2013 be bright and beautiful.

passionatereads.com said...

I think that was my kitten adding his critique..we call him Trouble. Love how you worked all five parts together into a cohesive whole.

G-Man said...

Snuck one in eh?
I'll take it!
Thanks for the amended 55 Son...
Have a Kick Ass Week-End...:-)

G-Man said...

Hehehehehehe...
Comment 55

Rastaman said...

Beautiful imagery, thank you.

Bodhirose said...

Wasn't this fun...I think you actually stayed true to the forms, Brian. Didn't you? Love your backyard narration.

Secret Agent Woman said...

I like the mental image I got of the birded branch.

Yvonne Osborne said...

You seem to have no problem with whatever form they throw at you.
I like the last stanza....everyone a critic.

Happy 2013 to you.

Margaret said...

everyone a critic... ha, I suppose cats really don't appreciate the bird's beautiful songs! :)

marousia said...

Great capture of a moment - for the record polaroids are actually coming back into vogue - you images are strong and visual - I felt like I was there :)

Erica Bean said...

Ready for spring already? It's only the 3rd of January. ;-) Great 55. I really like the 3rd and 4th ones. :)

Cressida de Nova said...

Nice medley of poems!

Susan said...

I can see it all. The yard flows. I think you normally would include the dialogue as well, but the small verse form is yours--made from the inside out and breathing like the complex organism it is.

brandi said...

I love winter and your 55!!

Paul said...

Love the poem especially dad's tickling fingers verse.

Quotes,Photos and a little Poetry said...

what amazes me about you is that you can write a different poem and subject every year and day. How do you do it without sounding like a recording.I see that you stay current, yet it never seems like the same arguement, which is just a wee part of your writing gift.

Sabio Lantz said...

laughing at your cat. great smattering of winter images

Fred Rutherford said...

nice. Funny, I used gnarled roots in one of my Lunes tonight too. Really love how everyone so far has had the foresight to string the lunes together, I didn't think of that, but really lends itself to poetic storytelling very nicely. Really nicely done.

Nimue said...

i love these images ! so much layered here :)

Lorraine said...

and yet so beautiful...

Jenny Woolf said...

I like the idea of a "birded branch". Makes me think of the birds as decorations. I suppose it is because "birded" reminds me of "beaded"

Valerie said...

You almost made me like winter, Brian, but the 'dying tree patiently awaits spring' made me realise that spring is really just round the corner.

kkkkaty said...

love this wintry tale in this form..a new day in a new year ..told with usual honesty and smack..

Dave King said...

a birded branch,
silently listens to the song
perched upon it

I can't express how masterly I think these lines. Superb!

Jyoti Mishra said...

imagery in your words is always worth mentioning :)
It's very cold here too ans trees also started to shed leaves.. beautiful !!

izzy said...

Fun except the bird feathers-
I think that form is great! Sometime when I am out from under this cold
I will try it! thanks.

JANU said...

Lovely images of winter here...picture of calm.

Slamdunk said...

I am immersed in the waiting for spring, while dodging snowballs of course. And like DJan said, soon we will need an separate explanation of what a polaroid is.

adeeyoyo said...

Gorgeous pictures evoked by your words,Brian. In fact, not only pictures but also emotions too. Poor little bird, but the Kitten had a tasty meal,lol! Lovely.

Tigerbrite said...

I well remember that wet kitten smell, when the tiny thing gets caught in the rain :)

Kelvin S.M. said...

..though i've enjoyed the read my bet would probably be your last three... but i'm more intrigued at your last lune... quite disturbing...yes... smiles...

Teresa said...

You seem to have mastered the form. I love the images you create.

Geraldine said...

love the photo, love your descriptive words. always a journey stopping by here.

happy weekend Brian!

Other Mary said...

These are great Brian. The last two are my favs.

Kim Nelson said...

That birded branch is a wonderful piece. Thank you for that. I think I shall paint it!

Syd said...

Saw many cardinals yesterday on some bushes in the back yard. I have about 8 bird feeders up on the limbs of a maple tree. No ice here, but has been chilly and rainy for the past several days. Perfect for the cardinals to come and feed.

Raivenne said...

Amazing how each stanza of such sparse words, speaks volumes of vivid imagery. I couldn't help but smile at the critic. WOnderfully done.

John (@bookdreamer) said...

Wonderful snapshot of winter - we have just had rain and rain

ayala said...

Wonderful poem...love it! :)

Gretchen Leary said...

The last line really stuck with me the most but I love the stories you tell in such a poetic way :)

Tina said...

Like it. Like the form too. Something I think I could handle...you guys have been teaching some amazingly complicated stuff lately...but i love that!
Tina @ Life is Good
http://kmdlifeisgood.blogspot.com

mywordwall said...

I love the little life vignettes that you created here - short they may be, but they tell a lot. But the cat in the last one seems a little naughty, isn't it? :-D

Sharp Little Pencil said...

That last was too clever, everyone's a critic, the cat licking its chops. And I still have a Polaroid. Just no film for it! Thanks for your kind comments and encouragement on my blog, Brian. Amy

Barbara Shallue said...

You make me wish for snow, but oh, that poor bird.

Joanna Jenkins said...

This is awesome, Brian, but I still prefer warm (er) California.

Loved the tickling fingers...

Happy New Year! jj

Nilanjana Bose said...

a birded branch! my fav image here. Lovely

Who Is Afraid Of Miss Lovett? No, Mrs.Lovett... said...

"fresh! pristine winter
snow shovel in hand, i
dig reality beneath..."


Hi! Brian...Thanks, for sharing the image Of:chalk wall,in Charlottesville, VA

I like your Collum Lunes...3 words, 5 words, 3 words ...poem.

"...a dying tree
bare, gnarled limbs raised high
patiently awaits spring."


Because you have captured a season as it's on the verge Of...



deedee :)

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Anders Woje Ellingsen said...

By the snow God is not a critic, for sure. :-)

Pat said...

So fresh, so beautiful....

My favorite line:

a birded branch,
silently listens to the song
perched upon it

Sue said...

Beautiful, and I loved "a birded branch."

=)

Goofball said...

wet kitten smell?


really? wet kitten smell?

oh must think about that tonight :)