Thursday, December 13, 2012

how i broke my coffee cup, once

school gym

HGRhhh, you grunt, throw an arm up,
fingers raygunned in different directions - oblivious
to the flow of whole bodies around the rock
you've become

wearing lime green, above one breast reads 'King'
& black pants---makes it Wednesday,
always Wednesday when you wear it

chopped hair mussed & off the bus you comet,
hurtling, more thrown than a walk, legs trying
to keep up with the momentum of your mass,
crooked smile buck teeth Cadillac grill, 
one eye wide, the other pinched, back pack
pendulum-ing one arm, lope, lope lunge
(any moment I swear you'll crash)

HGRhhh, means something, more than the warning
it's become each morning, the squeak, squeak
squeak, your shoes make dragging lino-tile as well,
tHuMPwHack

and off you go, lope, lope, lunge, lime green comet
king, leaving me to wait by the door for other students,
recover from the hug I took & look for before
home room daily---
.

Over at dVerse Poets, Victoria has us writing in second person for Meeting the Bar. Took me a bit to wrap my head around it as I usually write first or third person but...a little snapshot of one of my kids at school...doors open at 3 PM EST.

99 comments:

Grace said...

I can see and hear the student walking from the bus to the room ~

I specially like lime green comet king...very interesting perspective Brian ~

Have a lovely day ~

Tabor said...

Wonder what his story is...

Brian Miller said...

he is 'challenged' i guess is the best way to put it...physical disability and mental as well...he is coming along though...

Optimistic Existentialist said...

This made me harken back to the awkward days of middle school!

happygirl said...

I like the kid. I like the verse. I like how you see him.

kaykuala said...

Physically or mentally challenged individuals often get favorable treatment. They appreciate the leeway society has given them. Nicely Brian!

Hank

Gloria said...

like this dear Brian, Have a nice day:)

Tara Miller said...

You write in second person just as well! This is sweet and I'm glad you get a hug from your student daily. He probably looks for you as well....daily. You're a blessing to many, my love

AmyLK said...

He's lucky to have you there to hug each and every day! Sweet story

Alice Audrey said...

Even a brutal hug at the end of a lope, lope, lunge can be welcome.

JANU said...

Good observation and very well described. Seems a nice kid of a nice teacher.

Pat Hatt said...

Sounds like he does his best
And passes the hug test
Awkward we all are then too
When those years came due
And 2nd person too
Great job at your zoo

Betsy Brock said...

favorable treatment? hmmm....I think they are basically just ignored, usually because people feel awkward around them.

Had to smile at how the comet king hurtles off the bus. My Alex shoots like a canon out of our car...opening his door before we get to a complete stop and off he goes like a lightning bolt across the asphalt toward the school entrance, leaving the car door open. ha.

Daniel said...

Challenged or not, we all suffer from that condition back then (and even some now).

Elsie The Writer said...

There is a challenge I have never tried to do, writing in the second person. You did a great job

ladyfi said...

Love this portrait of your student!

Mary said...

Very nice. You stretched yourself with the second person. I like what resulted. I could visualize the scene and student well.

Lolamouse said...

Great description! I see this kid so well. Other people are probably intimidated, irritated, even scared of this kid. You make him lovable.

Steve E said...

Brian, you don' need to think of a story. You simply(?) breathe, smell, look, see, and SEE and
Really see.
Really be

And then write exquisitely in your inimitable style
what is there.
And be aware

5 years I drove 4-6 challenged (below 70 IQ) to there jobs. Usually I figured the--literally--100s of stories were for them and me...like, ya had to be there? YOU Sir, teaching me so much...now if I but had the words. Know they're in here somewhere! Thank you once more for a prize-worthy post.
Steve

Carrie Burtt said...

The observations of a teacher,and a poet....you make us all see in this young person what you see Brian. Awesome! :-)

Claudia said...

really love how you bring him alive for us bri..love all the sounds you use, and the creative words you find and invent to describe him, raygunned and crooked smile buck teeth cadillac grill being my favs.. wonder if his regular wednesday clothes is something that gives him stability in his instability...

Phạm Bảo said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Laurie Kolp said...

I really enjoyed this, Brian... especially the second stanza... such unique word choices, vivid.

annell said...

I liked it!

Susan said...

Aw . . . I am so glad this one cares to take up as much space as he wants. I hope no one ever makes him small.

SueAnn Lommler said...

Run free little one..run free!!
Hugs
SueAnn

Tina said...

GREAT portrait. I can just SEE this kid...and his energy, and his cadillac teeth...and wow, I bet he's an age where most guys don't hug other guys...sounds like a special one to me.

Tina @ Life is Good
http://kmdlifeisgood.blogspot.com/

^.^ said...

It does remind me of my own middle school days ... how my abilities died and shriveld up, because of one teacher ... and how I started to bloom and excel because of another ... Bless him, and bless you, Brian. Kisses for your own 2 little tykes ... Love, cat.

Victoria said...

One of the things I especially like about this is how your use of active verbs make it jump to life. Nice snapshot and good job with the 2nd person, Brian.

Susan Daniels said...

Brian, loving the energy you captured in this. Marvelous!

Eva Gallant said...

I especially like the image of "more thrown than a walk, legs trying to keep up with the momentum of your mass"--a very vivid picture!

adan said...

there's a tenderness in this and a story of its resistance (at times, i think) that spills out in :

"the hug I took & look for before
home room daily"

either way, really liked it brian, thanks for sharing your journey with the kids ;-)

Marina Sofia said...

Great, very visual and narrative - a nice way to do it. I too tend to use the first or third person, so it's an interesting exercise (might try it tomorrow).

Glenn Buttkus said...

I agree with Tara, brother man, "You are (def) a blessing to many", teacher, husband, father, poetic brother; you are forever there for ALL of us, and we are forever the better for it; keep it up & sweet, Bro.

Daydreamertoo said...

I thought from you 'comet' that he was super fast... like mine is ADHD (still hyper at 16) and does everything at break neck speed ..lol
Aww...very precious, I bet he enjoys that hug too :)

Teresa said...

I love the description of the kid! That lime green really stands out!

rumoursofrhyme said...

Wow Brian! You've surely made an impression on this young man - and doubtless on many others. Now, thanks to your poem, he's made an impression on me too!

hedgewitch said...

Great snapshot of the young one--we could learn a lot about life from hugging like that.

Brudberg said...

You capture a teenager so well. I like it a lot

She Writes said...

The last three lines of the first stanza... have me thinking. These lines are the insight of one who observes humanity. Nicely caught.

Natasha Head said...

So awesome, Poet! You're on fire :) You handled the second in a most fantastic fashion and with great flair! Love the scene...we'd all be flying at you for hugs if we could

Vicki Lane said...

I love the sound and color and action in this one, Brian! He comes to life!

Raven said...

Loving all the motion here! Also that picturesque "lime green." Thanks for the visits. We were gone celebrating 30 years of marriage. It was special. Now getting ready for Christmas, not writing yet, just kicking back and reading great poetry like this!

anotherwanderingsoul said...

this is so lovely, Brian.
the words you chose so carefully show how much you care - it is amazing how you can paint the pictures so vividly. wonderful work.

poetaviator said...

good imagery... ; )

pandamoniumcat said...

I knew a kid like this once, I used to work in the school in special ed...and this just reminded me of him...he was a big lad with a big heart and just thumped and bumped his way through life... really did bring a smile to my face...thanks so much!

Dolly@Soulstops said...

very observant to notice what he wears every Wednesday; I bet you are a great teacher...btw...loved your marriage piece over at Lori's blog...if I don't stop by again b4 12/25...Merry and blessed Christmas to you and your family :)

farawayinthesunshine said...

Every day YOU teach us to look and see better, to notice and to appreciate...thank you...for those paintings you create in my mind :-)

Kim Nelson said...

I so feel your heart when you write about your students, your work; and I like it... a lot!

otin said...

poor kid :(

Bodhirose said...

A special needs child..so clearly described, Brian...from his limited, gutteral speech to his "lope" of a walk. But still has a hug for you...wow..

Cloudia said...

Insight into your daily life, and nature


Warm Aloha from Honolulu
Comfort Spiral
~ > < } } ( ° >

> < 3 3 3 ( ' >

><}}(°> ~

hyperCRYPTICal said...

Lovely descriptive write Brian - love the 'off the bus you comet' - can just picture his enthusiasm.

Anna :o]

RMP said...

so perfectly described, I can picture it as a silent movie (black and white—though the green is blazing bright) where the background music is the sound of the lope, lope, lunge and hrghhh. I can't quite explain why the movie plays as such while I read your words, but alas it does.

Peggy said...

Excellent word painting of this student. It also reflects your good heart with its warmth.

Joanna Jenkins said...

Big smiles for that one. You're making a BIG difference in that kid's life. I just know it.
jj

The Constant Complainer said...

I liked it, brother.

Hope you're having a wonderful holiday season.

Sorry for being MIA. Started a new job and it's been busy. Tring to get back into the swing of things.

Reglandus White said...

I'm beginning to 'see' more in your writings Brian...your style is new to me but greatly appreciated. You paint pictures that open my mind....nice one.

henry clemmons said...

How do we deal with a dropped cup of a person in life? Hopefully with the compassion you write with. I could see the intpretation I drew from this and it was encouraging and touching.

Hilary said...

I love how you see and share the people in your world.

Kelvin S.M. said...

...Brian, i can hear this rapped... i most enjoyable to read and i couldn't resist the beat on this... always a fun and interesting day you have in there... smiles...

Fred Rutherford said...

Yeah, I agree, the second person does take a minute or two to readjust your bearings. This is a great showing Brian and a really nice tale as well.

Annmarie Pipa said...

bet you he was here...

Cressida de Nova said...

Sweet story..I'm glad these kids are enjoying school!

Erica Bean said...

"hurtling, more thrown than a walk, legs trying to keep up with the momentum of your mass"
I know I kid that sounds similar to this. He's five but is the size of a seven year old. I'm pretty sure football is in his future. (No 'challenges' other than maybe ADHD)

Hope you recover from the daily bear hug. :)

vivinfrance said...

Until I read your notes at the end, I was convinced that your "you" was really "I", so vividly did you enter the persona. A great, galumphing poem.

Lady In Read said...

loved the last two lines
recover from the hug I took & look for before
home room daily---

Sue said...

I like this poem...It had a little different feel in second person.

And I like who you are to those kids! They are lucky to have you.

=)

Shadow said...

now where on earth is the coffee cup? *grin*

Lorraine said...

He knows who you are...still at first Ithought You were talking about a soccer student, I had to re-read it to get the full meaning, you know being French and all lol excellent as always

Valerie said...

By the time I reached the end of this talented piece of writing I felt emotionally happy. The student is a lucky lad to have such an understanding teacher, someone who gives him the time he deserves. Fab Friday, Brian, enjoy the coming weekend.

Kamana said...

lime green comet king... smiling at that. great description.

Dave King said...

This sings the sweaty, noisy scene with sweet perfection! So well done.

izzy said...

Lots of sounds! I enjoyed the bus stop too, thanks.

Wolfsrosebud said...

great observation... i felt the tension

annell said...

Thanks for your comment, and thanks for coming by, I missed you.

beckykilsby said...

Ha! So vivid in his movements.. you really get under the skin to show him dramatically(and your feelings for him)

Who Is Afraid Of Miss Lovett? No, Mrs.Lovett... said...

"how i broke my coffee cup, once"

"HGRhhh, means something, more than the warning it's become each morning, the squeak, squeak
squeak, your shoes make dragging lino-tile as well,
tHuMPwHack..."


Hi! Brian...
Thanks, for sharing your very descriptive, poetic,
words...
[...with 2nd person on your mind...too!]

Well done!
deedee :)

DJan said...

I just had to come and leave a comment along with most of the rest of the Universe. I loved the image you created here, and it seems I'm not alone. :-)

awakenedwords said...

love the 'recovery' from the hug...fierce and loving all at once, and a true statement of what you are to him.

Pranavam Ravikumar a.k.a. Kochuravi said...

good.. well written. I have read two times...Thanks & have a good day!

Gail said...

You make children a whole new species with your words...and that's not a bad thing!

Dick said...

Vivid and immediate, Brian.

Jennifer Dougan said...

Brian,

What fun to picture your hurtling lime green student, and it speaks highly of their understanding of your care too, bud. :) From someone who works with teens too, thanks.

Re your comment on my post "When Searching for the Calm and Quiet," you would have loved the shoveled-out tunnels and forts my kids have been making. :) May snow descend on your home soon too.

And that hush, ahhh, one of my favorite things about it too.

Jennifer Dougan
www.jenniferdougan.com

Grandmother said...

I liked this. Made me remember going to the special olympics tryouts and when a little girl fell down in a race, the others came back to help her up. Such a sweet, spontaneous moment.

Mama Zen said...

I can see him so clearly!

Anders Woje Ellingsen said...

NUMBER 50

To class a child;
have it profiled,
is pretty wild.
It is not styled.

Other Mary said...

That is a really touching, and totally unsentimental Brian. Excellent write!

Grace said...

Our hearts are broken too ~

Sabio Lantz said...

"lime green" -- about as attractive as the other qualities you dissect.

Gloria said...

Im so sad today Brian so sad; omy all these kids omy is terrible!xo

Heather Sawaya said...

Your physical description of his appearance and his actions creates such a sense of empathy. Then, the hug everyday...love it. An intricate and moving piece.

Nilanjana Bose said...

Fun, intriguing and moving all at the same time, the kid sounds so cute! Lime green comet king!

manicddaily said...

Love the identification of day by clothing. It's these little touches...

Tracie Skarbo said...

Wonderful job here Brian... makes me want to know more about him.

Jazzbumpa said...

Word choices, imagery, rhythm all fit together in a spectacular way.

This is really powerful and engaging.

I'm impressed.

Cheers!
JzB

A Cuban In London said...

I've been catching up slowly with this challenge. That second person kills me. In a good way. It's so rare. We either write in the third person or in the first one, but very rarely in the second. I enjoyed your poem. Many thanks.

Greetings from London.

poeticlicensee said...

As always, your style of writing compels reading through to the end once one taps onto the first line. Another good write. Thank you...

Syd said...

You are making a difference there. I think you both are lucky to have each other.