Thursday, November 1, 2012
MeetingTheBar: working the chainGang (w/ 12 Romans)
Each night, out of discipline, i run
a comb through membranes, seeking truth
& felonious cogitations flea-ing the chain-
Gang
thirty-one...thirty-two...
don't pull too hard when teeth get caught,
can't tell the store by the lies you bought
'cept in actions wrought, that's why mine's
shaved in a mohawk, all my thoughts point
up---eyes to the floor, too many trap doors
in the mind's mine to bear in mind & corners
where the sun don't shine, even in reflection
on the moon, man left footprints on once
& never went back, been there done that
thought-less, but we---we're always re-turning
the same plots, expecting seed to root in spite
our tilling, retelling the same stories as if
the ending might be different, apples always gListen,
so says the snake hissing for kisses
one hundred one....one hundred three...
the forecast no longer partly cloudy, leaves
the sky free & blue, as my jeans, holey things,
i wear like champagne to visit Mona Lisa,
she works a street corner, making a guitar moan
& goes by Frank---plays for tips, to supplement
his guv'mnt check, gave me one once--sang
there's a parable in the wind,
keep searching, man
keep searching, so
Each night, out of discipline, i run
a comb, 's got a some broken teeth---i might miss
a few felons, but 'ats alright by me
Over @dVerse Poets, Anna has us writing postmodern poetry, mixing high/low culture, surrealism and a couple other things & well, i gave it a shot...she can explain it all the more when she opens the door at 3 pm EST.
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69 comments:
I especially like the metaphor of tilling and not letting our minds rest enough for thoughts to take hold.
Good Morning!
Loved this...got my mind a going
Hugs
SueAnn
Another great piece of writing.
Kind of a pensive piece today. I felt your groove. Great way to start one's day.
Interesting poem, I worry about the corners where the sun does not shine.
I like the counting, direction of your eyes and forecast of things to come ~ Let's keep searching for the light ~
An interesting prompt later ~
my first read of the morning, and what a great one it was :)
Happy day miller.
Wonderful internal rhyme here and mix of imagery - comb teeth, apple, snake - all these links and the missing. k.
Well, Brian, I am drawn to the guitar player named Frank who seems to be both 'him' and 'her' but maybe that is one of the trap doors in the mind's mine under that free and blue sky!
Back on top
Down to low
Just don't stop
And give a smiley flow
With teeth gone from view
People may run
For a deliverance clue
Or such a thought may be spun haha
...keep searching man, keep searching...
Hoping we all find what we are looking for :-)
Happy 1st of November, Brian
eyes to the floor, too many trap doors
in the mind's mine to bear in mind & corners
where the sun don't shine, even in reflection
on the moon, man left footprints on once
& never went back....
great lines here Brian.
Lots of info here...must re-read as I missed some of it.
This really stirred things deep down for me.
even in reflection
on the moon, man left footprints on once
& never went back, been there done that
thought-less,
Powerful allusion. So much to enjoy and then to ponder. Thanks.
you know..paul would love it..very cool take on romans 12..honoring others above ourseleves, connecting with people on all kinds of other levels, renewing our mind in a constant process - ha love the mohawk pointing up and the mona lisa part for its craziness - very cool write bri with a great message...and as i said...i think paul would love it...i do..smiles
ah...but beware of itchy ears
Oh, I liked this poem, there are so many parts that I liked like the Mona Lisa on the corner that plays for change and goes by the name of Frank and the choice to spell glisten gListen. Great piece.
This could be a great rap song Brian! Everything about this makes it a wonderful write...a message to keep reaching out and forward....love this! :-)
Very thought provoking, this one.
I like what Carrie said about this being a great wrap song....Brian Miller....you are gifted! This is a wonderful poem.
The imagery and the word play was wonderful. I like how your thoughts and your mohawk both point up!
good one ...again Brian!
I told you I made fudgy brownies (tell T) have a nice day!
Yet another poem that would sound amazing read aloud. The parallel is relevant in our culture today. Need to re-read so I don't miss any of the goodies you've hidden.
"Can't tell the store by the lies you bought", great line. Your words encourage people to open their eyes and ears to truth.
I think you did a great job they all blended very well together. Even had my mind going to some places and then back to reading again. Was really cool.
God bless.
"holey things,
i wear like champagne to visit Mona Lisa"
I love that!
There was a certain rhythm to this, Brian. I almost felt the foot tapping.
This one had a lilting quality to it and practically sang itself to me.
Nice. Has great movement.
I need to get back into my daily blog reading, I'm missing way too much of your poetry!
Running a comb...
You've turned into a blues-man with this, a soft kind of AFTER-Sandy-man-woman blues tune.
Man, I wish I could show up and listen to this tune...
Inadequate, PLEASE! This is awesome, especially 'felonious cogitations', 'snake hissing for kisses', the whole Mona Lisa verse, and the allusions and playfulness. It is rich, intriguing, and fun. I can't wait to see what everyone does with this one!
We say 'Yeah'
Man left footprints on the moon, and a lot of garbage. (Can't help being cynical) Loved the metaphor and allegory through this. The missing teeth, eyes to the floor, apples snakes hissing for kisses... the count.
Oh... gawd, why don't I just say you've written another stunner. :)
your absurdity is the most endearing part of you
to me
Peace
Whishing you well ... coming fleas out of my hair will be one task coming up ... anxious to leave and anxious to arrive right now ... not so much anxious to return at the moment ... Everything is gonna be alright ... Thanks for your comment, B ... Listen to Bill Bourne if you have time ... it's way at the bottom of my blog ... click on video ... He knows things , you know ... Till then, be well, my friend. Love, cat.
Some really good images here and go on you really do take this long to comb your hair...your secret is safe
The apples always glisten. A lot to think about in this one--well worth a second, third reading.
Great read! There is also a rap-like quality to Paul's writing, I just realized...
Really liked this--especially the thoughts pointing up!
Like this. Hate the thought of missing felons, but we can't get them all. You never know who might end up in jail. I enjoyed the bit about the mohawk and your points. Very kool.
It's certainly surreal. I'm not sure if you're picking nits with that broken comb or just keeping the Mohawk up.
"Each night, out of discipline, i run a comb, 's got a some broken teeth---i might miss
a few felons, but 'ats alright by me..."
Hi! Brian...Thanks, for sharing the image and your poetic words as you "tackled" writing postmodern poetry, mixing high/low culture, surrealism and a couple other things...too!
deedee :)
This has some really cool phrases and words...I really enjoy that. I'm still trying to figure out exactly what's going on throughout the whole thing. It's got a cool vibe to it.
I especially love the phrases "can't tell the store by the lies you bought" and the "making a guitar moan".
HUGE GRIN GRIN GRIN! What a great reason for the Mohawk! Beautiful poem.
"thought-less, but we---we're always re-turning
the same plots, expecting seed to root in spite
our tilling, retelling the same stories as if
the ending might be different, apples always gListen,
so says the snake hissing for kisses . . ."
I go here, too, how many times before the prophetic is heard? But I don't find the guitarist on the corner, just the chain gang. Keep on combing: if they flee, if they are felonious, you don't need them.
I always feel after reading your work as if you/we just took a deep breathe and now your/our chest might be a bit lighter getting that all out. Thumbs up
Lovely full of treasures. The parable in the wind and the lonely Mona Lisa that “goes by Frank”. Love the sound of his / her guitar. gListen! Excellent, Mr. Miller.
Most guys wear Mohawks out of rebellion, but somehow you make it work for you, kind of flipping off convention and making them see the real Miller beneath the bluster; loved the internal rhymes running rampant in this one.
Your thoughts point up! I love it. Did you make that up or is that a common saying about mohawks?
Almost makes me want to get a mohawk. If Annabella could do it, why can't I?
Fun piece Brian. Still working on my own, kind of having trouble meshing the high and low cultures together in one. This is a great example though, love the merger you made here. Thanks
Brian, have to get to dverse for further info, but you nailed this. Great rhymes, unexpected turns, random thoughts, yet it all melds because of the voice I hear. This ROCKS. Peace, Amy
This grandma thinks this rocks!
you touch on all my emotions in all the styles that exist you have only one: Emotional Perfection, how's that for a contradiction, yet you do it so well.
Things you see and how you see them Brian, and what a blessing you can turn them into words.
This is me Brian, I am in make-over :)
Good morning dear Brian, time for me to visit my best blogging friends again.;) Your poetry is always food for thought, you have a way of combining the most obscure and make it flow as if it is just very ordinary.;)
Did I ever tell you that as a child I competed in poetry reading and won many prizes.;) But I can not write any poetry at all.;)
Have a great weekend dear friend,
xoxo
there is a nice flow to this piece with a lot of interesting bits running through this; you rounded them up quite well. I myself tend to get a little scared when trying to to wrangle in felonious cogotations – some are better left to roam free.
(auto correct tried to change "rangle" to tangled...I realize it's my own fault for being a poor speller, but it seemed quite a telling word choice.
Nice... now I think I understand the prompt a little better. I especially like-
the forecast no longer partly cloudy, leaves
the sky free & blue, as my jeans, holey things,
i wear like champagne to visit Mona Lisa,
she works a street corner, making a guitar moan
& goes by Frank---plays for tips, to supplement
his guv'mnt check, gave me one once--sang
snake hissing for kisses...ha! Fun rhythm to this one that is just screaming for tunage...Love it...you rock the hawk, Poet
Absolutely fantastic.
An imnsomniac pondering the mysteries of life with a whirl of thoughts in his overdrive brain. But my favourite of all time is the reason for the mohawk...comb it up and all the thoughts go up
ROFL
Cressida de Nova
liked how the comb came back at the end... seems you had a little bit of everything for us to comment on
so many fantastic lines in this, Brian. I especially love the hissing kissing stanza. It is great fun to read. I won't have time to write for this prompt but it is really compelling and I will definitely revisit it later. Have a wonderful weekend!
serious 'like'! loved the bit about the parable in the wind and apples gListening and snake...and what a cool motive behind the mohawk!
I think all your stuff is post-modern, certainly punk with steam, and combs, and lines and usually at least not 'til now with fleas but lovin' the wordplay and the shadows, the mining and tilling - and listening and writing like paint piling on changing the way you view it 'til it's all impasto and antipasta together. You're the man, Brian - the poetryman!
yes, you are so good at post-modern, so good at holding up a mirror to what we now know as life...
we get up every morning, and we do what we must to make our way through... another fabulous write!
Sorry this comment is coming in so late!
I'll tell you Brian, I'm amazed at the rate at which you write these pieces. What ever you are on, I want some man! :D
Great stuff!
I like the way you use rhyme here. Got a nice flow going...
=)
yes the rhythm felt like rap
skies and guitars, and my garden needs tilling =)
"we're always re-turning
the same plots, expecting seed to root in spite
our tilling, retelling the same stories as if
the ending might be different..." -
and sometimes they are, or so they seem, and so they are - even if just as glimmers on the surface of something that doesn't change...
brilliant, brilliant, brilliant!!! LOVE the way you put together words, Brian!! one of my favorites now!
At first, I thought that you were searching for lice. Guess not, but that's what popped into my head of hair.
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