Thursday, November 29, 2012

drawing leaves of the black tulip

The Black Tulip (last page) by Alexandre Dumas

the keeper of beauty & wisdom,
an old man, scratched
on the frame of his door  

     L-O-V-E F-U-R-I-O-U-S 

     watch the tulips,
     the moths & butterflies 
     slugs & hungry bees 

     HEAR THE STORY 

     culture destroyed the sycamore
     in the garden - a prison of his 
     own will

     i suffered 
     HAPPY

and bourne to die,
 he found flight  

Over at dVerse Poets, Anna has challenged us to try erasure poetry. Take a page from an existing work, in this case, I took the last page of The Black Tulip by Alexandre Dumas and erased words til i found a poem. Its not as easy as it may seem, but was a fun exercise. Even my new title is taken from words on the page. Give it a try or just check out more today at 3 pm.

And told in 55 words for my good friend g-man.

95 comments:

Pat Hatt said...

first
Hank is worst

Pat Hatt said...

Interesting exercise indeed
At the dVerse feed
Like the use of bourne at the end
And how you used the 55 trend
And could it be
That I am also number two ahead of poor Mary?

Mary said...

Pat is bad indeed!!!

Mary said...

It is good if one can suffer happy! Good work with the eraser, Brian. Smiles.

Raven said...

Wow! Really nicely done.

Jack Edwards Poetry said...

Great poem and interesting exercise. I tried something similar a while back.

All the best,
Jack

Suz said...

funny..how our brains make it work...
i remember doing this a long time ago....not easy as you say

ReBelle said...

I loved The Black Tulip, but I do everything Dumas wrote.

Clever.

kaykuala said...

Brian, nicely done
But Pat's a fast one
Haven't tried this
It's not with ease

Hank

Alan Burnett said...

What a clever idea. Reductionism is something I need to do to much of my writing. I suppose it is making a fine single malt out of a malt mash.

farawayinthesunshine said...

What an interesting concept, Brian and I love how you still manage to find your poem hiding in Alexandre Dumas' words :-)

Carrie Burtt said...

You certainly erased all the right words to put the perfect ones together Brian....like a true writer and poet could!

Brian Miller said...

rebelle....i am a dumas fan as well....def why i chose him....smiles.

Laurie Kolp said...

I love the way it turned out, Brian... Yeah, you!!

Anna Montgomery said...

Wow, I love what you did with the visual aspect and the selection of what remains is marvelous. The poem distills the impact of the story with precision and skill. I'm very excited to host this today, thanks for kicking us off with a bang!

Laurie Kolp said...

To Patt and Mary-

I may never be number one
but still the race is fun
I may never be last
if so you'll know I passed.


LOL- corny, I know...

hedgewitch said...

I don't do these borrowings from others' works, but I do enjoy what others turn up--this is a surprising bit of diving into Dumas, adroit and all Miller.

Nimue said...

Love furiously !

this made me think ..
Interest work. I will check the prompt now :)

Leovi said...

Interesting way to create a poem. I also use this method for my titles to my photos, but I need less words. Yet sometimes took longer to find the title that make the photo.

Helen said...

Brian ~~ teacher, tutor. I love discovering something new! I must try my hand at this unique poetry form.

Myrna R. said...

Interesting. I tried a similar exercise once, and found it to be lots of fun.

Claudia said...

i like what the old man, the keeper of beauty and wisdom scratched on his door frame..and realize i forgot the visual...i like how yours looks...like mole channels or a find the secret treasure drawing..and in a way it is..smiles

Optimistic Existentialist said...

I will say that I am learning a greatv deal about poetry through this blog and I think I am ready to start incorporating poetry into mine :)

She Writes said...

No, it looks hard!

Karen M said...

Stunned again. It was love furiously this time. Can't get it out of my head.

jane hewey said...

and bourne to die, he found flight. a succinct ending to this well done 55. dang you're good at this.

ND Mitchell said...

Great choice of words Brian. A really interesting piece of writing.

manicddaily said...

I don't think it looks easy, but you make it look smooth (and profound). Well done. Last line wonderful. k .

AmyLK said...

That actually sounds like a difficult way to come up with a poem. You did it though! Lovely words.

Tina said...

Interesting idea for how to construct a poem. It looks really hard, though.

Gotta tell you, and have been meaning to do so, but I'm a grade A procrastinator so it hasn't happened:

dVerse really rocks! I've learned so much about styles and formes and history and poets and read every post even when I don't have time to comment. Keep up the good work!
Tina @ Life is Good
http://kmdlifeisgood.blogspot.com/

tera said...

I like this. What an interesting idea. I've seen similar for sale on Etsy - pages with blacked out lines or circled words.
Feels dreamy today.

happygirl said...

Wow, what a challenging style. Good work. I love the contrast in it. :)

Victoria said...

I love the words you chose to weave into such good images. Never read this! Bet the French is amazing.

Susan Daniels said...

Oh, goodness, Brian--who had fun with the surreal today. I LOVE THIS!

Beachanny said...

Certainly has depth and philosophy and wows! You did a great job of extracting! Love it.

Jenny said...

It tales an excellent writer and an even better poet to "tackle" this challenge! Great write Brian as usual.

Alice Audrey said...

That's quite the challenge.

Laurie said...

oh my gosh that is such an amazing technique, its beautiful, what was found in the words that remain, ,

Daydreamertoo said...

So glad with no other choice ...he found flight :)
Haven't read that book but, really like what you did with the words.

cloudfactor5 said...

i suffered
Happy
indeed !!!

Nico said...

Isn't it cool how meaning can be found in a rather random series of words? You did a great job here, very commendable!

Eva Gallant said...

That was quite a challenge! I don't know how you managed it!

Joan Barrett Roberts said...

Brian -- How cool is that --
discovering poetry within text!
good job!

Wyeth Bailey said...

I disappear for a few weeks (wrap up my divorce, etc), come back to you guys and realize how much I miss and need this group. This form is new to me. Brian, you nailed it for me, from the choice of source text, to the visual, to the excavation of a biting, minimal poem. I can't wait to try this. And to read more of these.

Tara Miller said...

Love Furious - what wise words. You amaze me! This sounds extremely difficult yet you seem to make it look easy...well done my love!

Glenn Buttkus said...

you def had me at THE BLACK TULIP; which sounds like a great Noir novel/film--one of us needs to write one day. Good work on distilling Dumas; like it.

Semaphore said...

I enjoyed this - Dumas is excellent for found poetry, isn't he! Erasure poetry is like carving sculpture from a block of marble, it's amazing what you can discover.

kkkkaty said...

I think I learn more about the birds and bees from this website than a lot of places...well done.

Liz @ A Nut in a Nutshell said...

I haven't read that piece from him. This is nice though. :)

g-man said...

It started off interesting... Then you lost me!!!
Sorry Son, but of course that's nothing new
It was a perfect 55 though!
Thanks for playing, All for One, and One for All, and have a Kick Ass Week-End

Sabio Lantz said...

"Watch them slugs" is serious advice.
Love furious!!

Gail said...

A very interesting concept. You make it shine. I shall have to play with that.

Bodhirose said...

Not familiar with that book but like what you turned up and in 55 too...great work, Brian.

Natasha Head said...

This WAS hard...I ended up with pages and pages...then even more erasing! ha! Love the way you wove these words...and thought your finish fantastic. I bow to you...he who wields an eraser as worthy as the pen! ;)

Cloudia said...

hmmmmmmm



Aloha Wishes
from Honolulu
Comfort Spiral

~ > < } } ( ° >

> < 3 3 3 ( ' >

><}}(°> ~

mrs mediocrity said...

You did a fabulous job, I love it! And the title is perfect. One of these times, I hope to have time to join in and try one of these...it looks fun and challenging at the same time.

mrs mediocrity said...

You did a fabulous job, I love it! And the title is perfect. One of these times, I hope to have time to join in and try one of these...it looks fun and challenging at the same time.

pandamoniumcat said...

I love the hope at the end...very nice.

Shawna said...

You know I love this. :) Gorgeous title. Anything beginning with "the keeper of beauty and wisdom" HAS to be good. "Love furious" is great advice. I like the bits you set apart in caps---very effective. Watch nature, and actually listen. "Hear the story." That's awesome.

These are my favorites:
"culture destroyed the sycamore"
"a prison of his own will"
"I suffered happy"

I see "in the garden" as a biblical reference, how nature and perspectives were botched from the beginning when we wanted more, more, more and got less instead.

Stephanie said...

You did an AMAZING job!

JANU said...

Seems a piece of cake the way you have done it.
Loved the ending.

Dolly@Soulstops said...

Interesting, Brian...love "LOVEFURIOUS"...how are you? was praying for you every time God brought you and your school to mind...so glad you could be there...thanks for the update at my blog...really appreciated it :)

Margaret said...

Makes my mind have to "work"! :) Live life, Lovefurious ... one word or two for the 55? ha.

I found this erasure poem to be very time consuming. Not sure the point I tried to make gets across.

AJ Walker said...

Really liked this poem, and no, it's not as easy as it seems, lol.

Lady In Read said...

love this idea, the result as well, of course..
now i am going to try getting a poem from prose..

Fred Rutherford said...

this is an awesome example Brian. One of the best I've come across. Fantastic in every sense.

Marina Sofia said...

This is really interesting, when you are doing it on someone else's work. That's what I should have done! Great example.

Lorraine said...

LOVEFURIOUSly this. wow

Valerie said...

Interesting but difficult, I should imagine. I know I couldn't do it. Not sure if it's right to use other people's work though????

sreeja harikrishnan said...

so nice! I loved the poem, it is independent and lovely. It is really difficult, you did it brilliantly... I tried but not sure about it....

Luke Prater said...

very interesting exercise... def pulled of the challenge here bro

Dave King said...

This is a true blow-you-away effort. I am helpless with admiration -- Can you be helpless with admiration? I did have a go at this, but with dismal results. Bravo!

beckykilsby said...

What you found and what you did with those words has produced something fascinating.

hungry bees

F-U-R-I-O-U-S-L-O-V-E

... sidesteps to jolt and linger.

Mary said...

Hi Brian...in my blog today, you were one of the 'unnamed' I wanted to give a 'special shout out to' at the bottom of my poem. I didn't feel right about actually writing names, but ...... thank you!

the walking man said...

That would be a derivative work. somewhat like what Burroughs used to do to write books, cut paragraphs from others work and past them together to make a new piece.

I don't think he would have sold many books if he had not drunkenly "accidentally" killed his common law wife playing William tell with a .38 in Mexico.

*shrug*

Ravenblack said...

I love the picture that is formed there. Reading off there, feels like following a map. I must make a note to read this story by Dumas too, for I think I'm not getting all of it because I haven't.

Cressida de Nova said...

This is lovely. It feels very French.

Other Mary said...

Sounds fun, and what a great result you got! Have a great weekend Brain.

Grandmother said...

And you did it in 55 words? Bravo! I spent all day on mine, loved the process but 55 words is the gold standard or something. Liked it though.

Friko said...

An interesting idea, I might copy it just for y own fun.

John (@bookdreamer) said...

Clever use of the form

Mama Zen said...

Very cool! I might have to try one of these.

Tracie Skarbo said...

Wonderful response to a difficult challenge!

Annmarie Pipa said...

wow! what a great exercise for the mind! good for you for bringing out the poetry..

Sue said...

Sounds like a fun task. I think you did it well.

=)

otin said...

Not my exact idea of fun. lol

Gloria said...

this is really special Brian, have a nice weekend:)

Kim Nelson said...

VERY cool, Brian. Your piece seems organic, not the least bit contrived. An accomplishment to say the least.

Heaven said...

Interesting lines here Brian, specially the opening line ~

I may have to try this some time ~

Have a good night ~

Anders Woje Ellingsen said...

I am sorry, but I get nothing out of it. :-)

mefeedyoume said...

very nice; from frame to flight

Daniel said...

I had never heard of this till now. This is cool. Loved it.

^.^ said...

I get angry, Brian ... so very angry ... when I read that your poem is based on some "poem society's prompts" or some other kind of prompt to write a poem for a certain week or certain theme ... like I read in Claudia's or Bren's and some others ... I'm very much confused about this ... but enjoyn your club, eh?

Poetry and Icecream said...

Very nicely done Brian! Cohesive and it flowed well from the opening line to the last. An interesting piece indeed :)

Brandee Shafer said...

Cool exercise. I'll have to try it!