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| Cole, in Branson, MO |
kid in an alley, (color doesn't matter)
over trash caught in creases where walls meet
asphalt, bounces a worn thin basketball off the bricks-
toNK, tONk, TO---pauses,
as the three legged man SkitchShuff-les by
on the sidewalk, stooped, eyes
meet-only briefly though, as both
turn to the thuMp, THump, skizzle, ThuMP
top down convertible, blond beside him,
dark sunglassed, teeth gleaming
ina middle/man---slashes down
street
& is it envy or sorrow seen, knowing he is caught
in the impossible place of trying
to be both at once---but
then he's over the horizon,
chips cashed, around the corner,
ghost given---gone
TonK
TOnk
SkitchShuff
tONk
& i want the elder to say something
[here] to the boy, and him to
hear [here] but
TOnk
SkitchShuff
ThuMpSkizzle
they are man, not men
after all-alone
& too scared to show it.
Over at dVerse Poets today, Mary has us looking at the passage of time, the ages of man or 'all the worlds a stage...' so tune in a bit as she explains it much better than I. Poetics goes live at 3 pm EST. See you there.
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86 comments:
Am I first?
Dang it I am!!!
This is an interesting read Brian. You have a way of capturing things that seem so familiar and that are yet so difficult to put into words. I like it.
I guess getting old is hard on most everyone and some accept it better than others. I think that an older man with a younger woman for his girlfriend just looks older some how and is such a sad thing to see. They should just be happy they are still alive because so many die young and if we were able to ask them if they would have liked to have lived to an older age, I am sure the majority would say yes.
Besides being a grandparent is the best job anyone will ever have!
Great poem Brian, I love the pic of Cole.
God bless.
Nice write , Brian. As I interpret this, you have captured three different ages who see each other, observe one another, but do not interact with one another. And everyone will eventually pass over the horizon "ghost given -- gone." Too fast.
I found this to be many layered - or I'm reading more into it than you might approve. At any rate I fond ir warming and a little sad, both at the same time. I must agree with Colleen about your way of capturing the familiar. You make it seem so unfamiliar - which makes it fine poetry in my book.
I know everything everyone gets old, the first time someones calls you Ma'am, passages so many layers so many different attitudes yet we come from somewhere and we will return to our level of conscience...you always get me at a level of understanding which makes the pain of living bearable
You have a keen observation Brian. Bringing in people of 3 age groups together and weaving them into a story. Wonderful.
I like the sounds you create in your words Brian, I must try it one time.
Nice sketching of the kid, blond middle man and old man with cane - envy or sorrow seen ~ a little of both maybe ~
Happy weekend ~
Hey Brian! I loved especially the trash stuck in the layers in the asphalt - I'm not phrasing it right but you know what I mean - and I am thinking of the lines from Shakespeare As you Like It? I think, maybe - (Which I only sort of know because I was in it once .)
There is something about the ball here which is like the baby stage, but also like an extra cane. It is a very interesting piece, and the sound is just lovely. Sad.
Agh. k.
Love how you combine the three ages of man in one little snapshot! and the actual snap included in the post is heartwarming.
Ages of man
Each one a fan
Of certain acts
The older prob knowing more facts
Nice on combining the three
The older prob too has to drain the lizard more, aka pee hahaha
I got it...the three ages of man...very well done...you are the Master
Sandi
Interesting take today. Great way to get my morning started.
i love the inclusion of sound here and not only because of the sounds but also because they seem to connect them...i guess it's much more difficult for men to share their feelings (except if they're poets maybe..) than it is for women..and i love how you snapshot the three ages, where they are and how they would need to hear from each other... a great piece bri...
Brilliant take on age and man...you always get me to thinking miller :)
What can the wounded say the one who is not as wounded yet? Tell him to duck when they start firing at him? And the cat with the blond that coward isn't stopping, not to offer the wounded man a ride or maybe give the kid a buck for emptying out the ashtray. He is the one most lost of all. That is where his horizon leads. Over the hill to acquire another stack of chips from some other ... gambler?
I love how the three stages flow into one... transition is great. And all the sounds really add to the effect. Great piece!
More often now people do not look each other in the eyes. Young people do not feel connected to the adults even the ones on their own street. You write with a knowledge of the sadder life as you see it. I forget what it is like in cities, too many people packed together trying to live with their regrets and anger. Not so much of that in smaller towns.
Brian....what a gift you have, bringing the three stages of man together...and inject sound..it all "fits"....great write.
Yes!
trying to be both at once... a thoughtful reminder that we don't like to leave one life behind as we move into a new one.
I always like it when you put sound into your poetic equation. It's especially effective here.
And I wish the old man had said something to the young one, too.
=)
This has a nice rhythm, Brian. Great photo of your boy. You know, as a control freak it sometimes distresses me that time is not something I can stop. And then sometimes it doesn't go fast enough! Then suddenly -poof! - the moment is gone. Forever. Of course time only has one speed. It's me that needs to slow down or speed up.
The wheel of life keeps on spinning and everyone in it gets closer to the finish line...The weaving of three different generation of a man is very well done, Brian.
It got me thinking...the older man still has the two younger versions within...does he remember?...:-)
Enjoy your week-end
I like the sound effects in this one too, adds a lot. Your little guy is so cute.
Time does spin away and you have captured clips from each spinning.
Great job.
Paths cross so often... too bad we don't stop to acknowledge them more often.
Sometimes that don't have the heart to share the injustice of some unavoidable truths. ~Mary
Another perfect little snippet of real life.
The loneliness of any age, the alone-ness, which is the sae for each and every one of us deep down, you have said it in very few words. Again, I salute you and your poetry.
Important stages you've captured here...each with a lesson to be learned through the journey to the next phase. I can imagine transition from boy to man is a tough one....but never alone.
i am somewhat at a loss for words. i love the details like the color (or not) of the boy in the alley and the sounds of the basketball bouncing and the old man moving through. beautiful.
i would like to share this at:
https://www.facebook.com/DangerousLinda
thank you!
You wrote an earlier version of this, didn't you? I know I saw this yesterday but there seem to be some changes. Trying not to ramble too much but I do like this version so much more than the original. The intent is so much clearer. Really well done revision.
I'm seeing dreamlike, vaporous stages, one melting into the other, and LOVE the photo! He'll soon be cruisin' with the top down, poet...imagine the writes you've got coming! ;)
they are man, not men
"after all-alone
& too scared to show it."
Hi! Brian...
Thanks, for sharing the photograph Of your son, Cole as you look "at the passage of time, and the ages of man"
in your poem...
"Poetics: the ages of man (revisited)"
I hope that you and your readers, have a pleasant week-end...too!
deedee :)
What delightful imagery you have crafted here...nice
Hugs
SueAnn
They are man not men and alone. Yes. The elder is how we all eventually become and the young don't even want to think about it.
Have no idea how you do it but, you do.
Fabulous!
Great pic of your handsome boy too :) Oddly enough, I use Chloe in my post. A case of GMTA = Great minds think alike. lol
A good day, thanks Brian ;)
Yes, I'm not that fast at typing so, created a lot of acronyms that I tell everyone else what they mean and then they like and adopt to use too. I also created PITA = Pain in the ass...too LOL and, yes, GMTA .. ;)
Three representations of past, present and future all in one meeting maybe; or 3 generations. Anyway very well done again.
Vivid sounds in this--on the street. Very intense images, too, bri--we all are a composite of those ages, sometimes very inappropriately. I still say being young is the hardest age because you just don't have the tools, otoh, you don't know all the stuff coming down the pike atcha either...
I Liked it Brian. For myself you took something concrete and brought it back to us as an abstraction. An abstraction this is clear.
Brian--I love the sound, the movement--the young and the old regarding each other. Nice, man.
Your use of sound here give a whole other dimension to the poem. Thanks for sharing!
this is brilliant.
loved the ending, so powerful and true.
hats off to you, what a marvelous piece.
Really thoughtful write. Well done, Brian!
Excellent poem! Saludos.
Having been a four-legged girl a lot in my life...you captured that rhythm well. I could hear him making his way down the street. Another nice one, Brian.
Tina @ Life is Good
http://kmdlifeisgood.blogspot.com/
You are so good at onomatopoeia! Fun.
I don't know what I can add here except to say that being the mother of girls who are now in their 20s, I have come to understand how important it is that we raise boys who really are men
Love this but I love Cole he melt my heart:))))
So clever to see in the encounter all that it might be, but isnt because no one knows how to express what they're feeling. This poem has an impact. I, too, love how you take a small scene, that a lot of people wouldnt look at twice, and write about the entire human condition in response. This is deep, Brian, and I love it.
A real kind of "audio" sense of immediacy about this one Brian...
Excellent visuals in this, Brian. Great message, too. Nice!
Life framed by a basketball.
Cole is so handsome! I love when you show updated pics of your boys :-)
And your poem-- Amazing as usual. now in my 50s (gulp) I sometimes forget the aging process and those "milestones" start at a young age.
Well done. jj
Great scene as ever - love the counterpoints of age - the scene is timeliess :)
You have so many comments already Brian I hesitate to say much. However, I think you were still working on this as you wanted the old man to say some to the boy? You could have the old man hand the boy his cane and ask to throw the ball as the boy was doing and have some new combo sound result and have them both smile.
I like that this piece carries on to a question just after the third snapshot. The fresh and withered stages of a man's life and its moment at peak. I see stages of social welfare here along with ageism. Wonderful piece with a great sigh at the end.
Good to be around, thanks for the warm welcome.
like my daughter says about the male population, they never really grow up, they just get older.
brilliant, Brian! especially the final stanza!
Clever write I like the level of ages that you have written about of this boy to man and man to boy
Brian, I love your lightning tour of a man's life, and the onomatopoeia and everything about it...
Skillful capture of all the different stages of man. Great observations and is seen everyday but we don't always notice the finer detail. Nice!
How you observe and are able to write about(even the sounds)your observation is incredible.
I bow to this skillful ability.
Can feel the sunshine and smell the sweat in this one.
The 3 of a kind can well be connecting. But if not for the fact that each have their own thing to bother. That's the way of the world and it seems a natural thing! Nicely Brian!
Hank
Keep working on the three ages of man, Brian, 'cos the older we get the more we forget. Your words can keep part of it alive.
this could be the story of a man's life or the juxtaposition of the images of different people of certain ages, but anyway, a treat for the senses of sight and sound. :)
Each of us think we are the cool as those older look on knowing we are not!
Man, that poem just kept bouncing on the palm of my hand! What a sense of rhythm you have! It also helped that as I was reading your beautiful piece Radiohead came on on Radip Paradise with Staircase. So I had this funky bass hook playing at low volume whilst soaking up the tonk, tonk, thump and skizzle. :-)
Many thanks.
Greetings from London.
...clever, smart, multi-layered, succinct, refering to that "O" word that Vicitoria used...
If the old man spoke, would the young one have listened anyway? I, too, like your sound effects.
Cute kid! :)
great scene. Damn pride! - our biggest downfall IMHO.
really cool use of language, the various noises really set a distinct state of setting and bring a sound to the verse. Love the bracketing, never thought of using brackets before, really like how you used them. Great write.
love the 'noises' in your poem and the hear and here references - always moved by your view. K
Felt like a voyeur just beyond the fringe of social conformity, glancing at scenes down the dark alley, scenes not meant to be seen.
"they are man, not men
after all-alone
& too scared to show it. "
This is stereotype or sci-fi drawn to type, and either way all the info enters at one glance. If a basketball had a memory what tales it would tell, ticking and tocking as it ages.
Alone and too scared to show it. The boy and the man-this is what rings on in my head after reading. I got caught up in the story told by your poem as I always do. Thank you and smiles.
I love this journey through time. It really does show how different it is at these stages and how hard it is to relate to the different ages.
Your writing is so expressive. Well done!
not sure what happened-- did my comment get eaten? Loved it...xj
Nice write, Brian.
"Alone and too scared to show it." Sadly true for many of us, if we dig deep enough. Wish the elder did speak to the youngest. Maybe it's up to us to do it. Like the depth in this. As always, your words make me think.
What a cutie you have there, and "ThuMPSkizzle" will have to be the word of the day for tomorrow, lol
Love that 4th stanza :)
So many contrasts in being human--and yet, underneath, it all we are really the same once all the masks are ripped away.
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