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| The Patriot, a local school mascot |
Despite there being 30,220 legal machine guns
in the state of VA, for me, he chooses a shotgun
it's messy,
more personal
Rorschach blots & pellets in the brain matter
'& after we kill the teachers, we'll steal
their keys and escape in one of the cars...'
but it never happens, like an alternate ending, Easter
egg hidden on the DVD found by chance, unknown,
until they come for me
during class
asking questions about his demeanor
this week and last & i figure it for drugs or
heard he was led away in cuffs, but
all the students are gone, leaves
crawl barren sidewalks & we sit in stiff back chairs
as they read
what would have been my epitaph---it's humbling,
having no choice in the matter of living & i
i...
i wanna know when the answer to failing
became cocked and aimed at the head of the one
trying to teach & who taught that, how a fourteen
year old can com-pile an arsenal, where the eyes
were as he did, thank God someone overheard
the plans & what made him so angry---really
i...
i...wanna wake up & pretend it never happened,
my only worry being getting them to pay attention
as we discuss exploration of the new world
where the only ones dying are First Americans
(as if that was fair or just) i can't
& he's locked up
in a cell awaiting a trial and yet...we'll never tell
how close it came---and it wasn't, it seems,
but my name
was on the list,
standing in front of the class
just isn't the same---as i search their eyes
for ticking timers, cascading
digital numbers & tell the story
of our shared history, which doesn't promise
a happy ending---
is it enough, we hope
things change-the more they stay
the same-the worse they
get?
BANG!
Over at dVerse, it's OpenLinkNight - write something, call it poetry and come join us...smiles. My wonderful friend Claudia, is hosting tonight, and will open the pub at 3 pm EST. See you there.
True story. Enough said. And the number of legal machine guns is VA was taken from an article in the Sunday paper. We have more owners than any other state in the Union. This obviously does not count those owned illegally.
Thanks to Hedge for the title-sometimes it seems i am.
Posts
111 comments:
Oh God! kids who get that desperate act out, and it kills me, especially if in front to protect is you, please never be a hero you have a family to protect, they are those you were meant to protect, so first move hide under the desk...please
..such heartbreaking stories,so many you have...be still be quiet...
Very frightening situation, Brian. Hard to anticipate what ticking time bombs will attempt. But where oh where would he have acquired such a weapon. So glad he was caught before anything happened. Scary stuff for you and your school.
standing in front of the class
just isn't the same---as i search their eyes
for ticking timers, cascading
digital numbers & tell the story
of our shared history, which doesn't promise
a happy ending---
I can only imagine how hard that would be after going through this. SO glad you're okay. Something has to change.
this country is nuts...
Yikes - Brian that is just terrible.
Agh.
Hard to know how to handle. Good poem (she adds in alarm). But really so sad and crazy and frightening. Politicians even afraid to talk about weapons - NRA has made even the discussion a non-starter. Crazy, k.
Want me to come and talk to them, give your school some graphic pictures to ponder for show and tell of what non war related death looks like. I have been thinking about this all night.
We have raised a growing number of members of a generation on permanent tilt and pissed off because the pin ball machine won't let them have a free game.
Oh yeah one REAL piece of advice...never show fear and never compromise your own standard of conduct you laid out for them. They will respect you that way. Anything else and they will rumor it out that you're afraid of them and then they will just shit on you for fun.
Oh my!! Powerful and so telling...what have we created?
Hugs
SueAnn
I like how you build up the tension, watching out for those fingers ready to cock and aim.. Bang ~ How frightening to be on the hit list, what have we created ~
Wishing you happy day Brian ~
When I was growing up, it was unheard of for this kind of thing to happen. But then there was the Kennedys, King, and mass shootings began everywhere. Do video games make it worse? Good poem, it really got me to thinking...
you just can't imagine what's going on in the brain of those kids...i'm afraid but also feel so sad for them and wonder what we as a society could do to change things...a tight and immediate piece and my heart stopped a few times while reading..the ticking timers in their eyes..yep..i bet you can see and feel them even more now
Scary and frightening. My son is at VT, Enough said. Yikes.
Oh so right..what has this society created..scary..how do we turn things for the better??? Good poem.
Brian! a horrific sad terrible story - my mouth went dry in fear for you and for all those innocents just trying to do what is right and good every day. And in grief for those that some how have been failed - not loved enough? not encouraged enough? not given hope enough? I shake my head wishing that we could find an answer to that question - K
This is more than kids just acting out. It scares me to think of you in this environment. Brian, your wife must have been terrified/be terrified for your safety. It likely terrifies everyone who knows this happened to know such dark thoughts were nearly acted out upon in the midst of where you all live. Brian, I can't imagine how this has hit you and those who love you. I am sorry :/. But thankful to hear he has been caught and they know how disturbed he is. ugh.
Being aware
without fear
standing there
I hear...BANG!
Tried teaching music/orchestra directing in high school about 20 years ago.
Only then did I discover--and was unprepared for--TRUE chaos.
Looking back, the fright they saw in my eyes only caused a chaotic upgrade...I lasted 2 weeks!
But you, Sir...YOU can handle that, because you do know (as I now also know) how to gain and keep the respect of those Peeps. EXCEPT THAT ONE, ALONE AND LONELY with thoughts unworldly.
So is THAT why God made teachers with eyes in the back of their heads?--grin!
Blessings.
Stay safe...we got a date next year, Buddy.
PEACE!
Steve
This is so nice. Thought-provoking. I love "the Easter
egg hidden on the DVD" and the repetition of "i", not just a reflection on the personal impact but also almost a stutter at the shock.
I can't even imagine how chilling this must be, bri. In many ways the kids are the laboratory where the real effects of what's going on in the culture are seen--bullying, routine gestures of rebellion which are really just self-indulgence in drugs and alcohol, and above all the shirking of personal responsibility, the big Blame Game. It's everywhere in our society--we no longer solve, we blame. And the guns! Don't even get me started on the ridiculous gun laws, or lack of them. ;-) A terrifying experience.
Remember the innocent days when "children" never did this?
This is terrible Brian and horrid why all think with a gun or others you can fix all?? I dont know
Wew have here too. Oh Brian these things make me sad so sad.
Hope you have a good day Brian and take care!
I wonder where the kids learn this stuff....
That many have legal machine guns?
Damn, I hope they all get the runs
What is the point in those?
Prob shoot themselves in the toes
What an awful fate
To be on a hitlist of hate
Glad all is well for you though
Not sure where they go wrong and this crap keeps continuing to grow
Very thought-provoking piece of wonderfully written danger...too real. Sad.
I can not imagine the thought that goes into something like this...the planning of senseless death. Weapons will always be found by those who want them regardless of laws.
I must also speak out for the responsible gun owners who number far greater than the mentally deranged socially insecure people who carry out these senseless acts.
You will know when it's not just hot air blowing through the mouths of children...and you will have the ability to act.
I fear one can never tell by the faces...scary time for you miller...prayers.
An eye opener...I am glad that he was caught before anything happened. So sad that this is the world we live in these days. I am grateful that you and the others are safe. You captured it all here...my heart was beating like a drum.
This is so chilling... wow. I give so much credit to teachers these days, it is the most important job, and also the most challenging.
It all just breaks my heart. This world we live in is a harsh place indeed.
And your kindness and bravery are laudable.
Brian this thing must have really done a number on you. I have to wonder about the child...is he a wounded creature, or is he a sociopath...if wounded hopefully they healvhim...if a sociopath, they would be better off just putting him to sleep.
On a side note, I emailed the school district I went to about the horrible things done to me as a child in their school.
They sent me a reply, a very careful reply, saying they were refering the email to their lawyers... the ball is in their court...I fought the decision for some time because I am not a litigious person by nature but ...
I have been through a similar story, back when I was a kid. They hauled the kid and his weapon away discreetly. I was part of the piling on, something that seemed natural at the time. Now looking back I wish I knew better.
Glad you were okay....and that you waited to tell me the story until the end and all was well. It's very disheartening to think this has to be a concern for teachers and their families. When did children start thinking that violence and guns were the solution to their anger and problems they don't want to deal with? This is a sad and huge reality in our society today. Too much violence on TV, in games, in day to day life....we all, our children especially, become so desynsetized to how horrible this act is that they don't seem to view this as what it really is. Very scary indeed. Love you...
Awesome! What a write-up!
Holy smoke. You'd get points if this was fiction, but since it was real, I am so glad for providence.
Too shocked to give a proper response. This was great, needless to say very affecting.
So glad you're ok, bro. - Mosk
Jesus, Brian. That's too close.
Very nice, thanks for the information.
Brian, as I read this I kept hoping it was not true. To find your name on a hit list by a troubled student: that is nothing short of on-guard scary. Traumatic. Keep an eye on your feelings, watch for triggers. I hope in some way you knew this kid was unhinged....
Ironic to say this is one of my favorites by you. So authentically written
But good god....
Love
kj
OMGoodness. Yes, the kids these days all seem to be growing up with some type of grudge or another that they think will only be settled with violence.
This must have been a very hairy situation for everyone on the 'list'
I still think your gun laws are so out dated with all these ticking time bombs now. In the UK they do a psychological profile by at least 2 qualified independent doctors and all sorts of other tests before you get a licence to carry a gun.
They need to do something to change how easy it is to get guns in the USA.
Sheesh!
Wow...got chills reading this
Brian. And the BANG!...a wake-up call...brilliant. Love the title too.
That is so scary. It never ceases to amaze me how anger is taken out on the ones trying to help. You wonder how they can become so filled with anger and hatred. I'm glad this was discovered and it wasn't a bigger tragedy. It really does make one wonder why they are crazy enough to get out of bed and go to work each day.
Wow, brian, this is intense. True story, you said. Yikes.
OMG!
Wait while I wipe my eyes and tell you how, in my last two years of teaching, this was a daily and nightly fear.
You give your narrator the unearthly patience to articulate the paranoia which isn't paranoia anymore once the list s found, the victims and parents notified, "I" aloud, and the rest racing in our heads--never any debriefing for the endangered teachers, "tell the story
of our shared history, which doesn't promise
a happy ending---"
Please publish this!
What a powerful piece...
oh my gosh..a scary vision.
I live in amish country where the mass shooting occurred, and I learned more about life and love and forgiveness from the Amish response to the horrific tragedy than any thing I can recall.
OMG! that's so scary! When you have to wear a bullet proof vest to work, you have to decide if its worth going.
Be safe!
I am definitely the fly paper for freaks. Two things, I want to hear this read, open mic, open link go, do it read it, tell the story because it's ace. Second thing, are your kids still at this place?
Wow Brian. This is a toughie my friend. So confusing, disappointing, desperate, deflating, bewildering and so many more mixed emotions for you no doubt. Wishing you well, awesome poem sadly based on the truth.
I can't help but wonder if all the prescription drugs that half the kids are on these days--with their side effects from diarrhea to thoughts of suicide--may have triggered any of these incidents.
What a terrible situation to have to face! So glad it was spotted in time and no harm done...your words are scary-beautiful
OMG, Brian. This completely freaks me out. Life is so precious and fragile. I'm late in getting on board today...still need to write a poem. Stay safe, my friend. Those kids are going to need you.
Powerful poem. One would not think of the classroom or a school as a war zone, but on some level it is. In some cases it's just a matter of luck or time before there is a crack letting the madness out. Very powerful poem and definitely food for thought. Keep safe.
Powerful, intense, and scary poem.
You've got your work cut out for you, Brian. This is a powerful write.
Speechless...we'll leave it at that...oh...one more thing...never happier to see you at the pub Poet...wow
I will breathe a sigh of relief when my younger son graduates and I can worry a little less about school shootings. The thought terrifies me.
"but it never happens, like an alternate ending, Easter egg hidden on the DVD found by chance, unknown,
until they come for me during class
asking questions about his demeanor
this week and last & i figure it for drugs or..."
Hi! Brian...
"True story. Enough said.."
Like some Of the previous commenter mentioned this is a very [descriptive] very scary,[incident that didn't occur] poem.
Tks, for sharing the image too!
deedee :(
The anxiety in these words is a bit contagious. Powerful words! It breaks my heart that this has become a trend. Do I understand from these comments that you lived through a scare? :( Hugs and smiles to you and yours.
This is really disturbing, Brian! I hope the memory is from the past and not your current one. The poem itself is a nice, tight write. I could feel the emotion, the discomfort, the fear. Well done.
Wow. This is really scary. I can't imagine returning to the classroom in that circumstance! Glad you are safe.
Wow, scary stuff there Brian. It is mind-boggling the ease at which some savvy young people can find weapons, and even more boggling the ease at which they can even decide whom they would "take out." Imagine you get a shiver each time you think of it. Hope you are okay, my friend. Stay safe. :-}
Dark from the deasdside, a POV of the victim. A horror of an event. You def had me rolled up in this; rapt attention. I hope this saves a life.
Bless you Brian. Glad you're okay. I had some junior high school girls threaten to throw me out a third story window once. I'll never know how serious they were, but I know that shaky feeling of inspecting one's motivations, integrity, perseverance, etc. I know you'll hang in there and remain the professional doing his very best. I send you tons of good thoughts, energy, prayers.
This is the world we live in. I wouldn't have your job for any amount of money or benefits. Most health insurance don't cover dead; not even BoCare.
we never see it coming Brian...the abstract silence of seething anger is the last sound we'll know...I want to say how you dodged a bullet and such, but...well...I'd rather gently remind you how beautiful each day is and find comfort in knowing you embrace that thought wholly in your Life...
I wrote this a few years ago...
Special is Relative
special is relative
to what…
a mother's look of disdain
is special too, you know
shun the ugly boy
today
perhaps you'll get the chance
to cast down on him again
as he bags your groceries
tomorrow
I knew he was different
the headlines showed
exactly how much
Peace
Wow Brian... so many times you've left me speechless... I've been working on a piece about a person who flipped and I've been wondering... how do you tell, how do you know who is capable of snapping? Yes, some are obvious, but most it seems not. And then you are, your name on a list, and it's not just a story in the paper and there you are, teaching, and having to wonder or worry about grades or saying the wrong thing or all sort of things out of your control... Great write, very touching and terrifying. Thank you for sharing...
beyond scary brian, for you, and every person trying to teach, to share, scary brian, scary, and we needed you to share it with us, really...thank you...our prayers...
Brian, truly frightening stuff. Stay safe my friend. I am glad you are and the others are ok. I hate guns and all they stand for.
Pamela
Brian,
Despite an emotionally charged subject, you avoid the maudlin in this piece and give us a perspective unavailable anywhere else. THIS is good writing. Well done.
I hear what your saying, my mother use to sub and I'am so happy she stopped. The kids now are just hurting and they want to hurt others sad and real account, well done Brian.
... perhaps the saddest part is how he got there
... perhaps the saddest part is how he got there
Great rap that needs to be heard loud and clear. Nice touch on the VA statistic. Scary.
Praised be that you are safe now... and prayers for the child who is so terribly confused, angry, hurting and hurtful.
truly speechless...maybe I'll find the words later.
I have tears in my eyes and a chill in my bones. So sad about what could've been, but so thankful for how this day ended.
Honestly, no words. Just a bit of a sick feeling inside for you. wow.
I think speechless was the wrong word; I have lots of words and thoughts running 'round my head. I'm merely at a loss for how to bring them together. so rather than try, I'll just go with "this definetly struck a chord."
Look at each of your students and know them. You don't have to compromise anything. Just know them. Talk to them. Listen... because there are a lot of unhappy children out there and most of them have no boundaries. They learn from the media. They make decisions based on what they see (violence) and what they hear (anger).
This is becoming endemic in our world.
I'm so sorry...
man, I don't even know what to say except that I am glad you're ok. Tight write, but hard to imagine. I am so fearful, don't think I could do it. You have a gift with those kids.
wow. scary. i really like the use of the "i..." repeated to give the sense of uncertainty & fear... unfathomable, how violence has become so... standard among youth.
the title... i sometimes think that applies to me too.... maybe this is why we get along so well? :)
Aack! The whole time I was reading this I was thinking "I hope Brian isn't writing this from experience" but deep down I knew better because you always write about things you know.
Oh, man! This is really... wow. Great way of sharing the story, amazing write-up, again. And I hope standing in front of class will soon become comfortable again. It's important. For you, but also, and even more, for those you teach.
strong, so strong that this emotion brought forth here has to find its way as the image attached to the dictionary entry. Really change pacing and tone so effectively, from the classroom to the interior, from the disbelief, casting doubt to disbelief, as in really could this be. The epitaph portion, just great and a creative part for sure. Strong write, tough, but strong for certain. Thanks
beautiful poetry Brian, very well written. The message is beyond scary, can be a continuous nightmare.
oh my God, Brian! how terrifying! my granddaughter's fourteen {well, almost fifteen} and their world is so different from what previous generations knew... i sometimes wonder with all the video games if they even understand death is real?
i'm so grateful he was caught before anything happened! i'm amazed you could write about it!
Powerful and very, very edgy. great stuff.
OMG, thank the Lord you're okay. It's all so senseless. How do kids get so ANGRY? When I hear such things I am grateful that we don't have guns readily available for all and sundry.
Here it seems that knives are the in-weapon. So many killed this way. Whatever happened to the old punch-ups where no-one actually got hurt?
Edgy, cool, scary, yet cool ~ can barely imagine what this would be like ~ respect to you Brian
it is a strange place that is committed to a right to carry weapons but arrests people who protest peacefully and arrested an electoral candidate for trying to attend a debate? surreal.
it's messy,
more personal
Rorschach blots & pellets in the brain matter
Gets it off to a fabulous start. This seems like pure inspiration, but there's plenty more -- leaves
crawl barren sidewalks, for example.
This is so good. One of your best. One of the best I have read for a while.
Whew! How sad, how scary, how unfair, how disturbing... All words ate inadequate - except yours, which are powerful, and the movement of them conveys the emotions brilliantly.
G-Man asks where kids learn this stuff. From movies, from TV, from the news, from adults who think guns are a sign of manhood, from a culture that acts out 'might is right' and thinks violence solves problems, from a society that thinks bearing arms is a right.
Wow, this is wonderful dramatic writing, Brian. The most horrific part might be to stand in front of the class searching their eyes, after the fact. I'm disturbed by the breakdown of traditional family value in our culture and our heightened fascination with violence through media. The question about failure is very powerful and for the sake of poetic moments, I love the reference to Rorschach and inkblots.
I think that the lack of recognition for teachers by our states is bothersome. They deserve more of a courtesy as they are simply "trying to teach", trying to enrich these minds.
Thank you for sharing this with us, I hope you are well.
How bloody dreadful. You describe it so well I can feel the fear of attack. What a crazy world.
Damn -- up close and personal.
I thought ER medicine was the place where we say the nitty gritty of ugliness. The classroom shows much the same with eyes open.
Ouch. A story well told, Brian.
[ yeah, i got this one :-) ]
Despite there being 30,220 legal machine guns
in the state of VA, for me, he chooses a shotgun
... wooo... from start to finish I was holding my breath. This for real? I've taught some hostile students over the years but never..ever.. imagined any might be plotting my murder. What you capture so well here is how your view of your students has shifted.
Hope you can find a way of handling that brian.. all the best. x
Hey Brian.
Great title (nod to hedge:)
a chilling take and exploration . . . Cold Psychopathy
appears to be a modern-day
default en masse . . .
Keep standing and giving out the love brother
. There is no other way
. Great write Brian
"as they read
what would have been my epitaph---it's humbling,
having no choice in the matter of living"
Going through an experience like this has to be life-altering. Hopefully, you'll soon be able to stop looking for "ticking timers" among your students.
Here rarely worse then a chair thrown or fist landed. Although a teacher did crack and used a baseball bat to settle his feelings about the teenagers who had wound him up for the last tome
I got chills and my stomach is clenched. Vivid writing.
Brian...wow. Powerful poem that I wish wasn't based on a true story. Yet somehow in the offering, as fear, pain, disbelief, and horror bleed through the words and across the screen, the heart begins to heal, a single heart beat at a time. Thank you for your courage and honesty. Thank you for trusting your heart to share the words.
A poem that really deserves so much attention! Poignant and delivered raw..as it should be, damn good to read you again hon xoxo
A poem that deserves so much attention! Delivered with raw conviction, as something like this should be! Good to read you again hon xox
Reading this is completely frightening to me. So glad you are all okay.
The entire scenario is something I've worried about with my own son, the counselor. He works with kids who are emotionally disturbed.
Scary stuff, Brian.
"/
Great write Brian, but with an awful inspiration behind it. I wonder how so many can fall through the cracks, thinking violence is the only solution. It saddens me, especially when I turn and see my own children's eyes looking back at me in innocence.
It's terrible that we have to worry so much about the state of our children's mind and know that it is possible for them to be so ruthless.
Thank you for coming by and leaving the nice comment. Life has been a bit crazy and sometimes doesn't allow me to write as much as I would like. I really appreciate the fact that my lack of presence was noticed!
This is written from your immediate heart...with powerful key wording and the appropriate questions one in this situation would have.
Teachers are particularly vulnerable all the time and it's ironic that they potentially have the most ability to help these kids who are hurting, desperate, lost, abandoned, bullied, and otherwise unable to deal with or reach out with their problems...pressures of today are so complex ...I mean, just being a teen is hard enough..also, I agree that the UK has the right approach as far as gun licensing...my heart goes out to you and your family.
Oh, how intense and sad. I can never fathom how teenagers, basically children, can conceive and harbor such hatred in their hearts and act on it. You voiced out the fears and psyche of a 'maddened' young one so well.
Brian, this hit home in so many ways, I can relate to the standing in front of the class searching their eyes never knowing which one and their motives behind their actions.I had to ask myself why and I got my answer each time I talked with a student that was eager to learn.All we can do is work with them and try to make it better.
You have the unique ability to write of anything, well. Like many said, frightening, very frightening.
How terrifying and true, monstrous to hear it is your experience. Profound and masterful, you've left me speechless.
So sad, so scary. How did we go from the worst thing happening at school was getting hurt on the playground to worrying about who is packing and who is on the list.
Children are growing up in the saddest world anymore.
Be safe. That post had me holding my breath all the way through.
Be careful.
Brian, this is a bad situation. I think that the worst thing that we did in school was to throw spit balls and chew gum. I don't know what has changed over the years but something surely has turned in the hearts of too many kids. Now you have to be a psychologist, a profiler, a policeman and a teacher. Take care, dude.
Now I've read it. So frightening. Today I heard Fran Leibowitz say that she thinks that if the Founding Fathers of America were alive today, they would be horrified at what they see. That Patriot mascot is quite telling.
I am very glad you survived to tell your story in your usual, wonderful way. I'll bet you held your wife and kids close that night.
I read this several times. Brian I didn't comment. Sometimes I don't. Now I remember why. I just didn't want this to be happening to someone whom I knew ... even if on the Internet. I just did not wish to accept it, this awful violence done to you. They call that sticking your head in the sand, don't they? I am so go grateful that you are alright.
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