Thursday, October 11, 2012

FormForAll: young once, myself

fog on the floor, Forest, VA

i buddha his brash in class, sack da' quarter-
back, caught throwing a pass
counting charm on fingers, ass
as well, (though not great with maths)

a hung bull through china crashes, making
not one but two asses
listen, lesson one, classless-
it's not you---her, that's Paris

Lesson two: learn to notice the little
don't just spas-spray spittle
and thus beauty belittle
questing bone sucking victual

and all the boys laugh like WTF, this
old guy know 'bout strut
learn their romance on the late
night smut shows---but, they say---but,

form up offensives lines, men ready to
protect his ego, me---
i let them step off easy
maybe one day they'll see

she's slipped away and gone now anyway
they left flat foot, i chuckle,
amble on, young once myself

Over at dVerse today, for FormForAll we are playing with Englyn, a Welsh or Cornish form...I linked a few 'englyn unodl union' verses and...well... the last stanza i kinda broke away, but kept some rhyme and tried to play around throughout mixing up which syllable in the first line of each i would rhyme with the rest...anyway (said that just for cat, smiles) all the form stuff is confusing so stop in and read someone that knows what they are talking about at 3 PM.

71 comments:

Lorraine said...

You are amazing I know I keep on saying it, but you can change forms and still keep it all yours, I missed you so much....will catch up eventually :)

Jeannine Breton said...

I say it again....well done.

Pat Hatt said...

What does an old guy know
How the grass does grow? haha
Double ass
Oh so crass
And the rhyme was swell
Here at your cell

Susan said...

"i buddha his brash in class, sack da' quarter-
back, caught throwing a pass
counting charm on fingers, ass
as well, (though not great with maths)"

Well, I knew a man could handle these moments better than an aging hippie! The girls do not protest enough. I can just see you diverting his/their attention to unexpected jive.

I LOVE this poem, Mr. Young Once and still so!

ladyfi said...

Great rhythm in this and a nice picture of the early morning mist.

manicddaily said...

Well, I think you did a really interesting job! It seems kind of a hard form actually. I love the interplay of the boys here and the use of the football metaphor.

Very cool.

I couldn't resist my own dark side this morning, and posted again since you went. I'm not saying you should visit - I'm really using you as confessional here! (Ha.)

Anyway, I think you did an admirable job with form, Brian! k.

Monkey Man said...

reminds me of my coaching days...another brilliant piece miller :)

Bossy Betty said...

Amazing. I read the poem first without realizing your masterful way with form.

SueAnn Lommler said...

Ahhhhh! When we were young...thought we were so smart...and cool!! Oh boy
Hugs
SueAnn

Annmarie Pipa said...

wow!! love the discipline of this poem (and of course the content!)

Kathy's Klothesline said...

I can hear this as a rap song ....

Myrna R. said...

Glad you're still young enough to relate to these kids - and teach them too. Looks like an interesting form. I'm such a coward about form. When I hear the word, I have the same reaction as when I hear the word neuroscience. Guess it's that fear of the unknown.

Alice Audrey said...

I like the second to last stanza the best. I'm all for girls who get away unscathed. :)

Daniel said...

This sounds to me like the definition of wisdom. Something acquired over a long period of living. Nothing so simple as just add water.

Tara Miller said...

Would love to hear you read this one, my love. Sounds like a very tough form to follow. :)

JANU said...

Brash when young...and thought we know and own it all. Amazing. Don't know if I can do justice to this form.

Susan Daniels said...

Brian--I love what you did with this--what fun!

CiCi said...

You can write in "accents" too. I want to read this with an accent. Young guys are surprised to hear older generation men who can talk the language they can hear.

˙·٠•●❤Sh@KiR@ ❤●•٠·˙ said...

I think you ROCK this post. It makes me smile and I love how you bring me , the reader to be there. Again, we are still all very young. Been there but have yet to do them all. Amen! What joy to read, Brian!!!(((((hugs))))))

Laurie Kolp said...

Wow- this is quite an adventure here... love the language.

Mary said...

What a hard form this is, Brian. You definitely made a valiant attempt. And I admire that. For a while I thought I was at Pat's place. LOL.

hedgewitch said...

You reformin the form for the norm, or hidin from the storm, dude? :P This is really slick in a couple of ways--I haven't read up on this particular Welsh form yet, but I know they ain't easy, though they really can be beautiful--Welsh is a lot different from typical American English in that it has the kind of up and down, syncopated cadence and tone you get here with your rap-ish feel. Really a neat trick, and I think it works well. I also laughed at the message. True words.

Beachanny said...

Awesome job Brian. Impressed me, and I'm only learning this too, but you got the count and the rhyme and worked it into a fun and meaningful piece. Will enjoy what Sue has to say about it! Thanks for playing today!

Claudia said...

hey..you make this form look so easy and like such a lot of fun...i bet the welch guys would be terribly excited to read this..and i'm sure one day the boys WILL remember and maybe chuckle a bit themselves and think: oh we should've listened...her, that's paris...i like..smiles

Claudia said...

...and i made it before midnite...smiles

anotherwanderingsoul said...

hats off to you, once again.
gave me a big smirk, loved your rhymes with 'ass'! hehe

Sue Judd said...

Well, this is pure Brian, I would say - take a form and bend it to your whim! You've got the syllable count andthere are some some great rhymes in there, a great story, and the sheer length of the poem. Great!

Daydreamertoo said...

Smiling here... The young tend to always forget, we oldies have been there, and done that all before them, and learned what to do and what not to do's to win the girls / boys... They still have it all to learn.
Loved this..how many times can you say the same thing ..:)

Glenn Buttkus said...

without being crass,
I had to work my ass
off not to produce mash,
and here you are
our dVerse star,
strutting the jive
queening the hive,
and making it seem all
so goddamn easy.
Love your take, brother!

lori mcclure said...

So this does not look easy at all. Yikes. Maybe I need to go read up on the form anyway. Sometimes I'm up for it, and other times it makes my brain hurt, lol. From what I saw, you did great :)

Natasha Head said...

Brian..you almost made it...but then it wouldn't have been a Brian poem! LOVE this one...have a few failed attempts thus far...I'll make this one yet! Right after I take over blogtalkradio! ;)

vivinfrance said...

Fantastic achievement, and you chose the most complicated of the forms. Chapeau.

Bodhirose said...

Yeah, it sounded like a rap to me too...love it!

marousia said...

Brilliant rap - I love the way you played with the form - might even have a go meself

Raven said...

OK, I will admit, this is just one reach beyond me, but that may be because I think that I just totaled my car. Ugh.

Joyce Lansky said...

Love the voice.

http://joycelansky.blogspot.com

Pam Rosep said...

Absolutely brilliant .. especially the opening line. I have to keep re-reading this one. (am hooked)

festivalking said...

How do you do it Brian! I am switching your name so easily to Brain right now... Cool piece :D

Nilanjana Bose said...

Cool englyn!! or should that be englynion? you make one tough form look so effortless! really enjoyed this one..almost made me want to try as well :)

Myrthryn said...

Great job linking them all together... distinctively your poem still. ;-)

ayala said...

You make it look easy, great job! :)

Who Is Afraid Of Miss Lovett? No, Mrs.Lovett... said...

"i buddha his brash in class, sack da' quarter-
back, caught throwing a pass
counting charm on fingers, ass
as well, (though not great with maths)"


Hi! Brian...
I'm unfamiliar with this form Of poetry called...Englyn, but
your poetic words always carry a poignant message.
Tks, for sharing the image too!
deedee :)

Me said...

I agree with the comments that say this sounds like a rap song. I am totally picturing Eminem or something with this...very, very cool.

Quotes,Photos and a little Poetry said...

your writing is classic it brings one back to what i would Imagine as the beat ,and onward.

teeceecounsel said...

Great piece! Your rhymes were sweet and I bet you know what you're talking about.
Lovely concept and deep insight. I could see lessons from the stock market, within those lines and I could see the experience that time builds in and the advantages of age. Reaaly deep and insightful thoughts come from reading between the lines! :)

my heart's love songs said...

brilliant, brilliant, brilliant! one of your best, Bri! LOVE it!

Lydia said...

I know nothing about Englyn, but what you did with this is sharp and sweet. You, Brian, are such a relevant American poet.

Shadow said...

you sure you were young once? my teen surely does not believe i was... maybe we weren't???

izzy said...

Yeah they think their strut is better than anyone else, EVER ! Hah! I can see those saggy baggy jeans! Been there seen that- Hah!

manicddaily said...

PS - wanted to tell you how much I love the line "I buddha his brash." I think you spelled buddha differently? Don't know, but it works incredibly well as opener - so funny, but also describes the whole thing perfectly. k.

rallentanda said...

Geez
you sure write good Englyn
for 'n Amerkin boy:)

the walking man said...

Ok whatever you said was cool because she got away. But what about that pay? did that get away too?

Kim Nelson said...

Brian~
You manage to tell a tale in great detail while adhering mostly to form. I like the breakaway at the end, as this is a device I find powerful and often use myself. Nicely done.

Sabio Lantz said...

Hey Brian:

(1)
Excuse me but am I mistaken?
Your stanzas may have 4 lines,
but ignored the form's rhyme
and your syllables are also broken.

:-)
Or am I missing something?

(2) I noted that you said "Welsh or Cornish form", while Sue Judd made no mention of the Cornish. Knowing you don't use words accidentally as your excellent englyn show us, I decided to find out about the Cornish and was happy to see I could consider them family. Interestingly, the Telegraph tells us that the Cornish and the Welsh (my heritage) are the purest Britons.


(3) Thanks for visiting my englyn. And yes, isn't gobblty-goop a great word. ;-)

(4) Oh yes, though not being a football guy, you got me enjoying it with these verses.

[not following, so e-mail if you reply pls]

Gloria said...

Sounds really nice Brian :)

Old Ollie said...

from Buddha to football - what a poem

wood said...

heh,

young (boys) men, bulls in china shops, how true how true. you can't teach trial and error, but its always fun to watch... and remember. well said brian.

Grace said...

Only you can tell a story in your own unique voice, not withstanding the poetry requirements.

I like the lessons, weaving with the sports stuff...of course we still have the touch, don't we...Wishing you Happy Friday Brian ~

mrs mediocrity said...

this made me smile... we forget, all too soon, what it was like to be young (and foolish)... i find myself holding an inward smile whenever i am around kids these days, watching them live and learn again and again.

RMP said...

quite impressive. both your weaving of the form and your tale itself.

"i chuckle, amble on..."

Jenny said...

Brian.......what can I say ..love the way you "play-on-words"..Great work.

John (@bookdreamer) said...

interesting play with the form

Audrey Howitt aka Divalounger said...

Really well done Brian! Smiles to you!

Denise2012 said...

Interesting poem, I can think what to write about on Form of All. I have studied the poetic more.

Cloudia said...

Thank you, Bry




Have a Good Weekend,
Aloha from Waikiki
Comfort Spiral

> < } } ( ° >

Fred Rutherford said...

this is great Brian. Awesome job with such a difficult form, you can tell you had fun doing these.

Dave King said...

sack da' quarter-back,
How refreshing! Where I come from they always sack the coach!

This is brilliant in every line.

Love it to bits!

kkkkaty said...

Your writing is so intricate and direct ...love the football scenario!

flipside records said...

I read this the other day and loved it. Using "Buddha" as a verb is great.

"i buddha his brash in class"

"counting charm on fingers, ass" Ha!

This reminds me of Luke Prater's poetic style:
"don't just spas-spray spittle
and thus beauty belittle
questing bone sucking victual"

Big smiles for this: "WTF, this
old guy know 'bout strut"

Heather said...

This is really well done. had to read several times...happy weekend to you! xx

Syd said...

John Mellencamp said that we think we're still the young lions. So true.