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| Outside Bristol Motor Speedway, Bristol, VA |
my Walmart greeter smiles, says
he summited the mountain this summer
'i been there,' i answer.
only, he's legless, childhood illness
leaving just torso & arms
'it's all so big & so little
up there'
i buy carrots & other groceries
totaling $6.66
tell her
'keep the pennies'
wave as i pass him,
walking on.
Over at dVerse Poets today Victoria is helping us build symbolism into our poetry for MeetingTheBar. I put a few symbols in there, but this is based on a true story of a student at the local university who summited the tallest mountain in VA on his hands this summer. See you @ dVerse when it opens at 3 pm EST.
Told in 55 words as well for my friend g-man.
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93 comments:
Whoa - great story, well told. k.
Just torso and arms, eh? No head? :)
So much to think about here:
'it's all so big & so little
up there'
And for some reason, the mention of carrots makes the whole piece go orange and vibrant, bringing into deeper places. Sometimes it's those odd little images that bring a poem to life.
Loved the part about having her keep the change after being charged the evil 666 amount.
That is an amazing accomplishment for someone who is legless! Wow! Inspiring.
I love it when people don't let disabilities stop them!
Brave lad! Defining moments for one handicapped. Nicely written, Brian!
Hank
Great 55. Such a tribute to the ABILITIES of those we hesitate to look at, let alone engage. The abilities that surpass our own imaginations. good one.
There is plenty of symbolism in what you write. Words are symbols in themselves, because we each have a mindset that interprets them. Your collection of words not only tells a story but makes me think/interpret the idea of challenge, interaction, admiration, meaning that can be contained in a quick greeting.
And the summit inside your subject was just as high or higher--excellent symbolism, clean crisp writing.
We don't have Walmart greeters here anymore. That position went away with the economy. Sad, isn't it? Another job that I would excel at is rapidly becoming history.
Loved the strength woven through. I thought it was an intriguing comparison between your feats and the feats of one who is handicapped. We are all the same with differing conditions. Much enjoyed, Brian.
And I have trouble making my way from the front door to the couch after I get done with work.
You pumped up a thousand in fiftyfive.
Perfect details and quick pacing make this a great little gem.
You mean Mt. Rogers?
I've seen it but not climbed it!!
Very symbolic indeed Son.
You did good!!
Loved your 55
Thanks for playing, thanks for restructuring your brilliance on my behalf...:-)
Have a Kick Ass Week-End
Wow- what a feat!
Hard to imagine climbing a mountain with no legs. I have so much to be thankful for. I haven't seen a Walmart greeter in a long time, either!
Some people amaze me. And I'm grateful for that!
=)
Damn, that is a feat
Refusing defeat
And taming the mountain land
666 may not be so grand
But if you put a carrot on a stick
That may do the trick
for me all the different symbols in here speak of overcoming..the being able to do amazing things and escape even though we seem unable to move, even though we're not really good equipped..spoke to me..tightly written bri..
My google+ count was 666 earlier this week.
Symbolism ... wonderful and yet dangerous. So many walk a cliche tightrope. I read once that Yeats created his own symbols, his own mythology. Wouldn't that be something, to do that yet still be accessible to readers. Enjoyed the poem and the bravery in it.
Brian--love this--the 666 made me smile. The idea of someone climbing a mountain on hands...wow. Just...wow. That definitely shouts to the right brain before you have even written a word about it.
Very intriguing, an amazing story. I had to laugh the last time my purchase totaled $6.66.
brings to mind the question... What do we really Need? nice write, Brian.
That's quite an achievement for anyone let alone someone on just their hands.
Glad there was a decimal point in between your price Brian. $6.66 is quite the symbol in itself...lol
Brian, pretty soon you'll have that Hemingwayesque brevity with only six words.
How we summit the mountain despite the odds and are surprised by what we find there. I was a cashier for a couple years to help support my family before college and well remember the thousands of faces and hands that paraded through my life. Wonderful write.
on his hands...truly an amazing journey...55 words...good stuff...
Yes, a great story I agree. Such adversity and pain that people overcome...makes my little problems like $$$ look so very small.
Is your wife a knitter by chance Brian? I've got a yarn-lover's contest on right now if she is!
Some climbs are higher than others. Nice one, Brian1
Love how you wove symbols into this, Brian. And the inspiration behind it.
Hope and determination. what a terrific story...
humanspirit...triumph....love it :)
Inspirational fella. Kinda puts my own problems into perspective somewhat.
I think is amazing and inspiring Brian:)
This is awesome! I love that it looked so small and so big...what a wonderful share...awesome
Wonderful poem. It paints the perfect picture of a moment, but with deeper layers punctuating that painting. For some reason, I just love 'keep the pennies"...
Hey Brian! I love your portraits...and encouraging visits!
I started a poem but have not finished...I do terrible with any kind of set prompts for poetry...well I think. I am not sure I can wrap around it. WIll see.
Have a great weekend. Almost Friday...;)
Very interesting poetry. Walking the path is made. Greetings.
Symbol of endeavour made flesh
wow..so inspiring as it seems hard even when you have legs...how are you? Hope you had a great summer with the family...blessings, Brian :)
Succinct ~ expressive ~ emotive ~ touching ~ so much in so few words ~ marvellous
I take for granted that I have legs to get me places. I have no idea how it would feel or how life would be for someone with no legs. We each have our own challenges, some are obvious and some are not.
amen
An inspiring story ~ Thanks for sharing ~ Happy day Brian ~
Thought provoking... epic in a way. Laced with cryptic symbolism.
I guess it's all perspective Brian. You pack so much into 55 words.
Thank so much for visiting.
Inspiring and amazing!
This kind of stuff always wrenches my stomach.
Great use of images... there's so much more here than meets the eye, invites the reader to come closer, dig a little deeper and I always love that.
LOve it. Great story!
Trying hard to get past my disdain for Walmart.... ok, awesome look at what we take for granted, legs, cheap carrots...and how we look at them.
Wonderful symbolism right through!
not a word wasted or out of place
What strange calluses he must have. :)
When I read something like this, I feel such admiration for this determination - and my trivial annoyances assume the place they should.
http://rnsane.blogspot.in/2012/09/the-skies-of-jaipur-at-dusk-friday.html
yes. aren't the paralympics great to watch. all heart.
nice story liking it you have good style
'it's all so big & so little
up there' ...maybe... so is everything... we have to really LIVE to explore....
nice. The symbols seem subtle, yet even in subtlety a well placed symbol has an outstanding effect, as it most definitely does here. Nicely done. Thanks
And I complain! Inspired write, Brian.
scaling same heights can assume different proportions for different people. Good you let her keep the change with that sort of bill ! :)I'm superstitious too. A man without superstitions is a man without soul...
Brilliant, to get all that into 55 words. Most impressive piece of writing. And so apt for the paralympics!
'it's all so big & so little
up there'
i buy carrots & other groceries
totaling $6.66
Love the switch.
Southwest VA the mountain with the "Lovers leap" on it? Yeah that is one bad ass dude.
One day we're all going to be Wal-Mart greeters so may as well collect some stories to tell the Wally World folks as they come through the door.
Inspirational! It's all so big and so little up there.... loved the great sense of perspective here
brought me right back down to earth...
... but i beat you left something behind to encourage him
Ohhh, this one. I read it twice and absorbed it fully. Probably would have bought something more to keep the 666 out of my consciousness, but that's superstitious, isn't it? :-)
666 you beat the devil everyday you don't give up, you're awesome
The tenacity of some human beings amazes me and inspires me. Happy Friday!
You pack a lot into 55 words. Truly the human spirit is a miraclous thing!
Brian, well written. The human spirit cannot be caged, inspiring!
Pamela
This is a fantastic poem. I love everyday occurances, feelings and situations captured in verse.
Yours was personable. It captured life and how we choose to live it. Says a lot about the character of a person as well.
Enjoyed this Brian.
Amazing!
I've met more than the average share of people like that(working in the medical field for so long), & they all tend to have a powerful magnetic field. Except for this one really pissed off & bitter patient~& I loved him most of all.
it's all a matter of perspective, for sure.
Love the contrast between the everyday and the extraordinary- the scaling of the mountain and the buying of groceries....this was short but hammered home it's point and meaning excellently
Oh the things we take for granted. Nice one!
amazing story in 55. It's all there.
Hahaha, my groceries came out to $6.66 the other day. I went to play lotto and the attendant was nervous about printing the ticket, lol! Great story bro!!
I rarely go into Walmart at all; (because I seriously want to support local farmers where I live)tho I have to say it is nice how they employ some of us aging and less agile folks! thanks.
...only he's legless.
It's funny how accomplishments we are proud of can quickly be put in perspective like that... one man's playground is another's mountain.
him or her? (Do Walmarts have a greeter and a separate check-out staff-member?). Keep the pennies, is that the symbolism? Or the big and little up there? Whatever, intriguing.
The extraordinary in the everyday perhaps? In so few words I like the way this made me think...
If this is true, what an amazing man. And if this is true, good idea leaving the change.
mundane FUN-dane...I like how you belittle life's challenges with the dear every-day of groceries and neighborhood greetings.
Have a Great Weekend
Aloha from Honolulu
Comfort Spiral
=^..^=
> < } } ( ° >
Couple of years back, I went to trekking in the lower Himalayas and the organizer used to tell us...that there were a batch of handicapped children who could climb the particular mountain every year...and so, we with both the legs should not have a reason not to climb.
Inspiring.
Brian, you speak the truth and you glean brill poetry from everyday happenings. The difference? You noticed that man, really gave him thought. That's what makes you so special. Peace, Amy
http://sharplittlepencil.com/2012/09/05/nurse-in-the-field-afghanistan/
I love this story. So inspiring and you pack it real tight. well done, Brian!!!
Mine is here
Have you a ROCKING AND BLESSED WEEKEND!!!
hugs
shakira
Gotta love a person who tries in the face of adversity and who succeeds with a goal! Even though I don't go to Walmart.....
this was inspiring and so well crafted ! thanks :)
What a beautiful piece. Thank you for sharing your IRL story as well.
(Hey, does Bristol have a granite strip for a finish line yet? A few tracks have them ~ all using granite from NH and sold by the company my brother's worked at for years.)
a walmart greeter??? what is that
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