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| Summer Night by A. Bloch (via Magpie Tales) |
are never good, shattered dream
cascading to thoughts of the dead.
people should respect the dead
of night & know I AM
cuddled tight to my dream
her legs twined with mine as i dream
of awakening realities, uplifting moments & the dead
aren't going anywhere in the early AM
but, i am sure, should my dreams be broken
into & stolen again by 'Can I speak to Linda?', someone
will be dead.
written for Magpie Tales in Tritina form, which we learned at dVerse Poets the end of last week....this was my second try, sticking a little closer to the form.
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96 comments:
I just hate those calls in the middle if the night. It does herald bad news. However, its happened to me & been mistakes..... On the brink of sleeping & waking, I often think that I've heard the phone or the front door bell.
Its always in my head.
Maggie X
Nuts in May
Rightly so! A clear warning is in order. They make our hearts miss a beat and they never seem to learn! Nicely Brian!
Hank
I know how much you Love forms, but you're really getting good at this! I think enjambment really helps in this form. I especially like:
people should respect the dead
of night & know I AM
cuddled tight to my dream
her legs twined with mine
so good...esp like the cuddled tight into my dream.....xx
This is chilling, Brian. You have a hard job, my friend.
I love this, especially the line break:
"my dreams be broken
into & stolen again"
Also, higher up with "AM." You're so good at creating double meanings with line breaks.
Lovely! Funny, sweet, sensual, thoughtful - and brings up that kind of weird panic of awakening call, and then the anger, ha!
I did another Tritina too! (I'm not sure that's how it's spelled - but I was just working on mine in between other work.) I also felt intrigued by form.
k.
I think you have expressed the feelings of many of us . . . and expressed them very well.
Ahhh...there is nothing finer than cuddling your dream, legs entwined.
I cannot believe people who call at those types of hours, as you say, usually only bad calls come at that time of night.
I don't blame you for feeling angry.
Loved this though Brian. Love how you share your love. :)
Yeah any call in the night
Is going to have bite
Always bad news
Or someone interrupting your snooze
That you want to hit with the phone
As they search for Linda and won't leave you alone
smiles!!! love it...
ugh no..phone calls in the middle of the night are def. not funny...when i got them it was usually my son, asking to be picked up...but at 3am i'm not really certifiably sane...so..his chances were always 50/50...smiles...cool job on the tritina...works well..
Brian, this made me laugh with your very surprising ending. Nice transition from sleepy state to the ending.
Pamela
You know you're my role model, even if I can't copy you to save my life. But now you're writing form, and I wonder if I will ever follow you there. Perhaps.
So, I can't comment on the form, but the poem is great and I guess it speaks for all of us. We hate those mid-night calls and can kill when they're just a wrong number.
I have problems sleeping as I am working even in my sleep. So when i am successful in getting a good sleep, dont bother me please!.. Hehehe.... I got a call from an unknown number at 3:30am this morning. That disturb my thoughts and toss and turn til 7am... Ahhhh....
Nice one again Sir Brian!...
JJRod'z
I really hate when the phone ring at night especially to this time always I think happens something and is terrible when you are sleeping OMG poors you both sigh!!Hope you all have a nice day all
Heh. Bastards. :-)
Very clever!
The truth is it's a very funny poem. I wish you a happy Sunday.
I was just telling a friend that the middle of the night call stop your heart.
I like the way you did this piece. It is like the paining. Somewhere between dream and reality mingling.
Very clever but in a masterly way! Makes me want to go do one of these.
First, good take on the form (nice variations of am). Secondly, I like the dreamscape, enough not to wake me up at that ungodly hour. The ending gave me the giggles ~
Happy Sunday ~
Wrong number in the middle of the night...bound to elicit a murderous response!
Wrong number in the middle of the night...bound to elicit a murderous response!
I've had those startling calls in the middle of the night...and they are never good...
Beautiful piece. My heart lurches so badly we don't keep a phone in the bedroom.
Brian, nicely written to tritina form. Middle of the night phone calls scare a person to death! Really irritating if someone has the wrong number. Your poem portrays that feeling so well.
Never leave the phone on overnight..it'll hold..but I got very enotionally involved in your luck! And the tritina..interesting..
I've never gotten a phone call delivering good news in the dead of night.
A few weeks ago the doorbell rang at 4 am, I thought someone died. I open the door to have a lady say to me, oh sorry I must be at the wrong house, then I got heck from my husband for opening the door at 5 in the morning...I just assumed it was the police to tell me someone had died or something...hubby went right back to sleep and I spent two hours on the computer.....smiles Brian, an awesome read.
Oh, those phone calls. Now I look forward to checking out Trintia form. Odd that this prompt caused both of us to focus on a phone call though in very different ways. Subliminal?
yes! those pesty 3am phone call,
this is kind of spooky at the end.
The mind goes from one extreme emotion to another when woken by a wrong number. From fear to irritation, but grateful in the end for escaping a bad phone call.
The mind goes from one extreme emotion to another when woken by a wrong number. From fear to irritation, but grateful in the end for escaping a bad phone call.
Hi! Brian...
"but, i am sure, should my dreams be broken
into & stolen again by 'Can I speak to Linda?', someone
will be dead."
Phew!...I'm always so very grateful when it's [a] sorry, wrong number call[s] in the middle Of the night.
Tks, for sharing your very thought-provoking poetic words:In your poem "Midnite Burglar" and the image: Summer Night by A. Bloch (via Magpie Tales)
deedee :)
Haha...someone will pay that is for sure!
doing ok, just have some frustrating times ahead of me.
I like that you draw outside the lines when you write poetry :-)
I laughed out loud! I can just imagine the look on your face! You expressed this very well! Great as always!
Excellent work with the form,and just as a concise and well written poem brian--it really has a good rhythm, and the AM is signature for you in the way you turn the meanings this way and that. A very cool little piece--and those last lines are the hardest part about these suckers, I think. At least in a sestina(the big cousin of this) you get three lines to wrap up--it's hard to use those same three words AGAIN in a short sentence and not have them sound *over* used--(that means I like what you did at the end, in case you can't tell.)
Phone calls in the dead of night are so scary. How could it be anything but bad... for someone.
Was it Barry calling for me? Smiles..... I couldn't resist.
tose calls can shake you to your core...
Wickedly clever!
phone calls in the night- can only be bad news- excellent
Yes, that's definitely maddening!
My heart always races at middle of the night calls. Would much rather stay entwined with you...
Oh, isn't that the truth? We automatically think "Who died or who is in the ER" Glad it was only a wrong number! But...could you fall back to sleep? :)
I definitely feel like strangling someone when they wake me in the middle of the night. It had better be important!
I like your forthrightness herein!
"telephone rings at 3 AM
are never good, shattered dream
cascading to thoughts of the dead."
and if it's a wrong number,
we still harbor thoughts of death.
Nicely played and very true.
well done again Brian
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Heaven forbid waking you up while you're all tight within a dream! Ha! Ha! But you are so right, those late night calls are the dread of all time, if one could live without the phone....we need not worry...but then there's always that one call we best not miss, right! I like the path you took with this! It's funny this image just blew out so many thoughts, for me!
How dare they! Speaking of all callers that ring in the middle of a dream (or the night)... especially cold callers from foreign lands. I could commit murder sometimes.....
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Sincerely
I dread those calls too!! Sigh!!
Hugs
SueAnn
oh yes that famous call in the middle of the night, ominous...everything hurts today so I'll keep on reading your writing and feeling better
Brilliant end. Perhaps the only way it could end. Such a thoroughly enjoyable read! Thanks.
hmmm.....now all i can think of is....
its a quarter after one...am a lil drunk and i need you now...said i wouldn't call...but i've lost all control...and i need you now....:))
you sir...can write in form.out of form...about almost anything !!!
Ouch how I hate late night calls ..sometimes the phone feels part of the dream and often I wonder if I'm still asleep ...sometimes I wished I was ...thanks for sharing x
Both of us contemplating the dead in different ways it seems! We once had a drunken woman at our door at 2 am, actually looking for the guy that lived two doors down!!! Three a.m., I call it the "witching" hour, when all is still and oh, so quiet. If I fall asleep earlier than usual often find myself wide awake at 3 a.m. (Like last night when I posted my poem!) I like your theme, and that you tried the tritina again. It worked really well for your subject. Nicely penned, my friend!
2:00am Rinnnnnng, rinnnnnng .. May I speak to - oh never mind I dialed the wrong number!
Mystical picture. Soft and flowing and serene.
Those middle of the night phone callers need to go to politeness management classes. Required to go. Even Linda wouldn't want to talk to a mid-night caller.
We've all been there, and it's even worse once your kids are grown and out of the house. Scares you to death when you hear the ring, then makes you so mad when it's some annoying person asking for another (probably even more) annoying person you've never heard of.
Great poem, Brian.
=)
Middle of the night calls are never a good thing :(
The angst of a ringing phone at 3 a.m. You either answer and kick yourself for doing so, or you don't answer and lay there worrying about what emergency you might be ignoring. Well done, as always, Brian!
That's for sure! Idiot doesn't even know how to dial.
Cool tritina. I love poem with tight margins and forms. I hate wrong numbers in the middle of the night, 'cause, like you, I wonder if my mom is dead. :0
wait till your kids are teens...nothing good EVER happens after midnight.
I too enjoyed your use of enjambment. That familiar feeling of dread arose, knowing it cannot be good news at 3AM. It's usually my brother (more like at midnight) just wanted to chat!
Well, apart from enjoying your poem and appreciating the horrors of the 3.00.a.m. call, you made me go and learn all about the Tritina, and a what good example this one is!
Those middle of the night phone calls are the worst! When my husband used to be on-call frequently, he'd get calls at 3 a.m. from someone saying, "I have a cough and can't sleep." What the frack did they want him to do about it then? Why didn't they come in and get it taken care of when the office was OPEN?!! Now no one is sleeping! Sorry, just venting.
Excellent...and great wrap up.
oh my.
I have had those calls.
and I dread them with all my heart.
Neat form! Love the way you played it!
Ohhh! Nobody likes those calls.
you well show the inter-mixture of worlds at such times. . . .
Aloha, Friend
from Honolulu
Comfort Spiral
=^..^=
Yep, when the phone rings there it is never good and I pity the person who has a wrong number!
I hate those late night calls. Makes my heart pound.
Ha.
Was just thinking about this last night.
As I was falling asleep, I thought I heard the phone ringing, I have said aloud, "nothing good comes of a 1 a.m. phone call...
zzzzzzzzzzzzzz
Luckily, it was just tinnitus.
HAPPY LABOR DAY to you and your lovelies.
Oh, poor you! Hate being woken up like that...
Lovely lines.
Sorry, I did not know it was night.
Someone left on the light (hic),
and these pills, ya see...
this what they do to me
bok-bok-bok-bok-bok-bok....
honey, I believe (hic) Brian
just
hung
up
Without "Good-Bye".....
Oh, those dreaded middle of the night telephone calls, I hope you went back to sleep easily :-)
Oh yes -- the moment jolts from horror to outrage, know it well... especially keen during the teen and college years of my children... written sharp and on point Brian...
Great.
Those calls in the middle of the night: I hate them. Which is why we mute our phones at night. If someone has died they will be just as dead in the morning and having had sleep would help me to cope and help others to do the same.
I know that feeling of dread followed swiftly by irritation when phone calls come in the wee small hours. Nicely captured:-)
I missed this one somehow on Sunday. Perhaps I was sleeping. (smiles)
You don't seem volatile or easily set off at all, but I so get the end of this. ~Mary
Its always the overtired, stressed sleeps where there is a bit of moon about when these undead can " break in" , but they are harmless to a good man like you Brian. "Dead" is such a terrifying word to most of us humans , i like to think of them as gas to my water , or something like that , thanks mate
Oh you express the fear those calls bring on so beautifully.
Oh, I know what you mean. Nicely done!
unusual take but i love it Brian
Love your play on words Brian....sure hope you get no interuptions on your sleep....in the dead of night. :-)
oh this is so true...I too feel it this way.....enjoyed the write ...so many good lines....
Enjoyed this! Not familiar with the form but this piece is a fine read.
So, so lovely. I, too, love the play on words here. Brilliant.
"Can I speak to Linda"... great twist of humor at the end!
brilliant! retaining 'your voice' while adhering to the form ~ wonderful, Brian!
don't like the middle of the night phone calls, but lovin' this poem!
It's usually someone asking to speak to "Baby Doll" here. LOL--I have told the voice on the other end that "Baby Doll is at the vet's office" or "Baby Doll is traveling abroad". The other person sounds really confused then. "Say wha".
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