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| Lexington, KY |
'How do I look?'
she steps out,
skirt
shirt
hair braided
the boys play legos
in their room,
door closed
so i purr,
'Like a barbarian,'
which
doesn't come across as sexy
as intended
or match the mental picture
i envisioned
& the bathroom door closes
with a small click, like the cock
of a pistol,
FAIL
it barks,
but i don't pull the trigger
& add -ure,
knowing the difference
between noun and verb
i let the sentence end
with a period,
and knock on the door
to try again.
written for poetry jam because i am not perfect. smiles.
Posts
69 comments:
Wow! Cool use of verbs. Hope you were lucky the second time.
Ha. The intricacies of relationship. I'm sure you did well on the next try.
Well, you are close, Brian! "How do I look?" is always a trick question anyway and one to never ask a poet!
LOL- This cracks me up, Brian.
mmmhmmm! Barbarian has connotations that women only like in men :) (fictional ones, at that), not themselves :). BUT knocking on the door. Nice :). She sounds adorable in your description. Ah, the divide between the sexes and communication. It takes us all over the map.
It pays to stop a wee bit of time to be able to reflect and then make the move. Great thoughts Brian!
Hank
Language. Even masters such as yourself can get in trouble, it seems.
Good for you for trying again.
UT oh... Because you're not perfect, I'm glad you went and tried again. You're 'FAIL' wass our gain ;)
Loved it
Haha - love it. My husband said something to me last night that landed the same way.
Seriously? Barbarian? haha. This was a good one. I hope you said Warrior Princess next. :)
oh i like that you knocked on that door and tried again..it's all about knocking and opening doors a second or a third or a hundredth time...
A typical husband faux pas captured. It had me smirking and giggling. Your spacing, puns grammar enforced, sketched out setting...all and more worked delightfully.
So...was she barbaric inside the bedroom? ;) Don't answer that.
Curious when you said Barbarian I think of course in a beatiful woman like I think she is lol
but maybe was not the correct Omy we sre really sensible.
When I ask hubby H ow I look? He said You alwsys look nice! Ha! this poem was so cute!
Smooth...love the imagery! Practice does indeed make perfect! Great write Brian!
Barbarian, huh? Well, I guess you have to practice that leering grin to go with it. LOL Poem is well done and captures one of those small moments very well. Thanks.
I'm lauging out loud on this one my love and re-playing the conversation again in my mind. I believe you did actually change that to "warrior princess" after the confused look I gave you. hee hee. You're cute...and glad you knocked on the door.
gotta be the best comment ever (from tara) ;-)
was gonna say this was such a nice blend of the everyday and the special moments that pop up, but gonna defer ;-)
but big kudos for the all-american gold medal persistence and effort, you're gonna role-model for us old guys too ;-)
lol...ah the tricky balancing act of silly mixed with sincerity and having it accepted well.
Great poem. Fun stuff.
Big difference between the command 'Fail" and the past event "Failure."
I enjoyed this very much, even the pistol and the dog.
And I love the imagery of the door lock clicking like the cock of a pistol. Very cool.
i like the title...
I like how this one dances....and we always will try again, always :)
There is difference between the noun and verb. Nice capture of the scene Brian ~ Why are guys so clueless ~ Smiles ~
Brian I so love this.
I love the pic--jus an 'E' makes all the difference in the world. You probably should have used barbarian as an adjective--as in 'like a barbarian goddess' or even as a possessive--'a wild barbarian's fantasy'--just helpin ya out, bro. Lovin the tongue in cheek on the foot in mouth.
haha...always say beautiful! that is always the answer.
"how do i look?"
"like a barbarian."
?
wow, and you live to tell the tale, that is amazing. all of my ex's use to complain that i knew nothing about women, nothing about romance, but... wow.
makes for a great poem though =) enjoyed very much.
I hope you got lucky the second time :)
LOL suprised you got out alive
But glad you were able to survive
Round two must have took some serious rump kissing
To make it so you weren't on a milk carton and missing haha
wow, just like a guy, written with a smooth flow and so authentic
voice.
Oh, lovely! Let's start again... :-)
Yikes! I'm impressed all she did was lock herself in the bathroom. I doubt she thinks Red Sonia instead of Conan when hearing the word barbarian.
I know exactly what you meant Brian and it was meant as a compliment. There are some lovely and sexy sculpts of female barbarians out there and the men love them. I imagine you talked your way around this one.
LOL. But that kind of fail can be a lot of fun. She just needs a sense of humor.
I love the message and the recovery. Great stuff today.
Oops!
I'm glad you caught the situation mid-word. Very sweet poem. k.
(PS - barbarian is not so great. Also avoid any words having to do with plumpness. My husband always drives me crazy by telling me what a good job I've done eating dinner, as if I should be congratulated for gluttony! Ha!) k.
Well, I'm not sure what's best to say to a person asking how they look. A creative answer like yours or a safe answer like would be my husbands "nice" "good".lol
How do you do it?
A moment passes,
a parent grows a bit
Aloha from Waikiki
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pretty neat. Love the wordplay here, and a real nice sense of humor built in. Fun read. thanks
Marvelous, Brian. You'd have a best-seller if you compiled your marriage/relationship poems into one volume.
heehee
Being a husband is a hard job.
;)
Delightful ... brought smiles.
Never ask, that's my motto. I've had a few choice remarks.
LOL, Brian. I can picture this. So often one's good intentions can be me misinterpreted! Been there, done that. I am sure you had a second chance.....smiles.
Brian, Brian, Brian, haven't you learned yet?
The imponderable questions
Immune to critique or suggestions
Why when how who
What are we poor men to do?
On the answers I’d prefer to pass
Especially the one about her ass
It’s not too big
or too much a twig
Yet the smart answer always is
My dear it’s clear in that dress
you have the ass of a dancer.
Hey I'd take it! well from the proper source of course....it's your fault you know you're such and excellent and charming writer, that you can't get away with jokes, now go be excellent ;)
Verbs are action words, when all said and done.,
I really enjoyed your poem and the comments, Brian. Women love compliments. It makes us feel loved and cherished. It's obvious you adore your wife. Next time just tell her she's beautiful. She'll dig that. Smiles :)
hahaha....Oh Brian...betcha never say that again...lol....
Brilliant, thoroughly emjoyable.
So cute ... I hope the 2nd try went really well ... or did it ... hmmm, from a woman's standpoint ... I would def tease you into a serious game of ... something ... for a while at least :)
Good for you...don't give up!
Hugs
SueAnn
how do I look....it's such a trick question. Hope you got your second chance.
Fan of Xena Warrior Princess?
Your use of the verb purr softened the word Barbarian for me... but then of course it wasn't said to me... I'm just glad you didn't give up... good intentions and all. I'll have to try this challenge.
ha. Here's hoping she opened the door :)
This one made me giggle. Love Tara's comment. It obviously went better the next time.
Thanks for this read mate. Well, this is my first visit to your blog! But I admire the precious time and effort you put into it, especially into interesting articles you share here!
Hopefully the second time was a charm! At least you didn't call her Zena Warrior Princess! :-)
I LOL'd at the end with a period part. Obviously it was a bad time to answer that already ridiculously risky question... how do I look? :)
LOVE this, from the title to the last word!
i hope she got your intention on the second try!
I hope it worked!
Love the new photo btw.
Aw, this is so sweet!
Got a great giggle from this one. "How do I look?" is always a dangerous question for a man to answer, kudos for being brave enough to try!
Ah, the fail(ed) attempt at humor/compliment. I imagine you can pull it off with the exception of this time.
What a lovely little slice of life.
Sometimes even the best intended words don't come out the right way.
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