Thursday, August 16, 2012

FormForAll: Gods & Men

restaurant step, Buchanan, VA

'god does not like ugly,' a man
at the pool says to his daughters
& their friends, belly round and tan
thrust out like so many altars
where animals slain by butchers
appease angry dieties---ignorance,
of selfish man---i pray other authors
outweigh the scars your benev(i)olence

      ...has born upon their virgin skin

Over at dVerse Poets today, Gemma Wiseman is guest hosting for Gay and has us writing Huitains---as always i give my own little spin...adding the last line which is outside the form...also rather than sticking to either 8 or 10 syllables per line i mixed 10 & 8. Any way, she will open the doors at 3 pm.

At which time I will probably getting off from work...woohoo...smiles.

written in 55 words, cause that is what g-man forces us to do on fridays....smiles....

91 comments:

rosaria williams said...

Ouch!
You caught him, though, and that's a start. Bene(violence), wow!

Laurie Kolp said...

Work? So you took the job? Yeah, you!!

Mary said...

I think I have seen this man...hopefully his daughters consider the source!

Mary said...

Glad you are working, Brian! That really did not take long. Smiles.

Gloria said...

So you are working dear Brian??

Gloria said...

If is true congrats Im so happy !:)

Dana Dampier said...

Did you take the job?!!

Great poem as always!

Sue said...

Nice use of 55 words!

And nice job finding a job in this economy...

=D

Monkey Man said...

it seems this man is everywhere.

Daydreamertoo said...

Aren't these types awful to be around. Makes you feel sorry for their kids.
So, did you get the new job? Don't keep us all in suspenders!

Claudia said...

i too hope that other authors will outweigh the scars and write loveletters across their skin...

Tabor said...

The best words on this post are 'getting off from work.' Blessing in disguise.

Daniel said...

Seen plenty of this in my day.

Travel & Dive Girl said...

Nice job! Congratulations too!

Susan Daniels said...

Congrats on the job, and--oh my, this is a brilliant take on the form. Loved it. Flowed so smoothly I had to read it again to see the form in it, I was so blown away by your words.

Jess Mistress of Mischief said...

whew... someone who feels no love and is, it seems, feeling the ugly with the sharp tongued instrument. How unattractive that can be.

Beachanny said...

Very deft rhymes (slightly slanted) feels so free and never stops your flow. It only augments the way you expose with those very long exposure and very small apertures putting into perfect clarity hypocrisy, meanness, and hypocrisy! Excellent as always.

Grandmother said...

Oh goddess bless, the harm we do to our own children. And them taking it all in as if a parent knows what god likes. May they consult their own inner wisdom and know better. Great capture.

John (@bookdreamer) said...

And then he'll wonder why they go to college two states over and marry too far for Thanksgiving

manicddaily said...

Hey hey hey! congratulations on the work and poem!

Wonderful poem - I love the scars and altars and the sense of his big fat belly.

ugh.

k.

poemsofhateandhope.com said...

Always like your twists on form! You rebel! And as for this guy? How sad- and I feel for his daughters - and how ironic that he should talk about ugly- when it seems he is the definition of it

Suz said...

sometimes it's best to look away

good job

lookingforroots said...

Yay work! And I love your take on this form. Tense subject, though!

Okie said...

Wow...what a "lovely" and loving perception of deity. Yikes.

Nice poem. Sad that some people are like this.

ayala said...

Nice...happy you took the job and hoping that it's one that you like :)

Magpie said...

Congratulations on the the job!
I'm hoping the man was speaking of attitudes and not physical forms. But then I'm an unrealistic optimist. :)

Steve E said...

God does not even KNOW "ugly".
But I DO--grin!
No more ice cream with slippery syrups, and Tara's Oat Meal cookies for ME!(Well, maybe starting with tomorrow?)

A JOB, A JOB! You deserve it, man. The world needs Peeps like you.
I am grateful for YOU!
PEACE!
Steve.

Uneven Stephen said...

Awesome write, great job with the form. I adore these lines:

"belly round and tan
thrust out like so many altars"

Cool poem, Brian.

Jenny Woolf said...

Working ! that is wonderful Brian. I liked the poem too.

Wander said...


Two 4 one

The round one has spoken
From his mouth tolerance broken
Ignorance is bliss when your motto is
God hates ugly
Did you hear?
711 has nacho's 2 4 1
Oh, yeah, that's right
You need stuff spelled out
When you buy one you get the other
For free
So while you are think ing
Of what god wants from you
Stuff your face with some
Sludge covered chips
And a jug of Mountain Dew

Chris McQueeney 8/16/12

Thank you so much Brian…I was feeling a bit lackluster today, I even wrote a love poem. I needed to snap out of it, and you gave me the inspiration!
I hope your new job is good for you! One of these days you should visit Portland…I thought of doing the form…but the fricking rebel in me cried out No we will not conform! S I guess another time ;-)

sheila said...

home from work? great! congrats.

pandamoniumcat said...

Well, you nailed him... ugh! Fantastic that you have a new job. Wishing you all the best!

Tara Miller said...

Not a good environment to be in....and it's her own family! Hope she surrounds herself with people who uplift and encourage and see herself for the beautiful gift she is....

Susan said...

Clever write! I said, wow, a short one from the Brian, but this poem is so deep that it gets all the layers in anyway--advice, direct address, violence, and ugly.

So how was the first day?

Becky said...

Wow! Really, wow.
I've already read this three times and get a different piece of the vision of this each time -- very good!

PattiKen said...

Oh, the damage people can inflict upon their young. Congratulations on the new job! In the school system?

hyperCRYPTICal said...

Congrats on the job and the superb words!

Anna :o]

hedgewitch said...

Working on the formage, my friend, gives your poetry another dimension--I think you find your voice very well in this one. Sorry to be so late, bri--bad hair day here. I'll try to get to the prompt tomorrow; I have a huitane somewhere--they're good with wine and cheese.;_)

Pat Hatt said...

Yeah pretty sad
To have such a dad
Hopefully she can ignore him with ease
And do whatever tends to actually please
Congrats on the job too
There at your zoo

Margaret said...

Brian... you really heard a man say that? Oh my... his poor daughters! I can only imagine the look you directed his way. And you know, these "55's" have really helped me become a better writer - it IS the hardest thing to edit (and slice) one's own words. :)

Liza said...

What a pr(i)ck.
I'd like to hit him with a st(i)ck!
That's just ick!
Congrats on the new position &
Happy weekend.

Wander said...

Brian, that image is up with the poem on my blog...you should look at it then read the words...so much better! congrats on the job!!!!!!!!!!!!

G-Man said...

Yeah...Makes you proud to be a man!
You must have worn a hat at the job interview eh?...:P:P
Most Excellent commentary Son...
Thanks for playing, congratulations, and have a Kick Ass Week-End

Evelyn Adams said...

"& their friends, belly round and tan
thrust out like so many altars"
you seem really comfortable in this form, like it flowed real easy...

Mama Zen said...

"benev(i)olence"

That's exactly what it is. Great write, Brian!

Leovi said...

Excellent poem about the gods and men.
Saludos.

izzy said...

ooo I do not like him, not one little bit- slimy cus brown belly or not...
A job you like ? or temporary fill-:)

Sharp Little Pencil said...

Benev(i)olence is a master stroke of creativity and commentary. I see this kind of bad parenting all the time...do as I say, not as I do. My mother used to actually SAY that to us. No wonder I turned out weird! Wink, Amy
http://sharplittlepencil.com/2012/08/15/blissful-balm-imaginary-garden-with-real-toads/

Sharp Little Pencil said...

WHOA! Work? Is it a good gig? Do you think you will be happy there? Does it have benefits because the spoiled Powers That Be in Washington won't pass Universal Health Care?

You don't have to answer. These are all considerations for anyone in the job market. But do you have a place to hang your kids' artwork? That's the BEST perk... Congrats! Amy

adan said...

so short and so much punch!

"belly round and tan
thrust out like so many altars
where animals slain by butchers"

glad you got off work! ;-) nice piece brian ;-)

Quotes,Photos and a little Poetry said...

I don't know if you meant it but, the first line was utterly funny. It's something That I've said in jest or someone has said to me. Thanks for the throw back.

mrs mediocrity said...

ugh, ouch, yes, let's hope for far better authors to come.

and so happy for you, about the job. good news indeed!

JANU said...

Cool usage of words here.
Congrats on the job!

Bodhirose said...

Wow, there's so much unconsciousness out there... Love your benev(i)olence word...perfect. Hey, congratulations on now having a job to be getting off from! That must feel really good...

Stephanie said...

Sigh. The older I get the more difficulty I do have with ignorance.

darkangelwrites said...

God does not like ugly... words? deeds? rumors? strip malls? what? ugly what? Cause he couldn't have meant little children.

darkangelwrites said...

Oh wait "work".... I missed that. Cheers!

Alice Audrey said...

Isn't that always the way of ugly men?

Anonymous said...

Aha...this one's on me hon!

Crystal Ball Gazer

farmlady said...

The attitudes of the parents lay heavily on their children and become a mindset that is difficult to break.
If we could only see ourselves in our children's eyes and hear what they hear. What damage can be done, so easily, to a little mind that wants to know how the world works.
Congrats on the job.

sonny said...

brian---this was a-w-e-s-o-m-e writing. nothing more to add.

Zuzana said...

Dear Brian, my own work and a looooong daily commute simply prevents me from blogging more than on my one day off from work (Friday), so I seem to have missed the fact that you have found a new job.;) Congratulations, that was fast.;))
And of course a great poem, you know how to play with words,
have a great weekend.;))
xoxo

Chris Lawrence said...

i liked this Brian it came out good

Fred Rutherford said...

Nice work with this form, like how you alternated the lines there, when I was doing mine, as with any of the syllable restricted forms, I found the most difficult part was to adhere to a consistent beat throughout the entire poem. Really nice read. Congrats on the job starting so quickly after being offered, that's great news.

Valerie said...

There are a few men around with bellies to be ashamed of. God knows who they are as well.

You took the job? Congratulations. I'm glad you didn't have to hang around too long.

Gemma Wiseman said...

Gorgeous gritty blast of images and adore your clever re-working of "benevolence"! An inspired cameo of a not so artistic character in our world!

SueAnn Lommler said...

For some reason this piece had me thinking of the plight of women in India! Pushed down...under the thumbs and feet of the male dominated society.
How about that for a leap.
But the lines where he tells his daughter that no one likes ugly. He says this with all his ugliness exposed. Sigh!
Hugs
SUeAnn

Heaven said...

I was intrigued by your title post...Why does he want to play God and pass judgement specially to his daughters ~ Short but powerful write Brian ~

Congrats on the job ~

myheartslovesongs.com said...

'god does not like ugly'

i know people who believe that... ugh!

fab 55, brian! have a great weekend.

the walking man said...

Fat man in speedo wearing multiple gold chains tells daughters "god don't like no ugly"

Daughter eyes father and says "have a great time in hell dad."

kaykuala said...

Wonderful 55 Brian! The man ought to be an inspiration to the girls. Hope he does in time. Glad you got the job.It would be fun to juggle the time meant for job and time for blogging!

Hank

Who Is Afraid Of Miss Lovett? No, Mrs.Lovett... said...

'god does not like ugly,' a man
at the pool says to his daughters
& their friends, -i pray other authors outweigh the scars your benev(i)olence...has born upon their virgin skin..."


Hi! Brian...Thanks, for sharing your 55 [thought-provoking]poetic words Huitains-and...

"At which time I will probably getting off from work...woohoo...smiles."

...Congratulation! on finding work so soon...Considering the fact, that so many people are unable to find jobs.[In today economic down-turn]
deedee :)

CiCi said...

The photo reminds me how much some people need directions and instructions and signs to do most things in their lives. It is sad to me to know that we were all born with a brain but are taught how not to use the full capacity.

When the guy said "God does not like ugly", someone should have said "God does not DO ugly".

hope said...

Multi-talented multi-tasking. :)

Have a good weekend!

Jill from Killeny Glen said...

Uh! YES...WOO HOO on having a work place! GOOD! CONGRATS!

as for this chunky dude....did he seriously SAY that!?!?! so absolutely ignorant...

Annette said...

I like the way you played with the prompt. I think I've seen that guy -- at the pool and the beach and all around town. Congratulations on the job.

Day Dreamer said...

Excellent poem! Great job on the difficult prompt!

magiceye said...

loved it!

˙·٠•●❤Sh@KiR@ ❤●•٠·˙ said...

Hahhahahahaha...I cannot get over your Benev(i)olence, you are so good at this. I love this!

Mine is here
Have you a ROCKING WEEKEND!!!
hugs
shakira

Akelamalu said...

You always say so much in just 55 words. :)

Unknown Mami said...

I love how you bend and break rules in your writing. Ugly is as ugly does.

RMP said...

it truly is amazing the "wisdumb" people have to share with others. nice take on the form and yeah to the job.

Anders Woje Ellingsen said...

But I like seeing daughters, and sons, for that sake, as sacrifices, not as altars. And they really should honour their parents. :-)

Syd said...

A job sounds good!

Serena said...

Please tell me you didn't really overhear someone say this... I know, I know, I've been accused of hearing the truth and trying to pretty it up. Well, I love how you testified!

Jyoti Mishra said...

u r a very good human being and that reflects in your writing :)

awesome and brilliant read..

flipside records said...

I love the vague way you describe the belly---it could belong to him, as in "who are you to talk about ugly?" Or it could describe the youngness of the children, as many little kids have big bumpy (healthy) bellies. :)

Now you know "deities" is misspelled. But you've probably done it on purpose to play with "diet." You might consider italicizing or hyphenating the word, in this case.

"outweigh the scars [of] your benevolence" ... What a brilliant, beautiful, thought-provoking line.

And that little (i) touching on the violence---very smart writing, my friend. Definitely makes me think of self-justified child abuse---the messed-up head that reasons he is a kind father no matter what he does. Perhaps a touch of molestation in this.

I read this as the father being an "author" writing "pages" (raising children). But hopefully his "pen" (and words) will not be the only influence(s) that will shape them. Every child's skin (thin, tender) and heart is virgin before people (parents) begin writing. It's so hard to turn a manuscript into a masterpiece when you are flawed to begin with. It's equally difficult to view parenting as a novel in progress (years and years of editing and reworking) rather than a short story or poem.

I find so much to be fished out in your shorter poems ... but always enjoy the longer ones as well. Thanks for all you share and bring to the table, Brian. Excellent work.

flipside records said...

Did you take that job you mentioned earlier in the week? Congratulations!

Lorraine said...

God loves everything and everyone ans what job? you're killing, Iknew you'd find fast butwow that is fast

Goofball said...

yikes, sounds like creepy man

AmyLK said...

So glad you found work so quickly! But with your talents and skills, I didn't doubt you'd be on vacation long. :)