Thursday, August 30, 2012

FormForAll: dangerous life of the john

men's room sign @ Little Dickens, Lynchburg, Va

Seldom a line at the men's room
you wont catch us talking sales, shop
or gossip, silent soldiers fumbling rifles, eyes cast up

avert! avert! we wait, on spotted tile, fire, aim, zip up
and move on, while our ladies shop
oblivious to our assembly line efficiency, leaving room

for the next without uncomfortable shoulder grazes, or shop
-ping bag leg brushes, there is no room
for 'small' talk, more couth than bringing up

self-consciousness,  we
leave the room, exit the shop & pray as u-p, you dont get caught
in the blind
ZIP --- detached

Over @ dVerse Poets today we are writing tritina poems...i know, i had to look it up...it is in no way related to a martini...which i ordered once in my life...and nearly died....not for me. Anyway, Sam has us writing these things and will open the doors at 3 pm EST.

Really if you want to know how it is done read his explanation, i have dysformexia...i got some of my ABCs backward...and that last section really is just one long line, not a stanza...really....

91 comments:

Liz @ A Nut in a Nutshell said...

Don't ever take me into the men's rest room with you again. lol

Pat Hatt said...

hahaha that is how it should be done
Not having to chat with everyone
And primp and all that stuff
Making sure ones hair has fluff
Just zip up and go
Although public bathrooms are still nasty you know
Plus wash your hands of course as well
And if the zipper isn't up when you step out, what the hell haha

Pat Hatt said...

Missed number one
But having two can be more fun

DJan said...

Wow. Never thought about the differences between the men's and women's bathrooms. Totally cool! :-)

Don't forget to zip!

Mary said...

I've always hated it that the men's rooms NEVER have lines!

Gloria said...

Brian you are funny:)
One time ago I enter a bathroom men. by error:(

Susan said...

Poetry needed someone to pick up this topic. Now that the Men's Room is complete, we need a Women's Room poem. (I'm still waiting for the Phenomenal Man poem.)

The zipper thing is intriguing. "Zip it Up" to me always meant "shut up," but here is the site of a man's ease, speed, convenience, silence, and danger.

Monkey Man said...

I have always thought who ever thought of putting yernals side by side was rather warped...lol

ladyfi said...

LOL - so delightful!

Valerie said...

Yeah, I noticed in mixed toilets in France that the men never speak..... oh my!
Now then, how do I stop giggling?

Lorraine said...

Well when I was in my teens my cousin and I in Montreal were visiting the EXPO 197- somethingHuge World Affair something I don't remember, all I know is we had to go. We had to go, we had to go now...the line up for women's washroom well, I can't count that far anyhoo my cousin and I had the temerity to go see how the men's washroom looked it was a bit a way from the women's (of course had to in account of huge line-ups anyhoo nobody, noline, no man inside or out no one, so we looked at each other and she let me go first 'cause i was dying. and she held the door. Then It was her turn and I held the door, of course being naturally lucky a man, came in, he saw me, went back looked at the sign, came back in, just to be sure looked at the sign, again and said "you know this is the man's washroom' gulp I nodded speaking at the corner of my mouth coaxing my cousin to hurry it up...'ok then' he said and proceeded to the closest urinal to me unzipped his pant and let it out and flow...I was mortified, I could hear my cousin stiffling laughter and off course being who she is, she took as long as she could ....Ha the good old days...miss 'em

Alice Audrey said...

Wait. Aren't you supposed to aim before you fire? That explains a lot.

hedgewitch said...

I have accidentally walked into a men's room before(I am easily confused) and was amazed at the lack of privacy you guys function in. I would never be able to get the job done a few inches away from the next in line--gah! This is a fun bit of whimsy with a touch of seriousness on our gender identities here and there--and I look forward to Sam's explanation of just what the heck form this was. ;_)

Suz said...

ha...Liz's comment cracked me up

Stranger said...

What if you're standing next to someone famous? Is it ok to make small talk then?

Laurie Kolp said...

haha... I like your commentary as much as the poem... can't wait

Daniel said...

You about nailed it, huh?

Sue said...

haha

Never heard of that form either, by the way. But you seem to be in good form today...

;)

PattiKen said...

More than once, there has either been no ladies' room in sight, or a line too long to contemplate. I've barged into the men's room, calling "Coming in!" ahead of me. Never had to worry about too-close encounters. The place always emptied out in seconds. Power: ya gotta love it.

Daydreamertoo said...

SMH (Shaking my head) Giggling like mad here. Never thought of the men's washroom as an efficient assembly line before. I once walked into and right back out of, the boys washroom at school as a dare. Never again. Unless it's all changed with the modern cleaners, disinfectants and such they use nowadays, the stink of urine was overwhelming almost unbearable to the point of feeling sick.
Loved this read though :)
I bet men chat in the washrooms at work though, just like women.

lookingforroots said...

Heh. I hate being talked to in a bathroom. Maybe I've been using the wrong one.

Fun write, Brian!

Brian Miller said...

the form is really not so hard...i could not write a serious one though with all the repetition....maybe i will post the other one later...it is on midnite callers...

Lori McClure said...

It will be interesting to read about the new form but maybe not as interesting as your men's room poem :)

I am both jealous of the ease you men enjoy and kind of grossed out by it all at the same time. We never talked about bathroom issues in our home growing up, so I guess I'm way more prudish than I thought. So, talking about bathroom issues is kind of like therapy for me here today. You can send me a bill later.

Hope the job hunt is over or going well.

Jill from Killeny Glen said...

I know this is NOT secret etiquette but I feel I should CLUE my boys in to it...be aware....watch where you look...do not graze your neighbor...NO MATTER what!!!!
TOO funny!

Margaret said...

"There's Something About Mary" has a hysterical jamming zipper scene. And the women's restroom is where ALL gossip originates, I believe ;)

Barbara said...

Giggles...... Best not to hurry!

Claudia said...

smiles...i always suspected that there is some kind of secret, wordless understanding in men's bathrooms...and i confess...i sometimes invade this male sphere (in emergencies only...!!!) but then of course i feel like an intruder into forbidden land even though i surely DON't talk at all..ha

Tara Miller said...

Well that was a fun trip into the boys' bathroom! What was the person who invented urinals thinking anyway??? A littl too up close and personal for my taste and sooo glad us gals have stalls.

hee hee...

Eva Gallant said...

T.M.I.!

Susan Daniels said...

Brian--this was such a fun read! Like your guerrilla tritina ;)

happygirl said...

Potty poetry. I like when a specific form is used. In the poetry, not the potty. :)

Quotes,Photos and a little Poetry said...

Sounds.. Like your clever.. I just read something eloquently written about the men's room

Beachanny said...

Well this was informative - and apparently true from what the men in my life have told me...they too are awaiting an explanation of what takes women "so long!" Cute and funny, Brian!

Natasha Head said...

but that last stanza is all you dear Brian...I wouldn't change a thing...and if I'm being totally honest...you had me with the title.

Jessica said...

This reminds of a personal experience. My husband took my seven year old daughter to a football game. Inevitably she had to pee. I can just hear him describing how the process unfolded. And now you've given me and even deeper understanding of the mechanics at work in the mens restroom.

FrankandMary said...

Polyurethane smiles; I prefer stripped down to the beams. You got all of this right. ~Mary

Bodhirose said...

I love how you take liberties with forms...I'm all for tweaking rules...at least with poetry anyway..pretty harmless. I've always counted my blessings that women aren't lined up next to each other doing their business in public bathrooms...not for me...I'm much too modest..

Leovi said...

Congratulations on this poem in a place like the men's room. Greetings.

Victoria said...

Your sources of inpiration never cease to amaze, surprise. If I did one on the ladies room it would be titled "Waiting." Fun one, brian.

Mark Kerstetter said...

"ZIP --- detached" Yikes! Leave it to you to write a poem about going to the john. And self-consciousness, yes, it's a weird situation, with some people being ostentatiously loud and most acting just a little too nonchalant.

manicddaily said...

Watch out! I mean for the zipper-- detaching sounds, well, painful. K.

Buddha3074 said...

Hahhahaha, a tricky situatuon indeed! Lol

Heaven said...

Never been to one, so this was an eye opener. Thankfully we girls have our stalls, spacious though small talk can be possible ~ Have a good night Brian ~

Glenn Buttkus said...

Def always room for more toilet humor in this world; fine use of the tritina form, stretching the line lengths a bit, but sweet tercets at that. Bothered me though there was no hand-washing in it.

Katherine Krige said...

sounds dangerous indeed...

;)

C Rose said...

So that's what its like in there! Lovely work with the form Brian ~ Rose

ayala said...

I walked into one by accident at a baseball game...and walked right out...glad we have stalls :)

Mama Zen said...

Made me laugh, Brian!

Semaphore said...

Loved this! Although you did mix it up a bit (and hey, I broke the form myself in my example) it worked out well, even with that last long stanza...um...line.

One day, I'm going to do a Form For All article on a dysformexian structure.

RMP said...

personally I wouldn't mind so much if the ladies room functioned the same way. don't care much for the talk...or the primping.... I'd rather the no eye contact and lack of acknowledgement.

thought you managed the form well...didnt even pick up on it until you mentioned it. in my book that (seemless flow) is a good quality for form.

Magpie said...

Oh, that's what happens in the men's room? I envy your efficiency and sometimes your anatomy. :) I didn't mean that at all like it sounded. I know you'll understand.

Dick Jones said...

'Silent soldiers fumbling rifles' - nice one, Brian! A funny and altogether accurate take on side-to-side men facing the same way, jewels in hand. A frightening last line - 'ZIP - detached'. Ouch!

sreeja harikrishnan said...

that was fun.....

vivinfrance said...

Brian, the hilarity at your theme has rather taken over the comments, neglecting your skill with this form...Bravo.

Imagine Jock's horror when I presented him with a new pair of jeans with BUTTONS! The rock bottom bargain price was no consolation.

sharonlee said...

Cute theme... interesting topic though, human nature & ritials and so forth.

It would be interest to know the history of the 'trough' as I've heard it called by men here.
:)

Fred Rutherford said...

nicely done, love the angle you took, really a fun read. Thanks

Dave King said...

Clever this - not for the first time you make me want to go back and try again!

JANU said...

Funny :-)

Melissa Bickel said...

LOL LOL...this must be the non-metro-male. Loved this view into the business part of the men's room.

rumoursofrhyme said...

Nice use of the form - and so glad you didn't reveal all our secrets!

Tony

magiceye said...

lol! that was brilliantly done!

Pauline said...

if only it was as easy as you make it look (and sound ;)

Anyes said...

I have always wondered what they were like (men's bathroom) now, thank you to you, Brian I do not wonder anymore ;-)

Enjoy your long-week-end

Wolfsrosebud said...

more humor in your piece... only u'd think of this subject

Syd said...

You forgot the shake part--LOL

kkkkaty said...


Clever use of the form...the comments are most entertaining, as well ;-)

Who Is Afraid Of Miss Lovett? No, Mrs.Lovett... said...

"Seldom a line at the men's room
you wont catch us talking sales, shop
or gossip, silent soldiers fumbling rifles, eyes cast up..."


Hi! Brian...
Thanks, for sharing the image and your [very descriptive] poetic words about the [differences] in men and women...er...hum...bath-room etiquette.

deedee :)

She Writes said...

Oh this made me laugh. You know, I have been in the men's bathroom. Once I walked in and was so irritated that a man was in MY bathroom, gave him a dirty look (just to show him my disapproval), he looked shocked. Then I realized there were these weird open toilets along the wall. Then I realized I was in HIS bathroom. I felt soo dumb and practically ran out, praying nobody would see me exit! Not being faith filled, a few men caught my eye on the way
out!

Now, I do use single men's rooms whenever there is a line for the women's and blame it on Jane :). BAD mama!

The men's room etiquette sounds stressful. God forbid my shoulder would ever touch another's in the BR!! I LOVE this:
avert! avert! we wait, on spotted tile, fire, aim, zip up
and move on..."
HILARIOUS!
Thnx for the more critical, academic comments. I very much appreciate them! THANK YOU! More, please. (sorry this is so long)

Tony Crimi said...

Wow!! urination poetry...i like it. Very entertaining well phrased piece on a usually dull event. Well i mean my urinating is dull maybe some people have very pleasant and eventful urinating sessions though? anyway good job ;)

william said...

lol loved this mate, nearly pissed myself, pardon the pun :)

Teresa said...

Hilarious! As I'm not a memeber of this men's room club, I truly appreciated the glimpse. Makes me glad I don't have a membership there.

Annmarie Pipa said...

and sometimes women are taking on their cellphone IN the stall!!

Lolamouse said...

Only you could pen a poem about the men's room, Brian! Visited a school with the family recently that had coed bathrooms-very odd feeling. Don't know why, really.

beccagivens said...

LOL --- TMI!! If anyone could carry it off - it would be you!! :)

Travel & Dive Girl said...

Thanks to those long lines at the women's room, I have been forced into the "life of the john".

Geraldine said...

so that's what you guys are talking about!!

good one Brian.

Happy Labour Day Weekend, G

Goofball said...

no chitchat...nice then you also never have to eavesdrop into embarrassing conversations you wish you'd not hear!

Buddah Moskowitz said...

This wasn't just poetry - it was reportage! I was laughing / smiling the whole ride. Great imagery and language too! You captured the ambiance (!) perfectly.

poetryinverse said...

Did I mention that I love your writing style?! Your poems always leave me smiling or thinking. Great job on this one!

kaykuala said...

Brian,
You caught the exact sequence in the 'fumbling' And I would normally upon leaving the door before meeting the crowd check the zipper. I 'caught' myself not properly zipped a few times!

Hank

Polly said...

Made me smile too Brian ~ and I'm relieved to see that not everyone is keeping avidly to the form ~ I've given up on mine for now and may return to it.

You are such a surprise! :)

Lisa Golden said...

A peek behind the door. I love it.

S.E.Ingraham said...

Too too funny - well done - here I thought we'd gone all uni-sex but perhaps not? Good poem in any case and fun with the form ...

http://leapinelephants.blogspot.ca/2012/08/desperately-missing-you-who-are-gone.html

Ginny Brannan said...

"& pray as u-p, you dont get caught
in the blind"

*Laughing!* A clever play on words in this Brian! No "avert"ing here, at least in reading this poem! And nice to see a type of formatted poetry from you. Well played, and what fun to read!!

Wander said...

Brian I was wondering what you were going to do with this one, actually I read your explanation first...just to smile!

Thank you...been a rough few days, but words help immensely

jane hewey said...

this is incredibly clever and the form disguised quite well. as always, your subject jumps right into the every day of things. I so appreciate your presence in this piece. very well done!!

Chris Lawrence said...

Brian this made me laugh i had a moment once only a minor catch when drunk then have a mate help you in a full pub well never lived that one down, so i loved this its form and flow and now that sounds wrong all the best my friend

AmitAag said...

Lol!
What a crispy, cool poem, Brian!
Thank you for your visit and nice comment on my blog!
No, you didn't visit my F-55 from
G Man's link. Here it is whenever you wish to read: http://amitaag.blogspot.in/2012/06/f-55.html

SueAnn Lommler said...

Well, now I know. Ha!
It still doesn't answer though one pressing question..why is the woman's line so long?
Hugs
SueAnn

Sheila said...

lol - very entertaining!

Lydia said...

Wow! Was this ever eye-opening! (And great, of course.)