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| a mosaic mural, d'town Lynchburg, VA |
The bellman of the Parkview sits,
bellman jacket pressed, patch emblazoned, bereft
of pressed service, alone, abandoned guests.
The patch a-lone remembrance, his, since
Parkview inBlazEnd abandoned his city/life distant,
sits bereft guests since distant ages.
Over at dVerse Poets today, Sam has us writing square poems. If it works it can be read right to left and top to bottom. It is a beast to try and do, honestly. Below, I have spaced it to make reading it top to bottom easier.
the bellman of the Parkview sits,
bellman jacket pressed, patch emblazoned, bereft
of pressed service, alone, abandoned guests
the patch a-lone remembrance, his, since
Parkview inBlazEnd abandoned his city/life distant
sits bereft guests since distant ages
I wrote this about a guy I met today. He sits on a planter, still dressed in his bellman's jacket outside the abandoned burned out hotel formerly known as the Parkview.
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78 comments:
Did you work it across and down at the same time? You have indeed created one that makes sense! I'm on my third--but I really have nothing to post yet!
I enjoyed this. Not a very easy thing to accomplish. Kudos to you!! (It's a rather intimidating form for me.)
i guess no one wants to cross that bridge. maybe they need to burn it...ooops that's a whole other poem. ;)
This is touching, sentimental and pure ... really clever too.
I'm impressed, bri--I took one look at the form and grabbed my head. This makes writing a sonnet look like a piece of cake. Also like your subject--as always quirky and real.
I am really impressed! How the heck did you figure this one out? Yowser!
One thing's for sure...you'll never get Alzheimers.
Wow look at that
You impress the cat
Surely not a square
With such a task at your lair
Down and up
Must have had plenty of coffee in your cup
I still don't know how you did it. It takes a brain like Mozart to work upside down and all around . The story is sad. You have that magical gift of meeting the most interesting people. Now we know how you can write poetry in Escher Land, huh?
Brian,
Looks like I got to do some soul searching before attempting this. Great one on yours!
Hank
This is very creative & clever.
Along these lines, I've been meaning to read that book by Jonathan Safran Foer? Supposedly the words in an existing book are cut out to create a new one...
Very creative Brian LOL
Oh, I am loving your wordplay! I took mine too seriously and wish I read some before writing. Wonderful and impressive.
I bet this took some of the rubber off your eraser as you worked through it. However, even beyond the technical aspects of the piece, the story is so sad in its telling. Yet, I am like this in some ways. Living still as if there are two when there is only one.
Nice capture of the bellman in his jacket Brian ~
Sad to see him outside in the abandoned hotel ~
Awwww... on the guy
I am not even going to attempt this prompt. It's doing my brain in just reading some of them.....LOL Yes, as Mary said 'Kudos to you' :)
tough assignment, but you pulled it off nicely! Bellman not quite ready to move on..., kinda sad.
I bow to you in humility. I haven't done this yet.
Well done! Great example! I have been busy but mulling it over - but yours is wonderful and very inspiring. Thanks. k.
Poet...you do the form and maintain the Brian...you can do no wrong! Loved it
You made this look so easy! And you had time to throw in nice nuances like "inBlazEnd," awesome, dude, it rings so true, too.
Yikes! -- bravo for making the effort -- and it works!
wow, Brian - I am totally impressed... and thanks for making it easier for me to read top to bottom - kinda sad about that bellman though...
Oh, you did a great job with this form, Brian..so creative. I love how you write from your personal experiences.
You have the patience of a saint, Brian. This was very cool.
i adore this..
but especially..."The bellman of the Parkview sits, bellman jacket pressed, patch emblazoned, bereft of pressed service, alone, abandoned guests."
adore adore adore
As always, you take a form and make it your own - emblazoned, inBlazEnd; city/life, and all the other wordplay that you sandwich in - all these make it uniquely your own, while staying true to the form.
Reading in just one direction--a beautiful, touching poem. Being able to read this in a second direction makes you a kick-ass poet in my book!
I have a husband and a daughter who would love you for this accomplishment. they are both engineers.
wow..good job.. really well done bri..i'm im(pressed)...smiles
It's like two dementional Scrabble.
Hey, you playin' wit my Brian, brain...Mind boggling!
This is where the wall thickens between pros and ams. I am definitely an 'am'--grin!
I DO admire good work, though, whether poetry, sculpture, dancing, painting, or composing or performing a violin concerto.
Yours is the best!
Wonderful writing.
Wow dear Brian, this is impressive, it would take me months to get anything like this written.;)
Have a great weekend.;)
xoxo
wow. how in the world were you able to incorporate your usual voice within the parameters of the Square poem. I'm in awe how you told this story through this form. So impressed. Great piece. Thanks
When I wrote my book about Lewis Carroll one of the most interesting bits was about the acrostics, and double acrostics he did. They look fiendishly difficult but he also managed to make them enjoyable, expressive and sometimes funny, and something about his complicated mind really related to them.
a beautifully crisp portrait even aside from the challenging form
a beautifully crisp portrait even aside from the challenging form
Yes, these poems interesting squares.
Sad tale about the bellman. Aside from being mighty clever, I'm not sure I see the point of 'square' poems. Do tell.
This is brilliant. I penned a few lines and gave up! I did get as far as writing the poem, but couldn't make sense of what to do next. Another master class, for which much thanks!
Love the style of this one, I thought it was a bell shape at first :)
Square poems. I can't imagine... Fine work squaring a tale of the bellman with rich imagery. I saw more than the square, I saw the scene. :)
I think you did a great job of showing how sad the times are today with so many without a job. We all need a reason to wake up each day. And another great job with also writing it in the style required.
God bless.
THAT IS COMPLETELY SWEET!
you always amaze me with your twists and turns, you are so proficient in words and feelings
That was a challenging assignment that you managed to carry out extremely well.
My kids have been telling me I write square poems for years.
Holy moly! And yet you tamed the beast in less than a day? There is no other word for that except "genius"!
It's amazing how found a live muse for this form of poetry! And even more amazing how much sense the poem made!
You rock, as ever, Brian! :)
Wish I could some up with something like this...Nice.
that is a new style for me - thanks Brian
Wow, again, right out of your day. That square was really difficult to fit into but these edges are nicely creased. I'm sorry for his loss here.
I'm enjoying the Pub and thank you for your encouragement.
It must have been a challenge to write because I'm challenged just trying to read it. I get the spirit of what you're saying though and it is a sad picture.
YOU are good, my love! That's sad about the man who still sits outside the hotel....
Oh, that would have been a tough assignment! Your poem made me think of a friend of mine who was once the Assistand General Manager of a large high class hotel until he had a nervous breakdown. He loves that hotel still and while he lives on a meagre disability pension, talks about the glory days of the hotel and when he was well. Loved this poem, Brian.
Every visit I make confuses me more. And yours doesn't help either :-)
Nice story though about the poor man.
just wondering when a bellboy changes into a bellman. Probably very gradually.
Such a bereft picture in words, my heart goes out to the leftover bellman.
Sad, sad bellman = clever, clever poet
that's some heavy duty creative form effort, kudos to you guys, it made my head hurt just to "begin" to think how to do it ;-)
much better enjoying ya'll efforts and results, thanks brian ;-)
... I always pay attention to the bell man ... when ever I travel ... they sure are special people ... they are willing to pose for a pic (NS, Can) ... they are willing to make you feel better (Seattle, USA) ... they are smiling and promise heaven in Jamaica ...) as long as you have the money, honey ... they'll be there ... Love, cat ... sorry, if I missed the point, B.
You did it!
Sad to see the bellman outside the abandoned hotel :(
oh my gosh that is so cool...how long did that take you to make? this is poetry sudoku
You created something out of a sad scene.
I wouldn't even try to do this. I think I'd get frustrated. You did a really nice job.
fantastic mood and depth. nice job on this incredibly tricky ride!!! ~jane
Oofta! :) What a quiet, sad, loyal image of him though.
Regarding your comments on my site, "Settling for" is the right term too, huh?
Credit at a used bookstore is always great too! :)
Thanks for stopping by,
Jennifer Dougan
wwwjenniferdougan.com
Very cool!! Reminds me of some portions of Scripture where the first letter of each line is the Hebrew alphabet in order.
God bless,
Laurie
That's a fun/creative form to write with. Tough to get things to fit and still flow. Nice job.
Great job, Brian. Of course, you made it your own, as always.
Love the sound in the ending:
"inBlazEnd abandoned ... sits bereft guests since distant ages"
This was the most difficult poem in many ways we've been challenged with, I believe. The perpetual school girl, I wanted to accomplish the initial challenge and ended up not nearly so poetic as you have done here. The images so embossed in one's imagination, and the form so fluid working both directions. Yes, well done and sensible!
Holy hell! That does look like a beast to write. Great job, Brian!
Nicely done... I didn't even try :P
Wow. Not only did you make the form work (scary!), your bellman stands without it. Bravura performance, sir. Thank you.
awesome write up... one of the best :)
a lot to think n muse..
superb read !!!!
Well done you - after three failed attempts I have givn up for now :)
how cool is that!
loved how you played this form Brian, you nailed it! ~ Rose
This was a challenge .You nailed it.
I think I going to try another one.
Well done. I wouldn't touch that form with a ten-foot pole.
Reminds me of geometry.
;)
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