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| Shockoe Bottom, Richmond, VA |
downtown, two streets off Main
& last car to miss the green
(these red lights take forever
no one even waiting at the other corner---whatever)
the bricks adorning the sidewalk
& retaining walls are appealing---deserve Bach
or Beethoven, but Blunderbuss by Jack White
is all i hear, washed sheets hung in the sun, its light
scent soaking in, a mom & her kid stroll
the crosswalk as red fades, when the little
one breaks free her hand, stops in the middle of my grille,
her floral dress dancing, to wave and smile
the sound wind makes whistling through car
windows at 60 mph, whipping the hollows of your ear
[even at a full stop]
Today at dVerse, Semaphore is hosting Form For All and has us penning Clarian Sonnets. Fourteen lines of rhyming couplets in pentameter. Well mine is fifteen, the first 14 kinda rhyming, but in idontgiva meter. Cause form is meant to be broken. Grins. Anyway, surely you can do better. Stop in after 3 pm.
And seriously, the new Jack White album---stellar.
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73 comments:
Lots to like here. First off, what a cool bridge.. Really neat verse. Idontgiva meter is too fun, just an awesome name right there. I always get the meter messed up, so if I do the form, I think I'll do it in idontgiva too. And I had no idea Jack White had a solo album. Will have to check it out as I do like the White Stripes. Thanks
Kind of neat huh? Great stuff. I love little moments like this.
Even before I got to the explanation at the end, I was thinking: the rhythm is awesome. Like, really. Plus it's nice to see the photo from Richmond. :)
Well look at you, all ship shape and formalized ;) I so want to be home in my back yard...I saw someone state its a windows down kind of day..all this meter talk has got me nervous..but I gotta say, love your flow Poet!
smiles..lovely capture of a moment...love esp. the bit where the little girl stops in front of your car, waving and smiling..def. worth the red traffic light...and def. carries the scent of summer..
I like your deviation from form.
And the rhythm of this is amazing.
=)
lol- I wanna know more about idontgiva meter!
Glad the wind is blowing there. Yesterday it was 91 and the air was still...ugh.
First - just love Jack White - he has such a beautiful face and fun presence and I don't know about all the music but I just really like him. If you haven't seen should see the Catholic Throwdown with Colbert.
Secondly, I love your Idontgivameter. (And it will sound far more intellectual if you call it slant rhyme.)
Third, lovely poem. k.
I cannot thoroughly express how much I love "idontgivameter." You rule. (Notes on poem to follow.)
rosemarymint.wordpress.com
Oh my word, that whole ending rocks.
"the crosswalk as red fades, when the little
one breaks free her hand, stops in the middle of my grille,
her floral dress dancing, to wave and smile
the sound wind makes whistling through car
windows at 60 mph, whipping the hollows of your ear
[even at a full stop]"
There is a lot of power and breeze in a little girls smile and wave. Love that hand breaking free and the dancing floral dress. And even at full stop. Perfect. I just adore this, Brian. :)
rosemarymint.wordpress.com
P.S. I'm excited to see that Sam is up today; his work is great.
After that, I must say that "idontgiva" is my new favorite meter hahah.
You may as well be speaking double dutch to me about form and iambic stuff and such, I know nothing about it. LOL
But, I do know what I like and, yours sir... I like besides which, I love to break the rules sometimes too *winks and smiles :)
I love rhyming and rhythm so this was fun to read. LOVE sunshine and sheets hung in sun. Sometimes I even like that long red. :)
I love your rhytms Brian, sounds nice:)
Love the capture of the moment...sweet mention of the little girl waving and washed sheets hung in the sun...I love summer :)
"the crosswalk as red fades, when the little one breaks free her hand, stops in the middle of my grille,
her floral dress dancing, to wave and smile..."
Hi! Brian...
Phew! Thank-goodness that while... downtown, two streets off Main & last car to miss the green (these/those red lights take forever...)
Brian, you have captured the essence [warmth] Of your beautiful photograph in your very Clarian Sonnets poem.
Thanks, for sharing!
deedee ;-D
I do have to admit that my heart stood still for a second or two, when the little hand freed itself from the big hand ... on that cross walk ...
Sigh. I can see it, feel it, hear it all. And whaddayaknow? I just listened to Blunderbuss, too.
Like the rhyme and rhythm you bring forth
Can sense if here up north
That bridge must be a sight to
For one to view
And I know the dead dudes and their song
But the Jack guy I don't is that wrong?
I love looking at the world through your poetic eyes Brian. You bring to life every detail.
Love this.
The couplets are here and as always the rhythm is your own - urban, edgy, visual, cunning - putting the images into relief against a moving, changing, brick and metal background grinding beneath the fluid windblown flowers of a child's dress. Very cool.
Brian,
You had me at "Jack White!"
Nice visuals of summer my love!
hello matt this is the contact address ,ring them if you need them in a hurry , tell them donies recommened you
I was just contemplating a write about summer. About how it can sneak up on us down here in Texas. We've had a pretty nice spring this year, but what usually happens is, one day outta the blue (literally) summer jumps up and goes ROAR! Thank god for A/C!
Another great write, Brian. Form-smorm; sup wit dat?
http://charleslmashburn.wordpress.com/2012/05/03/buttons-out/
Oh my... a sonnet that mentions Jack White. How cool is that?
I held my breath...wasn't sure where you were going with the kid in front of your grille. Whew!!
Loved the rhythm of this piece.
Hugs
SueAnn
That sounds like a summer in a city or a close knit community, And I enjoy both settings. awesome :)
http://leahjlynn.wordpress.com/
I like those first signs of summer, grille, floral dress dancing and smiling ~
And I like the idontgiva meter form ~
Nice, Brian, in every sense. I definitely feel the same as you do about form.
Rhymes make the verse sound better and the sonnet puts a certain discipline in its making. Vivid detailing of the summer elements make your verse so real. Great verse Brian!
Hank
Next Form for All, I want some schoolin' in idontgiva!
Love this!
I love how you can make poetry out of the simplest sight found.
This is way too wild and free to be anything but you brian, but I like it when you rhyme--you do it very originally and inventively in ways that defy convention. Fun little piece, and who gives a rat's meter, anyway, about that form thing. ;_)
Love it, Brian. I also love the fact that you are such a good friend to so many...
Well, you are just a rebel, aren't you! Mind you, my own Clarian sonnet took a few liberties with rhyme, so I agree that rules are made to be broken, especially when you can see from the form and rhyme that the writer could have done it - if had damn well wanted to! Which is a great segue to that inventive idontgiva meter. All I can say is, that should be a subject all its own on dVerse! (And, by the way, that's a really, really good summer poem, about those moments. And Jack White.)
All good. I love summer-- Especially when the kid working at the ice cream shop says "Next." and it's my turn :-)
jj
Jack White, huh! I'll have to take a look!
Love the idontgivea meter! Rules just taunt to be bent, don't they? ha.
Haha! The idontgiva meter... I think I might be able to master that one.
really love the images in this one!
Idontgiva meter..ha :)
I love how your words bring life and create story in your photo.
Nice one Brian.
Summer is almost here already? I am remembering Ed's The Seasons.
Wonderful snapshot of life... I can just see her smiling and waving...gorgeous stuff!
I know nothing about poetry, meters to me are those things I put coins in, but I did feel joy that the little girl was safe. For a minute there I did wonder......
the bricks adorning the sidewalk
& retaining walls are appealing---deserve Bach
or Beethoven, but Blunderbuss by Jack White
is all i hear,
Hey, ho! That's life, I fear - and life , as usual, is more evident in this than in the average newspaper.
I often wonder if you think in rhyme because it seems to come so naturally to you! (Meant as a compliment!)
Maggie X
Nuts in May
No form is sacred to Mister Triplet + a couplet. Actually no form is a form. But this whole scene deserves to have no form other than the words that birthed it. Yeah you'd fit here, jack White is Detroit's latest Bob Seegar.
idontgivea meter is my favorite form.
once again, this is incredible. i could see her, standing there, waving.
The form is fitting, the conent is hitting on all cylinders. You take the form and really make it yours. Gotta love that Jack White playing in the background!
I went right back to summer in Brooklyn, NY
writing as time travel is always a joy
thanks for visiting my rainy traveler
Trestles are wonderful and gnarly if they put trolley tracks underneath!
We used to take our lives in hand in Queens- you can break all sorts
of suspension bits as you went down street. Or ankles if you weren't paying attention... Nice memories
and form Brian- thanks.
Thank you for posting this. It’s exactly what I was looking for!
awesome observational piece....just capturing a moment in time and blowing it up into some cinematic drama....love how you captured the music elements, and alkways love how you refuse to sit strictly within the form...you rebel!!
You always create vibrant images Brian. And, urban stoplights that take forever--yuck...
indeed, sorry for the delay in getting here mate, been very busy, this was as usual, a fabulous post :)
That little one breaking from her mom would have given me a heart attack!
Great imagery.
I don't think the poetry police is gonna come after you for writing something so pretty in broken rules.
Hope your summer is great.
"I don't give meter" ? Love it. And the poem is all the stronger for it, though I'm wondering about the little girl and the grille.
the amazing world of a red light, we can see so much of life when we take the time to look around, this was a great read
Brian, loved this, and you are such a rebel! The rhyme scheme, so clever and unforced. Only thing - the Jack White cover looks too much like Michael Jackson in his weird years, and it feels skeevy. I'll give it a try, wink. Amy
http://sharplittlepencil.com/2012/05/04/wish-upon-a-star/
I know all about bach versus my man Jack White. Nobody plays a lick like him. I luv to escape to Detroit to shed the classcial and dress up rock and play with friends. Excellent write. Nice interpretation of form, in a kooler Philip Phillips kind of way.
Love this and your rebellious spirit!
(My niece lives in Richmond.)
Loved the rhythm :)
It's a delicious poem; that's what matters. I'm sure you could get away with calling it a variant of the Clarian sonnet! :)
Ah, summer. Bring it on.
that first sun makes us all stop and wave & smile, doesn't it? so glorious
OK friend, stupid question here. Are you a musician along with all of your many talents? You're always keying into the perfect music within your poetry.
As one who somewhat eschews iambic, I found the meter and tercets of this (as well as that rebel of a 15th line) refreshing and delightful! :)
the sense of a summer-like waiting-in-time strikes up in me reading this, very nice brian!
esp liked,
"a mom & her kid stroll
the crosswalk as red fades, when the little
one breaks free her hand, stops in the middle of my grille,
her floral dress dancing"
exact moments so generally experienced, nice!
thanks brian ;-)
One of the reasons I would be no good at poetry...the rules.
The first signs of summer in ole Virginia. I remember home--a bit of nostalgia.
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