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| 2nd St. Lynchburg, VA |
MErde ~ Shit ~ chalk on brick
bold maybe, but hidden in French
on a 2nd Street office, for what?
to eXpress DISpleasure, proclaim
the addi+ion of UNwhole numbers
or like ballet dancers, does it mean luck?
WE write OUR stories from the inkwell
within, tattoo, tattoo, rat-a-ta-too gun or pen
facial eXpressions in reflection of the sun
or second hand light of the moon, who
lives your life, them or you? [i] choose---
to speak grass along hills, tongue warm
honeySUCKle, nose pressed into its scent,
leave tuLIPS damp with dew - bLOW
dandelion seed in the wind - in hope
truth makes it to you. God gave the rainbow
i use to fInger pAINT your shoulder strength
in mosaic faces of LOST colonists, one for each
breath you have forgotten since birth
or let be-taken, in ever diminishing
circles of your self worth~
CAN't see the forest
CAN't see the trees
take my eyes and see you thru me
but you better bring shades, yeah
YOU better bring shades
for even in metaphor you're aurally blinding
BEaUtiful
Over @ dVerse Poets today, Gay is helping us find rhythm that has sprung UP from within the heart muscle of word hustlers...but SHHH i can't tell you exactly IT is, you will just have to ford that CREEK yourself come 3 pm EST. Maybe you can figure it out better than me.
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76 comments:
The dance of your words always takes me away in another world Brian :-)
Good morning sir!
how goes the baseball battle?
I will read this later tonight and probably have something of my own...how is your friend, I hope his journey is smooth.
Wander
Very gritty! I like.
You did catch a rhythm in this Brian. Love the purpose in upper/lower case...super clever.
Most enjoyable journey through your message/hidden messages post today. Thanks...though I'm a visual artist, I appreciate the creative flow in any medium.
How would things be different if we each did actually realize how we see each other through our true eyes, we really do communicate, we are all connected.
This spurred thoughts and thinking and I appreciate doing that when I read your words. You are a teacher as well as an artist.
yes, all of us, beautiful... this has such a wonderful sense of hope and life, all drawn out of that unlikely word. fabulous.
I love the fantasy in this one. The last lines are awesome. I'm going back to read it again.
This is one to read over and over again. So many small surprises!
=)
Teaser! ;)
I just know from yours and Claudia's that it ain't gonna be easy.
Loved this though~! Metaphors, allegory and everything in between. Fab write!
Beyond meeting the sprung rhythm requirement of stress, you spring into such a love poem where the dingy wall smear of an idea *luck* leaps off the page with dance, beauty, and blinding passion. Such beats! no one could resist this dance of amazing words!
This is a fun one. The language bounces.
Hey! Didn't you say something about a serial?
Boom!
This one went over my head with the capital letters and different notations, but I do love the language in it. Maybe I'll find some hidden messages if I read a few more times :)
Man, that last line!
Your writing is thought provoking. If only we could see ourselves the way others see us.
'We write our stories from the inkwell within'....
For me, those words say it all, Brian!!!!
Really liked this brian--esp this part: "second hand light of the moon, who/lives your life, them or you? [i] choose---/to speak grass along hills..." Very Whitmany, and very Millerish also. I'm not even going to try to second guess what this prompt might be.
Wonderful poem, though I'm unsure of the prompt. (Merde!) Although this is good in a poem! k.
Personally I think graffiti is a silent scream to rage against the machine.
I like the way you have highlighted the words in capitals...beautiful- as you have said.
nice Brian like always:)
Very cool. I love your pause breaks in here, very performance based read. Would love to see the spit fly on stage. Great write
"to speak grass along hills"
That is breathtaking.
Love this dance of words you created! I especially like the ending. Hope your present AND future are so bright they require shades. :)
Well I have no idea what the prompt could be, but I do love this, Brian... especially the 3rd stanza. Recital's this weekend so will be a little sparse, but will try to keep up as best I can.
I love your words and all the hidden layers within. Will definitely go back and soak it in again. And the picture....as a dancer, I love it and in the perfect spot around the corner from the theater!
You've done it again! The fact that you cap all the important words that seem to give the poem another slant is incredible. I like doing that too. It makes it more impressive...more complete. It brings out the "real" in it for me.
This is so great! Reminds me of the beat poets.
much, much, much to like in this poem..writing stories from the inkwell within, the second hand light of the moon, the tattoo line...but most of all i like the warmth, the whole fourth stanza takes my breath away and the decision to see others through the eyes of love..cause a decision it is sometimes...really like this much bri
I don't feel qualified to comment really :) This is really powerful and I like that you chose a more diverse topic than the norm for this form.
Nice rhythm and interesting pattern of characters. I think you can dance to it. :)
this was really lovely, i loved the ending. letting someone know that they have blinding beauty, has got to me something to treasure. I'am at Wordpress today: http://leahjlynn.wordpress.com/
Merde, sounds better in French than the translated version, right? Love the syncopated beats in this Brian!
Awesome write, I guess beauty can even be harvested from shit
the first word that always seems to come to mind when reading your poetry, brian, is "brilliant!"
love the flow of this one!
Bet you were dancing when this form came to the pub...so perfect for your poetic voice...rat-a-tat-tat, lay it down like that...awesome! (and I remain envious of your lyrical flow)
You're teaching me that poetry can be visual too. I like what you did with that.
I like the beat and word format of the poem. I didn't even noticed the form as I was immersed in your rhythm ~ Beautiful work ~
I just love this! :)
damned good use of the form, brother. it is like a writer's anthem, a poet's credo, an artist's projected dreams; moves one along on that freight train rhythm of yours; really dug it.
A poem, a riddle...causing my head to hurt and my ears to burn. A bit of a tail spin...not for the faint-hearted for sure.
Grinning from ear to ear...
Hugs
SueAnn
i love the rhythm in this ...
sorry been absent this past week...just found out one of my best friends is moving...having a hard time dealing with it...
something to write about in time...
Amazing. Read it four times. Saw more and more each time. I especially liked how your capitals made words, even if they continued into other words. Not saying that right. This is a great write, and though I didn't really understand this form (I did visit dVerse and read the lesson) I sure love what you did with it, Brian. Nice.
Tina @ Life is Good
Certainly a fine rhythm. I have to say that having grown up in Montreal, your opening word sure stood out to me. ;)
I want to go back and read it again, but I just stopped to say this one really sparked a reaction in me. I feel kind of silly sitting here with tears welling up in my eyes, but they are there nonetheless. This is an excellent reminder of why you're one of my favorites and always will be. Your words always move me. Thank you, Brian.
I try to comment before I read any comments, but I too thought your words danced. I cannot comment on form, I be lost there, but I liked the movement of the piece and the way the words and lines moved me. Excellente!
Wow! Your words make me think and sing... have both rhythm and heart. Glad I stopped by! Thanks for coming to the Overflow today, too!
Bold Brian!
Friendly Aloha from Waikiki
Comfort Spiral
> < } } (°>
Appreciating beauty is always a grand pastime. Your emphasis of caps makes it easier to read. Great Brian!
Hank
I LOVE the play on words here. And the flow.
Mesmerising.
Great piece.
Superb response to what I thought a very difficult prompt. I am full of admiration.
Brian once again yourUNDERlying messages border on the erotic and the exotic.
RhYthm rhYtm rhYtm wheres the rhYme
oh i see it. It;s in the questions.
Ever diminishing circles of self worth -- that phrase WORKS. I loved all the CAPitalization in this poem (subtle messages throughout); and when I saw the words "can't see the forest, can't see trees" it was uncanny as THOSE were the words I first tried to use to write my PJ poem. And here YOU worked them into your poem so beautifully. Sorry I am so late with my comment..yesterday was a merry-go-round. LOL.
Catching up on your work -- loving the wordplay in this one; heart aching over the Mother's Day at social Services one... you just keep getting better.
I guess I am missing something , because I am not picking up what you are laying down.
'to speak grass along hills, tongue warm
honeySUCKle, nose pressed into its scent,
leave tuLIPS damp with dew - bLOW
dandelion seed in the wind - in hope
truth makes it to you. God gave the rainbow
i use to fInger pAINT your shoulder strength
in mosaic faces of LOST colonists, one for each
breath you have forgotten since birth'
Gosh, I wish I could write like that. It's truly fabulous.
Had to read it twice. You are brilliant my friend.
Twirling in the words of this, all of it laid bare, excellent.
i love the first stanza. i like the rhymes and rhyth, and I like the UN reference a lot.
This is a big wow! Splendid pulsing rhythm, extraordinary use of language. And that last line! "for even in metaphor you're aurally blinding"
OK, this form is beyond me. If I read your poem as a paragraph, forgetting form and ignoring the CAPS, there are some lovely lines and images, but... it's just beyond me.
Superb, beautiful, moving themes and rhythm!
Yeah, you got some rhythm in there, brother. The play with CaPS intensifies the piece
nice work
I love those lines...
We write our stories from the inkwell within, tattoo tattoo rat a ta too.....
i learnt a little about this rhythm many years ago...but like yourself it's a bit hit and miss with me...I'll keep trying!
What fun.
have a nice weekend dear Brian:)
This is fun to read, though the whole meaning of the poem eludes me. The first half lingers a question, then the second half praises a beauty. The capitalization of selected letters emphasize sensations very effectively. :)
I missed this one somehow when you posted it. I glad I lingered over it today. Blessings.
Hard to cover up beauty. Don't be blinded by the light, man.
Lovely poem to express the unexpressible! The sprung rhythmn really works, and my tin ear picks up on it quite distinctly. That beauty you sing has the echoes of the transcendent.
I liked this one, Brian...loved it. Expression should be artful!! :) French cursing is beautifully expressive...:)
Rhythm and rhyme
Such a fun time
Surely not a crime
Like some awful mime
With meaning more deep
As always at you keep
And now the cat has caught up
See so much faster than a pup
Wonderful! I was intimidated by this prompt for some reason.
really liked this one mate, your insight is always admirable, by the way Hilary Swank was the actor mentioned in my poem about the gangs, well done, I also see you have moderation in your comments, very wise, there are lots of cranks out there.
"for even in metaphor you're aurally blinding"...that is a beautiful thought.
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