Thursday, May 31, 2012

Critical H(ours) Abstracted

dangerous propaganda disguised as graffiti

Peruse these pages, filled fields of tall grass
where i hide, my metaphors,
rabbits reproducing, litter after litter, alas
even the trash man ---or
        make that sanitation
                                       engineer---
can't keep up, their truck over flowing
they cling to back handles, they're
covered head to toe in grit, simile-ing
with bright teeth, in contrast
   
& be sure to stand up-wind, when
the wind blows, cause i bring the sun & the rain
                                    & reign
runs in tears from the eye of my storm,
i mingle with hailstones & society's cast off non-conform
-ist ones, too-s & threes,
have two eyes like buzzing bees, be
always looking to de-throne kings, pollinate hope & sing

bird songs, linger-ring
                                in ears
seeking fertile soil & wiggling worms
etch cave drawings (as intimate as Vettriano's 3 AM)
for future Xplorers to Xcavate after i am gone & getting,
which is best done while (getting's) good, but good
is just another label so i reject it
as a sticker on my BEATup suitcase---move on, move along,
there is nothing to see here, just me---abstracted

its all words anyway, the only
meaning coming from one that dares their utterance
---come in, please, i'll make tea,
let's sit a while & sweat the silence

Today @ dVerse Poets, Semaphore is prompting us to write unformed form in free verse, which is a rather fun exercise. On the technical side the opening stanza is french ballade, the second into the third borrows the rhyme scheme of a clarian sonnet which spins out of control back into the close of a french ballade in the closing stanza.

and for Poetry Jam. While I can not show you the Vettriano painting, it can be found here. He is one of my all time favorite artists, but much more real than the abstract art i just spit on this page.

82 comments:

Gloria said...

Yes so special brian, I have to read twice but sigh! Is the languaje for me is difficult sometimes, but I like:)

Gloria said...

oh Im first? where is Mary? LOL

Pat Hatt said...

The birds and worms
Oh such germs
But as they sing
One could dethrone a king
Sweat in silence I can do
As my crap hole apartment makes that be true
And why not have some tea
As that could cause glee

Gloria said...

oh Pat you are sec.. no really are third LOL

Matt said...

Nothing wrong with a little cleaning, the world could use it.

Kim Nelson said...

Brian~
This is a hoot to read, flowing full-force and feature-filled, images jumping to the next like seven degrees from Kevin Bacon. All ultimately related. Love the stream of consciousness feel, boosted by a bit os structure.

Helen said...

I enjoy your words and I enjoy the way you present them to us ... very nice, Mr. Brian!

Fred Rutherford said...

That's pretty cool, mixing the forms together like that, I love how each transitioned so seamlessly. Really nice job Brian, killer close here. Thanks

Tara Miller said...

Conforming to the masses would result in pure destruction I'm afraid, my love. The picture you chose is a perfect fit with your words!

Natasha Head said...

Oh Brian...I had to catch my breath after your image..I was getting ready to rant...love your caption BTW! Love the play in this from some forms that have given me nightmares...and the abstract art you spilled upon this canvas I'm sure would stand against any...just saying

aprille said...

Trying to extract tonight's dverse task, I've come to the conclusion that we have to dance 'en pointe' in football boots :-)

and your poem isn't making it any easier :-)
'sweating the silence, or IN SILENCE, is becoming attractive, while the middle bit reminds me of a worm-farm I once tried to set up in the compost bin. All in all a wriggly outing, Brian :-)

Alice Audrey said...

That beat up suitcase strikes a cord with me. :)

Mary said...

I love Jack Vettriano's work! The house I lived in before this one had red kitchen/dining room walls; and we had two Vettriano framed prints on the wall. They were both prints of dancers. Just beautiful. I just love the moods he portrays in his paintings, and some are very nicely sensual! (My daughter now has these pictures on her RED living room wall. I DO miss them.)

chromapoesy.com said...

I love this poem, the art, the caption, the allusions, and the unformed form, fantastic! Can't wait to see the prompt...

manicddaily said...

Pretty darn cool. Looking forward to prompt, though already feel prompted to think. Somehow not sure I'm completely comfortable with the idea of rabbits copulating poetry. Ha. k.

Steve Piper said...

Very, very well done. This one is remarkable in many ways, ty for sharing it. I'm going to go read it again, and ...

Daydreamertoo said...

Sit a while and sweat the silence... great line!
My brother in law is a refuse collector. He works hard for his money and, how quickly it all goes to pot without them doing it too.
Nice write Brian!

Laurie Kolp said...

This is great, Brian... I especially like the first stanza and your play with words throughout.

TALON said...

Metaphors hidden in the long grass? Love it, Brian!

It's good to be back :)

KB said...

Can't imagine what it would be like if we all had to fit in to be happy. Excellent.

happygirl said...

I just watch a documentary on trash and where it goes and where it came from. We have to do better.

Susan said...

Oh, gosh! Yes, the rap beat in stanza 2 but the 1950's BEAT's rag on meaning--the Ginsberg "Howl" of it all, really! There is so much to comment on here. I'm not sure I understand the title, but I am pushed along with the trash men simile-ing just after the speaker metaphor-ed and before the birds sang. Truly the truth must be in the graffiti, the stickers, and the rubble if that is all people read anymore other than the internet--or if that is the repository of our writers. We have to make scavenger hunts, or sit silently and drink tea. Well, anyway--you moved me.

Susan said...

PS:Should the garbage man etc be plural to match the upcoming "they" and where the heck is that prompt? Running late today . . .

Gerry Snape said...

I just love your play on so many words and images...I need to read that one over a few times to get inside it's head....thankyou

hedgewitch said...

Love the last lines here, bri--I have to admit, I couldn't find form in this with a GPS(my brain is not responding to signals atm), but I did find poetry, and crisp, interesting vintage Miller images.

Glenn Buttkus said...

Damn dude, your wild word-ride from french ballade to clarian sonnet back to french ballade got my wheels spinning and gears meshing, so yeah, heat up the tea, for I am the man who dares the utterance, I am your huckleberry as the Kilmer says.

Friko said...

I have to read some of your poems several times to get behind the words. But when the poem works, it works!

Peggy said...

My goodness Brian--you are really a master to mix all these forms together. I am afraid I do not know enough about enough forms to pick them all out. And the response to a painting as well. Ah, yes and the message.

Glenn Buttkus said...

Friko, nice to see you out and about. I miss your presence over at my place. Give me a click sometime
http://bibliosity.blogspot.com/2012/05/gioia-libre.html

Goofball said...

the graffitti is also sneeky publicity for Deutsche Bank as it is their logo

vivinfrance said...

Oodles of wordplay, puns and complex meaning within meaning. That makes of the poem a tour de force, particularly as you have used elements of different forms as well.

I think you have a typo here: "the eye of the my storm" (either the or my but not both?)

Chazinator said...

This has a great sound to it so it looks like you accomplished quite well what the form requires. There are several lines that caught my attention, yes sir. What is really cool is how you reflect the different forms of poetry in the content, moving from order to chaos back to order. The images reflect that, nonconformity ET al. Versus drinking tea at tea time!

S.E.Ingraham said...

Ah - maybe if I'd looked at something by Vettriano, I could've been a little braver and more creative - this is brilliant - had to read it multiple times but it was worth it ... very cool

http://nsaynne.wordpress.com/2012/06/01/when-you-are-leaving-me/

Sue said...

I really liked the unformed form!
Very cool flow.

=)

Marbles in My Pocket said...

I'm always a bit stunned when i read something that seems to make no sense, and it makes perfect sense. DOH!
Nice one, Brian!

Tabor said...

I am always amazed at how you get such depth of thinking in just a few days. Your brain is like a rushing river and all the words tumble out, but really seem to fit nicely once they hit the daylight. But sometimes my brain hurts reading these...'-)

Jennifer Dougan said...

Hi Brian,

I read and stumble, and read again half-aloud to understand. It's good for my brain to sound out new rhythms. :)

Regarding your comment on my post "Tearing Down Walls in Marriage: One Woman's Story," I agree, their story is encouraging!

"Never stop dating, and look for new ways to woo your wife." -- good advice.

Thanks,
Jennifer Dougan
www.jenniferdougan.com

Liz @ A Nut in a Nutshell said...

I've never seen a garbage man smiling!

Tina said...

Wow. I read her challenge and read the example and got scared and now I read this and couldn't help smile at your immense talent tumbling so (seemingly) effortlessly down the page, vivid as always, vibrant and layered and your way with a metaphor always blows me away. Very nice piece, Bri.
Tina @ Life is Good

Tina said...

P.S Great painting. Wow. Love it. I'm a new fan. Sad to say I'd never heard of him.
Tina @ Life is Good

Yousei Hime said...

I could hear this one, as I read it, hear it out loud. As awesome as that would be, some of the parts most fun would be missed without seeing the play and pun you spin. Enjoyed as always. :)

Loredana Donovan said...

Funny, I thought the graffiti was sarcastic and mocking since "Fit In" is in quotes, so it's probably not meant to be literal. But who knows, it's ambiguous. Thanks for sharing about the different forms of poetry. Interesting to learn something new :)

pandamoniumcat said...

I enjoyed this one, very well disguised form as free verse! There's a lot to love in this one...mingling with hailstones...this is me abstracted...(i could see me using this line often) and come in and sweat the silence... great stuff!

Daniel said...

This kind of had a stream of conscious feel to it. Is that how it sprang forth from your mind? Or was this one edited and revised and labored over? Enjoy it nonetheless.

ayala said...

Love it...filled fields of tall grass
where i hide, my metaphors-just great!

hiroshimem.com said...

I loved the cynicism of it. And as a tea lover, I couldn't help falling in love with the two last lines... Thanks for your great pace, as always, as the use of &'s and X's that make it look less formal... and make it difficult for readers to count! Haha.

Vicki Lane said...

Wow. Just Wow!

Magpie said...

I'm a bit over my head on this one, but as always there are lines that pop out and grab me.

Quotes,Photos and a little Poetry said...

Your clever to begin with, I bet this prompt was easy for you. Though you gave it us with your raw flows.

henryclemmons said...

I think garbage men should smile. Any working man be proud. I like the kitchen soup format of this and that, in the end it taste great. Super job again.

Bodhirose said...

I had quite a reaction to that graffiti photo...what?! I was about to let loose...but no, your poem took a different direction..loved your formless form. You have an easy way of expressing yourself but you touch on topics with such (sometimes obscured) finesse.

mrs mediocrity said...

that photo made me grin, or rather, your caption :)

i love the layers and weaving in this piece, life, the birds and bees, art and time... so many fabulous lines... i think my favorites are these:
the wind blows, cause i bring the sun & the rain
& reign
runs in tears from the eye of my storm,

perfect.

Heaven said...

Amazing write Brian. I didn't realized you had the form here as it flowed like bird songs and wiggling worms ~ I like the hiding of the metaphors too ~

Cheers ~

Annmarie Pipa said...

see Brian even your post rings of Marx

my heart's love songs said...

your "spit" is better than a cup of honey, brian!

brilliant, as always! and i love the inspiration from the painting... though i wouldn't have been surprised if you had used graffiti as your painting. {smile}

your sense of which words to use, how to place them on the page, the layers of meanings...

LOVE it all!

thanks for jamming with us this week!


dani

Beachanny said...

The first stanza, so dense with meaning, images and metaphors..could almost stand alone -- makes me simile as you de-throne kings of WORD that are linger-
ring in our ears with a rhyme
and a BEAT, so there's always that hit the road with KEROUAC thing running throughout.
Intimidating, and inimitable writing sir!

Jannie Funster said...

What a totally awesome-cool poem, Brian!!

I was bobbing along on waves of your mind's rabbits and loved every swell swell!

I hear ya on staying up-wind of many things. :) Good advice!

xo

Zuzana said...

I often think that I would love to hear you recite this in front of an audience, that must be an experience.;)
Have a great Friday dear Brian,
xoxo

Quirina said...

A fascinating poem ... fresh. A new style I have never really seen before. Almost like a graphiti-style poem. I like the way a rubbish man can be a sanitation engineer (it all depends on how we look at things, is it not). I love the word play, ones, too-s & threes. And the last line is great. It is a very zen way of saying, "things are the way they are."

Quirina said...

A fascinating poem ... fresh. A new style I have never really seen before. Almost like a graphiti-style poem. I like the way a rubbish man can be a sanitation engineer (it all depends on how we look at things, is it not). I love the word play, ones, too-s & threes. And the last line is great. It is a very zen way of saying, "things are the way they are."

Dave King said...

runs in tears from the eye of my storm,
i mingle with hailstones & society's cast off non-conform
-ist ones, too-s & threes,
have two eyes like buzzing bees, be
always looking to de-throne kings, pollinate hope & sing


The problem with this one was that I wanted to highlight all of it. I hardly ever use this phrase, but I'm making an exception: it blew me away, not so much on the first reading, but on the second - and THAT is a first!

Valerie said...

I got lost half way through, and then lost connection ... three times. Now I can't remember what I wanted to say... smiles.

Sanitation engineers ([posh name for bin men) here in the UK don't get covered in grit... everything is bagged for them!!!!

J Cosmo Newbery said...

Fit in? Wash your mouth out!

otin said...

I read it twice and I still don't understand.

Jess Mistress of Mischief said...

Even when I cannot totally follow I find that there are stark moments of clarity in savoring your artistry

Semaphore said...

Brian, this is an amazing poem - this is dangerously coming close to an expectation now! I should tell you, though, you've anticipated my next free verse challenge... which would be to put two or more forms together (haiku-sonnet, haiku-tercet, ballad-sonnet) and make the conglomeration look like free verse. But that's not in two weeks' time yet, so there's time to do another one :-)

sage said...

You do such a nice job "fitting in" the words and metaphors and images. Good writing and I like the photo.

K McGee said...

The imagery was so vivid in this one, but I thoroughly enjoyed how you exploited the sounds even more.

Ash said...

"let's sit a while & sweat the silence"

LOVE it!!!

kaykuala said...

Vettriano's paintings are back to the realism form. Meticulous and time consuming. Conforming to fine details and photographic like. Took a peek, a treasure trove to savor.

Your verse is equally mesmerizing, Brian! Thanks for sharing!

Hank

Claudia said...

oh i love the wordplay and the mood in this..wonderfully crazy and very serious and deep at the same time..the seeking fertile soil and wiggling worms and etching cave drawings to leave your footprints...really like this much..and can i have a cup of tea with you now...smiles

Virginia said...

Wow--fun wordplay, intricate forming--what a great poem!

Mystic_Mom said...

Brian, you took the challenge to a whole other level with this - multiple levels actually! Well done my friend...

Valerie V. said...

Some fun images and wordplay in here. The end makes me think of a someone coming home after a long subway ride and walk to a cup of hot tea and quiet.

rosemary mint said...

I love "simile-ing" :)

Powerful stuff here:
"runs in tears from the eye of my storm,
i mingle with hailstones & society's cast off"

"linger-ring" ... Nice.

I have just spent about 15 minutes looking for the painting you referenced, only to discover you linked to it at the bottom of the page. That is a brilliant composition for so many reasons. I was not familiar with this artist; thank you for referencing him.

Love your ending: "meaning coming from one that dares their utterance
---come in, please, i'll make tea,
let's sit a while & sweat the silence"

rosemary mint said...

This was also very clever: "too-s & threes" ... I love the way you've worked in your "field" of work between the lines.

This pretty much summarizes your message: "good is just another label so i reject it as a sticker on my BEATup suitcase---move on, move along, there is nothing to see here, just me---abstracted"

As in the Vettriano piece, there are so many levels and varied ways of looking at reality, art, and meaning. In the end, words are just words and opinions aren't much. If only we could all just sit down and be silent, drink tea, listen to the linger ring ... then. Shhhh.

Mary Mansfield said...

Packed with amazing images as usual...and thanks for the intro to Vettriano, was not familiar with his work :)

Luke Prater said...

unformed form in free verse?! Huh? Interesting exercise... how do you feel it went? Your end result is a good poem, though it's almost impossible to spot the form borrowed. It flows really well

Syd said...

I wish that we had more clean up crews on the island. But litter goes out again once the people pick it up. It doesn't breed but the people who throw it out seem to replenish the deed from generation to generation. Maybe there will be enlightenment about littering the earth one day.

Dulce said...

you always manage to gt everything into a form of art
You good--
wish I could come in andtake that tea,
and sit a while &
...sweat the silence
wow to that 2

Lolamouse said...

Cool paintings, Brian, both of them! And a great poem to go with them!

Amy Barlow Liberatore/Sharp Little Pencil said...

"Tears from the eye of my storm." I didn't notice anything about the form, Brian. I was too fascinated by your words. The image is all too true - the Human Genome Project will get rid of everyone creative someday and then we'll have a nice, tidy Stepford world... Meantime, I'll stick with your creations, your efforts to communicate reality through a lens that glows in the dark. Amy