Monday, April 23, 2012

Mail order brides from the coffee shop

Napkin @ Bux

I still struggle entering a Starbucks,
& asking for a Grande Blonde

It just doesn't seem polite

For a while, I asked for a Tall one,
but size became an issue

I can't help but feel I am ordering
some mail order bride.

Blonde, being a lighter roast,
is much smoother than the dark blends,
easier to stomach.

Some marketing guy, surely,
sits in a back office
of corporate headquarters
laughing in spasmodic glee

at all the societal issues
I have to ponder
just to get a simple cup
of coffee

Maybe wondering why
I call him Shirley.

Just a goofy verse for today. It is Monday after all and I could use the coffee.

70 comments:

Heather said...

LOVE it!
Yes, so true, I agree, SUrely!
....i don't do the blonde...i do Pike Place Venti Skim Misto!
love this one!

Betsy said...

Oh, that is hilarious!

oceangirl said...

I like! And next time I visit Starbucks I'll take note and think of you. I wonder if we have same brands.

Daniel said...

O.K., so this is my kind of post. Silly with a touch of inanity. Love it.

Brian Miller said...

ha, i def like Pikes heather...blonde is a nice change of pace periodically...what an interesting name though....i chuckle every time i order one though...guess the marketing guy did his job...

turtlememoir said...

just a marketing gimmick I'm sure... i've yet to order a blonde (but then i am/was one, why gild the lily? as they say - sorry, just being silly) - and you may think your poem is goofy, but your poetry ALWAYS has something to say

Brandee Shafer said...

I don't feel like I can afford Starbucks. They don't sell the only kind of coffee I like to drink, anyway, which is less about the coffee than the Saint Brendan's. Plus besides, seems like I'm always pregnant, so caffeine (and liqueur)...*shrugs*

But I think you're fun, nonetheless!

hedgewitch said...

This made me absolutely howl, bri--and don't call me Shirley. When did a simple cuppa joe --oops--gender issue--become so fraught with political and social overtones. Love the title, too.

Goat said...

Simple and smart ass. Tight and humorous. Oh man... No, I am talking about the poem.

Magpie said...

Kinda reminds me of drink names like - Slow Screw; Sex on the Beach...yeah, somebody's messing with us.

Sue said...

I like this goofy verse.

=)

Claudia said...

smiles..they're clever marketing guys at starbucks for sure...if you order a light beer here in germany you would order a tall, blonde..and it surely comes with some association...cheers

Mary Mansfield said...

Very clever! I'm thinking Shirley deserves a raise for provoking conversation, free word of mouth advertising and all :P

Shell said...

;)) I can relate...Starbucks causes me great anxiety...I just want my coffee...simple, hot, delicious. Thanks for the afternoon smile:)

Daydreamertoo said...

Haha...What did a girl named Shirley do to deserve that LOLOL
I have to admit, their choice of names does leave you wondering whoever dreamed them up must be having a great laugh at the customers expense.

Mama Zen said...

Oh, how funny!

Tara Miller said...

Heeheehee! This is so funny and love your title as well. Shirley certainly did his job well - I like the blonde but for the sake of ordering it, I'll stick with my fru fru macchiato.

manicddaily said...

Ha! Agreed. I get tea which makes it a bit easier! K.

Tabor said...

You goof, you! I love the blonde coffee, but buy my own bags and make it at home. No need to worry about any overweight blondes in my kitchen.

Chantel said...

One of the local coffee shops here refers to black coffee as "naked." Just the thought of ordering a tall naked blonde...hahaha!

Mary said...

I love your sense of humor this morning, Brian! A Monday smile is always good.

Jen Chandler said...

This is GREAT! And I love the picture :D So true.

You know, here I thought my husband and I were the only people who contemplated such deep societal woes as this. It seems we are in good company :D

Happy Monday and thanks for the smile,
Jen

Evalinn said...

Better make your own coffee! :-)

PattiKen said...

Oh, I always go after the tall dark ones myself.

There was a funny scene in a Steve Martin movie (LA Story, I think) years ago about ordering coffee.

Pat Hatt said...

LOL very funny to the cat
Look at you getting all nonsense like at your mat
With an Airplane reference too
Now all you need to view
Is something that rhymes with ass
Like that Blonde not quite lass

sheila said...

that's funny. maybe he wasn't counting on a poet digging into the meaning of it all so deeply. that will teach him!

^.^ said...

Me thinks: We are seriously being molded ... often even in a funny way ... too bad it's not funny ... because we don't know who is molding us into what ...

Laurie Kolp said...

lol... Now I'll never order Starbucks without thinking of you.

Maggie May said...

Get a tall blond one, I should!
Maggie X

Nuts in May

Fred Rutherford said...

Awesome write Brian and for the day at least you have stolen the psychic title away from pat. I was just at Starbucks this morning, and I asked for a Tall blonde, not thinking of course the phrase itself, but the funniest part was the clerk gave me this smirk like he's heard it a thousand times. But still I didn't pick up on it, until he called out "Lisa" and out from the back came a tall woman, with of course blonde hair. He laughed, said never mind, and I of course understood and laughed with him. I was going to actually write something about this experience, but your poem is perfect and this comment has now satisfied the urge to write that poem. Eerie how this happened. Thanks

happygirl said...

Funny. And, btw, this could work for either gender. :) I like my coffee black, just like I like...

Sub-Radar-Mike said...

It would be refreshing to hear someone laugh in a Starbucks, usually everyone I see in there is quietly reading a book or having the worst day of their lives.

Teri said...

I never thought of the societal implications of ordering at a Starbuck's! I guess when you break it down to what it sounds like, things can get really dicey, can't they! You're probably right about that person sitting somewhere making up the phrases that people have to say just to get that cuppa Joe!

Sharp Little Pencil said...

"Shirley?" Surely you gest, hee hee. You actually go to Starbucks. Well, c'mon, now, move to Madison. You'll taste some REAL coffee and all the cafes are fair trade - although there is a Starbucks, but it's all laptops and expensive shoes! I did the Wordle... Peace, Amy
http://sharplittlepencil.com/2012/04/23/was-a-time-when/

Gloria said...

Brian nice and fun!!;))

Friko said...

Very funny.
You are right, coffee names are pretty sexist, I've never thought of it that way before.

Heaven said...

Fun write Brian ~

I think Starbucks have done their research well into the psyche of consumer ~

Happy day to you ~

chromapoesy.com said...

A yummy bit of sillyness, thank you. My coffee comes from a place called Ink and its a Blended Black :).

Li said...

Funny! I thought that the first time they introduced the new roast - how do i feel ordering up a large blonde? :-)

Vodka Mom said...

Frankly, don't ever call me Shirley.


And I ask for the Red-eye. BOLD, and black.


lol

ipenka said...

Guess I'm racist and a masochist when ordering black coffee, hold the sugar?

Funny post. =P

Who Is Afraid Of Miss Lovett? No, Mrs.Lovett... said...

"Some marketing guy, surely,
sits in a back office
of corporate headquarters
laughing in spasmodic glee...
...at all the societal issues
I have to ponder
just to get a simple cup
of coffee...
...Maybe wondering why
I call him Shirley."


Hi! Brian...
What a [very]nice-light humourous [poetic-write] as you look at
advertisers/advertising...and products names too!
[I think that your image compliment your post too!]
deedee ;-D

Mary said...

You commented in my blog re. Destiny: I know what you are saying. I struggle somewhat with it too looking forward; but if I reflect on my life of the past, I can just see what was destiny for me and am glad I said the 'yeses' that I did. I think one finds one's destiny if one is open to change, is willing to say yes, trusts one's gut.

Slamdunk said...

With kids and wanting me to jump into a cold swimming pool, I have learned not to think about--just do it.

Perhaps, that applies to this situation since the reward is worth the discomfort in ordering.

Anonymous said...

You cracked me up with this one, Brian. :) I like the dark stuff, myself.

I'd love for you to come write me a funny poem; I missed you last week.

rosemarymint.wordpress.com

Quotes,Photos and a little Poetry said...

OMG, I didn't that was real. I thought it was a joke. How think a women might feel ordering that. :D

Mariya Koleva said...

Hahaha, Brian - you are 100% right about the marketing guy (of course, you probably know that) and I like that you call him "Shirley" :-)

Valerie said...

Starbucks will never be the same again.... loved this, Brian. Thanks for giving me an early smile. By the way, that's a super new pic of you.

Anne said...

This was a good one Brian, very tongue in cheek. I've only been inside a Starbucks about 3 times in my life. Now I know why.

♫♪♥PhilO♥♪♫ said...

We don't even have a Starbucks in India :P

Dave King said...

Priceless! A great treat of a poem.

the walking man said...

I just don't do starbucks at all--overroasting a cheap bean for fun and profit is what keeps them laughing---having to call a latte blond and is what keeps us in line.

Barb said...

I've not ordered a blonde yet as I'm a fan of strong, dark coffee. Or maybe I just like the idea of ordering a strong, dark man?

J Cosmo Newbery said...

Shirley you jest!

ayala said...

Brian, funny.... You made me smile :)

DJan said...

It's a good one, and it's fun to be silly every now and then. I didn't have to ponder THIS one. :-)

Stephanie said...

LOL I will never look at blonde coffee ...or the men who order it ...in the same way again!

Hilary said...

Ha.. I'm not a fan of Starbucks but Surely, I'm a fan of how you play with your words.

Myrna R. said...

I rarely go to Starbucks - too confusing. I prefer my own coffee at home. Drinking some right now.

I love how you can write about the mundane things and bring them to our attention. Guess that's what a true poet does.

darkangelwrites said...

I like your goofy ones :)

Geraldine said...

LOL! Thanks for the smiles to start my morning. :<)

Jenny Woolf said...

Haha. I go to Pret for my coffee these days. I don't know if it is just an English chain though.

Cheryl said...

Nice to see the lighter side every once in a while. Fun read, Brian.

Unknown said...

I love "blondes"! I'm drinking organic breakfast blend from http://www.gourmet-coffee.com as we speak! =)

missing moments said...

LOL ... so funny! I never have to ponder since I am a Starbucks hater!

Secret Agent Woman said...

I rarely go to Starbucks because I don't like their coffee, but when I do, I refuse to use their silly labels.

Syd said...

It is all about marketing. Mail order brides aren't really a bargain based on what I've seen and heard from the next boat over--he married a 21 year old Ukrainian who smashed him over the head with a bottle and clawed his face. A cup of coffee might be easier to handle.

The Empress said...

I always say the same thing, Just your house, please, with room for cream.

Even asking for their house makes me feel silly.

Rachel Hoyt said...

Hehe HAHA!! I like my coffee dark and steamy... :)

Thanks for the laugh! I just came over to tell you Congratulations, you won 2nd place!

adeeyoyo said...

Hilariously funny, Brian! I think most guys would be a little embarrassed ordering coffee there, lol!