bird song sun shine leaves burbling water
at the secret creek that cuts through the city
and i sit watching a busy beaver
bird song sun shine leaves burbling water
gnaw a tree, working it ever thinner
if no one hears it fall that is a pity
bird song sun shine leaves burbling water
at the (might as well be) secret creek that cuts through the city
Over at dVerse Poets, Sam Peralta is running FormForAll and working Triolets. Take out my parenthesis and it should fit close to form. Maybe. Forms not really my thing, but i try. Sometimes. Smiles.
Enjoyed a bit of time on a little trail by the creek yesterday, just off one of the public parks. It runs through the city, under bridges of the maine thorough fares and by housing projects and upscale communities. There is never anyone there, so its a nice place to retreat for a quiet walk.
The Picture is of King Kong, who overlooks the city from the overhang of the art gallery.
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105 comments:
nice...sounds you had a peaceful time...love me a secret creek, a busy beaver and a walk in the sunshine...smiles
i was first!!! woohoo
love the word serenity (lol)
well done, the words of the first line perfectly mimic the creek I hear.
It sounds like a wonderful place to relax and write a poem!
I like the recipe of a triolet. I'm trying to imagine the brook through the city. I hope it is a peaceful place. Beaver..., a rodent by another name. Love burbling water. :)
Now that sounds like a very nice, relaxing escape, my love.
Oh so clever--very well done. The repeated line its own burble, really terrific.
(I'm not even sure you need the break from the form--it works, of course, and I can't imagine you without some irony, but it's quite lovely without it too.) K.
well done. very good. I can almost hear him.
Loved the rhythm of this Mr. Brian.
Sounds like a very serene place to sit and ponder.
God bless and have an incredible day Man!!!
I heard a tree fall while trekking a 'smoking' mountain near a (then) secret gurgling, burbling brook. IF I had not been there, wave-beats of sound would have sent themselves out into a black hole some trillions of light-years distant. MAYBE?
Your writing satisfies the hungry but smiling goddesses and gods of verse diverseness.
Hey...
Thats just up the street from Tuder's Bicuit World!
"bird song sun shine"
I like that this is really hard to read aloud, forcing me to go slowly, watching closely, wade through the waters with you. Really nice effect.
~Shawna
rosemarymint.wordpress.com
Very rhythmic piece. Love it!
lindo poema, consigo escutar o som
bird
son
sun
shine
reminds me of
good
day
sun
shine
you must have Beatles on your mind.
well forms may not be your thing (or so you say), but I love it! the thing about forms is it forces you to think/write in a different way that can at times be very rewarding, like with this. well done :-)
Love your peaceful, serene scene within the city...couldn't figure out how that gorilla factored into it all though...hehe
Oh that's so peaceful, even in the city...very nice!
It does sound relaxing to watch a beaver gnaw away... and the pace fits well with that, Brian.
Does T know that your walking around the city looking at beavers? hahaha
Brian, I like it. Don't worry about not being a 'form person,' as poetry is an individual thing; and we can't all fit into a particular mode. YOU have your own style that fits you.
As far as bird songs, we are hearing bird songs here very early. Robins are back already. Truly amazing. Glad you enjoyed time on the trail!
I really like the "not your thing" form you use in your poems, really. I have told you before, you are very experimental in form, vocabulary and rhythm and you achieve an "industrial" tone in your poems that I havent seen before. I dont know how to say it, hope you have understood x-D
lol, I was trying to figure out for a few minutes what was in the pic, too lazy to zoom in--all I had to do was read down and you told me. Excellent job with the form. Really like the consonance that you repeat throughout the piece. cool read. Thanks
First of all, you are a parenthetical anarchist. Second of all, I had no idea what King Kong was all about as I was reading this but he somehow still fit. Third of all, I found this to be quite lovely. Simple and complete.
Brian - you have the touch! Really cool write my friend.
Good to see you can form at the mouth after all, bri--this is charming and has the singsong feel of a true triolet, and the straight from the real feel of a true brian miller. like Kong up there too--nice touch.
You never think you're good at these things and then you "ace" them. This was serene and lovely. We have water gardens in FortWorth. They are granite step constructions with water falling in many patterns. I don't go any more, but took the children quite a bit when they were young and it was new. Love the descriptions here.
nice
The cat got king kong right away
Guess it's the animal and all in him on display
Sounds like a nice peaceful place to relax too
A get out of view
Nice form :-)
I wish our weather here is little warmer for us to go outside and walk in the park ~
That sounds like the place to be!
sometimes I realize I just don't know what to look for in this world
this is a reminder to me...thanks B
Peace ☮
how peaceful and lovely this sounds.
ahhhh...I am soaking up sunshine and meditating upon that busy little beaver on the babbling brook! Nice!
The river and the meandering reminds me so much of Finnegans Wake! Undoubtedly, if James Joyce had ever written a triolet, it would look a lot like this one.
I'm totally distracted by the gorilla holding a flower bouquet (?).
Sounds like you found a bit of heaven in this place...for solitude in the limit that is. Captured it well in the triolet, lovely write Brian! ~ Rose
Gotta love a trier, Brian :) And I loved your triolet. It's funny how you were in a peaceful spot with King Kong keeping watch :)
after some recent events a little quiet time must have been very nice. I like the peaceful feeling to this work. smiles back to you.
bird song sun shine leaves burbling water - Nice lines!
Beautiful imagery. I could see the beaver gnawing at the tree.
Mesmerizing,Brian. A winding creek into the city and a beaver gnawing, sounds so peaceful. It's like lazing by the banks. Great!
Hank
Nice! I like that you changed it up with the 3 3 2 stanzas. I almost did that with mine, but decided not to. I'm glad you did. I felt like I was sitting by the creek. Peace, Linda
Lol!! When i first read this i thought "leaves" was a verb. Now, that i'm using it as the correct part of speech, it makes better sense. Beautifully written as always!
Loved this. Once watched beavers lollygagging for an hour in a pond. Not busy, just playful.
As for form, I'm the LAST one to criticize that, ha ha ha. But you might want to make that title "serenity"? See, YOU were the eager beaver after all! Amy
http://sharplittlepencil.com/2012/03/06/rich-men-suck-dverse/
Nothing wrong with the form - which should never be allowed to get in the way of a good poem. Delightful stroll, but why does no-one else go there? They're missing a treat.
Sounds like spring!
wow ! that was superb ! and of lovely time it told...
I know places like that, those that are solitary and we can be undisturbed there.;) I had many closer to my former home and am slowly discovering new here.;)
Have a great weekend dear Brian,
xoxo
and Samuel does them soooo well
way to walk Bri
This has such a nice lyrical quality to it that it almost makes music in my mind.
I like how you catch so many significant details in your poems. They build up into a picture in my mind.
This ticks all the boxes for me. Thanks as always.
I like the peaceful element in this one, Brian.
What a lovely place! I could hear the water bubbling for sure.
I so miss water...not much here and especially no streams or creeks! Sigh!!
Hugs
SueAnn
sure sounds like spring is in the air
Enjoyed this yesterday so much that I came back to read it again.
For me form is a useful constraint, but I'm only beginning my poetic journey and I think I still have to find my voice. You, on the other hand, seem very comfortable with your own unique voice, but that doesn't prevent you from trying on new things.
I love the secret places where nobody else goes. You did well here.
These creeks and streams that once lay so open and recognized now become hidden so few know they even exist. Nature goes hidden in plain sight. I love how your title makes a play on words given the form, which repeats the first and second lines. Your freedom within the form is refreshing.
you make me smile
Love the alliteration, it works wonderfully well here. :-)
Felt like I was on a morning walk along a creek.
sounds peaceful....have a great weekend - :)
hummmm..... I like to think of the secret creek that cuts through the city!
I think you should visit ohio.edu/nor. It's short notice...but I'm sure you have something.
I love those secret places where there's nobody around to bother you.
Like all good poets, you block out
the chaos, and hear the birdsong,
and recognize the trickle tributary,
and then share those halcyon
moments with others; kudos, and
hell of masterful use of the form.
I love Maine. So many lovely little places to be.
=)
Bird song sunshine sounds just perfect! Forms are made to be broken a bit-they're more lovable that way!
It only seems like a secret if you hit it the right time of day, and everyone who dips his toes in the water thinks it's just for them.
I so love secret places. I used to have one in an old cemetery near my home when I was a kid where I used to sneak into and read. :)
Serene place...at the secret creek that cuts through the city
and i sit watching a busy beaver....I can close my eyes and feel like I am there :)
Lovely peaceful words. Very calming.
Fun! I am not great on form unless it is simple- not because I'm lazy,
just not favoring puzzles much lately! thanks for a nice one.
Ahhh, brings me a sense of calm today.
When you can reach serenity anywhere, you're at peace with yourself.
Any retreat that allows us to be with nature and be still has to be good :)
Loved it. As I read I so wished to know about the spot it described, so thank you for the bit of info at the end (and thank you for taking care of yourself with even short respites in your days...you deserve them!).
Everyone needs a "secret creek" to walk along and enjoy. Love that line:
"bird song sun shine leaves burbling water". Reminiscent of haiku. Happy Friday!
Sounds like a song in my head.
Hidden creeks and byways in the city are grand places to hang.
Finally got on over to check out your blog, after seeing your comments on Begin Again and a few other common blogs we follow. Nice work you have here. I loved the repetition in this one and the chair story below made me want to rescue that chair, it deserved a more respectful end. Nice job.
what's that saying? methinks thou dost protest too much ... or something along those lines ... I'm with those who think you wrestled the form into shape quite nicely and came up with a lovely serene pleasing poem! Nice.
http://thepoet-tree-house.blogspot.com/2012/03/grief-leaves-heart.html
I really enjoyed this, brought to mind the Ivy Creek where I like to run.
Neat blog following!
away from rush.. sometimes a secluded place gives pleasure... awesome read as ever :)
Hello! Brian...
"bird song sun shine leaves burbling water at the (might as well be) secret creek that cuts through the city."
Tks, for sharing your very [poetic] words, the reason you wrote the poem, and the image...too!
Brian, I hope that you and your readers, have a [very] nice week-end.
deedee ;-D
[Note:I have been kind Of, busy...Therefore, I'm glad to visit this Saturday morning.]
quiet moments amongst the sounds of the city... love it!
I love the sound and peace of burbling water. :)
Sounds like you found a little haven. And I love the sound of the phrase 'secret creek'.
Lovely triolet, Brian. I like the sounds in it.
Pamela
It would indeed be a pity if no one heard those beautiful sounds. Sweet and sublime, I say.
the repetition of bird song sunshine is very soothing to me.
you make a scene in those four words. cool form. i don't have the guts to try.
oh how i long our cities will listen to this song and try to become like this.
it will be so beautiful, wont it?
cool to have such a secret creek! is there really beavers too?
Nice to have that place to getaway. We each need one or two of those.
Nice to have that place to getaway. We each need one or two of those.
Love this pretty scene. I remember places like this hidden around the city when I was young. Gone now, no doubt.
I'm not familiar with that form, but I enjoyed your poem.
if no one hears it fall that is a pity
it really is a pity
but your were there
caring
and all that is knows
gosh, that thought really brought up some emotion in me.
thanks for that Brian.
there is nothing like peace mate, you captured it beautifully ;)
Peaceful locale that "stereophonic serentity" or did you mean serenity?
Peaceful locale that "stereophonic serentity" or did you mean serenity?
Just so you know, don't always comment but do always read and enjoy your style...
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