Thursday, March 22, 2012

55/FormForAll: A pair of shorts on a warm day


URU-KNO (from an out of state license plate)

 three words on the wall of the train
are passed everyday like a stain
unnoticed or detested
& seldom digested
by those carrying, like balloons, clouds of rain

At dVerse Poets today, we are playing with limericks for FormForAll with none other than Mad Kane.  It really is a fascinating article that really clearly lays out how to write them, unless of course you are me and have an allergic reaction to form. But I try.  Do stop in any time after 3 pm EST.

And for the best looking sleeveless host on the back of the bike that speaks only in 55 words, here is my 55 word story for g-man.

Each our own Shop of Antiquities

Wind up toys have gone the way of the dinosaur
or pocket watches---
         too many springs sprung
from being wound too tight,
         now it's all battery powered, which
when they die can just be replaced

Our metaphors stack up---
                  we, trading one for another
the older ones laugh from the shelves
      like dusty-eyed porcelain dolls.

97 comments:

Laurie Kolp said...

Am I first?

Laurie Kolp said...

Yeah- I am!! Cute limerick, Brian... and I love:

Our metaphors stack up---
we, trading one for another
the older ones laugh from the shelves
like dusty-eyed porcelain dolls.

JJ Roa Rodriguez said...

nice one Sir Brian... I don't know but those days of "wound-up toys" for me bring more fun than the battery operated toys nowadays...

JJRod'z

Stationcycles said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
JJ Roa Rodriguez said...

by the way, i forgot, i love the title. yesterday as I was putting up the outdoor furnitures for the patio ans the pool, i was wearing just my summer shorts. it is to warm that i am sweating on my shirt... yahoo! nice start of spring...

JJRod'z

Susie Clevenger said...

Oh sad the days of wind up toys are gone...our metaphors do stack up...love your work as always

Pat Hatt said...

ha great limerick oh so much fun
To see here the rhyme being spun
Yeah thanks to that friggin bunny
Wind up toys are no longer funny
Just have to keep going and going
So the batteries start showing
Much like the rat race
Or maybe umm tying a shoe lace

Who Is Afraid Of Miss Lovett? No, Mrs.Lovett... said...

"we, trading one for another the older ones laugh from the shelveslike dusty-eyed porcelain dolls."

Hi! Brian...
Your limerick is great!...I even hummed a little "ditty " as I read it...LOL...Nice job!

Each our own Shop of Antiquities
Now, your [very beautiful] 55 poetic words sums up how things in our lives are changing so rapidly, as technology advances.

["Wind up toys have gone the way of the dinosaur
or pocket watches---

Well, Brian, not if you are a Steam-punker...LOL ]

Tks, for sharing!
deedee ;-D

Daydreamertoo said...

What happens when there are no new batteries to change, we will need folks who know a bit or two about making wind up things again.
Great double whammy Brian.

Mary Mansfield said...

Love the limerick, very nicely done. And I do have to agree, "Each our own Shop of Antiquities" has a very cool, Steampunk feel to it.

Beachanny said...

Love both of these Brian. What's it going to take for you to KNOW you're as good at form as you are at Vers Libre! BECAUSE, you're so fantastically clever!

montygrant said...

Brian, that is one cool limerick, brilliantly done!

Glenn Buttkus said...

The limerick cooks considering the
poet is fighting the effects of a tick
bite. I went nuts and wrote 6 of them;
will return for the 55 tomorrow,
after I write mine; later gater.

rumoursofrhyme said...

Loved both of these Brian. Form may not be as natural for you as it is for others, but you use it well.

THe limerick is especially good, because it goes against the form by not trying to be witty.

Mama Zen said...

The last lines of that second piece are really haunting!

Madeleine Begun Kane said...

Brian, thanks so much for joining in and for your enthusiastic comments about my limericks article.

happygirl said...

Love the limerick. I was messing around with them, but no success. I'm going to have to give it another try. This was fun.

Monkey Man said...

No wonder I feel rundown, I keep forgetting to wind myself up. Guess that's what I get for being a old toy.

hedgewitch said...

Love the play on words in the title, and ummm, thanks for telling me that first one was a limerick. ;_) (Just joking bri--you know my twisted sense of humor) Liked the 55 as well, as I always feel like I'm up on the shelf with some very dusty porcelain eyes.

momto8 said...

I still make my kids play with empty boxes and legos.

chromapoesy.com said...

I agree with MZ, that last line frightens me :). Great work.

Jannie Funster said...

Freaking AWESOME writes!

Gotta watch out for those balloons of rain. Kinda like a Pig Pen cloud?

Porcelain doll. LOVE it, Bri. And wooden trains?

Except the iPhone battery -- when they go you have to buy a whole new phone, so I'm told. Smart Apple, eh? :)

xo

Jannie Funster said...

Freaking AWESOME writes!

Gotta watch out for those balloons of rain. Kinda like a Pig Pen cloud?

Porcelain doll. LOVE it, Bri. And wooden trains?

Except the iPhone battery -- when they go you have to buy a whole new phone, so I'm told. Smart Apple, eh? :)

xo

Fred Rutherford said...

Brian, I like to check out license plates as well, always have. When i used to travel I use to particularly look for those from different states. Nice use for a title. I've always had difficulty doing limericks-pretty good one here, there's a woman that does them every week, pretty good too, I forget her name now, but she's in my blogroll. The Metaphor piece is very cool, like that one a bunch. Thanks.

Heaven said...

I see those words in the train, unnoticed.

And all these toys now are so different, a lifetime away. Now its easy to trade or cast them off, unlike those dolls we keep for years ~

Anne said...

The last line of your limerick hit my mood today because I feel like I'm carrying a cloud of rain. Been a tough day!

Steve E said...

I liked your limerick, man. In fact, I like LIMERICKS period! It's a childhood thing--where I have been heading ever since birthday #70.

I could write these things all night!

Thank you and Gay for giving me a chance this week!

Daniel said...

Oh, a two-fer day! Bonus for me. Loved 'em both mate.

sheila said...

enjoyed both pieces. sad that "things" can be replaced when they die these days. heading over to dverse to check out the limmerick prompt. I think I've only written maybe one or two ever.

DJan said...

My, aren't we feeling productive today? You are my hero. :-)

ayala said...

Love them both...and just love how you write :)

KB said...

Loved both of them. I miss wind up toys too.

G-Man said...

I still have my wind up toys...
Doesn't everybody?
Thanks for spreading yourself thin enough to play Son.
I feel like one of your archaic toys on the shelf, standing fast while the World moves on.
Have a Kick Ass Week-End

Semaphore said...

There once was a poet named Miller
For whom writing forms was a killer.
But he tries, all the time,
And they turn out just fine!
And your limerick here's quite a diller.

Quotes,Photos and a little Poetry said...

your first on to close to some reality but need to be told. and as always well told with that passion in you.

lime said...

ah but there are those of us introducing the younger set to the wonders of the older toys :)

Margaret said...

Believe it or not, my youngest son has a few small wind up animal toys that will "walk" or "scoot" around on the floor for 20 seconds. He got these "3 for 99 cents" for Christmas and he still plays with them, while some of his other toys he hasn't touched in a while. Go figure...

Mary said...

It definitely is sad that there are no more wind-up toys. Everything is battery operated or computer generated. I really am pretty much with you in regard to form. Form constricts me, for the most part. Sometimes I will give a form a try; but I have to have the right frame of mind!!

Raven said...

This was very clever ... not cheesy ... I love that you don't like form. Yeah for neither do I.

Hilary said...

We live in a disposable age for sure. There are lots of fond memories of past toys.

Ginny Brannan said...

I'm with Sam (Semaphore) above! You did good on the limerick, Brian!!

PattiKen said...

You hit a home run with the dusty-eyed dolls, Brian. I was a little confused by some of the comments about your limerick, which I liked a lot. It didn't strike me as fun or cute. I actually found it poignant and moving. Huh. I must be in a mood.

hyperCRYPTICal said...

Love the limerick and excellent piece for 55 words.

Anna :o]

Me said...

Enjoyed your limerick, and your 55 was spot on. But my fav part? The title "Each our own Shop of Antiquities". :)

Slamdunk said...

Ha, yes, this is one that is suitable for humming...

G-Man said...

A brilliant young poet named Brian
Comments to Everyone with fingers a fly'an.
He claimed he nailed them all...
(But he missed one in Nepal,
But it wasn't for lack of try'in!)

Love ya Son...

Josh Hoyt said...

Great job with the poem. Some day I may even try and write one.

TALON said...

The toys of yesterday were always so charming and had character just when sitting still. Sadly, though, the gizmos of today don't look like much when they're not activated.

Ann (bunnygirl) said...

The old windup technology is now wasted on cheap plastic giveaways designed not to last. I'm sure there's a metaphor in that, too.

Gloria said...

sounds do nice. Brian like always :)

Claudia said...

sorry for being so late... i feel like a too tight wound watch at the moment...so this spoke to me..and actually, i like your limerick...the image of carrying balloons like clouds of rain...nice...smiles

Madhulika said...

loved the lines "we, trading one for another
the older ones laugh from the shelves
like dusty-eyed porcelain dolls"
deep thoughts...

vivinfrance said...

Love the limerick, and I'm envious of your stacked-up metaphors!

anthonynorth said...

Ah, but so many of modern society's metaphors now wind US up. We are the clockwork toys.

SueAnn said...

Oh I could go on and on about how we no longer wind up but plug in!!
We do laugh from dusty shelves...knowing that plugging in will soon be replaced with implants and scanners!! Sheesh!
And the world runs along like a spinning top. I am getting dizzy.
Hugs
SUeAnn

^.^ said...

Ya ...

Valerie said...

Two things, I love limericks and hate batteries...smiles.

James Rainsford said...

A genuinly pessimistic limerick Brian. Love it!

Dave King said...

too many springs sprung
from being wound too tight,

Aint that the truth? I have very mixed memories of clockwork toys - and battery powered ones, come to that, untilwe got ourselves organised with chargers and rechargables.

LadyFi said...

Wonderful imagery in both verses!

the walking man said...

Both cool...but that inattentiveness to your surroundings...might wind up on a slow sailing ship Shanghaied to piracy.

Tara Miller said...

You are a joy to read (and I'm not just saying that because you're my husband!). Your writing is real, relevant and always filled with passion. Our Great God has given you a wonderful gift to use to touch the world and you are doing just that! Proud of you my love.

Nezzy said...

I fear I'm old enough to remember all those 'wind~up' toys. Toys that let the imagination soar!

Funny, I have the old Fisher Price toys of my Geek Son (35 this yr.) and at Christmas the eight grandkiddos 'ill open up their presents but always end up playin' with those old toys!!!

Have yourself a blessed and beautiful weekend Man!!!

Selina Kingston said...

I feel like my springs have been wound too tight and my battery doesn't hold on to its charge so long these days. There must be another way....stunning work, as ever

kaykuala said...

Wound up toys can attest to the baby's progress of acquiring strength. The baby starts with not having the strength to wind up the spring. Then he can and he slowly progressed to enjoying it.Time will come when he gets too strong and breaks it!

Hank

adeeyoyo said...

Oh, yes Brian, it is Greed, my friend, for anything and everything. I think that is the plague of today. Scary for the boy not to know where (or if) he belongs - anywhere...

adeeyoyo said...

Sorry, wrong comment on wrong post!
Will do this one later, lol!

adeeyoyo said...

Sorry, wrong comment on wrong post!
Will do this one later, lol!

MorningAJ said...

Without batteries, today's playthings are useless. Bring back clockwork.

Great couple of shorts. (But I don't expect anything else from you!)
AJ

Other Mary said...

Oh Brian...good one.

moondustwriter said...

interesting reflection on the licensce plate Bri

the old wind up is no more

happy wkend with those energetic boys (no batteries needed)

Joseph Pulikotil said...

Very interesting post.

This post reminds me of the days when my eldest son was small. One day I bought an expensive toy jeep for my son. He was absolutely thrilled with it. I was also very happy that I bought a toy which he liked very much. He started pushing it all around the house making noise with his mouth - vroom,vrooom, vroom, pom,pom,pom. I had to go to the nearby shop to buy to buy somethings for the house. When I came back to my horror I found the jeep lying in pieces all around my son and he was trying hard to fix one piece with the other. I was very annoyed and asked him why he did that. He said he wanted to know how it works and therefore he dismantled it and now he is trying to fix it. The toy never got fixed and it did not last even for one hour in his hands. The money was just wasted. After that I was careful not to buy expensive toys for him.

Best wishes,
Joseph

Alice Audrey said...

Such a serious limerick. As to the shop of antiquities, I've got a few of those wind up toys floating around the house. They're fun, even if you do have to be careful of the spring and an electronic version is available.

CiCi said...

Many times I have felt like a wind up toy in life. No longer. Now that I am one of the seniors to be set aside, I am blessed to live in a town that reveres the seniors.

Blue Flute said...

Skillful little observations
Like notes on trains at stations
With words that flow
Your poems do show
The mind and its varied creations

Sue said...

The free verse is even better than your limerick! (And you know me, I LIKE forms.)

=)

Ed Pilolla said...

uru kno, couldn't stop reading it.

stu mcp (hate & hope) said...

Uro kno- great limerick- I'm not a massive fan of limericks tbh- but you manage to pack an emotional punch into yours. Enjoyed v much

Rebecca S. said...

Sprightly verse today, Brian. There must be something in the air. Could it be...spring?

I still get wound up sometimes, and sometimes I need to recharge my batteries :)

darkangelwrites said...

Enjoyed both Brian.

Dolly@ Soul Stops said...

your limerick had a nice zing to it...and those last 2 lines of your 55 words..made me pause and not just because of my name :) Happy weekend to you and yours :)

Reena Walkling said...

Very nice limerick ... makes me smile ...

Lady In Read said...

great 55.. and wind-up toys..they bring a smile to my face..

emily wierenga said...

like dusty-eyed porcelain dolls... i can feel them watching me... wish i could spend a long time here, soaking in your words brian. you're so gifted.

Rosemary Nissen-Wade said...

I enjoyed both of these, Brian.

Lydia said...

The limerick is fun, but I love your 55. Wow, makes me so sad about my wind-up toys and even my music boxes (that I am scared to death to wind too tightly but still play often). And no one on the planet who repairs such things, I suppose......

Lorraine said...

I got shivers....creepy I missed you so Brian, I'm trying to get back....slowly

hope said...

We were just talking about this today! How we've gone from building quality to a toss away society.

Must be why I like my antiques: the dresser crafted 100 years ago looks great!

Syd said...

I still have my Slinky. It was fun going down the steps.

Magpie said...

Oh, it's like my birthday! Two wonderful pieces instead of one.

Jyoti Mishra said...

Awesome limerick Brian..
Expensive toy.. god they have the most stupidest stories associated with them :P

Cheryl said...

The metaphors do pile up, don't they?

Geraldine said...

love it Brian! you find inspiration in all kinds of places.

hope the weather has settled a bit. wow, hot,hot,hot! ;<)

Linc said...

Two very nice pieces, and though it qualifies metrically, somehow the depth of your limerick defies expectation (wonderfully so!)

Secret Agent Woman said...

Up until the end I was thinking they both sounded like metaphors.

Goofball said...

or they are now battery powered in such a way you can't replace the battery anymore

and we throw it out even faster because 'it's broken'.

Anonymous said...

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