Thursday, March 1, 2012

55 - First Verse


"Can you help me write a poem?" my seven year-old asks.
Then works and works, penning his first ever verse:

i send a piece of mail
from the back of a whale

where i stand
to stay out of the sand

& pack my junk
inside his trunk

oh wait
he's not an elephant


Write a story in 55 words. Give it a try or just read more, go see g-man.

My son Cole, wrote the verse included above using his spelling words this week. Writing being one of his least favorite things to do, i was rather proud of him.

Today over at dVerse, Ami Mattison is teaching on spoken word poetry---Ami is a great word artist and performer, so do stop in. I am still working on my piece, so be back in a bit to add it.

81 comments:

DJan said...

Oh! I just LOVE it, Brian. He's a chip off the old block, obviously.

FrankandMary said...

For 7 that is MENSA.

Bonnie said...

darling pic and poem!

ayala said...

Love it! No wonder you are proud ! So cute :)

Wander said...

This is a beautiful thing to share with us! I hope my sone wants to write, he is 4 and already wants to read and spell everything!

Wander

Tara Miller said...

He's excited to see his first ever poem on here! Proud of you Cole because we know you REALLY don't like spelling and writing. Great job!

Geraldine said...

He's a darling and so is his poem, loved it! The apple...and all that is true!

www.myreallifereviews.com

Steve Isaak said...

Love this, made me chuckle. Entertaining, perfectly whimsical (perfection need not arrive in bells-and-whistles form - it's often in the every day graces).

Mary said...

Brian, I have no doubt you will be a wonderful role model for Cole. He WANTS to write. That is a good sign!! Read to him, read to him, read to him. And praise his every effort. He is so fortunate to have YOU for a dad!!!!

Gloria said...

beautiful!!so cute!

Vodka Logic said...

awesome, future poet like his dad? We can hope

lifeisaroadtrip said...

Totally awesome poem.

G-Man said...

Now THAT boy has a future in writing!!
Whimsical, a bit abstract, yet very understandable!!
I LOVED this 55...
Thank you Master Miller for sharing today, and have a Kick A Fanny Week-End...Uncle G

Heaven said...

Very nice..Way to go Cole.

Keep on working those verses ~

See you ~

JeannetteLS said...

There you go. Everyone else said it all. Seven and eight are magic. PURE magic. Enjoy every second.

kweschn said...

Wow, that is really wonderful! :) Good for him that he has a great dad who helps him nurture his talent.

otin said...

Way to go Cole! Nice poem.

Vicki Lane said...

Love it, Cole!

rosaria said...

Ah, he's a chip off the old shoulder!

Daniel said...

Sweet. Whale surfing will likely gain an increased following now.

moondustwriter said...

aww tell Cole to keep at it (writing) / my college age kids tell me it sets them apart from the pack

Nice job Cole

Shockgrubz said...

What a great way to get him interested in learning. Kudos, my man.

Betsy said...

It's great, Cole! What a fun way to practice your spelling words! Next week...same time, same blog..new spelling words? ha.

ethelmaepotter! said...

Oh my, I'm almost 50 years Cole's senior, and he outwrites me! Absolutely brilliant verse! Way to go, Cole!!!!

JJ Roa Rodriguez said...

Awesome and cute are my words Sir Brian!..

JJRod'z

Pat Hatt said...

haha he did a great job practicing his words at your bay
The elephant ending was some fun play
Did a really good job indeed
The cat likes such rhyming on your feed

tera said...

Cole! This is so awesome - good for you! You're going to have to have your dad make you your own blog if you keep this up! :)

Karen said...

That is a superior poem for a 7 year old!

Ann (bunnygirl) said...

Learning about poetry and zoology at the same time - smart kid!

SUCEN said...

I see

Josh Hoyt said...

Great job I wish I could write that well and I don't even hate writing:)

Magpie said...

He comes by his talent naturally. I used to love to do that with Nicole and her spelling words. Such fun.

emily wierenga said...

what an awesome little man. please give him a high five for me. his poem rocks.

Margaret said...

Awe. He is following in your footsteps. This has a really nice happy feeling to it and the imagery is playful. A+

TALON said...

I remember those assignments when my kids were little. I think Cole did a great job making a poem out of a bunch of what seem to be unrelated words :)

Claudia said...

smiles...great job cole..i think the back of a whale is a fantastic place to be...maybe i should start writing all my poems from whale backs..but yeah...what to do with the junk then..

farmlady said...

For not liking to write he wrote a very good poem.
Maybe this is the way he should "write" all the time. He certainly has a knack for the rhyme.
Encourage him.

JeannetteLS said...

Thanks for the tip, Brian. Problem was that SIX of them this morning were from reading messages from February.

I was thinking. EVERY age of our kids has magic. But there is something about them before the third grade that just gets me way inside where I live, perhaps because I am only 8 myself.

THank you for always taking the time to respond to a comment or a posting on my blog. Means a lot to me.

lime said...

very cute. so sweet that he wanted your help. now i am picturing a shapely whale with "junk in the trunk" though.

janaki nagaraj said...

That is cool...it is in the genes.

Janice said...

I got a huge kick out of this poem. As they say, the apple does not fall far from the tree...

Simone said...

Good job in using his spelling words as well as his creativity. That's not easy for even an adult. This was an A+ for sure.

Adam said...

Your son wrote a nice poem

Sharp Little Pencil said...

You have a poet on your hands. Just be sure to remind him you'll be just as proud if he becomes an accountant. Your son has an inventive mind, but I hope folks resist the temptation to ask if he 'writes great poems like his dad,' because Riley got asked about her singing a lot and she took a while to become her "own dog," doing great. Loved your son's verse, true out-of-the-box thinker! Amy

Yousei Hime said...

OMG! I adore this. I read and chuckled. Then I read it again, out loud to my oldest. I laughed out loud with delight and read it again. It is a precious, perfect poem. Congratulate him for me. (I used to write stories using my spelling words.)

ipenka said...

Haha, that was adorable. Literary sense is in the blood!

Alice Audrey said...

You could print it out and hang it on the fridge along with the art work.

anthonynorth said...

Very nicely done. Hope his interest stays.

kaykuala said...

Great! You are starting them early. We'll certainly see or hear more of him forthwith!

Hank

Valerie said...

You were right to be proud of him, Brian. Seven years of age... wonder what he'll be like at seventeen.

myheartslovesongs said...

love, love, love this!!!!

so happy you posted it, brian!

have a FABulous weekend, my friend.

Sam!! said...

CUTEEEEEEEEEEEEE..LOVED IT!! :)

Take care

tony said...

Whale -Mail is so much better than Snail-Mail.

Lydia said...

Wow....if this is how he writes at 7 while not enjoying writing you can just imagine how he'll do when he falls in love with writing down the line! Loved it.

Just read your comment at G's about a kid ODing. Hope he survives.

I love the prompt at dVerse and am trying to work on something before Linky expires!

the walking man said...

I would have liked to have written that!

Steve E said...

One day, Brian you will have to MOVE OVER! A bug is positioning itself ...to
...B I T E !!

Cute photo of cute kid!

izzy said...

You need an elephant to carry a trunk for sure! How great is that! thanks-

adan said...

what a beauty of a little poem, loved it!

and juxtaposed, on the main page, with "last night of the great dance" - wow!

that's power of contrast and lives...

your little guy's a lucky guy, as i well know you well know, thanks brian ;-)

Jill from Killeny Glen said...

Way to go COLE!

CiCi said...

How fun to read the words of a seven year old. I hope he enjoys writing the rest of his life.

Myrna R. said...

If he keeps this up, he may end up loving it. This is really cute, and so is he.

sharmishtha said...

we have a poet in making it seems :)

Daydreamertoo said...

Haha... Fabulous 55 :)

Nimue said...

sweet ! :)

Off to dverse now ! thanks for the reminder ...

Sue said...

The boy's got it!

;)

Fred Rutherford said...

Fun first piece. so glad you're teaching him the art of poetry, even more glad that he wants to learn it, despite it being something he has difficulty with. That right there says a ton about his character- really nice job, both on the post and with your son..:)

Manicddaily said...

Very cute! Maybe he SHOULD be an elephant! (Ha.)

I liked your other one too. So sad. Terrible. It sounds like you do very good work.

Mine a bit long, but agh!
K.

Heather said...

awesome!!!!!!!
what a cutie and great words he put together!

Mrsupole said...

May we all have been so lucky to write such a great poem on our first try. I think this deserves to be framed and hung on a wall befitting of Cole's efforts.

I hope he realizes he is a budding talent and with effort will grow into a great poet. Keep up the good work Cole, you rock.

God bless.

ds said...

Yep. He's your son, all right...

PattiKen said...

I love it! Don't I remember a verse from his big brother a while back? How wonderful that they have developed a love of writing from watch their dad.

Reena Walkling said...

Another Dr. Seuss in the making!

Zuzana said...

Oh, I think he takes after his father when it comes to writing.;) Is it him on the picture? If yes, then in looks as well;))
xoxo

Linda said...

Like father like son. A sprouting poet you have there.

bareyournakedtruth said...

So cute! I hope your son continues to write; clearly you inspire him. :-)

Hilary said...

Oh how I love this. :)

SueAnn said...

Wonderful poem...full of fun and rhythm. Loved it. Congrats
Hugs
SueAnn

SueAnn said...

Oooops Forgot to say...congrats on the post of the week too.
Hugs
SueAnn

TexWisGirl said...

that is TOO cute! inherited his father's gifts...

congrats on your POTW! (or his, actually!)

Joanna Jenkins said...

PS Congrats to Cole on his POTW from Hilary!!! That's awesome.
jj

Barbara said...

He did an awesome job! Congrats on the POTW!