Mr. Jones, that drives the bus,
wears a hat, Built Ford Tough,
& as we pass, in the parking lot,
he out,
i in
he shuffling not so fast,
i in a rush
waves his long-fingered hand,
creased like a leather map
& shares a word
his wife waiting patiently
by his Chrysler in a handicap spot.
Tell a story in 55 words. Give it a try or just read more, go see g-man.
Over @ dVerse today, for Meeting the Bar, we are celebrating modern heroes. In yesterday's poem i celebrated my wife. Thought i would look outside the house for one today and find an everyday hero or heroes.
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78 comments:
I love the old folks!
Got to be tough to get past 50, man--and I like the way you mix randomness with just the right sense of balance and perspective, as well as the way you always manage to make 55 words seem like so many more.
sweet ... the everyday ironies ...
I love the way you capture the complexity of life in the simple gestures.
Ha! Love it.
Nice FF 55 story..I can picture them ~
Co-incidence? I have been thinking about heros myself; been thinking about a post asking if we still need heros or role models.
ou saw an everyday hero in the parking lot; maybe not a role model, but a hero nonetheless.
I can see him!
Love it. Such a talent with words!
Ah, a two speed world, it is.
A glimpse a bit further down the road, my friend. Sweet. :)
How do you manage to see so much in such a small encounter and then share so much in so few words? Amazing.
Yes, sometimes its the quiet, everyday heroes we need to honor. So nice that you noticed him and wrote about him.
i like the rhythm and the embedded rhyme a lot. it guides you to the conclusion.
What does "MTB" mean?
Loved the image today. Nice.
There's always someone slow when one is in a hurry.
Of course he got the hat for free somewhere! Or else has an old Mustang in the garage at home.
This just goes to show that 55's are EVERYWHERE if you just look around.
Thanks for playing Son...
Have a Kick Ass Week-End
An unseen hero, until you saw him.
A hand creased like a leather map? Way to go!
Aw, worlds open from that little glimpse. Oh, and that snow you ordered is on the way :o)
I see this scene all the time. :)
Wait... he still drives a bus? Yikes!
Your gawking skills at their best once more
Can picture it with ease at your shore
Built ford tough
Must help the age not be so rough
Well captured, the mundane instances...the love and the bond the old couples share.
Very well written - I'm impressed! We should all notice the people we pass by!
nice Brian, really nice! gloria
My favorite phrase? Built Ford tough.
I'm not sure they make 'em like that anymore...
=)
Love the characters you meet and seeing them through your eyes and words.
Great job!
The in and out reminds me of the swinging of a bus door. I love the detail of his hand. Everyday just regular heroes are the best.
Heroism is finding a new wrinkle, love the way you've taken this prompt to new vantage points. Great job. The use of the vehicle naming, really added an extra layer to the piece. Thanks
Brian...I was thinking about an older man I see walking at the park yesterday who wears corduroy pants and is a little hunched over. I will have to write a poem about him. You always spark something in me. Funny that I was thinking about doing that when I saw him yesterday again but then when I get home, life gets in the way of my creativity (or so it seems). Maybe I am just being creative in a different way!!!! Have a great weekend Brian. Wish we could sit down someplace with a cup of coffee and talk! Any chance you are coming to California???
Great encounter... lovely I must say
It always amazes me how you turn a moment into such meaningful words. Very impressive.
Happy weekend. jj
daniel...Meeting the Bar
Teri, will let you know when i make it that way...smiles...been about 7 years since i was in cali
See how some people take time to stop and chat. Three cheers for Mr Jones and also high five to Mrs Jones who doesn't mind waiting.
a snapshot of a life in passing
He out... I in...nice ;)
I love the Mr. JONES' of life!
Like the picture you paint of this hero
Glad mr J gets a moment in the spot light ( as well as your sweetie)
A moment in time....nice :)
sounds like he was indeed, Built Ford Tough
A very clever poem. Very nice rhythm. The last line steals the show. :-)
I bet he would be honored to know you think of him as a hero.
Ya done good! Don't you just love these word challenges? I'm going to come and try another one soon.
Happy Weekend, G :<)
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I think I may have attributed noble motives where there were none with this. ~Mary
This is the collection of your poetry I want. The moment-encounters, the small gestures, these things you capture so simply, but with images we do not see except from you. "Hand creased like a leather map."
You could give us a book of people, your world. I would buy that the moment I saw it. Please just get on that now, okay? Why? Because, see, people seem to forget this--I AM the center of all universes.
I think we all want to live in the world you see for us in your poetry, my friend.
Sometimes we just think we need to be in a hurry.
Gotta love school bus drivers. It truly takes a special person to do that as they protect and care for our children as well...
You make everyday life lyrical.
see this is just what i love so much about your writing..you take the everyday and make us see how special it really is.. saw him waving...smiles
I love it when people have time just to say hello. I thought you might be upset that he was taking up a handicap spot when he shouldn't be! I've traveled too much perhaps and need to stop and appreciate guys who just want to be neighborly.
Sweet. One day we will be the Mr Joneses in the world. It's all a big circle.
I want to put a comment here, to join in with your friends, but I've got very little to add, other than I truly enjoyed the visual feast in 55 words. :-)
More humble heroes here...
"Creased like a leather map." Nice image.
Masterful charater sketching. :)
I like the way you effectively used the names of the vehicles (but Built Ford Tough, did you see the Chevy Truck commercial during the Superbowl? Of course, I drive a Chevy)
Love the fact that you gave @dVersepoets
a double-dip, and gave g-man a perfect
55 all at the same time. Make me want
to try a 55. Jannie F. does it weekly.
Your poem has a second poem written
in silent inner monologue, giving us
twice as much imagery than the mere
words first seem to suggest; def great.
Many, many words in waves and shuffling movement- many shimmering in glass & water...The old folk and bus's; wives waiting in cars. Feels
like it must have been a hot day.
Thanks
So many invisible people. I love that you always see.
There is irony here, but it sounds to me like Mr. Jones might legitimately need that parking spot, Ford Tough notwithstanding.
Very nice. I agree with Hedge here. Well done 55. Tells a story, just enough, not too much. Great picture.
k.
"Brian. You did NOT get permission from me to post a '55 about me. Sly one you are, calling me Mr Jones. But I immediately saw right through your word-working. You cannot hide under my venerable "FORD" cap, and my shuffle.
So next time, slow down, hear what I have to say with leathery hand."
--55 words!
waves his long-fingered hand,
creased like a leather map ...beautiful Brian.
aww, I can just picture him, too!
A wonderful portrait!
Wow, that's a masterly production and no mistake. Congrats!
vision in words!
I missed your reading, they always settle me down
Sweet image of the wife waiting for her grizzled husband.
Muito legal o seu blog,
passei para conhece-lo.
Beijos e bom carnaval.
I agree with hedgewitch. I feel as though I know this man.
Always brings a smile to my face when I read your writing!
These heroes are all around us (especially here in the desert...ha!)
This one is one of my favorites . I hate not having a computer lately I miss so much
i can totally visualize this...a wonderful 55!
nice one
Those old country people are cool. Built Ford Tough--no doubt.
You're so good at these!
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