Thursday, January 26, 2012

55 - Monkeys & Space don't mix (by Logan) & Fit for Human Consumption (my response)


Albert was the first that tried
    he suffocated and he died
Albert2 made it to space
    but crash landed
    making a crater with his face
Able & Mrs. Baker's success caused hysteria
    but he died in surgery, under anesthesia
Gordo's ship had parachute failure
    Monkeys are glad
    they don't get shot
    into space any longer.

The above 55 word poem was written by my son Logan (9) for a science poetry contest. All the names are the monkey astronauts that paved the wave for our invasion of space. Smiles. Write a story in 55 words. Give it a try or just read more, go see g-man.

And over at dVerse Poets, Gay is challenging us with French Ballade's, which is kinda like being beaten with a rubber hose while counting syllables and rhyming. Really is is probably fun for some that are not as addicted to free form writing like me. But I gave it a try below, in response to my son's poem.



Fit for Human Consumption

Too risky? Let's send a monkey
into space, to do man's business,
close enough, not revolutionary
when they come back home lifeless
and we can still call it success
as we breach the final frontier
keeping our sunday best bloodless,
who's really the animal here?

It's consistent with who we be
when no one's there bearing witness
intelligence's comedy
turning tragically witless,
just smiling in front of the press,
no tears, dominion's volunteers
for our own salubriousness,
who's really the animal here?

Hold on, as long as it's not me
what's all the fuss, no need to stress
not like they have feelings really
but where do we turn our head next
in this morality morass
a slippery slope without care
even our own, broke'n hopeless
who's really the animal here?

What we sacrifice for progress
(or who) from our mirrors leer
three monkeys, deaf, blind & mute, yes
Really who's the animal here?

106 comments:

Friko said...

When's Logan's blog coming?
Watch your boots, he might just step into them and run ahead of you.

Monkeys in space? No, they don't mix. It would take a thousand years before a whole troupe of them would push the button of destruction that one man can push in a nanosecond.

Friko said...

Blimey, was I really first?

Titanium said...

Yay, Logan! That is awesome. Boy can WRITE.

He's got an excellent teacher, by the way.

Ed Pilolla said...

awesome post. there is a dark side to animal testing, and that is reflected so beautifully in your piece: with some perspective, it all might very well be unnecessarily cruel.

Cloudia said...

Rather like Logan's take!



Warm Aloha from Waikiki
Comfort Spiral

> < } } ( ° >

Beachanny said...

I love Logan's poem. My husband was a contractor with NASA (Fairchild) during the Apollo missions and we were both chilled by what happened with the monkey astronauts that went first, and thrilled with the people who went later. It was stirring times. I consider myself an animal activist. I never understood why people thought there was such a big divide.

Re your Ballade: it is really well done. Yes, you are the chief when it comes to free form, but like many other friends I could name whose metier is verse libre, you're no slouch in the form department either. This work rocks and sings! Great!!

^.^ said...

My baby girl Jenny died during heart surgery by the hands of a rookie surgeon in 1986 ... OMG, I guess she was one of those monkeys ... sorry, I shouldn't have even wrote this ... I don't know what made me do this ... Logan, bless you. Love, cat.

chromapoesy.com said...

Lots of fabulous lines and word pairings here. My favorite is 'tragically witless'! You make your point with humor and grace.

JJ Roa Rodriguez said...

Your son is as brilliant as you are! Awesome!

JJRod'z

The Silver Fox said...

Enjoyed both poems. :)

When I was a boy, we knew about monkeys in space, but they never told us their fates.

Peter Greene said...

Kid's got rhyme!

Teri M said...

I feel so bad for the animals, all of them. Logan did a great job!

Anyes said...

Often time the answer to your question Brian, is starring at us in the mirror.

Nice poem Logan, looks like the apple did not fall far from the tree ;-)

Mary said...

Brian, how cool that Logan is writing poetry. You must be so proud. The French Ballade form I will look at tomorrow (sigh). Seems pretty prohibitive to me tonight. You did well though. Truly.

zongrik said...

welllll.....you know i'm big into animal rights, and this stuff really bothers me. what exploitation. i'm glad you picked this topic!!

do you know about Laika?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Laika

this is cruel too.

CiCi said...

I am so impressed with Logan's talent at a young age. I know he had fun writing this great poem. It runs in the family, huh.

G-Man said...

Get that boy a Blog!!
Of course I remember those early Apollo days.
Most excellent 55 Logan.
Thanks for bailing out your old Daddio this week.
Thanks for playing, and have a Kick Ass Week-End

Brian...Thanks

Tom said...

ee ee ee

Eva Gallant said...

He's definitely following in his Dad's footsteps!

Daniel said...

A wonderful tag team here today! Kudos, but especially to the first author ... smiles.

Heaven said...

I like your son's poem specially the last lines.

And your response in French Ballade - awesome form as I know you would rather write in free verse. I like the morality morass..and who is the animal here indeed ~

Happy day to you and Logan ~

rosaria said...

Logan is on the right track!

Ginny Brannan said...

So your son is following in his dad's footsteps, huh? Excellent poem!! Kids are truly amazing, aren't they?!!

Oh, and I really enjoyed yours also, especially like the last stanza and the question it dares to leave us with (not the obvious one, but rather "who is really deaf,dumb and blind here?". Nicely done, Brian. (I envy your ability to come up with such a lengthy poem so quickly--would take me two days to write and another 4 at least to tweak it!!)

ayala said...

Yay, Logan. You did a great job! I am impressed :) and how wonderful you have such a great mentor!

hedgewitch said...

You're a better man than I am (I would certainly hope so) because I couldn't make head or tails of that form--but I loved yours, bri, and I loved Logan's 55 even more.

otin said...

That's funny!

You have a d'verse poetry club in your own home. haha

Vicki Lane said...

Good for both of you! Such a senseless thing to do to those poor animals.

Margaret said...

What a talent, your son! If he doesn't get an A, send me that teacher's name!

You DID your ballade already!!? I will have to come back and study it... I have only begun my notes... and it may NEVER come to fruition.

Polly Janos said...

Logan...I enjoyed your spaced out poetry for sure! Now go get a blog and put the rest of us to shame!

Pat Hatt said...

He did a great job with his poem
Here under your dome
Informative and fun too
Poor monkeys getting the shaft when space exploration was due
You had to rhyme as well
Did it put you through hell?..haha
You're all practiced up from my place
So it worked well with your retort to monkeys in space
We think it's alright if we hurt a monkey or ten
After all it saves men and women
Then we just start a war anyway
I guess the saving is no longer at play

Betsy said...

Awesome, Logan! Very well done!

Myrna R. said...

I sure do hear, who's the animal here?
Two lovely poems connected by blood and social consciousness.

Dani said...

Logan nice job as well as history lesson!!!

Teresa said...

These are both great! I'd say Logan's inherited his father's poetic gift.

I'm stuck half way through my ballad. If I get done commenting, I might get back to it. I'm very impressed with your effort.

TALON said...

I always felt so bad for the space monkeys. We never give them choices, do we?

Awesome father and son writes!

Anonymous said...

I'm impressed that you took on this form, Brian. And I know you did it to show the rest of us free-versers that it can be done. I wasn't even considering it until I saw you link up. I don't know if I have it in me. But if I do it, it's because you gave me courage and inspiration. Excellent write, as always.

~Shawna
rosemarymint.wordpress.com

Laurie Kolp said...

Yeah, Logan! He sky-rocketed this one to the 5th dimension!!

And your French Ballade turned out good. I love the envoy.

Sheila said...

bravo to both the miller boys. jobs well done!

Hope said...

sounds like someone is following in his dad's footsteps
awesome write. really enjoyed it :)

Hope said...

someone is following in his dad's footsteps. awesome write! really enjoyed it :)

Tara Miller said...

How special to read two of my handsome fellas' poetry! He definitely has your creative writing gene. Your last stanza was my favorite and summed it up well. Truth is hard to swallow sometimes...

Mijayami said...

Well done, both of you! My favourite part of Logan's: "but crash landed/ making a crater with his face". My faviourite part of Brian's: "salubriousness" :)

Magpie said...

I must say, I prefer your free form writing. I agree with Friko...when will Logan be blogging? :)

Ann (bunnygirl) said...

Logan did a great job - gets the poetry gene from his dad, I guess.

I loved your poem too, although it was a wee bit longer than 55 words.

kaykuala said...

A chip of the blog, Brian! Not an old block certainly! And he's just 9! What did you do? Or how did you do it? Interesting! I have grandchildren around that age,that's why. Some pointers would be helpful,certainly!

Who's the animal? Truly man acted like one.You brought to the fore the sad truth!

Hank

Manicddaily said...

Good job! Was it 28 lines? (Who's counting?) Yes, and rhymes like morass! And witness! And salubriousness! (I am not joking, but impressed and I like slant rhyme and I really hate animal experimentation.)

The syllabic line was my problem too--I could do the syllables but the meter gets messed up. I think the syllabic business comes from the french which may be a less sing-songy language, in terms of meter and feet.

Maybe.

K.

Susie Clevenger said...

Love your son's poem. It seems he takes after his father..I enjoyed your ballad on the horror of using animals in experiments...I did not attempt ballad...It would only be a tangled mass of nonsense.

Fred Rutherford said...

Wow, really great, love how the two pieces react/play off of one another, I truly don't believe in animal testing, I get the benefits, but I always think "there has to be another way" really nice treatment here. Great job Brian on both pieces.

JANU said...

loved both the poems...so true, am against monkeys being sent to space too...nor any other animal for that matter..

Sue said...

Nice gene pool you've got goin' on there!

=)

PS. Tell Logan I thought his poem was very cool.

Who Is Afraid Of Miss Lovett? No, Mrs.Lovett... said...

"Too risky? Let's send a monkey into space, to do man's business,
close enough, not revolutionary when they come back home lifeless and we can still call it success as we breach the final frontier keeping our sunday best bloodless,

who's really the animal here?"


Hi! Brian...
Nice use Of 55 poetic words by your son, Logan...

"Monkeys are glad
they don't get shot
into space any longer."


Brian, I also like the question that you repeatedly, ask your readers...too!

Thank-you, both for sharing your very poetic words.
deedee ;-D

farmlady said...

Nice job, gentleman. A talented family tree.
.. and a father who willingly shares his blog with his creative son. That's admirable.

Ravenblack said...

I enjoyed the poem by your son and the poem in response. I think it is the human who thinks it right to put forth another in front of him to try it before he does, simply is because we would value our own before another species. Can't speak for the animals what they would do if they were in our place. Anyway I'm glad we are in the position to be able to question it.

MorningAJ said...

Two great illustrations of a very important point.

Our next challenge is to get people to realise that it doesn't produce anything useful when we use them in medical research either.

This is what I do for a living.

Valerie said...

Logan, another Miller poetic genius. Well done, boy.

Brian, I liked the way you dealt with a difficult subject - for me, at least. I hate the way animals are treated in our so-called humane world.

anthonynorth said...

Logan definitely needs a blog, and you ask a good question about who are the real monkeys.

A Daft Scots Lass said...

Did you never see Space Monkeys?

SueAnn said...

Yes! Who is the animal indeed!! Sigh!
Hugs
SueAnn

♫♪♥PhilO♥♪♫ said...

Can't wait to see Logan's blog :)

J Cosmo Newbery said...

Well done, both of you.

And hats off to the monkeys, too.

Jerry E Beuterbaugh said...

"WaystationOne" has been included in this weeks Sites To See. I hope this helps to attract many new visitors here.

http://asthecrackerheadcrumbles.blogspot.com/2012/01/sites-to-see_27.html

Dave King said...

Thing is... monkeys don't weigh as much as us. (Some don't!) Practicalities outweigh philosophical and moral considerations. Always. So what is needed is a reorientation of the human mind set.
I'll start work on it tomorrow afternoon. Busy just now.

Anne said...

Like Father like Son. This is wonderful. He's big shoes to fill, but it looks like he's up to the task.

the walking man said...

Loved your sons piece..the other..doable but it looked something like a ABABBCDC done in Tetrameter I may be off an IAMB though

Christine said...

excellent mentoring and writes today

Akelamalu said...

I'm glad they don't send monkeys any longer. :)

Great 55 Brian. x

izzy said...

I love Logan's 55 ! pure talent!
I absolutely detest sending animals to do our work and take our risks!!!
I spit claw bite kick- if I could get my hands on a weapon---Cowards.

AmyLK said...

Awesome words, Logan! Love it! You two make a good team!

Raven said...

9? Really? Wow. Hope he wins cause that was pretty freakin good :)

Little Ms Blogger said...

I have to admit, Logan's got his point across without feeling as though the grim reaper was knocking at the door.

Yours was good, but very dark. Dark+monkeys = terrified chimps.

Slamdunk said...

Yeah, I think Logan may steal some of your readers' time.

Nicely done to him for mixing history and conscience with poetry.

LadyFi said...

Oh, I agree so much with Logan! Great writing - both of you.

Alice Audrey said...

It does raise the question, just why did it have to be monkeys. Rats would probably have been every bit as effective - scientifically, if not propaganda wise.

Other Mary said...

Both of those are great! I like your reference to see no evil,hear no evil, speak no evil. Who is really the animal indeed!

Claudia said...

such a treat! enjoyed both your poems.. very cool in Logan's is that he makes it very personal by using their names...and yours goes more with the general question of ethics...and in form..french ballad...kudos..smiles

Monkey Man said...

I feel for the critters who give their lives for humanity's "progress", especially monkeys.

Monkey Man said...

Great 55 Logan.

drybottomgirl said...

As the top of the food chain we rarely think of the animals point of view. I see talent runs in your family. Have a great weekend!

Mama Zen said...

Logan, that is awesome!

Nice job with that form, Brian. It is a lot like getting beat with a rubber hose.

Daydreamertoo said...

Great 55 by Logan. It was well thought through and very meaningful. Like father, like son eh!
Your piece hits home because humans (scientists) don't seem to care what creature they sacrifice in the name of progress. So what if a few monkeys had to die, it got humans into space, and look at how we are filling empty space up now with so much human junk, they have to move the space station out of its way. I feel for all the animals in laboratories both government and private owned they carry out perverse experiments on. Pigs ears on rats backs is just what we know of, what about what they don't speak about publicly. Shudders.
Congrats once again to your boy!!

Deb said...

Hi Logan ~ Very well done. Great word choices and you really educated me as to the use of monkeys in past space/science experiments. And you got your point across without being too wordy. Job well done.

Hi Brian ~ You should be proud !

Luke Prater said...

your kid's a natural... I can almost hear the sardonicism in it.. (even if he doesn't know it yet)... and wonderful repost.. even if you hate the ballade... nice to read you again my friend. i finally wrote a poem again. Woo-hoo!

Maggie May said...

It was very sad that they had to suffer this way. Russia also sent dogs up into space. Must have been so frightening.
The poem depicts it well.
Maggie X

Nuts in May

sage said...

Your son is following after you... Wonder if there'll be monkeys on Newt's moon colony?

Nikki Rules said...

Poor ol' space monkeys. Jeepers creepers, maybe one of those scientists should have donated their own child if they had such positive vibes about the success on their program. That'll have 'em taking less risks with other lives!

Steve Isaak said...

Fun, thoughtful reads.

Natasha Head said...

I think you might be bringing up some pretty cool mini-me's...this rocked! And we even got you playing with form..and you chose the most brutal one yet! lol Awesome word weaving going down in the Miller house! Raise the roof, Poets!

Bonnie said...

Wow Logan! I'm impressed! What a great poem.

Important thoughts Brian!

Be proud. :)

Bodhirose said...

You son seems a chip off the old block--good work! Please pass on my compliment to him.

And I loved your response to his poem in ballade form...that was a tough one I must agree. Your topic is splendid...yes, just who is the animal?

lime said...

looks like the boy is following in your footsteps with poetry. i like his perspective. nicely done, young man.

your response poses an excellent question. who indeed...

adeeyoyo said...

Wow, so true! You don't even need to ask the question, Brian... :) Btw, some people though exactly the same about other races!

adeeyoyo said...

Logan is really a chip off the old block, huh? And he needs his own blog - good subject!

Caty said...

Wow, Logan's poem is impressive! And yours too, of course :) Every time I read about monkeys in space, it makes me think of that movie "Project X"

sharmishtha said...

a harsh truth. not much in support of using animals in any type of experiment.

i am not a vegetarian although...

Stuart McPherson said...

Firstly- Logan's poem was ruling! And he's 9? That's crazy! Iyour poems were a real father/son combo. Really like yours- and I noticed the last lines of the stanzas were the same- something I didn't do with mine but will maybe try again. I say maybe- ballades are SOLID. Who's the animal? We are.

tracy said...

I love it when your kids write. They have such a good example to follow and wonder if your wife has ever tried it? Might be kind of...interesting!

As far as being beaten with a rubber hose, I do not know what it feels like but choose not find out!

Birdie said...

congratulation to Logan, your son for sure follows in your footsteps :-) & i never understood how is it possible to use the poor animals for research ...

yellowhousecafe said...

Bravo! To you both. Logan sounds like he's got his dad's passion for justice..rock on, never to young to learn there is power in words. You're ballad was fab; barely noticed the form with the mod content. Cheers ~

Goofball said...

I had no idea Nasa shot monkeys up in the air, only knew about the Russion dog.

Jannie Funster said...

Logan is just as talented as you!!

And I so agree with his sentiments.

Joanna Jenkins said...

High Five to Logan! I loved his poem and I'm guessing his teacher was VERY impressed to.
Cheers, jj

myheartslovesongs said...

is it like father, like son... or like son, like father?

he may pass you by before long, daddy-o! Logan's talent as a poet shines but also the feeling he put into his poem. amazing!!!

oh, your poem's great too, Brian. {but they always are! }

william said...

well all I can say is "brilliant" for a young man to capture such great imagery is astounding mate..

Rachel Hoyt said...

I LOVE your son's poem! I'm a little worried he's about to trump my skills though... :P

Your poem is great as well. It is sad to think of all the things we make monkeys try out for us humans. We may need to have national monkey day pretty soon to honor their service. :)

Stranger said...

You and your son are gifted poets!

Syd said...

I felt sorry for those monkeys who went to space. But someone had to do it. Now, we just have monkeys in DC.