Saturday, November 12, 2011

Poetics: a lonely 'n-' for 'ever'


Carved in the wall
above the men's room toilet
is a heart, once branded 'forever'
crossed through & renamed
'n-ever'

in hopes that at least
someone will give a shit

As if they would actually find him
special enough

to fill just the right size box,
wrap it in sparkly paper,
snake ribbons and address
salutations

Leave it conveniently
where first thing in the morning
while sleep still sits on his eye's lids,
he might find behind breast bone
a fluttering as heavy as a Joe Frazier fist
from the fight of the century
with thoughts that someone,
maybe her,
cares

& he tears, TeArS, TEARS

only to find the boxes gooey center
with the aroma of their
loosing

but that,
that is the feeling that births
desperate pocketknives to chew
'for' from the drywall

leaving
a lonely 'n'
to remember

Taking a pen from my pocket
i add 'easy' beneath,
because adding 'alone' seems too trite,

And the next time the golden river flows
echoing the angry grunts of his fury
he will know

someone does.

Poetics @ dVerse Poets - I have the honor of hosting this afternoon where we will focus on word play that many of us use every single day and may not even realize. So hey, you may be a poet and not know it, so get ready to come join us. I won't let the 'cat out of the bag' just yet on our prompt, but it opens at 3 pm EST.

Thanks for the well wishes yesterday. It went great, had a lot of fun doing the reading. I wrote this on the drive up actually and then delivered it as my closing piece of the night.

63 comments:

adeeyoyo said...

Thanks for posting this, Brian. At least if he comes back and sees what you've done he will know he's not alone.

Ruthiey said...

I love how you're spreading hope in the men's bathroom. Glad your trip went well! Hope you stay awake today.

Caty said...

Your compassion , the way you care about others, always shows through your writing :)

Heaven said...

An interesting scene you painted here...I like the carving on the wall and re-writing it.

I am glad you had a good time.

See you later ~

RD said...

your efforts will be ...NO, are being noticed....I never thought to think about it...will do next time

Peace

Tara Miller said...

ewww - gross visual! Rejection is a hard pill to swallow. I like the way you turned the never around to give hope and let him know that even though it's not easy he does not walk the path alone.

Mrsupole said...

Love truly is never easy, but it can be forever with many battles fought and never ever giving up the war joined by two I do's to stay through the good and the bad things they sometimes cannot stop doing to each other and those around who see that life is never easy between those who can no longer love because it was never meant to be and so it is there forgotten for strangers to wonder what might or could have been now or never.

God bless.

oceangirl said...

Oh Brian, I feel like that person. Your prompt sounds interesting. I'll set my clock to get up at 3 in the morning! The truth is, there is just no poetry in my heart at the moment, but I'll pray it will come back.

hedgewitch said...

You could also read it forever and ever, of course--that's the beauty of clipping and pasting your words around, and no one does it better than you. I know your audience got n earful of word boxes, well-rapped and well-filled.

Eva Gallant said...

Excellent...life is never easy!

Pat said...

This is so moving. Gives the lonely hope.

LadyCat said...

Nice way to give a "virtual " hug to a stranger. So many need one and will never receive.

Pauline said...

No, it's never easy to lose forever, no matter where we are...

TechnoBabe said...

So you think it is the same guy, you may be right. Hopefully, he keeps expressing his feelings. Not hold them in to boil over.

manicddaily said...

Hi Brian--this quite intricate really! Very interesting, touching, funny too. K.

Pat Hatt said...

Mean old Brian keeping the poor cat in the bag
I hope at least its a nice bag and not an old rag
And poet and know it
haha oh nice rhyming bit
Even if it has been used time and time again
By many men..haha
Oh talking about the loo too
Seeing such a heart when mother nature's call comes due
Technically I guess most would give a shit
Right before they flush it
And so nice of you to let the see
A better way when they drop their golden pee
But what if it is white?
Would that make Easy seem a fright?..haha

Valerie said...

One word, that's often all it takes. Bless you.

Betsy said...

nice...and glad yesterday went well, too!

Claudia said...

such a lot of loneliness and desperation around us.. glad you saw and left this message to let him know..
my fav part is where you throw his emotions on us and let us feel him..

& he tears, TeArS, TEARS

only to find the boxes gooey center
with the aroma of their
loosing

but that,
that is the feeling that births
desperate pocketknives to...

ladyfi said...

This was so compassionate and beautiful.

Mary said...

I like this, Brian. Hopefully he will come back in and see that he was noticed and cared about. So many just need to know THAT. Interesting write...now I will head to dVerse to see what you have 'cooked up.'

lifeisaroadtrip said...

Brian, I never knew men's bathrooms were so interesting until I met you! :-) Ladies Rooms are so boring.

Lolamouse said...

Only you, Brian, could find poetry in a men's room stall! Glad the reading went well!

Charles said...

i always love the ability to weave profane and irony into a volatle mix evoking thought. You have done that well here. The way I hear it in my "inner" ear this is probably just as good sounding out lous as it is read silently. Well done.

Brian Miller said...

at least i am thinking poetically in the bathroom you know...smiles....

jen revved said...

very cool, Brian-- interesting challenge-- and you give a shit, always. xxxxj

Sheila Moore said...

great write and glad to hear the reading went well also.

Natasha Head said...

So glad everything went well for you, and this would have made for a fantastic finish. Lose myself in the imagery of this one...intense

Beachanny said...

Well you certainly touched base here and got down to the real nitty-gritty. I like your descriptions of the throne room and imagined the toilet paper there all sparkly and the wall covered in hearts and I was just thinkin'...honey, you might be in the wrong john...I mean it sounds like the ladies to me. But then again, I'm sure you'd know (and clearly I don't) that it was the mens. And how should a girl like me know what a nice men's toilet is like after all I only have ever been in one accidentally at a truck stop!

bodhirose said...

How very compassionate of you to add a message for "Mr. Lonely" and what an interesting visual trip this took me on!

Thanks for a fun prompt today.

Anonymous said...

Poetry inspired from bathroom wall must be
masterful.

Amazing that you actually think poetically while doing ...there.

This gives me some giggles while imaging what you did.

A winsome piece tugged with humor and thoughtfulness.

It is admirable to see that, you can do P_O_E_T_R_Y everywhere and anytime.

Sue said...

Hope floats, as they say...

;)

Fred said...

Great write Brian. Great Prompt as well. Thanks for Hosting and thanks for the write. Enjoyed

Li said...

Changing the world, one word at a time. Truly the mark of a writer.

zongrik said...

i love how in the beginning they are in the airport bathroom and you hope someone gives a shit....LOL

Duane Flounder said...

We never know what a difference we can make by letting people know that we care.

sage said...

that second set of lines--give a shit--that's bad! lol Nicely done!

chromapoesy.com said...

Awesome! You never know how kind words will settle in someone's heart, best to spread compassion.

marousia said...

Love the way you made a whole story out of scribbles in the men's bathroom

Laurie Kolp said...

So creative, but poor thing.

Mama Zen said...

I will never read a bathroom wall the same way again!

Daniel said...

Nice thought. I am sure that I am not the only one who has carved something expecting and hoping it will last forever.

Yousei Hime said...

Thanks for the prompt, Brian. Congrats on the reading last night. I enjoyed this tender writing.

Patricia said...

thanks for the crappy visual Brian... =)
love the way you rewrote this... so creative.

lynne said...

This is great.. and this line,
"& he tears, TeArS, TEARS"
reminds me of the way Hubert Selby Jr. writes..CAPS when he wants to YELL when writing.

yes, I echo the others, your mighty heart always beats loud and so many hear it!!

SueAnn said...

I like that you added "easy" to the carving on the wall! I have thought many a time to add to etchings on a wall myself. Never did it though!
Yes! Someone read it and cares!!
Hugs
SueAnn

ravenpress said...

All I can saw s Wow! Really impressive. Some of your phrases are marvelous

JJ Roa Rodriguez said...

You are such a womderful person... :-)

JJrod'z

kaykuala said...

Brian,
I've been told sitting on the throne can bring ideas with a 'bang'.The wit in shit-house scribblings can well be inspiring to say the least. This is an eye-opener! Great!

Hank

Dave King said...

There are depths in the most unlikely places.

repressedsoul said...

Firstly what have you done to your hair and secondly...wow. Too often I can't see past the female to get the male emotion. Hope in a mens bathroom, great Bri

Magpie said...

Talk about writing on the fly...

♫♪♥PhilO♥♪♫ said...

Forever can become never..
You filled the depressed with your positivity :) Hope he comes back and feels better :)

AngelMay said...

Wonderful, Brian - my comment always lost amid the bazillion others you manage to attract. Yet sincere. :)

Maggie May said...

Amazing what a little carving can do for the imagination.
Maggie X

Nuts in May

Vicki Lane said...

Excellent wordplay,

zumpoems.com said...

virtuosic and just right! Very well written. Amazed at how productive you are -- writing, commenting, hosting -- plus I suspect the rest of your life is even busier.

tera said...

Really nice. Some of the most profound things I have ever seen have been scribbled on bathroom walls.
Funny that.

Happy Sunday!

Uneven Stephen said...

Very cool poem. "in hopes that at least someone will give a shit" is a fantastic line. So clever! Thanks for the awesome write, Brian.

tinkwelborn said...

Very clever piece of sculpture-work.
Excellent idea -bathroom graffiti and emotive expression.
the turning line is also cleverly transmitted emotively:

& he tears, TeArS, TEARS

and that great metaphor:

that is the feeling that births
desperate pocketknives to chew
'for' from the drywall.

a very clever 'n-ding' too!

Brian, a brilliant piece; well thought out, and acted upon.

James Rainsford said...

As always an authentic and original write. Thanks for sharing.

JeannetteLS said...

One day, Brian, I'm gonna find a prompt that stumps you.

NOT.

Yet again, you create poignant beauty from the simplest, least likely image in an ordinary place.

GOOD thing to read after a hard five hours of tutoring yesterday. Glad to be home; glad to be catching up on your blog.

Syd said...

I hope that someone will give a shit. It is never easy--so right, my friend.