Thursday, November 3, 2011

55 - walking the maze

we weave hedge-rows,
a-maze out front the library
when he asks for a break,

sits on the dirt path,
eyes rolling round sockets
taking it all in, then
screws his face serious

"are you my new dad?"

"no," i reply,
kno-wing by four
he's had three

& he
smiles

"good, cause they
never last."


Tell a story in 55 words. Give it a try or just read more, go see g-man.


Over at dVerse Poets, Gay Canon had invited Lady Nyo in to the Pub to school us on Man'yoshu Poetry. Truly it is fascinating, so do stop in sometime after 3 pm EST.

87 comments:

5thsister said...

Unfortunately, all to often a fact of life. The child seems pleased this person is NOT his "dad". Poor thing is looking for some sense of stability.

Seek The Sun said...

Wow! Very powerful 55 words. I could feel that child's pain. Great read, thanks.

SassyModernMom said...

Oh so sad....and yet happens so often!

Whosyergurl said...

Aw. Sad. Then again, you should write a story about a person who wishes their read dad wasn't. Or, maybe I should write that story since I know something about it...don't worry, he and I are good- these days.
Cheryl

Pat Hatt said...

I was asked this on a bus one time
Poor kid was looking for a father with his chime
Does happen too often I'd say
Leaving the kid in disarray

Claudia said...

oh f... this is so sad..

Maggie May said...

Sadly true ..... for many.
Maggie X

Nuts in May

Tara Miller said...

That's so very sad and so prevalant in our country today. I bet that deep down he really wants a dad....one that stays and doesn't let him down and have to figure out this world alone. Makes my heart break him. I know you're a blessing to him right now.

Eva Gallant said...

A common occurrence today, unfortunately!

happygirl said...

Well, this one is a heart-breaker. Dad's are hard to come by. Thanks for being there for him. :)

blueviolet said...

That's just sad. He has nobody he can count on to stick around. :(

Tabor said...

Knife through my heart. I am going to have to read you only on alternate Thursdays!

Valerie said...

They come, they go... doesn't anyone EVER think about the kid?

Monkey Man said...

Sad.

eclipsingwinter said...

Brian,

I was four when my mother passed away and left my father to raise five children (the oldest was seven). After spending a year in many foster homes, I finally returned happily to my "same old dad"
This stirred many emotions and the ending made me smile. I didn't consider it sad at all, rather I felt it held hope.

Beth

Magpie said...

Thank goodness that there are people who will stand in the gap and be there for young ones like this.

Who Is Afraid Of Miss Lovett? No, Mrs.Lovett... said...

Hi! Brian...
What a very "poignant" 55 words poem today...Fortunately, I have both Of my parents "present" in my life and believe me they are a "present."

Therefore, I feel very sad for the little fellow.
Thanks, for sharing!
deedee :-(

oceangirl said...

Oh what a deep, painful story in just 66. Every turn tells so many stories, amazing Brian. Really amazing.

ayala said...

Wow...fifty five words piercing my heart!

me said...

:(

Betsy said...

Well, it was sad...but made me smile that you are involved with him for a while.

And Pat..for the record...you would make a really great dad! :)

G-Man said...

I used to be a 'Big Brother'.
Poor Kids...
Great job Son.
Most Excellent 55
Thank you for your undying loyalty and support. Thanks for playing, and have a Kick Ass Week-End

Kris said...

How terribly depressing...

Mama Zen said...

That is so sad!

Mary said...

Oh, Brian, this breaks my heart. So sad the life that some kids have to endure! I hope his next dad will last.

Stranger said...

This is your story, but as a child, the child's words were mine to every new boyfriend Mom brought home - most asking me to call them dad when I knew my real dad was still out there, somewhere. Great write, Brian.

Margaret said...

...the loneliness of a child! I just want to hug this little guy...

kaykuala said...

Brian,
It tugs at the conscience! What had befallen the unfortunate boy! And there are many of them out there!

Hank

Morning said...

It sounds like a real story,

the child's curiosity, wonder, and innocence are vividly shown in your lines.

what a moving 55!

lori said...

Good grief, that's tough. Makes any hard times of my own seem pretty insignificant. The fact that he's already worn out by father figures and doesn't even want one anymore is the biggest standout. He'd rather not lose another. wow.

Daniel said...

Simple and wonderful what you have done with so little. A wonderful talent you are, to be sure. Blessings to you my friend.

Linda said...

It just makes the heart ache. You, Brian, are a word master!

Unknown Mami said...

Smart kid.

lime said...

what a rush of emotional memories this brought back for me. this tells part of my childhood story and you have captured the feeling quite accurately.

Cloudia said...

wisdom before his years. . .



Aloha from Honolulu

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Timoteo said...

The short form can have such impact, in skilled hands.

Joanna Jenkins said...

Oh, oh, oh... I think my heart just broke a little.
jj

Anyes said...

I heard the sight of relief in his heart :-)

PattiKen said...

Oh, I love this. There is a lot of hope in that last line.

Alice Audrey said...

Sad when someone who is not a dad is a better risk for the heart.

Ann (bunnygirl) said...

Poor kid. Better a lot of ones that don't stay than one loser who won't go away, but it's hard to understand at that age.

hedgewitch said...

Watch out in those hedgerows--bad things live there.

Seriously, kids get a raw deal so many times in life--so few people understand what kids understand, how much, and how much things hurt for them. I'm glad he has someone to talk to who will last a while.

Fred said...

Wow, so touching and sad that this situation is such a common occurrence. Every time I read pieces that illustrate moments you've experienced I'm honored to know someone that is truly there to help however he can. Great write, thanks Brian

Mijayami said...

"knowing by four, he's had three" says it all. at least he has you...

She Writes said...

Ugh. Your job is heart wrenching.

Sue said...

Such a sad reality here.

"/

farmlady said...

This makes my heart sad. I worked with kids like this. Kids that didn't trust anything and their whole view of life, even at a very young age, was damaged beyond understanding.
They are the un-trusting chattel of people who should never have been given the precious "gift" of having a child.

KB said...

Aww, very sad.

MomsJournal said...

:(

Lydia said...

Well that sure tugged my heartstrings. Beautifully told. I see billboards in Salem about mentoring. This would be great for the campaign to bring more volunteer mentors on board.

Jinksy said...

How sad...

Ravenblack said...

He has had quite enough of broken promises and disappointments I guess. I felt his relief.

adeeyoyo said...

Poor kid, what has he to look forward to if dads don't last...

anthonynorth said...

So very sad, but so often true.

Lorraine said...

you break my heart with truth, and I have to smile 'cause what else can you do but hug him

manicddaily said...

This is wonderful, tragic, actually one of my favorites of yours. So sad.

Daydreamertoo said...

Awww I know how that feels.
Sad isn't it.

♫♪♥PhilO♥♪♫ said...

How sad.. It's really bad when marriages don't last and the child has to get used to new people..

Cheryl said...

Tough fact of life so easily discarded. Probably better for him not to hope.

Lady Nyo said...

Your poetry, regardless the form...always amazes me with its dynamism, truth-telling and force.

Your voice is so original.

Lady Nyo

Kikit said...

responsibility. i assume this is the main message of this poem.

Laurie Kolp said...

OMG- That is so sad... very powerful, Brian.

Mrsupole said...

Working with these kids has given you a view into their lives that most of us will never see or feel their pain. All anyone can do is the best one can and you always do.

God bless.

Hope said...

ah...'good cause they never last' I guess he wants you to stick around. :)

well expressed, brian!
hope you are well

take care!

Heather said...

heartbreaking isn't it? well done my friend - have a great weekend!
heather

Ash said...

Beautiful!

Nancy said...

This absolutely broke my heart. :-(

Nara Malone said...

It's sad, but there's the hope that now he's found a loyal friend. I like that touch of happy-for-now.

Friko said...

A life in a few words, you are a master at that.

ipenka said...

This one is rough. My parents are still together but some of my older cousins have been divorced.

Its definitely rough on the kids. This was sad.

wolfsrosebud said...

perhaps, he needed a dad just like you

Nezzy said...

Awwww, I know too often from the students in my former classroom this statement is too often a fact of life.

Made for an awesome post though.

God bless and have a wonderful weekend Man!!!

otin said...

That's kind of sad. :(

Pauline said...

you just broke my heart!

Myrna R. said...

So tenderly heart-breaking. You always manage to infuse such depth even in only 55 words. Amazing.

Goofball said...

wow...heartbreaking

lifeisaroadtrip said...

Oh, this makes me sad.

me said...

This is my favorite:

"sits on the dirt path,
eyes rolling round sockets"

Where is today's poem?! Are you still alive??? :)

Vicki Lane said...

Heartbreaking.

Jennifer @ GettingDownWithJesus.com said...

Oh. My. Heart-piercing words.

sharplittlepencil said...

Brian, this touched me because my daughter's dad was not in his right mind at one time, and when I married Lex, he was an excellent role model of a father. She has always honored her dad (who has recovered), but she leans on Lex during hard times, as well as on me. This was a sad, sad, tale, and all too true. Thanks. Amy
http://sharplittlepencil.wordpress.com/2011/11/03/trick-or-treat/

izzy said...

Yup that is a good one! and very true slice-thanks.

Syd said...

Sad that he can't find someone who will last for him.

ds said...

Owwww...
Four going on forty, too soon.

pandamoniumcat said...

Oh that's sad, very strong words, a child sums up in a few words, the selfishness of adults.

The Cello Strings said...

You have made so much difference in lives of kids, especially kids with special needs, what a blessing!

This post gives folks an opportunity to think and reconsider their actions!

Children deserve true love from their Dad, they need to live with a loving family.

The significance of this 55 is extraordinary.

Glad to see you shine with so much inspirations to those who read you.

keep up the excellence.

Cheers.

william said...

loneliness can be awful mate, I think you covered this subject with your usual style and grace.