Monday, October 24, 2011

Magpie Tales: So you say you want a revolution, well you know...


Twenty four ladies walkedoff the Canadian lingerie football team
quoting Malcolm X in unfair
firing treatment and I can not get
Schweddy Balls

by Ben & Jerry in my store

freezer because a million
moms don't want their kids
to see it


are they athlete's or entertainment
and lets be honest, who wants
to put Schweddy Balls in their mouth
but sex sells and sails ships, south

around the world in search of


Magellan's westward route to the "Spice
Islands" leaving little mystery nor
virgin territory for exploring, perhaps
Al Gore was just a little off on this
Global Warming thing---


and at what age now
do you have 'the talk'
with your children?

(crickets)


and in the uncomfortable silence

I roll the window down to catch my breath
as it flows passed fresh, and in the Escalade
next check the reflection of who mine
are becoming.

statistics?

only if I fail to take responsibility
and stop acting helpless, freedom
should not be confused with neglect
and when mixed with ignorance

well, just wait nine months
and you'll figure it out,

just like they did
in less than ten minutes.

This is written for Magpie Tale.

96 comments:

Rene/ Not The Rockefellers said...

quite a ramble, Brian...and a lot like conversations/confessionals had on car rides

kaykuala said...

A soliloquy behind the wheel is way better than tweeting while driving like the youngsters do.

The statistics! Yes it's climbing in worrying proportions.

Hank

G-Man said...

Maybe they would enjoy Chubby Hubby a little more?

Mrsupole said...

I like malt balls and I want to give it a try.

As to what age, I don't think there is an "age", I think it is when they start asking shy questions searching for answers and best for you to get to them before their friends, FB, Twitter, or movies. TMI out there, so get to cracking and do what needs to be done. Look how well you turned out.

God bless.

Daniel said...

Love the rant-ish pace to this one. You touch on some imagery and scenes that I knew well and understood. Good stuff. Rant on my brother.

Mary said...

This was fun. I have never seen that flavor "Schweddy Balls." I will have to see if any place around here carries it. An enjoyable ramble to read.

Laurie Kolp said...

Brian- a strong emotional piece, very effective... it's sad that sex sells/sails like that...

Old Ollie said...

oh this modern world...

annell said...

Thanks for the post.

Pat Hatt said...

Never knew what Schweddy Balls were
Although I think I get to what they refer..haha
Statistics do seem to be on the rise
No longer able to disguise
Such a thing are they
As it is coming out each and every way
Or going in
I better stop before I continue to sin..haha

AmyLK said...

You covered a lot in this ramble! I want to try sweddy balls at least! Some people are too protective.

Heaven said...

In canadian lingerie you say.. okay. But I think when the children are old enough to ask these questions, then they are ready for some answers.

Enjoyed this offering ~

Happy week ~

5thsister said...

Fortunately, if parents are willing to work at parenting, innocence, along with wisdom of the the ways of the world, can go hand in hand. Great rant.

happygirl said...

Oh my goodness. You're starting to sound like me. Don't be scared. Have a sip, the kool-aid is delicious. :)

LadyCat said...

The skit was funny on SNL way back when and the ice cream sounds good. Too bad we can't buy it. Any time I hear about the moral majority, it makes me think they should worry more about their own shopping carts and let others worry about theirs.

Lorraine said...

well there is a reason for all,it's still so hard

adeeyoyo said...

Every adult generation has its concerns about the youth, but generally they turn out ok. Schweddy balls ... could that be sweaty balls, haha?

I love:
I roll the window down to catch my breath as it flows passed fresh...

Arian Tejano said...

what a depth! and the storyteller is really a character.

Bossy Betty said...

Love the line about the reflection. Rock on, my poet.

Ginny Brannan said...

Seems being stuck in traffic is a classic place to let your mind wander. You sure covered a lot of bases with this one.

Aw, Schweddy Balls--sad people get all upset over a silly name, but commercials like Dentyne Ice "Practice Safe Breath," a condom parody that infers that safe sex can be found in chewing gum, is quite okay.

If you are close and intuitive with your kids, you know when to start 'the talk.' Better to start at home than misinformation from friends. Think my son was about 9 when he came home from a new friend's house with rather interesting and artful anatomical drawings and our chats began.

Interesting. Thanks for sharing.

anthonynorth said...

Ranting with style. Excellent.

Eva Gallant said...

I guess if they won't carry Ben & Jerry's Schweddy Balls, they won't carry Go Fudge Yourself, either.

Eva Gallant said...

I guess if they won't carry Ben & Jerry's Schweddy Balls, they won't carry Go Fudge Yourself, either.

Carolina Linthead said...

Indeed! As Rene says, quite a ramble. You have such a marvelous voice as a writer, and this was fun and profound.

Anyes said...

The "talk" can happen at anytime when there is caring communication between parents and children.

Roy Schulze said...

Nicely done. I too have been putting the talk off. The boy is 16 and has probably figured it out by now. My Magpie Tales this week is In Vince’s Car.

Magpie said...

It's a shame people can't just learn a little tolerance. It's a big world we all have to share and we can't each make it how we want it.
Love the "(crickets)"... :)

"Just sayin'" You know I respect you and your viewpoint. Hope I haven't offended.

hedgewitch said...

Yeah, you check the mirror because with kids, you may think you know what's there, but you never know what isn't, or what will show up next. I like the rambling style here, it has the feel of one of those semi-disjointed, always interrupted car conversations. "freedom
should not be confused with neglect..." True words.

Nezzy said...

Both you and the "Beetles" covered much territory with this one Mr.

Wonderful write, there are some fantastic books out there for 'the talk'!!! Too bad they weren't around for my kiddos but livin' on a 'farm' the critters pretty much answered the questions in livin' color! Heeehehehee!!!

God bless ya and have a remarkable day!!! :o)

Friko said...

stream of consciousness, my favourite occupation.

MomsJournal said...

hahahaha I just wrote a post about the One Million bored moms and Schweddy balls. If I can find it in the store I'm going to buy it!

Brigid said...

Interesting piece. As regards the 'talk' my parents never had it with any of us, we grew up with some strange notions including the nuns telling us to never sit on a boy's lap unless there was a phone directory between us. I read somewhere that kids nowadays know the 'words' but dont actually understand the meanings, so they probably arent that much different to what we were, they just seem like they know a lot.

Christine said...

My son refused a ride to school this morning, why?, in his words "I don't want to hear the tangents you go off on Mom." What? I thought they were life lessons, thought provoking discussions, debates for the greater good of society. Seems he just wants to listen to his ipod and chill. Who knew?

sage said...

Interesting how you ramble, weave, around a lot of topics!

Fred said...

Nice piece. The majority of it has this nice internal thought process thing going on, as you just tangent from thought to thought in you mind. Nice touch at the end their, valid sentiments for certain.

I never heard of that Ben & Jerry's flavor- If you made it up for the piece, well then i guess I missed that joke, but it made me laugh- not for the context you brought up, which is fine- but I instantly thought of the chef on south park where he made his famous chocolate salty balls for the carnival- lots of this/that humor there- great piece, thanks

Berowne said...

Oh well, there's always pistachio and rum raisin... :-)

Sub-Radar-Mike said...

Soccer moms and their quest for political correctness... sigh.

missing moments said...

Anything for a sale! Not seen Schweddy Balls around here ... but then, I only look for Chunky Monkey!

Myrna R. said...

I love the creative way you send messages. This had so much in it I have to reread it to get it all.

The Brave said...

I loved reading this, it was fun, but also had something real to say.

Zuzana said...

What a potpourri of thoughts dear Brian.;) I have to admit that my parents never really had "that talk" with me, we kids just kind of figured it out.;))
And I truly agree that at times the line between freedom and neglect is very narrow.;)
I had a great break otherwise, thanks so much for asking.;)
xoxo

Lyn said...

Shweddy Balls...maybe everyone doesn't want to eat it, but everyone wants to say it, and giggle...Love the pace,the giddy piling on!

Ann Grenier said...

My youngest son was in the first middle school class where sex education was taught in Health. Parents were allowed to opt out of these classes for their children, rather a joke we thought... Good luck in opting out of our degenerate cultural mores these days. I had to look up the Ben and Jerry ice cream, whose ingredients sound delicious, but is surely exactly the opposite of the Fair Trade they claim. They unfairly prey upon children and adults. I'm glad to hear that some places have the courage not to sell the stuff! And yes it scares me to death to express such an opinion in light of our precious freedoms in America ...

thingy said...

Thanks for the ride. Let's go Schweddy Ball that Escalade.

Jo Bryant said...

Love the way you went with this - great monologue and I really like the way you changed pace throughout - clever...
Now - what the heck are "Schweddy Balls?"

Tumblewords: said...

Really enjoyed the thoughtful flow of this piece - surely it did touch on many things!

izzy said...

I know I don't want to go down the road of 'schweddy balls'- even if they come in a variety of flavors.
There is far too much to be aware of these days ! I am somewhat relieved that I made the choice not to be a parent...thanks.

Margaret said...

!!! Brian. LOL Lots of thinkin' going on in that car. Loved it... Schweddy Balls nor Chubby Hubby sounds like a winning name for ice cream. Yes, roll down the window and breath in the country air... or city air as the case may be. :)

Goofball said...

you made me google 'Schweddy Balls' and I can't stream the video outside the US. Pooooh, now I feel left out :(

And what on earth do I have to imagine at 'canadian lingerie'

you talk in riddles today!



but you also make me think about some conversations I had with visiting Irish & American colleagues seeing the red lights in Amsterdam and telling them that I also came by red lights all the time as a little kid. Never thought anything weird about those ladies in such hot rooms that they had to sit in bikini's watching traffic :D... but those bikini ladies did trigger the talk later on.

Brian Miller said...

schweddy balls was a SNL sketch but it is now a flover of ice cream by ben and jerry....the lingerie football league is real as well...i took both of these from the headlines yesterday...

Lena said...

I heard the crickets!!

Leovi said...

Beautiful poem, freedom makes us free.

Uneven Stephen said...

Awesome poem. So true. "lets be honest, who wants to put Schweddy Balls in their mouth" ... "sex sells and sails ships, south" - killer lines.

lori said...

As always you are killing it here :) and those conversations are hard. I've already had a few age-appropriate ones with my two. I had to figure it all out by myself, and I was so naive. I always knew I wanted those lines of communication open with my kids, but I was shocked by how hard it was at first. It's easier now thank goodness. Sometimes I surprise myself with conversations I've had with my middle schooler. But I don't want him learning about sex from some other kid.

Shawna said...

"well, just wait nine months
and you'll figure it out,

just like they did
in less than ten minutes."

Nice ending, Brian. I'm still wondering when it's the "right time" to have the talk. We homeschool, and Kaya is 8. She's been chasing, pinning, and kissing boys for a couple of years already. :P

Kathy's Klothesline said...

Every generation has the same worries, no matter the time in history. You do your best and follow your instincts. You hope and pray and wonder what you did wrong and what you did right. But, in the end? I raised 6 children. Three of them lead happy, productive lives and do me proud every day. Two are constantly in need of assistance and have become quite adept at getting what they need through every avenue they can ..... without ever giving back. One is dead. He died alone in a hospice for those suffering from Aids. He became a person I did not like and avoided contact with. He was proud of his ailments and would list them as if they were accomplishments he had strived for. I raised them all and when I give in to pondering my parenting skills I remain simply baffled. Based on my resume of parenting, I don't offer advice.

But the ice cream? The name isn't obscene and unless you are familiar with SNL, it has absolutely no meaning to reference.

Kay said...

i just had to google schweddy balls...being from the uk 'n all!!! seems like those ladies are getting their knickers in a twist as we would say..really enjoyed your magpie though!!

She Writes said...

I have also rolled down the window and tried to catch my breath. But sometimes it still gets away...

Kathryn Stripling Byer said...

Oh my, well this is quite a ride! It really does capture those moments of thinking while driving, those close calls and quick turns and slam on brakes moments. Yow. Thanks for your good words about our drive into Chicago, a trip I still remember vividly. My daughter lives in Austin, TX now, a much longer drive and a much different atmosphere. (But she was mugged there in April, which had never happened in Chicago.) All best, K.

Helen said...

I knew I was in for a treat when I read the title of your Magpie!
I'm goin' out to get me some of that Schweddy Balls stuff ~ is it for real?

turtlememoir said...

What next? I find myself muttering - guess I'm a little out of it, huh? :)

Loved the trip around the world, er, news, the (crickets), and:

freedom
should not be confused with neglect


Darn right!

Jannie Funster said...

pretty darn cool!

I bet your tow are becoming better and better young guys by the minute.

And I just learned about Magellan the other day -- from my 10 year old!

Great to be back to your fine writing, after a week hunkering down in song land.

xo

Kristen Haskell said...

I wish I could write at the level necessary, that I received 62 comments. I particularly like the bit that talks of censorship and knowing what is appropriate for your own kids. Who better to be the judge than you. Personally, I like the idea of open dialogue.

oceangirl said...

nice rambling with a great ending Brian.

ayala said...

Cool write, Brian.

Vicki Lane said...

Ah, the Conversation! Me, I learned most of what I needed to know reading historical/romantic fiction.

Vicki Lane said...

Ah, the Conversation! Me, I learned most of what I needed to know reading historical/romantic fiction.

manicddaily said...

Hmmmm........

Heather said...

the name is too funny...my friends and i were just talking about the type of ice cream the other day...wow...have the talk? much sooner than we think! i like this one!!!

Who Is Afraid Of Miss Lovett? No, Mrs.Lovett... said...

"only if I fail to take responsibility
and stop acting helpless, freedom
should not be confused with neglect
and when mixed with ignorance..."


Hi! Brian...
Once again, your very vivid poem, and beautiful, poetic words have your readers: thinking,reflecting,and writing their thoughts about your very poetic poem today.
Thanks, for sharing your Magpie Tales today.
deedee ;-D

Lolamouse said...

I don't care how good it tastes, I am not eating anything called "Schweddy Balls." I don't care if my store sells it though!

♫♪♥PhilO♥♪♫ said...

I loved the part of looking at the reflection in the mirror.

Your writing is very different. I can't get a way to describe it, but then again it is something I haven't read elsewhere :)
(I meant it in a good sense :D)

Claudia said...

my kids are 17, 20 and 21 - do you think i should have 'the talk' with them now...? smiles
good write brian - much enjoyed and yes - think it's good to start talking about it as soon as they start to ask...and most of the time they will ask while you're standing in a line in the supermarket...and all the people around will perk up ears to see how you gonna answer THIS question...ha..could tell some stories..

Claudia said...

oh no they are 17, 19 and 21...still too early...ha

Zoe said...

I particularly love the way you have dropped absolute gems of wisdom in finely turned phrase in the midst of a very authentic monologue. It makes me want to go back and read again, to peer closely and explore its depths. Wonderful!
My favourite gem - freedom
should not be confused with neglect

earlybird said...

'only if I fail to take respnosibility' - that's the key. But I love this 'I roll the window down to catch my breath
as it flows passed fresh,'

farmlady said...

Your poor brain must hurt after this.
... and Ben and Jerry's "Schweddy Balls? I think I will stick to Coffee Heath Bar Crunch.

Valerie said...

You lost me with Schweddy Balls....
otherwise I enjoyed the rant...smiles.

ladyfi said...

Great piece of writing. I agree that we all have to take our responsibility for our kids.

As for Schweddy balls, you can't get them over here in Schweddy-land (aka Sweden)! ;-)

SueAnn said...

Yes time will show us all just what is really going on! And we all think we are wise!!
Hindsight rules the day for sure!
Hugs
SueAnn

Tabor said...

I really don't know what to write. You have covered a lot of ground here. Being frankly honest with kids but not telling them too much is a difficult dance. I do think sex like death should not be lied about.

Natasha Head said...

Brian...I fear my comments are becoming worse than redundant round here. You must be tired of hearing how great I think your writing is. Could you not post something just a little bit bad...just once! I love this, the eveyday turn to rant against the machine that produces things like Shweddy balls and lingerie football leagues...my daughter is about to turn 12 this month, and she is sick and tired of the talks...but we gotta keep talking if they're gonna have half a chance!

Steve E said...

This hit me as "bunches of stories" tied together with two words, neither of which appear in the piece: "Insane Genius"!

Bro Brian, you rang the bell again this time. With questions which have no answer...and answers which remain unquestioned.

Love your work!

Josh Hoyt said...

Nicely done!

Susie Clevenger said...

So many conversations...so many opinions...love the movement of this poem. I felt like I was there. Great job!

Tess Kincaid said...

Well this was a wild ramble of a ride...

Glenn Buttkus said...

My God, Sir, this rant is like
watching Robin Williams doing
Jack Keroac in a dream while
listening to the Beatles, smoking
turkish cigarettes, eating chocolate
covered figs, spooning Ben and
Jerry's until our brains freeze,
being pissed off that porn is
legal in libraries and our children
do not need "the talk", if anything
they are wise beyond their adolescence
and have lost their youth to the Bitch
of Technology. I love the lines;
/freedom should not be confused
with neglect when mixed with ignorance/.
And I must add that your magpie virtual
fan club is massive, humungous and
impressive, rivaling Tess's.

Nicholas V. said...

You really have picked up on every detail in the image and used these details as springboards. Fascinating!

Mystic_Mom said...

So nicely done...:-) I enjoy reading your words!

Nick Rolynd said...

Wow, you stuffed a lot of content in there. Love it! =)

secret agent woman said...

Both my kids specifically asked about how babies are made at the ripe old age of six. When they ask, I answer.

Syd said...

My father never had a talk with me and my mother didn't either. I guess sometimes biology does its own teaching.

Enchanted Oak said...

I enjoyed your social commentary in the confines of this poem.

lifeisaroadtrip said...

Oh, Brian, I am behind and getting behinder but you know I love you and your writing!

Bee's Blog said...

What a treat - whether or not you like the ice cream!

My 2 Pesos said...

There is a reason for all.