sun
-lit
stain glass,
trees break, leave, their
shards pirouette tiny dancers in
brilliant colors, brave soldiers lay down,
fertilizing future generations, crackle under foot
& blown in the wind, others yet cling denying fall
even as they dry and shrivel, a
husk of what once
was, sun shines indiscriminate on
ea ch & we
argue
inju-
sti
ce
Tell a story in 55 words. Give it a try or just read more, go see g-man.
Over at dVerse today Gay is leading us on a merry adventure in writing concrete poetry. My leaf above looks a little dried up already. Originally I was going to do a sunburst pattern but I am technologically challenged. Do drop in and see what others were able to shape up.
Posts
113 comments:
Hah
Hah again.
Guess there is no need to ship out, as you shaped up..haha
Fun how it all worked out
Had to double take at some words you shout
As you split them in two
To make the shape come due
Reminds me of one of your twins clouds
As a few things can be seen by the crowds
Thought it was an umbrella at first
But either way there was no injustice with your burst
those tiny dancers and brave soldiers - love to watch how they happily let go - think this is the magic and wisdom in this...knowing when we ought to let go..
Ah aging, dying, something we must all face. Love the soldiers line.
God bless.
'shards pirouette tiny dancers in brilliant color'; 'others yet cling denying fall'; 'sun shines indiscriminate on each & we argue injustice' wow, powerful lines in a sagacious work. Thank you.
Double duty! Oh clever, tight, illustrative, shaped, falling, fall tree and so well executed. No, I'm jealous. You rock, Brian...always!
It is hard to write a good interesting poem about fall leaves. Congrats! You made it vivid.
I love the poem; less certain about the shape! Yes, it's there, but it takes some time to get it, and I have to say I'm a bit suspicous of shaped poetry. (As mentioned to Claudia.) Of course, justifies the fragmentation.
I like the shape and I like to watch leaves falling instead of trees falling. And I hope I'm not the arguer. :)
I spy a manta ray! I like the way you arranged that.
tiny dancers, brave soldiers, denying fall... this is gorgeous poetry. Your leaf is there, a bit tattered by strict web formatting but it is there. Honestly, the poem itself would overpower the shape even if you had the most sophisticated software. Be proud of this one, let the words carry it with the leaves. The poetry is stunning.
Dear Class Dunce ;) (that was totally LOL) the shape looks a bit like a chandelier also, and kind of like an umbrella with drops falling off it, in a long exposure shot. interesting effects, considering you start talking about the sun...
i adore this.
And if I had the time and the talent, I would
give it a go.
i think this was beautiful, both in words and shape! love "we argue injustice". truth.
..ha, that looks like a leaf.. am i right.. how creatively it's done... your words fall easily with ease as your title suggests.. been quite this late.. been busy hunting for a job and submitting resumes.. now here's waiting for some favorable calls.. hehe..(:
Good day!
~Kelvin
Man you guys are all rocking at visual/concrete poetry...
Cute and reflective. Good job.
Now you are on the Multi-Meme Merry-Go-Round eh?
You should be in politics...:P
Great Job Son...
Thanks for playing, and have a Kick Ass Week-End...G
Pretty dang cool, Brian!
=)
Oh, This is stunning! Scary, thing, I wrote about a falling leaf too!
I thought a leaf shape might be pretty simple :)
"their shards pirouette tiny dancers in brilliant colors, brave soldiers lay down,"
These contrasting images are so strong. A breathtaking take on this form.
if fall comes with rain and windgusts they don't do nice pirouttes down and they don't crack under your feet either :(
Awesome job Brian. Love how you broke the words apart as needed to fit the design. Excellent piece
one of the best you've written, imho. Nauture, spirit, human and a shape poem to top it all off. divine.
Funny how people write about falling leaves this time of year. Wonder why. Oh well, I leaf you now.
The line that really got to me: brave soldiers lie down, fertilizing future generations. As we all shall, sooner or later. Liked this a lot.
The tiny dancers in brilliant colours...Such is Fall all about the leaves and their colours :-)
Brian- Powerful and beautiful... I especially like:
brave soldiers lay down,
fertilizing future generations
this
looks like
a real pain in
the ass!
lol
lol
lol
lol
I meant the format hehe
Very visual poem, even if you didn't have a shape to it. I could see it.
Life and Death and the long winter...
All in a wonderful display of color and then brown... and then gone.
That was pretty cool!
Shape poetry is never easy to get right (shapewise) but when done it is a fascinating element to the piece. The leaf lives its life and accepts that as natural and we argue injustice. true enough.
Awesome!
I love the title! Concrete 55.
loved this brian! and in the shape of a tree, no less. You continue to amaze me whenever I find a moment to stop by and read you!
Beautiful write! Shapes are completely beyond me.
it's a pretty shape, and you do a good job of weaving your thoughts and images through it.
a worthy argument it is.
how very clever, both the words and the shape. that ain't easy to get both in balance but you do it so beautifully.
Very nice--I thought it was a tree with little dangly things. But I was actually more into the poem, which as leaf and society imagery was way cool. Reminds me a little of twm's the other day--I always see leaves as a feminine thing, but they are tough as soldiers, and fight a hard battle.
did I tell you I belong to a poetry club the last year? your talent amazes me and is far better than some of the collections chosen for review. so nice to 'see' you, again, Brian. happy Autumn. really liked this imagery...
wow,you're a wordsmith. Love this piece.
Mel
I'm morally opposed to autumn...but I did enjoy this. :)
I love it.
Art in so many ways.
"Sun shines indiscriminate on each, and we argue injustice."
Thanks for another Friday 55!
Mine's here. :)
Your leaf doesn't look so bad. When I make concrete poetry it all tends to be trees. A sunburst would be pretty beyond me too! ha
Wow....you covered both prompts in such a clever and very emotional write too...
You call that technologically challenged?
I really like the feel of this poem, love, and the essence of fall with the picture you paint. Your reference to the leaves as they "pirouette, tiny dancers" is a nice visual for me especially. I love everything about this season - nice leaf shape!
fascinating!
Nice, Brian. It was a leaf, huh? My first impression was a Tiffany lamp, reinforced by "sun-lit stain glass" abd "brilliant colors." Then I saw a tree...
What can I say? I'm easily led.
Beautiful shape and words!
wonderful imagery even without the shape - very clever
Brian - great concrete poem. Great words.
Well done! It's not easy to shape words so nicely. I've recently been struck with how like stained glass the colorful leaves look.
Interesting word breaks to form a picture or layered meanings, I think, like soldiers feeding future generations as we argue injustice. Nice. No, better than nice.
every year I am delusional to the fact that winter will bypass us this year, ask me if it has in January when the temps are -40c, I cling denying fall
Very creative Brian...so many different images brought into play here...bkm
I love it when
words
paint
pictures.
Nicely done.
I played (at least 55)
Months and months and months
Lovely piece. Falling leaves as tiny dancers in brilliant colors stirring in the wind. Indiscriminately I love it all when it comes to trees and such. I won't be talking about injustice, a metaphor of seasons and of giving or leaving way for next generation. Enjoyed the poem.
love this, Brian! i'll be back asap to catch up ~ i've really missed your words, my friend.
{oh~i've changed the name of my blog to my heart's love songs but the URL's the same.}
dani
I *so* love how you shaped it! Really cool! O_o :)
The metaphor shaped up excellently.
How do you DO that? Heehee I couldn't write the words let alone fashion them into a leaf.
Hi! Brian...
All Fall Down
I can almost visualize a brown/orange leaf as the season changes in your graphic.
Well, back to your very beautiful poetic words:"brave soldiers lay down, fertilizing future generations, crackle under foot & blown in the wind, others yet cling denying fall even as they dry and shrivel..."
Jumped right out at me...Thanks, for sharing!
deedee ;-D
Mrsupole...I should have been No#2...Walks away pouting! lol
They do say that a picture can be worth 1,000 words - but in your case just 55 words can make a pretty good picture.
Lovely. That is probably the best shape poem I have ever seen - and I do mean EVER. I am most impressed, not least because it reads as well as it looks. My congratulations to you.
Very good, Brian.
I wondered if the following had anoher (political) meaning:
'...others yet cling denying fall even as they dry and shrivel, a husk of what once was,sun shines indiscriminate on each & we argue injustice'
i.e. clinging to power?
very cleverly done, both with words and shape. Impressive!
Jamie.
from FF55.
Loved the line "brave soldiers lay down, fertilizing future generations." A loaded sentence, isn't it?
Cheers,
Arnab Majumdar on SribbleFest.com
For someone technologically challenged...it is fabulous!
Seriously? Looks and reads great!
So much of your writing as this one has something for everyone. Our own interpretations, varied and many. Now that is good writing.
nice format... very effective... thanks for the reminder
Sigh. Here if Florida we get the palest flicker of autumn leaves. I miss that pirouetting fall. Such grace. - Brendan
Yup, beautiful impartial justice-
we can argue all we want...Thanks.
"their shards pirouette tiny dancers" Sigh....so beautifully written.
I think your shape looks like a Tiffany lamp, no?
looks more like a kite...nice poem.
Excellent imagery Brian--soldiers laying down, something that is often overlooked.
Amazing and beautiful to look at! Genius!
Amazing and beautiful to look at! Genius!
Very powerful words about the soldiers, made me stop in my tracks. very thought provoking. greatness here. have a great weekend. smiles.
What a challenge and so wonderfully met. I love leaves.
Very cool, and season appropriate as they all fall down here too.
Love it - "and we argue injustice."
That is pretty flippin' amazing.
Argue injustice? Interesting.
"their
shards pirouette tiny dancers in
brilliant colors"
Love it. Beautiful!
I was so taken by your previous poem yesterday that I forgot to comment on this one.
Do I need to? I know you know it's beautiful - the words, the shape, the depth. I thank you for it.
How wonderfully clever--your words and the shape. My attempt at making a "mountain shape" concrete poem would not copy properly to my blog so I went with an etheree instead.
That concrete form will take some practice by me but I do love it.
I like how the shape can be either a leaf or a tree (fractals, anyone?) and how you describe the trees as breaking into colored shards. Nice!
V.cool, my friend. Love the whimsy from you.
A very cool tribute to a wonderful season....love this Brian! :-)
Nice, a George Herbert kind of poem, eh?
Love this Brian! :)
all have been said. Bravo! i just adore how you shape those words and the message. :-)
JJRod'z
Beautifully done!
I like the reference to the indiscriminate sunshine..nature the indiscriminating force.
Brian,
It is interesting to see an artists visual impression rendered with words. Pushed the talent to a higher level.
Hank
What a great job you did with this one. Man of many talents are you! (says Yoda)
Very nice. Especially like your ending. I played around with a silly piece in the shape of a pill after taking Benadryl last night and decided to let the loopy poem stay hidden, lol. Enjoyed your concrete poem, though :)
wise and magical ... and loved the shape and the form ...
Yes Brian,
I changed it! It was not linked anywhere. In my devious mind I thought a link to d'Verse would expose it to a bigger 'audience' I physically moved the words a round. Is there a template when you devised your tree? My leg-work did not come the way I wanted it. Anyway a link is good enough I thought. Thanks for taking the trouble to comment a 2nd time with your query. I really appreciate that.
Hank
Cool.
KB
But of course this is simply brilliant. I love the structure you created for these words to live in.
Wonderful form and verse!
Wonderful poem even not considering the form. Very well done!
YOU are always my fav
Leaf it to you to make something so difficult appear so simple.
Enjoyed your guest post @Madhulika's blog.
Outstanding, Brian. Very beautiful in its form and images.
55-words n than that shape..
Brian I am a big fan of you n your writing !!!
Beautiful, Brian. I thought it was a tree but yes I can see the leave :-) I'm well, thank you. Hope you too!
Happy Indian Summer to VA :-)
We need those trees. They can lose their leaves but when the timber beasts cut them, I believe they cry.
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