Thursday, October 20, 2011

55 - All Fall down

sun
-lit 
stain glass, 
trees break, leave, their 
shards pirouette tiny dancers in 
brilliant colors, brave soldiers lay down, 
fertilizing future generations, crackle under foot 
& blown in the wind, others yet cling denying fall 
even              as they dry and shrivel,                 a 
husk of what once 
was, sun shines indiscriminate on 
ea                 ch &                 we 
argue
inju-
sti
ce

Tell a story in 55 words. Give it a try or just read more, go see g-man.

Over at dVerse today Gay is leading  us on a merry adventure in writing concrete poetry. My leaf above looks a little dried up already. Originally I was going to do a sunburst pattern but I am technologically challenged. Do drop in and see what others were able to shape up.

113 comments:

Mrsupole said...

Hah

Mrsupole said...

Hah again.

Pat Hatt said...

Guess there is no need to ship out, as you shaped up..haha
Fun how it all worked out
Had to double take at some words you shout
As you split them in two
To make the shape come due
Reminds me of one of your twins clouds
As a few things can be seen by the crowds
Thought it was an umbrella at first
But either way there was no injustice with your burst

Claudia said...

those tiny dancers and brave soldiers - love to watch how they happily let go - think this is the magic and wisdom in this...knowing when we ought to let go..

Mrsupole said...

Ah aging, dying, something we must all face. Love the soldiers line.

God bless.

chromapoesy.com said...

'shards pirouette tiny dancers in brilliant color'; 'others yet cling denying fall'; 'sun shines indiscriminate on each & we argue injustice' wow, powerful lines in a sagacious work. Thank you.

Beachanny said...

Double duty! Oh clever, tight, illustrative, shaped, falling, fall tree and so well executed. No, I'm jealous. You rock, Brian...always!

Ruthiey said...

It is hard to write a good interesting poem about fall leaves. Congrats! You made it vivid.

manicddaily said...

I love the poem; less certain about the shape! Yes, it's there, but it takes some time to get it, and I have to say I'm a bit suspicous of shaped poetry. (As mentioned to Claudia.) Of course, justifies the fragmentation.

happygirl said...

I like the shape and I like to watch leaves falling instead of trees falling. And I hope I'm not the arguer. :)

Sub-Radar-Mike said...

I spy a manta ray! I like the way you arranged that.

eclipsingwinter said...

tiny dancers, brave soldiers, denying fall... this is gorgeous poetry. Your leaf is there, a bit tattered by strict web formatting but it is there. Honestly, the poem itself would overpower the shape even if you had the most sophisticated software. Be proud of this one, let the words carry it with the leaves. The poetry is stunning.

zongrik said...

Dear Class Dunce ;) (that was totally LOL) the shape looks a bit like a chandelier also, and kind of like an umbrella with drops falling off it, in a long exposure shot. interesting effects, considering you start talking about the sun...

Vodka Mom said...

i adore this.

And if I had the time and the talent, I would

give it a go.

patty said...

i think this was beautiful, both in words and shape! love "we argue injustice". truth.

WINDOWLAD said...

..ha, that looks like a leaf.. am i right.. how creatively it's done... your words fall easily with ease as your title suggests.. been quite this late.. been busy hunting for a job and submitting resumes.. now here's waiting for some favorable calls.. hehe..(:

Good day!

~Kelvin

Luke Prater said...

Man you guys are all rocking at visual/concrete poetry...

Daniel said...

Cute and reflective. Good job.

G-Man said...

Now you are on the Multi-Meme Merry-Go-Round eh?
You should be in politics...:P
Great Job Son...
Thanks for playing, and have a Kick Ass Week-End...G

Sue said...

Pretty dang cool, Brian!

=)

Suzy Q said...

Oh, This is stunning! Scary, thing, I wrote about a falling leaf too!
I thought a leaf shape might be pretty simple :)
"their shards pirouette tiny dancers in brilliant colors, brave soldiers lay down,"
These contrasting images are so strong. A breathtaking take on this form.

Goofball said...

if fall comes with rain and windgusts they don't do nice pirouttes down and they don't crack under your feet either :(

Fred said...

Awesome job Brian. Love how you broke the words apart as needed to fit the design. Excellent piece

Sheila Moore said...

one of the best you've written, imho. Nauture, spirit, human and a shape poem to top it all off. divine.

Monkey Man said...

Funny how people write about falling leaves this time of year. Wonder why. Oh well, I leaf you now.

liv2write2day said...

The line that really got to me: brave soldiers lie down, fertilizing future generations. As we all shall, sooner or later. Liked this a lot.

Anyes said...

The tiny dancers in brilliant colours...Such is Fall all about the leaves and their colours :-)

Laurie Kolp said...

Brian- Powerful and beautiful... I especially like:

brave soldiers lay down,

fertilizing future generations

otin said...

this
looks like
a real pain in
the ass!
lol
lol
lol
lol

otin said...

I meant the format hehe

farmlady said...

Very visual poem, even if you didn't have a shape to it. I could see it.
Life and Death and the long winter...
All in a wonderful display of color and then brown... and then gone.

blueviolet said...

That was pretty cool!

the walking man said...

Shape poetry is never easy to get right (shapewise) but when done it is a fascinating element to the piece. The leaf lives its life and accepts that as natural and we argue injustice. true enough.

ayala said...

Awesome!

oceangirl said...

I love the title! Concrete 55.

The Retired One said...

loved this brian! and in the shape of a tree, no less. You continue to amaze me whenever I find a moment to stop by and read you!

Mama Zen said...

Beautiful write! Shapes are completely beyond me.

Ed Pilolla said...

it's a pretty shape, and you do a good job of weaving your thoughts and images through it.
a worthy argument it is.

lime said...

how very clever, both the words and the shape. that ain't easy to get both in balance but you do it so beautifully.

hedgewitch said...

Very nice--I thought it was a tree with little dangly things. But I was actually more into the poem, which as leaf and society imagery was way cool. Reminds me a little of twm's the other day--I always see leaves as a feminine thing, but they are tough as soldiers, and fight a hard battle.

nancy said...

did I tell you I belong to a poetry club the last year? your talent amazes me and is far better than some of the collections chosen for review. so nice to 'see' you, again, Brian. happy Autumn. really liked this imagery...

Ryan and Melanie said...

wow,you're a wordsmith. Love this piece.

Mel

Me said...

I'm morally opposed to autumn...but I did enjoy this. :)

Janna said...

I love it.
Art in so many ways.

"Sun shines indiscriminate on each, and we argue injustice."

Thanks for another Friday 55!
Mine's here. :)

Katherine Krige said...

Your leaf doesn't look so bad. When I make concrete poetry it all tends to be trees. A sunburst would be pretty beyond me too! ha

Daydreamertoo said...

Wow....you covered both prompts in such a clever and very emotional write too...

Unknown Mami said...

You call that technologically challenged?

Tara Miller said...

I really like the feel of this poem, love, and the essence of fall with the picture you paint. Your reference to the leaves as they "pirouette, tiny dancers" is a nice visual for me especially. I love everything about this season - nice leaf shape!

magiceye said...

fascinating!

PattiKen said...

Nice, Brian. It was a leaf, huh? My first impression was a Tiffany lamp, reinforced by "sun-lit stain glass" abd "brilliant colors." Then I saw a tree...

What can I say? I'm easily led.

SassyModernMom said...

Beautiful shape and words!

Jo Bryant said...

wonderful imagery even without the shape - very clever

Mary said...

Brian - great concrete poem. Great words.

Vicki Lane said...

Well done! It's not easy to shape words so nicely. I've recently been struck with how like stained glass the colorful leaves look.

Yvonne Osborne said...

Interesting word breaks to form a picture or layered meanings, I think, like soldiers feeding future generations as we argue injustice. Nice. No, better than nice.

Christine said...

every year I am delusional to the fact that winter will bypass us this year, ask me if it has in January when the temps are -40c, I cling denying fall

signed...bkm said...

Very creative Brian...so many different images brought into play here...bkm

Pheromone Girl said...

I love it when
words
paint
pictures.

Nicely done.

I played (at least 55)
Months and months and months

Ravenblack said...

Lovely piece. Falling leaves as tiny dancers in brilliant colors stirring in the wind. Indiscriminately I love it all when it comes to trees and such. I won't be talking about injustice, a metaphor of seasons and of giving or leaving way for next generation. Enjoyed the poem.

myheartslovesongs said...

love this, Brian! i'll be back asap to catch up ~ i've really missed your words, my friend.

{oh~i've changed the name of my blog to my heart's love songs but the URL's the same.}
dani

my day in a sentence said...

I *so* love how you shaped it! Really cool! O_o :)

anthonynorth said...

The metaphor shaped up excellently.

Valerie said...

How do you DO that? Heehee I couldn't write the words let alone fashion them into a leaf.

Who Is Afraid Of Miss Lovett? No, Mrs.Lovett... said...

Hi! Brian...
All Fall Down
I can almost visualize a brown/orange leaf as the season changes in your graphic.

Well, back to your very beautiful poetic words:"brave soldiers lay down, fertilizing future generations, crackle under foot & blown in the wind, others yet cling denying fall even as they dry and shrivel..."

Jumped right out at me...Thanks, for sharing!
deedee ;-D

Who Is Afraid Of Miss Lovett? No, Mrs.Lovett... said...

Mrsupole...I should have been No#2...Walks away pouting! lol

Alan Burnett said...

They do say that a picture can be worth 1,000 words - but in your case just 55 words can make a pretty good picture.

Dave King said...

Lovely. That is probably the best shape poem I have ever seen - and I do mean EVER. I am most impressed, not least because it reads as well as it looks. My congratulations to you.

adeeyoyo said...

Very good, Brian.

I wondered if the following had anoher (political) meaning:

'...others yet cling denying fall even as they dry and shrivel, a husk of what once was,sun shines indiscriminate on each & we argue injustice'

i.e. clinging to power?

mylittlewordz said...

very cleverly done, both with words and shape. Impressive!
Jamie.
from FF55.

Arnab Majumdar said...

Loved the line "brave soldiers lay down, fertilizing future generations." A loaded sentence, isn't it?

Cheers,
Arnab Majumdar on SribbleFest.com

Jill from Killeny Glen said...

For someone technologically challenged...it is fabulous!
Seriously? Looks and reads great!

TechnoBabe said...

So much of your writing as this one has something for everyone. Our own interpretations, varied and many. Now that is good writing.

wolfsrosebud said...

nice format... very effective... thanks for the reminder

Anonymous said...

Sigh. Here if Florida we get the palest flicker of autumn leaves. I miss that pirouetting fall. Such grace. - Brendan

izzy said...

Yup, beautiful impartial justice-
we can argue all we want...Thanks.

Pat said...

"their shards pirouette tiny dancers" Sigh....so beautifully written.

I think your shape looks like a Tiffany lamp, no?

JANU said...

looks more like a kite...nice poem.

Slamdunk said...

Excellent imagery Brian--soldiers laying down, something that is often overlooked.

annell said...

Amazing and beautiful to look at! Genius!

annell said...

Amazing and beautiful to look at! Genius!

Cinner said...

Very powerful words about the soldiers, made me stop in my tracks. very thought provoking. greatness here. have a great weekend. smiles.

Magpie said...

What a challenge and so wonderfully met. I love leaves.

Linda said...

Very cool, and season appropriate as they all fall down here too.

Nancy said...

Love it - "and we argue injustice."

Linc said...

That is pretty flippin' amazing.

Alice Audrey said...

Argue injustice? Interesting.

Ash said...

"their
shards pirouette tiny dancers in
brilliant colors"

Love it. Beautiful!

Myrna R. said...

I was so taken by your previous poem yesterday that I forgot to comment on this one.

Do I need to? I know you know it's beautiful - the words, the shape, the depth. I thank you for it.

bodhirose said...

How wonderfully clever--your words and the shape. My attempt at making a "mountain shape" concrete poem would not copy properly to my blog so I went with an etheree instead.

That concrete form will take some practice by me but I do love it.

Ann (bunnygirl) said...

I like how the shape can be either a leaf or a tree (fractals, anyone?) and how you describe the trees as breaking into colored shards. Nice!

mairmusic said...

V.cool, my friend. Love the whimsy from you.

Carrie Burtt said...

A very cool tribute to a wonderful season....love this Brian! :-)

sage said...

Nice, a George Herbert kind of poem, eh?

Serving Hugs on a Platter and Tears in a Teacup said...

Love this Brian! :)

JJ Roa Rodriguez said...

all have been said. Bravo! i just adore how you shape those words and the message. :-)

JJRod'z

Lolamouse said...

Beautifully done!

Cressida de Nova said...

I like the reference to the indiscriminate sunshine..nature the indiscriminating force.

kaykuala said...

Brian,
It is interesting to see an artists visual impression rendered with words. Pushed the talent to a higher level.

Hank

lifeisaroadtrip said...

What a great job you did with this one. Man of many talents are you! (says Yoda)

lori said...

Very nice. Especially like your ending. I played around with a silly piece in the shape of a pill after taking Benadryl last night and decided to let the loopy poem stay hidden, lol. Enjoyed your concrete poem, though :)

Celestial Dreamz said...

wise and magical ... and loved the shape and the form ...

kaykuala said...

Yes Brian,
I changed it! It was not linked anywhere. In my devious mind I thought a link to d'Verse would expose it to a bigger 'audience' I physically moved the words a round. Is there a template when you devised your tree? My leg-work did not come the way I wanted it. Anyway a link is good enough I thought. Thanks for taking the trouble to comment a 2nd time with your query. I really appreciate that.

Hank

KB and Whitesnake said...

Cool.

KB

Lydia said...

But of course this is simply brilliant. I love the structure you created for these words to live in.

ladyfi said...

Wonderful form and verse!

zumpoems.com said...

Wonderful poem even not considering the form. Very well done!

Lorraine said...

YOU are always my fav

Hilary said...

Leaf it to you to make something so difficult appear so simple.

Life Unordinary said...

Enjoyed your guest post @Madhulika's blog.

Enchanted Oak said...

Outstanding, Brian. Very beautiful in its form and images.

Jyoti Mishra said...

55-words n than that shape..
Brian I am a big fan of you n your writing !!!

Birdie said...

Beautiful, Brian. I thought it was a tree but yes I can see the leave :-) I'm well, thank you. Hope you too!
Happy Indian Summer to VA :-)

Syd said...

We need those trees. They can lose their leaves but when the timber beasts cut them, I believe they cry.