This is my rifle, this is my gun
This one's for fighting, this one's for fun
That's the cadence, but men why is it
we equate sex with violence, death,
conquest and dominance?
Submit, submit sub-
oops, sorry so fast, the unequal equivalent
of an uzi....brata-tat-tat (click)
oh, sorry honey, my clip's spent
here's a wet nap, speaking of a nap
ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ
Excuse me, excuse me
put your guns away please, and no
we're not impressed by your M-16,
size ain't the thing,
with a quick sprung spring
Now, let's slow...it...down....
and redefine the parameters of the mission, it's
Like passing a bill in Congress? Naw, you need
more than just hot air lip service, and a parkway
drive on Sunday, might be nice occassionally
but in excess leave you limp, metaphorically
Better yet, take seat on the train
through the greenery and trees, in-joy
the scenery with no need to hurry, cars rock'n
roll easy motion as you head round the mountains,
building temp in the boiler, for up over half hour, then
smooth clack the rails as you thrum through the valley,
cause then at least when you come, shuddering,
into the station, both expent of all steam
you can look her in the eyes, real-eyes-ing
you never even brandished a weapon
in this coup to be king.
Today at dVerse Poets Pub, Claudia will be hosting Poetics where you won't need a ticket to come aboard this poetry prompt. It leaves the station at 3 pm EST.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
78 comments:
Oh your rhyme sucked me in
Then I boarded the train full of sin
But somewhere along the way it slowed a bit
And no longer seemed to have a gun touting fit
No longer equating sex to all the barbaric crap
Slowing down for a longer lap
But with the media and movies and crap now a days
It seems that is always how it plays
Do it in a blaze
For 30 seconds of screen time to be all the craze
Yes, take a seat on the train, unwind, breathe, take a moment to enjoy the ride -- there's only one Kingdom anyway and no one else will ever be King ;-)
Made me smile this morning Brian, thanks!
It was clever the way you led us from one thing to another with such ease.
A "real man's" piece for sure! Enjoyed your write!
Rockin' to the rhythm of the night ... or the day too every one in a while. That aside, you really have made a strong point here. It is not about conquest or domination, it is supposed to be about closeness, intimacy, bonding, smoothing out the rough spots, ...., and great fun.
Hi! Brian...
"That's the cadence, but men why is it we equate sex with violence, death,conquest and dominance?"
What a good question?
Brian,
What an interesting title, metaphors, and play on words abound in your thought-provoking poetic words this Saturday morning.
Thanks, for sharing!
deedee ;-D
Okay, hands down, this is the best title you've ever come up with :) In my mind, there are two kinds of men, the ones who scare me and the ones who don't. I think you've touched a little on both kinds here. And, wow on the 3rd and 7th stanzas.
Some of are able to separate the sex from the violence and know that there are times when pulling the trigger does not give one an erection, but it allows for survival that there can be one on another day. Besides there ain't no trains away from Detroit except to Chicago, and you have to go to Chicago (350 miles) to get to Toledo (60 miles) on a train. Odd thing that.
"men why is it
we equate sex with violence, death,
conquest and dominance?"
Because we are empty, insecure and hate ourselves?
I like that slow easy ride in the train, really looking at eyes...
Enjoyed this ride Brian ~
See you later ~
Laugh out loud enjoyable - I loved the title (hey, it got me from another blog here for a read) and especially, 'redefine the parameters of the mission'. Can't wait to see what the poetics prompt is (I'll be guessing until then :)).
Always love the rides you take me on. A fresh perspective the guaranteed destination.
HEYYY! Going from Detroit 350 miles to Chicago, to arrive in Toledo, only 60 miles away...well, I just like to sit back, relax and enjoy the ride! (For the Walking Man--grin!)
Brian, you are a puzzle! How DO you do it? One masterpiece after another, rat-a-tat-a-tat-a-tat!!!!!!
I read then slower than you type them.
You've become so profound
With adjective and noun
And your juxtaposition
Defies all description
So I'll assume the position
And eagerly await your next edition
(Oh, I feel so silly this morning...it must be the cooler weather. Have a super weekend, Brian!)
After reading that last paragraph, I have a strong craving for a cigarette....and I don't even smoke! *wink*
this drew me in, a brilliant write ;)
Working the analogy here for all its worth and you take us on a fine ride--and some may like it slow, but no one could like it slow as Congress--not even sure they're still alive. Your 'real-eyes-ing' here is one of your best verbus interruptus yet.
Aaah, yes - enjoy the journey of the ride. That's just as much a part of it. Just focusing on the mission loses the beauty and excitement....;)
Beautifully unfolded. Between the lines. Loved it. More please. ;)
I like trains.
i enjoyed the contrasts in this poem. When it began, I didn't know where it was heading; but in the end I thoroughly enjoyed the ride.
I thoroughly enjoyed this entire piece. Rocked and rolled from one to the other so neatly.
Your train metaphor left me wanting to ride the rails! :o) And the commentary from your readers were a delight!
American hunters are all a foot in my backyard, I can hear the guns popping early in the morning, now I have a entirely new image to think about, would someone please get me a fan
I always enjoy reading the comments on your blog. You have some of the most interesting readers around.
=)
sue, i have some of the best blog friends around..smiles.
Brian, Nice take on the Train theme Claudia's got going on, well I'm assuming that's what it is seeing both your pieces are trains related. Lots of interesting things of notes in this piece. The humorous tone you take was quite nice, as was your splashing in of rhyme, the opening was very good indeed. The last think I'd like to note, which probably was a coincidence, but not withstanding, the title, Sex, Politics and Automatic Weapons Three modes(Tools) for corruption. Which is funny to me as Planes, Trains and Automobiles are 3 tools for transportation, yet if you look at it another way, they also can be 3 tools for destruction. Again, probably overthinking but popped in my head, and as I always say, a poem has much more depth than even the author intended- One of the many reasons I love poetry. Thanks for a good read
i always suspected that sex, politics and automatic weapons have something in common...they're tremendously powerful and in the right hands and wisely used, they build kingdoms...smiles
It would be a James Bond sort of poem about trains...anyway...wow, when the train came in the station I had a little smile on my face. You seem to know women, Brian.
That's one steamin' loco- motive, Brian!
You send a soldier out. You get the soldier all riled (rifled(?)) up, and get the testosterone going, and then set limits. What a way to fight a war!
Nicely done.
I love trains by the way.
--@terracecrawford
We're riding a bullet with this one, Brian, flying down the tracks...full steam ahead with a big ass cheese eating grin on my face! This was AWESOME :) Seriously!
Mellowing testosterone's rat-a-tat-tat with a train rides clack-a-clack: like cures like, wouldn't you say?
So... this is where you hide from the violence in other blogs? ツ
Haha told ya! You can't hide from the violent femmes even in your own bloggity blog!
p.s. I was going to just write "violence" but for some reason, probably because I happen to be a chick who is French I went and added the "femmes" nice unexpected touch hunh?
all that talk of guns has gotten me worked up - im off to polish my rifle - ha ha ha
great take brian
Brian~ Steamy...I love how the pace changes... and the passing a bill in Congress is perfect.
he arrives disarmed. i liked the way you opened and brought this one home.
you've got a great groove going on here, B-- a lot of atmosphere and color in this poem-- what a great prompt, yes? xxxj
"Obviously a poem about trains." Yup. It is. Your blog friends have said everything far more cleverly than I can. All I can say is I had to read this outloud a few times just for the fun of it. 1001 and still going strong, obviously, Brian.
Wow! You have a way with words!
A train ride as an alternative to violence -- I like it.
This is so clever and smart. I enjoyed the wordplay ride, the cinematic excitement that rolls down to the sea with you and me.I'm jealous.
Love the last stanza... nice.
what a journey ...thanks for taking us with you x
I have to agree very cool and great flow
Whew, this was on a fast speed train. For me, combining sex with violence is just to raw and too real. It is a joy to meet men who understand the difference and want the alternate sex with love.
the question u asked in second verse was worth a read....
I enjoyed the ride of this train :)
once again
the pen
is mightier than the sword.
LOVED the title - made me laugh out loud, which doesn't happen often when I'm alone reading blogs. Nice seque from guns to trains, and almost back again. Peace, Linda
A steamy bit of wordplay!
I'm pretty sure you had more fun on your train ride than I had on mine. Good one Brian! =) Real-eyes-ing... great!
redefining the parameters of the mission...always..haha.. forget the size, feel the rhythm.. :)
Great work!
I loved it :)
Came by your blog after so long and I've missed so much of it!
How have you been? :)
Ha ha! Quite the ride--clever and thoughtful at once.
Thank you.
Great writing - wonderful rhythm - and yes, slow down and enjoy the journey...
Genius!
all aboard for the automatic ride...ahem
Unique spin on the prompt, enjoyed your take. The ushered sense from force to flow really carried me in the read. ~ Rose
oh you brilliant man you I can only sleep in trains...Love this melo-mega of the stuff of emotions
Lots of smiles on this ride, starting with a fabulous title.
Love the jostling rock and roll on this train! It seems to depart from Sin City!
metaphorically... haha
Excellent train poetry. The rhythm and progression rocks forward. Excellent, Brian.
i like the beat here on the train. happy sunday to you! hope you and the fam enjoy it!
Wow. I don't know if you ever do readings, Mr. Brian, but you should. The onomatopoeia in this piece is just crying out to be heard in front of an audience.
A man who knows women...
GOL!!! (giggling out loud) !!!
So totally love this write!
Some of life best and worst moments in 10 minutes or less. This was so
good! Very witty writer!
great one, brian. stanzas 3 and 4 are crack ups - lol. And the metaphor of slow as congress is a good contrast. glad you told us of the train ride last - left me feeling satisfied (smiles)
Awesome ride. Love the sounds and rhythm in the third stanza - the uzi clicks and zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz especially.
Submit, submit sub-
oops, sorry so fast, the unequal equivalent
of an uzi....brata-tat-tat (click)
oh, sorry honey, my clip's spent
here's a wet nap, speaking of a nap
ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ
ha!ha!great ride - made me lol!
~deb
awesome write, Brian. :)
Train rides are so much better than violence. . . especially when the journey is winding and long and slow through the country.
There's a reason the image of a train going thru a tunnel is so full of innuendo!
you sure got the rushed cadence in this poem!
I must say I'm often on the train lately, yet do not cease the opportunity to unwind, breathe and enjoy . I'll have to try again this week.
Glad you're not a "real man" fitting all those macho clichés. We don't need those
Wow! Excellent!
We all are being taken for a bit of a ride lately. I hope that the politics and automatic weapons can leave. Sex can stick around.
Sorry I'm always late with my comments lately.
This one is brilliant. What a mind you have.
nice!
Brian, Brian, Brian...look what you've done to poor Tracy. She's normally so quiet and shy...now she's going to "assume the position". Which position do you suppose that would be? :)
Post a Comment