Saturday, September 17, 2011

Poetics: Sex, Politics and Automatic Weapons (obviously a poem about Trains)

This is my rifle, this is my gun
This one's for fighting, this one's for fun

That's the cadence, but men why is it
we equate sex with violence, death,
conquest and dominance?

Submit, submit sub-
oops, sorry so fast, the unequal equivalent
of an uzi....brata-tat-tat (click)
oh, sorry honey, my clip's spent
here's a wet nap, speaking of a nap
ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

Excuse me, excuse me
put your guns away please, and no
we're not impressed by your M-16,
size ain't the thing,
with a quick sprung spring

Now, let's slow...it...down....
and redefine the parameters of the mission, it's

Like passing a bill in Congress? Naw, you need
more than just hot air lip service, and a parkway
drive on Sunday, might be nice occassionally
but in excess leave you limp, metaphorically

Better yet, take seat on the train
through the greenery and trees, in-joy
the scenery with no need to hurry, cars rock'n
roll easy motion as you head round the mountains,
building temp in the boiler, for up over half hour, then
smooth clack the rails as you thrum through the valley,
cause then at least when you come, shuddering,
into the station, both expent of all steam
you can look her in the eyes, real-eyes-ing
you never even brandished a weapon
in this coup to be king. 


Today at dVerse Poets Pub, Claudia will be hosting Poetics where you won't need a ticket to come aboard this poetry prompt. It leaves the station at 3 pm EST.

78 comments:

Pat Hatt said...

Oh your rhyme sucked me in
Then I boarded the train full of sin
But somewhere along the way it slowed a bit
And no longer seemed to have a gun touting fit
No longer equating sex to all the barbaric crap
Slowing down for a longer lap
But with the media and movies and crap now a days
It seems that is always how it plays
Do it in a blaze
For 30 seconds of screen time to be all the craze

HisFireFly said...

Yes, take a seat on the train, unwind, breathe, take a moment to enjoy the ride -- there's only one Kingdom anyway and no one else will ever be King ;-)

Made me smile this morning Brian, thanks!

Valerie said...

It was clever the way you led us from one thing to another with such ease.

annell said...

A "real man's" piece for sure! Enjoyed your write!

Daniel said...

Rockin' to the rhythm of the night ... or the day too every one in a while. That aside, you really have made a strong point here. It is not about conquest or domination, it is supposed to be about closeness, intimacy, bonding, smoothing out the rough spots, ...., and great fun.

Who Is Afraid Of Miss Lovett? No, Mrs.Lovett... said...

Hi! Brian...
"That's the cadence, but men why is it we equate sex with violence, death,conquest and dominance?"

What a good question?
Brian,
What an interesting title, metaphors, and play on words abound in your thought-provoking poetic words this Saturday morning.

Thanks, for sharing!
deedee ;-D

lori said...

Okay, hands down, this is the best title you've ever come up with :) In my mind, there are two kinds of men, the ones who scare me and the ones who don't. I think you've touched a little on both kinds here. And, wow on the 3rd and 7th stanzas.

the walking man said...

Some of are able to separate the sex from the violence and know that there are times when pulling the trigger does not give one an erection, but it allows for survival that there can be one on another day. Besides there ain't no trains away from Detroit except to Chicago, and you have to go to Chicago (350 miles) to get to Toledo (60 miles) on a train. Odd thing that.

Heaven said...

"men why is it
we equate sex with violence, death,
conquest and dominance?"

Because we are empty, insecure and hate ourselves?

I like that slow easy ride in the train, really looking at eyes...

Enjoyed this ride Brian ~

See you later ~

chromapoesy.com said...

Laugh out loud enjoyable - I loved the title (hey, it got me from another blog here for a read) and especially, 'redefine the parameters of the mission'. Can't wait to see what the poetics prompt is (I'll be guessing until then :)).

Bonnie said...

Always love the rides you take me on. A fresh perspective the guaranteed destination.

Steve E said...

HEYYY! Going from Detroit 350 miles to Chicago, to arrive in Toledo, only 60 miles away...well, I just like to sit back, relax and enjoy the ride! (For the Walking Man--grin!)

Brian, you are a puzzle! How DO you do it? One masterpiece after another, rat-a-tat-a-tat-a-tat!!!!!!

I read then slower than you type them.

lifeisaroadtrip said...

You've become so profound
With adjective and noun
And your juxtaposition
Defies all description
So I'll assume the position
And eagerly await your next edition

(Oh, I feel so silly this morning...it must be the cooler weather. Have a super weekend, Brian!)

Pat said...

After reading that last paragraph, I have a strong craving for a cigarette....and I don't even smoke! *wink*

David Allen Waters said...

this drew me in, a brilliant write ;)

hedgewitch said...

Working the analogy here for all its worth and you take us on a fine ride--and some may like it slow, but no one could like it slow as Congress--not even sure they're still alive. Your 'real-eyes-ing' here is one of your best verbus interruptus yet.

Tara Miller said...

Aaah, yes - enjoy the journey of the ride. That's just as much a part of it. Just focusing on the mission loses the beauty and excitement....;)

She Writes said...

Beautifully unfolded. Between the lines. Loved it. More please. ;)

happygirl said...

I like trains.

Mary said...

i enjoyed the contrasts in this poem. When it began, I didn't know where it was heading; but in the end I thoroughly enjoyed the ride.

Cheryl said...

I thoroughly enjoyed this entire piece. Rocked and rolled from one to the other so neatly.

5thsister said...

Your train metaphor left me wanting to ride the rails! :o) And the commentary from your readers were a delight!

Christine said...

American hunters are all a foot in my backyard, I can hear the guns popping early in the morning, now I have a entirely new image to think about, would someone please get me a fan

Sue said...

I always enjoy reading the comments on your blog. You have some of the most interesting readers around.

=)

Brian Miller said...

sue, i have some of the best blog friends around..smiles.

Fred said...

Brian, Nice take on the Train theme Claudia's got going on, well I'm assuming that's what it is seeing both your pieces are trains related. Lots of interesting things of notes in this piece. The humorous tone you take was quite nice, as was your splashing in of rhyme, the opening was very good indeed. The last think I'd like to note, which probably was a coincidence, but not withstanding, the title, Sex, Politics and Automatic Weapons Three modes(Tools) for corruption. Which is funny to me as Planes, Trains and Automobiles are 3 tools for transportation, yet if you look at it another way, they also can be 3 tools for destruction. Again, probably overthinking but popped in my head, and as I always say, a poem has much more depth than even the author intended- One of the many reasons I love poetry. Thanks for a good read

Claudia said...

i always suspected that sex, politics and automatic weapons have something in common...they're tremendously powerful and in the right hands and wisely used, they build kingdoms...smiles

Rebecca S. said...

It would be a James Bond sort of poem about trains...anyway...wow, when the train came in the station I had a little smile on my face. You seem to know women, Brian.

Vicki Lane said...

That's one steamin' loco- motive, Brian!

zongrik said...

You send a soldier out. You get the soldier all riled (rifled(?)) up, and get the testosterone going, and then set limits. What a way to fight a war!

Terrace Crawford said...

Nicely done.

I love trains by the way.

--@terracecrawford

Natasha said...

We're riding a bullet with this one, Brian, flying down the tracks...full steam ahead with a big ass cheese eating grin on my face! This was AWESOME :) Seriously!

Brendan said...

Mellowing testosterone's rat-a-tat-tat with a train rides clack-a-clack: like cures like, wouldn't you say?

Nikki Rules said...

So... this is where you hide from the violence in other blogs? ツ

Haha told ya! You can't hide from the violent femmes even in your own bloggity blog!

p.s. I was going to just write "violence" but for some reason, probably because I happen to be a chick who is French I went and added the "femmes" nice unexpected touch hunh?

Arron Shilling said...

all that talk of guns has gotten me worked up - im off to polish my rifle - ha ha ha

great take brian

Laurie Kolp said...

Brian~ Steamy...I love how the pace changes... and the passing a bill in Congress is perfect.

Ed Pilolla said...

he arrives disarmed. i liked the way you opened and brought this one home.

jen revved said...

you've got a great groove going on here, B-- a lot of atmosphere and color in this poem-- what a great prompt, yes? xxxj

JeannetteLS said...

"Obviously a poem about trains." Yup. It is. Your blog friends have said everything far more cleverly than I can. All I can say is I had to read this outloud a few times just for the fun of it. 1001 and still going strong, obviously, Brian.

Help! Mama Remote... said...

Wow! You have a way with words!

Glynn said...

A train ride as an alternative to violence -- I like it.

Beachanny said...

This is so clever and smart. I enjoyed the wordplay ride, the cinematic excitement that rolls down to the sea with you and me.I'm jealous.

wolfsrosebud said...

Love the last stanza... nice.

kez said...

what a journey ...thanks for taking us with you x

blackswanpoetry said...

I have to agree very cool and great flow

TechnoBabe said...

Whew, this was on a fast speed train. For me, combining sex with violence is just to raw and too real. It is a joy to meet men who understand the difference and want the alternate sex with love.

Jyoti Mishra said...

the question u asked in second verse was worth a read....

I enjoyed the ride of this train :)

nance marie said...

once again
the pen
is mightier than the sword.

lindakruschke said...

LOVED the title - made me laugh out loud, which doesn't happen often when I'm alone reading blogs. Nice seque from guns to trains, and almost back again. Peace, Linda

Eva Gallant said...

A steamy bit of wordplay!

Patricia said...

I'm pretty sure you had more fun on your train ride than I had on mine. Good one Brian! =) Real-eyes-ing... great!

beckykilsby said...

redefining the parameters of the mission...always..haha.. forget the size, feel the rhythm.. :)

♫♪♥PhilO♥♪♫ said...

Great work!
I loved it :)
Came by your blog after so long and I've missed so much of it!
How have you been? :)

ds said...

Ha ha! Quite the ride--clever and thoughtful at once.
Thank you.

ladyfi said...

Great writing - wonderful rhythm - and yes, slow down and enjoy the journey...

Deborah said...

Genius!

John (@bookdreamer) said...

all aboard for the automatic ride...ahem

C Rose said...

Unique spin on the prompt, enjoyed your take. The ushered sense from force to flow really carried me in the read. ~ Rose

Lorraine said...

oh you brilliant man you I can only sleep in trains...Love this melo-mega of the stuff of emotions

Ruth said...

Lots of smiles on this ride, starting with a fabulous title.

Gemma Wiseman said...

Love the jostling rock and roll on this train! It seems to depart from Sin City!

eclipsingwinter said...

metaphorically... haha

Excellent train poetry. The rhythm and progression rocks forward. Excellent, Brian.

Heather said...

i like the beat here on the train. happy sunday to you! hope you and the fam enjoy it!

Strumpet said...

Wow. I don't know if you ever do readings, Mr. Brian, but you should. The onomatopoeia in this piece is just crying out to be heard in front of an audience.

LadyCat said...

A man who knows women...

seasideauthor said...

GOL!!! (giggling out loud) !!!
So totally love this write!
Some of life best and worst moments in 10 minutes or less. This was so
good! Very witty writer!

Sheila Moore said...

great one, brian. stanzas 3 and 4 are crack ups - lol. And the metaphor of slow as congress is a good contrast. glad you told us of the train ride last - left me feeling satisfied (smiles)

Uneven Stephen said...

Awesome ride. Love the sounds and rhythm in the third stanza - the uzi clicks and zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz especially.

Debbie Dawnslight said...

Submit, submit sub-
oops, sorry so fast, the unequal equivalent
of an uzi....brata-tat-tat (click)
oh, sorry honey, my clip's spent
here's a wet nap, speaking of a nap
ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

ha!ha!great ride - made me lol!
~deb

ayala said...

awesome write, Brian. :)

Pastor Sharon said...

Train rides are so much better than violence. . . especially when the journey is winding and long and slow through the country.

Lolamouse said...

There's a reason the image of a train going thru a tunnel is so full of innuendo!

Goofball said...

you sure got the rushed cadence in this poem!

I must say I'm often on the train lately, yet do not cease the opportunity to unwind, breathe and enjoy . I'll have to try again this week.

Glad you're not a "real man" fitting all those macho clichés. We don't need those

Madeleine Begun Kane said...

Wow! Excellent!

Syd said...

We all are being taken for a bit of a ride lately. I hope that the politics and automatic weapons can leave. Sex can stick around.

Myrna R. said...

Sorry I'm always late with my comments lately.

This one is brilliant. What a mind you have.

haikulovesongs said...

nice!

Magpie said...

Brian, Brian, Brian...look what you've done to poor Tracy. She's normally so quiet and shy...now she's going to "assume the position". Which position do you suppose that would be? :)