Monday, September 12, 2011

Magpie Tales: Much ado about nothing, now where is the hamburger?

The local college theatre is performing Shakespeare this season, Romeo and Juliet.

Neon rainbow Warhol-like posters cling to light poles, like children begging for the next new piece of plastic peddled for too much hard earned money, and every billboard in four counties their staple gun can blow holes in. Two for one, a drive by shooting and graffiti, all in one.

And I envision broke college kids pleading, We are putting this on, please come.

As much as I love art, it is the fact that I can not stand to see people beg, that motivates my asking of my boys if they might like to see a play sometime.

My six year old son, the daredevil willing to throw his body off perfectly good walls on anything with four wheels, or two, and has to take his shoes off to tally the number of stitches in his body, at present, answers first, his finger out stretched to the entwined, tight jeaned and ringed bodies that represent the true tension within the Montague~Capulet conflict, whose stars are not the only thing crossed, but i digress, and says, "Yeah we already know someone dies."

"Well, yes but the point is," is already on my lips when he adds, "Another gnome gets run over and shatters into a million pieces while racing lawnmowers."

Not to be out done, my more cultured, newly promoted gifted program, crayola wielding, sometimes stage dancing, ever dramatic and willing to break into song in the most awkward of circumstances, eight year old son proudly proclaims, "And Taylor Swift does all the music."

And begins singing, "Romeo save me, I dont even know, I'll be waiting and I've got a race to run, you be the prince and I'll be the princess, It's a love story, baby just say yes."

Which are not even the right words, but I know better than to try correcting him in fear of another verse, which will surely get us excommunicated from the church, especially if he starts shaking his hips. Yes, it gets a little conservative around these parts where the Bible belts buckle pierces wings like push pins pinning butterflies to the corkboard, but I digress again,

Because all I can think about in this moment is all the people in London and fear they are feeling the tremors of old Willie, as I like to affectionately refer to him, is sending out from Stratford-upon-Avon, Warwickshire as he rolls over in his grave and if the curse invoked on his resting place would fall upon us, if he got up and walked among us.

A revenant cloaked in a white linen, hair a bit mussed, I imagine he would fit right in, among the other lost souls scribbling word on page, just waiting for the day they die to become pop-cultures next big thing. Perhaps happy that hundreds of years later that he can still swirl world views at lines penneed by his finger, yet maybe feeling a bit like Lucrece every time a certain song comes on the radio, but I hear two men in Verona readily approve.

I shake it off quick, grab a cart and push on into Walmart, humming a Lou Reed song, I can not seem to remember the name of, and like everyone else search for my pound of hamburger for dinner...and perhaps fava beans.

This is a Magpie Tale. All characters are real and conversations repeated to the best of the narrators abilities. Smiles.

80 comments:

Patricia said...

... the Bible belts buckle pierces wings like push pins pinning butterflies to the corkboard...

oh boy, that's a whole 'nother pot of coffe we could share. Enjoyed reading this Brian. =)

(and how could I possibly be at the top of the comments list?!)

Suz said...

how many stitches?

Daniel said...

O.K., you made me smile with this one. Very welcome after some struggles that I have been through this morning. Shalom my friend.

Pat Hatt said...

haha is the bible belt that conservative
Can't they just live and let live
Sounds like a fun convo in which you'll never win
So good idea just taking the walmart cart and pushing it on in

the walking man said...

If my kids weren't already adult;ts I'd make you a trade in a second...hell I'd make the trade now still. I take it then that the local college is not going to be selling seats to the Brian clan.

Dave King said...

I'm still chuckling.

Betsy said...

Oh I loved this...for all kinds of reasons! ;)

izzy said...

The specter could be on his way out
(having woken up and shown up late-)
mussed hair and all- to get his fix of theater-(even "Willie")- and on his way passed through Walmart which is enough to make even him shudder! * smiles* as you say-

Bossy Betty said...

Love your writing, Brian--so full of warmth and details and deep thoughts.

ModernMom said...

Adored this on so many reasons. Must check with my girls to be sure they know Romeo and Juliet are so much more then nomes in a garden :)

Steve E said...

"...to the best of the narrator's abilities."

The abilities of the narrator are multiple and unique. Why do my trips to Walmart not read like that?

CM said...

So will you end up taking them to the play???

Nice write, quite funny! And I can totally relate to the daredevil son, except mine is only three!

David Allen Waters said...

this brought a huge smile...reminds me of my very much an actress niece Hailey ;)

Ruthiey said...

Major smiles. I love how much humor is packed into this slice of life. :)

The Bug said...

I love this story - especially the end. Fava beans indeed :)

Daydreamertoo said...

Haha... what a fun read.
Kids are so funny and the best thing is, they do it without even trying! Your boys sound like quite a pair to keep you busy. I think Willy would have a grand laugh. He did have a sense of humour at times, among the tragedy ;)
Loved every bit of this :)
RYN. I think it was to do with the top Amazon ad on my page.. I don't know, it's been freezing up on me here and there too. What browser do you use ? I've swopped the ad for a diff one of theirs now and, hope it's better, seems to be for me anyway.

Mama Zen said...

This made me smile, Brian! I just loved this.

Lolamouse said...

Hey, do we live in the same town? Oh, that's right, Walmart and Bible thumping conservatives are EVERYWHERE!!!

Eva Gallant said...

Love that Shakespeare is rolling over in his grave! I chuckled my way through this one!

She Writes said...

:). Yeah, I know about the song verse thing! The words the kids come up with are hilarious and a bit frightening for us parents in public on occasion, especially when more conservative ears are accidentally tuned in on purpose. And who can blame them?

Nikki Rules said...

I'm somehow comforted in the balance of your family - one boy who dreams of racing cars and one boy who is a living musical. How cool your family dinners must be!

barbara said...

Great fun, Brian. Can't go stale around kids like that, can you?

(I live in one of those pushpins, too.)

Sue said...

My adult children are the funniest and most entertaining people I know. Looks like you are going to share that blessing.

(You already do!)

=)

Monkey Man said...

Lou Reed....yup....that's the answer.

lori said...

Oh, thank you for this. You had me laughing all the way through with some fantastic digressions. This was a refreshing turn for you, and I enjoyed it all. Taylor Swift gets a lot of air time at our place thanks to our 8 yr old. Should I be embarrassed that I know the right words? This was much fun :)

Words A Day said...

Wonderful! Some of the writing in this stunned me - where the Bible belts buckle pierces wings like push pins pinning butterflies to the corkboard...is just great. And of course the kids are brilliant too:)

Brandee Shafer said...

Well, it's a thing, and I think you capture it. Imitation being the best form of flattery...or some such. But it is troublesome, sometimes: Gnomeo, etc. I think my heart would break moreso at a remake of _The Wizard of Oz_, which tells you something about me and my (sincere but inadequate) admiration of Shakespeare.

I think I will be glad and surprised to be known on down the pike, after I'm dead. Even if something I've created is turned into a cartoon.

Glenn Buttkus said...

Wonderfully overwhelmingly irreverent,
and bang on with honest levity, and
healthy sarcasm, for even though many
of us support the notion that the
classics should stand the test of
a modern interpretation, one still
has to smile; reminds me of that
odd film, ROMEO + JULIET, with
Leonardo De Caprio. You will love
the new film coming out that has
as its premise Shakespeare never
actually wrote one word of his
great works.

Berowne said...

Interesting; we both decided to go with Shakespeare. Well done.

thingy said...

I'd like to think Will would be amused.

I was amused by your great story. The Bible Belt and Taylor Swift... too much. : )

Lyn said...

It feels like a very special production..and Will is one revenant who can't stay put...All of your digressions are fun...and a walk on the wild side with Lou is OK with me!

hedgewitch said...

Love your ruminations here, brian, as you speculate with the help of your offspring on the next culture club event-- but the fava beans make the piece and say the Bible belt will just have to be loosened up a bit.

ed pilolla said...

this read like a vignette, only with a perfect amount of thoughts to accompany the action. your boys sound like a ton of fun:)

jabblog said...

Your sons have it right:-)

blueviolet said...

Well, at least they know some version of the classic.

Tara Miller said...

Your re-telling of this story makes me laugh and love our boys truthful innocence. It never crossed my mind that they would refer to Gnomeo and Juliet...still giggling.

Reflections said...

Probably my favorite of all lines in this, and there were many...
the Bible belts buckle pierces wings like push pins pinning butterflies to the corkboard... so much said, yet not said in this magical combination of words.

Many smiles on this one!

Poetry Pastiche said...

You are such a great writer; I'm so glad you shared this tale with us. I find myself in similar situations with song lyrics and shaking hips ... my girls', not mine; I know to keep mine at home and not take them out at church. :)

Madhulika said...

Of all your posts that I have read, I really loved this one the most... ;)

signed...bkm said...

you seem to have captured everyone with the Bible belt piecing..a lot to ado here....bkm

Jo Bryant said...

Children are so funny aren't they?

Ann Grenier said...

I love this Brian. Love the new tone you have established. Very enjoyable. Like the white linen (as in shroud) observation. Dare I say cool? smiles...as someone I know often says.

Friko said...

Never a dull day round here.

ayala said...

I love this, Brian....Gnome and Juliet was so cute...loved the music! Great write...your boys sound so cute.

Titanium said...

Ahhh, the wisdom of children...

Mystic_Mom said...

This is just so cool, love your writing Brian!

Magpie said...

I believe thou doth wax poetic here, Brian. But what a funny tale you tell. They must keep you in stitches (no pun intended).

Heaven said...

Enjoyable read.. The stories our children tell.. I can relate to as well.

Have a good night ~

Christine said...

I loved this, all of it, until you mentioned the fact that you were buying your meat from Walmart...ok, I'm over it now, since they are the biggest buyer at the manufacturing business my husband works for.

Fred said...

Really nice write Brian, the whole discussion/episode with your kids and the narrative you provided was priceless. Thanks

adeeyoyo said...

Bwahaha, Brian! Of course you will all go to the play, after swearing them to silence so's not to embarrass the bible belting brothers. Love it!

Evelyn said...

I love your style. Prose meets reality in delicious waves.
Awesome.

Jackie Jordan said...

This was an excellent story from an outstanding writer, flowing with witty repartee.

Cloudia said...

you are good!



Aloha from Waikiki;


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Margaret said...

I think the Bard would love your boys...

Slamdunk said...

Sounds like you have your hands full with the rugged individualism there.

ladyfi said...

LOL - I've seen that film too!

Susan Deborah said...

Kids, by Jove. Great entertainment free of cost.

Joy always,
Susan

Joseph Pulikotil said...

Hello Brian,

Your son reminds me of my own eldest son who was so full of spider man,he man, iron man etc. that one day while walking with his mother to the market, he rushed to the middle of the road to stop a fast moving heavily loaded truck. The diver taken by surprise applied brakes so hard that the truck came to a screeching halt almost close to within inches of hitting my son. The drivers eye popped out and he sat in truck breathing heavily for a few seconds. Then he got out of the truck and started abusing my wife in the filthiest words a man could utter. My wife apologized profusely and tried to move away as fast as she could. Yet the man was screaming abuses at her.

Shakespeare has done great service to English literature than all the other English writers and poets put together. His name is revered all over the world. Every now and then Shakespeare's plays are staged in Kochi, where I live. The Bard of Avon is truly a great man.

It is good to hear you talking about him in such humorous words.

Best wishes,
Joseph

Zuzana said...

This post is funny for so many reasons; I just used a Shakespearean quote in my post title today and I also just returned from a short trip to England.;)
Ok, so many this is not the reaction you expected, dear friend, but it made me smile.;)
Hope you have been well dear Brian, am trying to catch up on your wonderful writing.;))
xoxo

Valerie said...

Fab read, Brian, and yes Willie did have a sense of humour.

Lorraine said...

LOL I love this, 'let's just kiss and say Goodbye' Lou Rawls 'You'll never find, another love like mine'
etc...etc...

Syd said...

I like your son's take. Old Willy has no doubt turned and spun before.

Shadow said...

the description of your 2 boys is absolutely stunning - so vivid and colourful - a father who knows them well...

kaykuala said...

Big grins, couldn't help smiling by myself. Romeo and Juliet can turn out tinged with humour.

Hank

sharmishtha said...

good one brian.

Goofball said...

so did you go with them to the play?

you have fun conversations at home

formerlyonlyamovie said...

I think Shakespeare would welcome the interpretation. Your kids crack me up.

Tumblewords: said...

Oh, such fun! Such fun!

Trellissimo said...

Never a dull moment Brian!

Baino said...

Hahaha . . .loved it. Should have dragged them kicking and screaming to see the work of the Baird. Awesome stuff once you get past the language. I miss the theatre *sob*

Lena said...

Brian - you can never beat a kid! Old Willy's probably spun so many times he's made a tunnel.....! Sadly, that's showbiz!

Tess Kincaid said...

Loved the bit of Shakespeare...that's a new twist for you, Brian...

bodhirose said...

I just love the interplay between children and their parents--so fun to listen in! Thanks, Brian.

william said...

your ownership of shakespeare was quite thrilling and funny as well, bravo mate..

the cello strings said...

unintended humor, especially when it comes from your own kids, is thrilling.

Thanks for the entertainment.
Not everyone can write short stories touching a wide range of topics, the way you do.

Myrna R. said...

Fortunately, your boys have not been influenced by the tightness of that tight belt buckle.

They sound magnificent in their individuality. I suspect they get some of their talents from their Dad.

This was a great write Brian. How you can weave, Shakespeare and your boys in response to a meme prompt is amazing.

Pat said...

This made me giggle!

haikulovesongs said...

{{smile}}

ds said...

Ha ha. Poor Wild Willie, his doomed lovers reduced to lawn ornaments. Fortunately, your kids have you to set them straight (even as they keep you on your toes!).
Hope the hamburger didn't taste like belt-leather. Did you score a "nice Chianti" to go with?