Thursday, September 8, 2011

FormForAll: We all bleed, read


Don't kill the mockingbirds,
thanks to Harper Lee's how to.
A drawn caricature, rather absurd
there's more than paper torn in two

thanks to Harper Lee's How to.
We follow Atticus into prejudice
there's more than paper torn in two
Boo Radley, come save us.

We follow Atticus into prejudice
where heart color means less than skin
Boo Radley come save us
from demons without and within.

Where heart color means less than skin;
a drawn caricature, rather absurd,
from demons without and within.
Don't kill the mockingbirds.

Over at dVerse Poets Pub, Gay Cannon is teaching us pantoum. Honestly, I don't do form poetry. I struggle. But the gauntlet was thrown down, so I did one and sent it to Gay and after getting the ok, scrapped it and wrote another. Ha.


73 comments:

Fred said...

Brian, Wow, Never made it to your site as the first before, usually down near 60 or later, almost don't know what to write lol Pantoum is one of my favorite forms and I've forwent a few things before the game in order to read what's down so far. You did a great job with it and the TKAM themed piece was nice. It's still a book I hold dear to heart, Boo was indeed one of the first interesting, scary, yet misunderstood characters I can remember and Atticus was the Everything to Scout, father, teacher and his profession just was fitting for who he is. The title was nice as well. Anyhow, a bit long here, but nothing new for me. Thanks for the write, it was a pleasure to read,

chiccoreal said...

Dear Brian: Inspiring take on Tw Kill A Mockingbird. A pantoum eh? Pretty damn good!

Myrna R. said...

I think you do form very well.

It's so nice to be reading your creative thoughts once again.

Cloudia said...

Enjoy your labors!



Aloha from Waikiki;


Comfort Spiral


> < } } ( ° >



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lori said...

Yes! I love that you jumped into this one. And, To Kill a Mockingbird is always a winner, always.

"Boo Radley, come save us."

Excellent, and my favorite line by far. Well done, Brian. Well done.

:)

Pat Hatt said...

I think you borrowed some of my psychicness, I just watched the movie to this a few days ago.
Really brought out the essence of the book
Interesting form from the dVerse nook
You pulled it off great too
I even think you saved a mockingbird or two..haha

Ed Pilolla said...

that kind of art always disturbs me, but i found this piece surreal and absurd, so it was very effective.

Heaven said...

First time I see you writing in a form and see me: *clapping my hands*.

Still the form doesn't change your voice nor words.. still grips the with words like demons.. mockingbirds... like this line:
where heart color means less than skin

This time though, I will pass on the form by Gay. I am feel that I am losing "my voice" lately with forms.

The Bug said...

LOVE this! It's a difficult form (for me anyway - hard to write something that makes sense) - you did a great job.

Shawna said...

This is really good! I'm impressed, Brian. I haven't even given this one a go yet. But I'm sure I won't be able to resist.

This is an excellent line: "there's more than paper torn in two." Glad you got to use it more than once. :)

Arron Shilling said...

this is awesome brian - it felt different from your usual style (which you know i dig) - possibly because of the form - who cares!

i loved it

Brian Miller said...

yeah, i dont like form...sorry...ugh...it is so hard for me...let me find the beat and roll the rhyme...i can do that...but put me ina box and i wither...lol...but Tash threw the gauntlet down with a double dog dare today and had to take it up...smiles.

G-Man said...

Hmmmmm....

Gemma Wiseman said...

Love that first line! A neatly packaged drama in itself! And then the demons lurking make this a darkly beautiful pantoum!

PattiKen said...

Wow, good for you, Brian. I looked at the pantoum example on dVerse, and I could feel the muse head for hills. You did a great job with it.

Pat said...

Sometimes we all could use a Boo Radley in our lives!

snowelf said...

Brian, I just love this. Not to mention that To kill a mockingbird is my favorite book of all time. Bravo!!

--snow

Daniel said...

I am not sure that I get this one. Actually I am sure I don't. I see from a few comments this has something to do with "To Kill a Mockingbird". Never read that one or saw the movie. Who is Henry Lee? Wasn't the author of TKAM Harper Lee?

Betsy said...

this form looks difficult but you did a great job with it...love that book and the movie...wow, it's been a while, though!

Blue Cotton Memory said...

To Kill a Mocking Bird - it's one of the few books and movies I can't decide which is better. It was all about heart, and heart fighting through the world! You brought that out - I had felt that, but not put it into words like you did.

adeeyoyo said...

Repetition always makes my head turn the poem into a song, Brian. I like what you have done here.

ayala said...

Nice, Brian. I love..where heart color means less than skin...great.

Laurie Kolp said...

Brian~ As always, unique and very clever... love the reference to TKAM.

oceangirl said...

Pantun is Malay, Malay is Pantun :) We speak in hints all the time:) The first two lines are kiasan - not related to the message of the last two lines but beautiful picture, normally of nature. Some pantuns are so famous and message are so well-known, we just have to speak of the first two lines.

I would like to try this, but I've got to go to work too. Last week's Ghazal was Malay too (of course from Arabic influence) but I did not get to try out.

Yours is wonderful Brian, so you:)

Brian Miller said...

it is harper lee daniel...i fixed...thanks...not much to get other than playing off the book which itself carries the real message...the mockingbirds in the book title represent the goodness in people in contradiction to the ugliness of prejudice...def worth reading...

Matthew said...

I am of the firm belief that you are incapable of writing anything that's not instantly compelling.

I've not been around Blogland lately - and I may still not be around that frequently - but when I am, I'll be sure to drop by.

Beachanny said...

I meant to be first to your blog and I'm 27th. I am tempted to anonymously post your first one. It was so good and clever!

TKAM is one of my all time favorite novels...after Huckleberry Finn and Pride and Prejudice and Sense and Sensibility...they're my top 3. You say every time you're not comfortable with form; yet, in one day (I might shout!) you wrote not one but two pantoums and both were charming, original, clever and this one so touching -- a poetic tribute and summary of the book. Not only that, you never lost your own "distinctive voice". I might triple dog dare you on sonnets sir...I believe there a couple in your future catalog! Genius, as always

lindakruschke said...

I'd say 3rd times the charm, but you only tried it twice, so that doesn't work. I think you did a fine job with the pantoum form. Your subject was a good one. Peace, Linda

Beachanny said...

I have no idea why my fingers omitted the word "are" above.

Tara Miller said...

You did an awesome job with this dare! Bravo.

Christine said...

I can relate, I looked at that form and I just don't have the time to attempt it, job well done Brian, you are so gifted!

hedgewitch said...

Great work, brian. Seriously--you aced it. Like I said, form is just a different way of making stuff up. I need to write one as I like this form but my brain is fried atm. "there's more than paper torn in two..." good stuff.

kkrige said...

A very challenging form Brian & I think you did a reasonable job. What did the first one look like? teehee. :)

KB said...

Give yourself a pat on the back. You did good.

Jo Bryant said...

Wow - such an interesting angle to take for this form and it worked well. :)

Celestial Dreamz said...

oh I just loved this form and your treatment of it. ... your are quite a winner here :-)

Madhulika said...

Loved the line "Where heart color means less than skin"
it speaks a thousand word :)

JOHN said...

Brian,
It has been a long time since Ive stopped by.Good to see your still blogging.And you have alot of recent blogger comments.Ive recently started blogging again.But with facebook keeping us posting one line sentences.Kind of hard to come up with a blog.
Take care

Selina Kingston said...

Hmmm - heartening to know that even you have issues with some types of writing....but reading this, who would know ??

Valerie said...

I don't do form very well, hell, I don't do anything well other than prose. I can't find out what pantoum means. It's not in my dictionary.

Lorraine said...

don't kill the mockinbirds...that's all I got sorry I'm French when I was a child I knew no English ..so the stories you read I have no knowledge of lol

Daydreamertoo said...

You've been very busy. This reminded me of the expression 'Don't shoot the messenger' for some reason. I don't know why.
Very nicely done.

Cheryl said...

Glad you gave it a go. Interesting results. Some of the lines are popping good.

DJan said...

Gads! I am the 44th commenter on here, and I just got lost in a book for a little while! Fabulous, and the picture makes me keep coming back for one more look.

JStar said...

VERY NICE Brian! You cant even tell you struggled on this one...It flows soo beautiful...Giving such a message....

David Allen Waters said...

dude, you always leave me wanting more...

Brian Miller said...

ha, ok you are being generous...smiles.

there are a few lines that really work for me...

where heart color means less than skin...for me that sums up racism

more than paper torn in two...it is an allusion to a scene in the book where the girl rips a sketch of a mockingbird

eh, it was a fun try....think i will stick tomy normal schtick though...

Art and Soul, Ink said...

Beautifully done Brian! I loved this challenge. Trying to see ahead is something I can do well, but never have I had to do it while considering lines I must reuse. I'm going to do the other past FormForAlls today, just to hone my craft :)

Justin said...

Great tribute to a great book.

Natasha said...

Brian! Yay you! You stepped up to the challenge and slayed the beast of form :) Love the subject, (a favorite read for me) and LOVE the title. You have made my day, Poet :) Thanks for playing along!

TechnoBabe said...

The picture looks like birds are leaving their homes, being replaced by ties that bind in earth time.

Sheila Moore said...

Brian, it has been 20 years since I read that book but I think it is coming back to me. You did an excellent job with the form and I am still cracking up that Tash double dog dared you - lol!

AmyLK said...

Heaven is right. Form doesn't change your voice. This is so good!

Magpie said...

I agree with trying to stay within the "lines" of form. You did a wonderful job. Of course, I don't know or understand what the form was or should have been. :) I just love your words as always.
This is my all-time favorite book. I fell in love with Gregory Peck when I was a young girl and saw the movie.
Happy Friday!

Pearl said...

Hmm. I may be one of the only people in the U.S. who hasn't read this book...

AND I'd never heard of a pantoum.

WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON WITH MY EDUCATION?!!!

:-)

Pearl

Reflections said...

Great piece Brian! For staying away from form, you did very well.

manicddaily said...

Hi Brian--I tried to comment once, and didn't seem to take it. A wonderful pantoum and interesting choice of topic. Great book/movie, with its own interweave. Love the way the meanings change. K.

blueviolet said...

One of my favorite stories ever, and with a message that always bears repeating.

Heather said...

i have to agree with you - I LOVE the line where a heart color means less than skin! so good -
Enjoy your Friday! I am off to celebrate! :)

Sue said...

I love the rhythm of this form.

Well done!

=)

C Rose said...

I like seeing you in this form you really pinned it together well. Its a favorite read of mine 'mockingbird' liked seeing you spin it in poetry. ~ Rose

Titanium said...

It really stretches the creative artist, bending thoughts and words to fit a form. You did it gracefully, though I must say I greatly prefer your own solid, individual style. Haven't come across another writer who verses quite like you do. Perhaps they should have a Brian Form and have folks give it a whirl! :)

Claudia said...

first needed to check out this lady and her book on wikipedia...shame on me but never heard about it before..after that your writing made a lot of sense..you and form feels a bit like a tiger squished into a box...smiles but you did really well bri..enjoyed it

Lolamouse said...

Brian,
I applaud your pantoum. You did the form well and didn't lose your voice in the process. You let your meaning guide the form rather than the other way around so it worked well. Bravo! My daughter will be reading TKAM in school this year, so I'll to revisit it.

Aida Bode said...

Hi Brian, one wouldn't know that you actually struggle with form. I agree with Pat, you did save some mockingbirds with this :))

secret agent woman said...

I read To Kill a Mockingbird for an A-level English class in Switzerland. As the only American Southerner in the room, I was the go-to person fro questions about small-town Southern culture. Later, I had a dog I named Atticus.

pervagus said...

Great job Brian, and well done on sticking with the form. Loved the writing on TKaM which for the pantoum form I found intriguing but well crafted nonetheless. Excellent write.

annell said...

I like what you did. You hide the struggle well.

♥ Braja said...

oh my favorite all time ever book.... oh....!!!!

johnallenrichter said...

What a terrific line!

"Where heart color means less than skin...."

I'm not a formal guy either Brian, but sometimes they work really, really well... This one did. You should keep it up......

Rosemary Nissen-Wade said...

Interesting choice of subject, enthralling to the end. And I think you handle the form beautifully.

Nadira said...

I'm mnot familiar with this form , but this is a powerful take on "to kill a mockingbird". One of my most favourite books.

ethelmaepotter! said...

I read this the other day and had to leave before I could comment.

I'll admit that I had no idea what a pantoum is - had to Google it. What a challenge! I wouldn't have touched that with a ten foot pole, but of course, you nailed it. And not with gibberish - you got right to the heart of the story, possibly my favorite book of all time.