Rain, raven and woman stand on a cliff,
and if this was a joke they would meet a priest
in a bar somewhere but this is serious
Sleeping Beauty waits on the edge of dreams
inside herself where the lights all burned out
and their broken bulbs path her bare feet.
How do you tell her that prince charming
is coming? How do you explain faith to a pocket
watch wound so tight it's finally sprung?
One step, One step is all she asks wondering
if perhaps she can fall once more, if true love's kiss
exists amidst the debris. The damned shadow mocks
Nevermore, Nevermore
Rain, Rain, Go Away, Come again another day
she hears them round her body, far far away and once
upon a time, and howls the wind as pages turn
Singing and screaming come from the same place,
the maelstrom of passion's seat and fairy tales
are madness to one alone, counting days in hash marks
made by torn fingers in the rocks at the cliffs edge
that border happily ever after----
Leap, leAp, LeAP or wAit, it'S aLL the saMe
but sTop kiLLing iNNocent dAndeLions just To
proVe You aRe lOved theN deNy thE eMphaTic
yEs of ThEir (kiss)...
written for MagPie Tales and Poetry Jam.
Posts
106 comments:
Ha! Parcheesi!
I like this much brian--the light bulbs, the sprung watch for which faith comes too late. You could have used this for the repetition prompt easily as well with the Poe touch and kid's sing-song. Good to have you back amongst us.
Quoth Steve, "Nevermore!" JumP iN wiTh botH fEet. Angels do not trust their gods enough to walk here--to be the third comment on Waystation One.
Image is OUTSTANDING! (And what is the priest in the bar drinking, anyway? OH!) And sing a song of sixpence.
Love the path of broken glass, and whatever else I cannot see.
BRAVO once more, Brian! (Lucky us!)
Ha! So everyone is using the same image as heading posts...How 'behind the times' am I, quoth Steve (LOLOL!)
Brian, outstanding piece. Every-line pretty much perfect- love the way you toyed with styling but especially the almost seamless weaving of lore/story in with your own ideas combining the 'two" and making it your own. Lovely
I like the cryptic messages in this poem and the underlying sadness of the lonely innocent dandelion killer. The priest in the bar is very Daliesque along with the nursery rhyme. Best poem of this series to date imo.
I am a visceral reader. It grabbed at my chest and I hurt. And I mean that as a compliment. Other people have covered the imagery. I loved this one, Brian.
Love the story woven through this piece. Outstanding!
This is fabulous. I love the weave of fairytale and harsh reality.
The imagery is outstanding.
And -- thanks so much for visiting my place. I'm glad you lead me here. I'll be back!
hey welcome back...in a hurry...so will read later..but just saw you posted and wanted to say hello...good to have you back..smiles
loved this one :)
beautiful picture too :)
Leap or not,pray not! There is so much promise. Rendition of the soft lingering Dandelion's Promise in the air can rekindle the promise of hope and future of a lifetime! Great Brian!
Great imagery from this one, and adding the style changes was a creative touch.
Thanks for making me think Brian.
Sigh... Sometimes I am speechless and this is one of those times.
Is Prince Charming coming and does he need to come? We need to let loose that fairy tale.
There is a feeling of Wuthering Heights over this one.;) Love the image as well.;)
Hope you had a great weekend dear Brian,
xoxo
I liked the fairy tale edginess Brian.
Rain Rain Raven
Homage to Poe!
Warm Aloha from Waikiki;
Comfort Spiral
> < } } ( ° >
><}}(°>
YOU take my breathe away Brian
Sheer madness and genius, from beginning to end. This one absolutely must be carried by the raven to a poetry mag. And I would love to hear it read!
Is this your best poem yet? I do not know. It surely is one of the best, Brian.
"Rain, raven and woman stand on a cliff, and if this was a joke they would meet a priest in a bar somewhere but this is serious..."
Hi! Brian...
The image compliment your very beautiful poetic words nicely!
Thank-you,
"Nevermore, Nevermore"
[Edgar A.Poe comes to mind immediately,after viewing the [very dark image.]
for sharing!
deedee ;-D
I'm bewitched by this, Brian.
Beautiful, charming, tale of doubt... I love the last stanza and your use of capital and small letters to show the seesawing of emotion.
Wonderful tale. Puts me in mind of Edgar Allen Poe for sure. The Raven!
Hugs
SueAnn
The accompanying picture kind of stirs the pot before you even taste the delicious words. Nice composition. Quite nice.
who started that happily-ever-after myth?
"Singing and screaming come from the same place,"
A most interesting take on the prompt...
A mixture of fairy tale, Edgar Allan Poe, and wishful thinking, and sadness. If only Prince Charming would hurry.....
The opening line takes the edge off the desperation of this disenchanted girl.
I loved this: perfectly spooky, but still possible.
You love to write, Brian: you can see that in this poem.
How was the birthday weekend?????
Wow you weaved in quite the many aspects today
From those poor dandelions to rain, rain go away
Sure she'd find waiting more fun
With this tale you spun
What an absolutely beautiful picture to go with your beautifully written words, love. Yes, every little girl and grown woman alike deeply desire happily ever after....it's that insecurity that creeps in and makes us waste those pretty dandelions. :)
hummm....very interesting....
I know I have shattered a FEW light bulbs - (maybe ear drums too)- with my wailing's and howls...
I am not sure the volcano doesn't run right through the earth and onward into many galaxies-
" Hash" or did you mean harsh ?
thanks.
So...?
You can still get Window Pane acid I see....Trippy!
He loves me..he loves me not..this is suitable for now through the end of time...since when does love clarify?? Good...
Oh man, been there, took the step, and did find love. "torn fingers in the rocks at the cliffs edge
that border happily ever after" is such a great line.
Now that's poetry! Excellent. Nice take on the photo prompt.
PS. It would be cool to hear this read out loud.
This is such a strong piece Brian. You have pulled threads from so many places, like the raven crafting a nest, yet there is still the darkness... Nevermore, nevermore...
yet still you include the tenderness of fairy tales. Bravo on this one!
One of my favorites. Reminds me of younger days, waiting for my own prince charming. Dark, very dark.
Kat
Leap, leAp, LeAP or wAit, it'S aLL the saMe
but sTop kiLLing iNNocent dAndeLions just To
proVe You aRe lOved theN deNy thE eMphaTic
love the playfulness,
what a creative one, well done.
I really like this. Great imagery.
To trust again after heartbreak is terribly hard - you captured it well.
A Masterful Magpie,
Wow.
Love, Fairy Tales, Dramas, and Humor...
A Fantastic Read.
You Rock!
xoxox
wow, clever,witty and fabulous...great take on the photo
Wow!
Leap, leAp, LeAP or wAit, it'S aLL the saMe
but sTop kiLLing iNNocent dAndeLions just To
proVe You aRe lOved theN deNy thE eMphaTic
yEs of ThEir (kiss)...
Some very strong writing! I particularly like how you've arranged these words. Thanks for leading me to your poem. I'll be back for more :-)
SInging and screaming come from the same place....finding that to be so true these days.
wonderful photo...wonderful words...we all want the happily ever after ...great poem. Hope you had a great birthday weekend with your wife :)
This is just amazing!
I was totally hooked on to it!
Each line was moving. It was just too good!
Great read :)
The stuff of fairy tales and dreams :)
Great take on the photo, and love your words. Crafted darkly with love and humor...nicely done!
You might have written this with me in mind .... at least it feels that way!!
"How do you explain faith to a pocket
watch wound so tight it's finally sprung?" - A favourite line, among many.
Very gripping and beautiful.
Maybe there is no "happily ever after" but I would like to think there is...or that the hope in looking for it will keep us strong...
I will be the first one to stand if this is a play!
Nice take on the prompt sir! I enjoyed sharing it with a friend...
JJRod'z
Dandelioncide...
Makes me glad I gave up the innocent dandelion killing a long time ago...
Seems like this is a recurring theme for you. At least, I've seen it here before.
Great response to the photo, and you did a lot of interesting things with this one!
=)
Wonderful to read as always, Brian!
I'd rather kill the dandelions than the daisies. Haunting love.
This is a lively one... :-) different from the usual stuff you write. Or maybe not. Maybe only I found it different. And liked it a lot. :-)
This is a lively one... :-) different from the usual stuff you write. Or maybe not. Maybe only I found it different. And liked it a lot. :-)
Darn, there is so much inside this little piece I don't even know where to begin complimenting it. I'll just pick out a favorite line:
"How do you explain faith to a pocket
watch wound so tight it's finally sprung?"
Brian- I love how the tone and pace change in the middle of the poem, the chanting and fairy tale link.
wowee-power poetry!
I like this a lot...the use of fairy tales and a bit of Poe thrown in....and the dandelions...he loves me he loves me not...he loves me...the kiss of love and deny it with whatever...lol
You had me with the priest. Then you pulled the faith to a pocket watch bit and totally blew me away.
..but this is serious...it is..the explaining faith to a pocket watch line made my stomach hurt..the pain..found myself in this...but honestly...i never killed dandelions..
Perhaps if we don't expect too much of the fairytale, we'll get more of it.
A powerful write this. "How do you explain faith to a pocket
watch wound so tight it's finally sprung?" Indeed...esp. when that "damned shadow mocks" ...Hmm...felt this one, been there! ;)
Love it Brian! Sort of a fractured fairy tale (are you old enough to remember those?)
You made my eyes sting with this one. "Singing and screaming come from the same place" wow on that line for sure and many more. I'm off to read this one again...
Gobsmacked. Simple as.....
Wonderful tale. True love exists I'm sure about that. loneliness and sadness will be over soon and love will win at last.
Beautiful piece enjoyed it so much.
Thank you. Shadiatique
Rain, raven and woman remind me of wine, women and song. All the same you say...she could be a bit tipsy/drunk, singing/screaming in the rain or about to jump/wait in...all the same you say. Perhaps it is.
what a fun ending. It is funny, right?
Oh brian - how this does it all for me:
How do you explain faith to a pocket
watch wound so tight it's finally sprung?
WOW
what fun, especially the way you slowed the reader down for what felt like a leisurely car ride over the hills of the letters.
Sleeping Beauty isn't my kind of fairy tale heroine. And besides, I never saw what was so charming about princes anyway. But the fault is clearly mine. Just sell me that bird and I'll be on my way.
Stunning piece -
This is like a fairy tale, fractured into a jigsaw of Hans Grimm Anderson Brothers pieces, reassembled by that priest in the bar after he's had a few too many nips of rainbow juice. :-)
First off, love the poem. You write so effectively in so many different styles.
Also, your comment on my post just now made me laugh. Thanks for that. :)
"How do you explain faith to a pocket
watch wound so tight it's finally sprung?"
This question is one, I am sure I will find in a google search of Brian-isms one day.
I love that.
You had me at the opening :)
Love it :)
Excellent write - mood and progression effective.
Wonderful metaphor and rhythm in this!
definitely reminded me of some "Poe-ish" qualities. "How do you explain faith to a pocket
watch wound so tight it's finally sprung?" I think that is my favorite line. I'm glad I'm finding the time to stop by more often and read what you've created :)
Beautiful weaving in of dreams, harsh reality and some nursery rhymes thrown in not forgetting Poe...
My bad...just a bit to abstract for me to see beyond the images.
Has she driven all the lovers away or does she just feel unworthy of love? So many ways to read this one.
Dear Brian: This is ominous, especially the font at the end scrawled in almost un"ledge"able writing of the one who is to "leap" to their unknown place (death IS a harsh word). Who knows how she'll fly? Haunting.
I like the weaving of the fairy tale and the dark mad reality of torn fingers.
Excellent story, Brian ~
very sharp take on the image,
your words paint a vivid image, leaving us wondering what if she slipped off the cliff, sad? or else, life could be different...
very enjoyable read.
Thanks for sharing.
the last part was best. i too dont like people tearing flowers and muttering he/she loves me.... :)
spare those flowers, they look lovely on branches.
I love the last stanza the best - although I'm not sure that dandelions are innocent :)
Brian, l am blown away by your art. This contained so much. I'm going to read it again slowly.
Thanks for your good wishes. I'm doing this on my smart phone.
God has its own arrangements for everything and everyone,
Carry faith,
'Love' can not be judged by WORDS.
It is a life time testimony.
A Gem Magpie, Keep Up The Excellence!
My God, sir, the queue for this
batch of comment responses
reminds me of the long lines
at auditions I used to stand in,
or the first time I stood in line
around the block to see STAR
WARS for the first time. And,
of course it is warranted, for
you have stared hard at that
magpie prompt, and then held
it up, and squeezed the edges
with poetic fervor, staying with
the fantasy, the dark pleasures,
and the bird. I like the line:
/if true love exists amidst the
debris/ for we all have wondered
that many time.
i've read it several times and enjoy it more each time...we must always belive in love! (and fairy tales) love this
enjoyed it.
Thought provoking magpie.
Brian,
You went deep for this one; any deeper and you'd have touched molten lava. So many stories, so many poems brought to the surface to meditate on.
rel
I love all the literary allusions here; one of my favorite of the magpie postings (next to Lisa Vooght's). Glad I found this blog.
Stuart
Tale Spinning
The Rain of Tears
Clever write!
Anna :o]
Stop killing innocent dandelions... LOL So much fun here. (and my hand was tired by the time I moused down to comment!) :)
Oh, I love how you did this! "nevermore" the lightbulb, rain rain go away--such stream of consciousness, and yet "the maelstrom of passion's seat and fairy tales/are madness to one alone, counting days in hash/marks..."
You are a brilliant writer.
Dandelions don't stand a chance on the face of love/desire such as that.
Tip o' the tam to you, good sir. I like this.
wow loved this mate high imagery made it a superb read, bravo..
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