Thursday, September 29, 2011

55 - a writer's heart

in my early memories
we walk through trees
to open fields of dirt,
great mounds, deep & dark
soil colors our skin
as we slide

down

our mother digs
wild greens from their base
to steam for dinner

budweiser
ships beer from ware-
houses there

now

meeting consumer needs,
pleasing the masses
desecrates
a writer's heart.

Tell a story in 55 words. Give it a try or just read more, go see g-man.

Over at dVerse Poets Pub, emmett wheatfall is guest hosting Meeting the Bar, discussing the craft of writing. And as always, we are writing poems.

101 comments:

Claudia said...

i'm first...

Claudia said...

love this piece brian - the trees, soil colors on skin, this deep writing adventure - the intimacy...and then..some turn away from the first love and do what they're expected to do...and in a way lose everything what makes writing such a life changing experience

Laurie Kolp said...

I'm happy to be third! I love this Brian... you have captured the upswings and pitfalls of writing quite well.

Heaven said...

I like the (early) reflections, deep and dark soil colors of our skin.

As we travel and meet others, and get affected by what they see or want to see in us, we change. Sometimes gradually that we don't see the changes at all ~

Who Is Afraid Of Miss Lovett? No, Mrs.Lovett... said...

Hi! Brian and Claudia...
"meeting consumer needs,
pleasing the masses
desecrates
a writer's heart."


One word comes to mind..."Reminiscing"
How sad it's when a place you remember quite fondly is lost forever!

I'm so "happy" to be fourth! lol

Thanks, for sharing your very beautiful poetic words today.
deedee

Monkey Man said...

Childhood memories flattened in the name of progress. We've all felt it.

California Girl said...

poignant.

i think i like your 55 word poems best. they force the writer to be concise and it works for you.

Eva Gallant said...

Monkey Man said what I wanted to say!

Titanium said...

They paved paradise and put up a... warehouse for American beer?

That is just wrong. On so many, many levels.

G-Man said...

"You take Paradise and put up a parking lot...."

Great Early 55 Son!
Writers have been hanging around pubs for years.
Thanks for playing, and have a Kick Ass Week-End

beckykilsby said...

that opening section strongly establishes a tangible sense of freedom to play, get dirty, roll in the muck... interesting tensions are introduced to confound that. I like the concentration 55 words demands... nothing lost. Enjoyed this, Brian.

Cinnamon said...

the compromises of adulthood concisely put!

Teri said...

My grassy fields are covered with houses now.

You know you've made it in the bloggy world when people are excited to get the first comment in. :)

JeannetteLS said...

You do have a way, Brian. This one got me -- places in my hometown. Or perhaps places in my heart. Doesn't matter. Great job.

rosaria said...

I like what Claudia says, how the sensory images are captured in a writer's heart.

Aida Bode said...

Brian, I love your poetry. I always find something that I never thought before of. You always bring forth the sophisticated side of simplicity and that's just awesome!

lori said...

That last stanza makes me want to cry. This has a bit of a different feel, but I love it just the same. Thank you for always inspiring me :) You are awesome.

Jill from Killeny Glen said...

Thank God for memories that fire the writers pen though...

Pat Hatt said...

Since everyone else is counting I'll be sixteen
Doesn't that tickle your umm spleen..haha

Lose through the norm and from what one is presumed to do
Sucks the word dry and what once grew
Shrivels up
Like the brown stuff left by your next door pup..haha

lifeisaroadtrip said...

Nice one, Brian. And it's not even the old American Bud but the new German Bud.

Mama Zen said...

Nice. And, so much truth in 55.

David Allen Waters said...

ah the creative soul, such a stormy place...well done, again man :)

Cloudia said...

desecration row.



Warm Aloha from Waikiki;

Comfort Spiral


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Steve King said...

What a great asymmetry between the first ten and the last eight. That's what comes with artistry. Can't be taught.

Anyes said...

Now...to distinguish oneself from the masses...you are doing ti so well :-)

Christine said...

this brings back memories of living in a new suburb of the city, then over time the field and forest behind our house, where we explored was developed and rows upon rows of houses now sit, where I once played

Stranger said...

Ours were the piles of dirt mounds up at the end of our street across one of the last dirt roads in town. We called them the whoop de doos. Good memories. They've been replaced by an apartment complex.
Great 55.

seasideauthor said...

...a writer's heart is always broken...pleasing the masses. How can we just be ourselves? Thought provoking...

seasideauthor said...

...a writer's heart is always broken...pleasing the masses. How can we just be ourselves? Thought provoking...

Anonymous said...

oops!

Fred said...

Great story. Really captured a moment and the last few lines really capture a truth known by so many writers out there- great job Brian

hedgewitch said...

Ain't that the truth. I've been back to some nabes I lived in even ten years ago and found the houses gone and an empty lot, or a strip mall. But that's why we have memories and words, to bring them back and make them live again as you do in this one.

eclipsingwinter said...

Sad isn't it? You really can't ever go back home to what you recall. It has all changed.

I've written quite a bit from childhood memories. Revisiting today, the rooms are so small and even the beautiful weeds became only unruly. Sometimes even our viewpoint changes.

Wonderful, Brian :)

Beth

Heaven said...

I hate it when my earlier posts don't show up... :-(

Anyway, just wanted to let you know I like those early memories with soil coloring our skin.

desecrates a writer's heart - beautiful line

snowelf said...

This makes me feel solemn, yet sweet at the same time. Love the part about the mother digging greens for some reason...it makes the verse seem so wholesome and innocent.

Have a great weekend Brian!

--snow

oceangirl said...

memories of childhood, how life was so different. now big advertisement boards scream words you do not want to see. I always love you 55.

gayle said...

I hate progress!

JJ Roa Rodriguez said...

you made me think of how we do it when we are young... visiting our farm during the weekends while father is having not beer but whisky...

JJRod'z

MomsJournal said...

Would it be inappropriate to say, "This Bud's for you"? Yes? Ok, skip it. :P

Sometimes it's really sad to see things change especially like that. :(

nicolewian said...

This is great and so true.

Daniel said...

You know, every now and then I sigh when I see that my blog has so few readers and even fewer folks who leave comments. Then I think about it for a few moments and remember who I write for and I find my smile. Blessings and peace be to you.

Betsy said...

Pat's tickling spleens now?
Like the beer tickles your liver?
lol.
I have a memory like yours..the grade school playground. Went back to see it once, all full of memories, and it was parking lot.

Mary said...

I always enjoy reading childhood memory poems. I guess I am just nostalgic by nature. Wonderful write.

Teresa said...

What a shame to have childhood memories wiped away by progress.

magiceye said...

the imagery is fantastic!

Reflections said...

Fabulous capture of looking beyond and selling our souls in trade for the dream, the thrill of writing for ourselves and all that it truly brings to our lives.

Listening to writers (of any form), they will tell you they write because they have to, it is such an overpowering part of their being, yet so many, let the audience become the guide rather than that inner spirit that brings us all to sharing. Captured well these thoughts.

Victoria said...

This is so good, Brian. Desecration, indeed.

Tara Miller said...

Simple and beautiful, love. It is sad how the beauty of the land is being replaced more and more by new buildings while many existing buildings are sitting and wasted...

Steve E said...

The older I become, the more desecration occurs. And then, even older more, I learn how to just let the whirling dervishes whirl.

(Gosh, I wish I could really DO that--I mean 'let them twirl')

Happy to be #46 --grin!

Alice Audrey said...

It's hard to watch the open spaces get swallowed like that.

Magpie said...

So much is changing these days...I'm sure others have felt the same in the past. Budweiser, huh? The greens sound better.

Matthew said...

Reminds me of my childhood in Bristol and then my return as an adult. Progress huh? As always, poignant and exquisitely crafted.

adeeyoyo said...

Lovely piece. Not all change is for the better, is it? In fact it would be interesting to know, percentage-wise. But impossible to work out... However, I'm betting overall we're worse off.

Valerie said...

I'm happy to be last so long as I get on. Terrific piece, Brian, it rouses the nostalgia in me, regrets too. Sometimes I so dislike progress.

Divya said...

Brian.. this one was nice :) oops I have soil in my muse today.. Well I liked your use of soil and colors on skin..

Just Be Real said...

Thank you Brian for sharing your memories. Blessings.

Drizel said...

I love how everything is explained in great detail with very few words.... hihihih :) stunning

RNSANE said...

I can't count, Brian...I've been up since 7AM PST and haven't made it to bed yet and it's 5AM now. Losing my mind ( what was left of it ) in the mad dash to vacate my house by the 15th ( I think I'm failing ). Haven't even done the 55. Did go today to get a steroid injection in both my left knee and left shoulder...this damn arthritis is killing me. I'm hoping I can dance a jig for my
67th birthday on Sunday - or drink a jug ( that might be better ). On the 23rd, come hell or high water, I board that Air France flight for Mumbai. During my 24 layover at Charles De Gaulle, I will catch up on my blog reading and replies!

Your poetry is the ulta!

izzy said...

You reminded me of my story ! Thanks-
I remember smearing black gold over
forearms, that earth was so rich
it set a precedent to reach for!

Daydreamertoo said...

When man has finished taking all the space because we are always expanding, what space will there be left for anything to grow naturally anymore and what wildlife will there be left to find food under concrete.
Seems a lot of us have had a trip down memory lane on this 55.
Very thought provoking 55 from you :)
Happy Memories.

Morning said...

Thought Provoking 55.

Beautiful imagery of childhood innocence and more.

the walking man said...

We must have drunk from different shores of the same pond today...except for the work part.

Crystal Jigsaw said...

Being a farmer, this piece reminds me of walking through my fields with the dogs, taking in the country fresh air. Heaven.

CJ xx

Cheryl said...

I lived this and it still hurts. Wonderful piece, Brian. Loved the metaphor.

henry clemmons said...

writing while living; the challenge, the beauty, the pimple that makes it real. excellent as always. very visual and easy to read; from a friend; sincere.

Natasha said...

Brian, you have captured the essence of that feeling of bombardment that I often suffer from as I try to put pen to paper. There is so much good, so much wonderful, beautiful inspiration to be found, but to attempt to trudge through the masses of commercialism, bix boxed dreams and ambitions...where do we all fit? Is there a happy medium between the writing life and living life? Could be I'm going a little too deep here, but you spoke to me ;)

happygirl said...

I LOVE me a Budweiser. You know, we have 10oz buds down here where I live. A local favorite. Why? I have no idea.

Thanks for writing. :)

Alan Burnett said...

Splendid words, as usual Brian - but I have to take issue over the Budweiser. Give me genuine Czech Budweiser Budvar any day.

Kikit said...

writers are prostitutes in one way or another.

Lorraine said...

well it is kind of homemade, Imean someone who has a home made it ..As always I love it

ayala said...

Brian, you captured it perfectly. :)

secret agent woman said...

Bringing in the need to please others always changes things.

Catching up - hope your wife like the beach getaway.

secret agent woman said...

*liked

TechnoBabe said...

Changes can be alarming sometimes. The acres and acres of orange groves in CA where I grew up are gone. More people means less open space.

Linda said...

Mass produced never comes close to hand crafted, but it meets the demand. We should demand better.

blueviolet said...

Why can't things just stay the same? At least we have the memories.

Goofball said...

shall I go complaint at Budweiser's HQ just a bit further here ;)
they are nasty aren't they...wrong brand :D

Debbie Dawnslight said...

There's an Israeli song about people wanting joyful songs & tunes, yet the poet has other stories to tell and cannot always please the masses. Sometimes it's like being stuck in a knot. Consumer needs...
Great write.

Beachanny said...

I was feeling guilty for not having read & commented yet..I think everyone else got here first and said everything. Just to say I always love your metaphors - they're so current and always so apt. Gr8 work!

sage said...

Many of us have been there--the woods I played with growing up are now subdivisions. :( You capture the feelings well.

Sue said...

kinda true

"/

Myrna R. said...

Now I'm a little sad. I feel I betray my writing because life gets in the way. Truth is, my passion is lacking. Yet, writing is what brings me deepest joy and fulfillment - even though it's not for the masses.

(Brian, I had a dream about you. There were many people around, but we made time to chat and the connection felt very warm. Nice to meet you in my dreams.)

Ed Pilolla said...

wow, walking through trees to open fields, budweiser from the warehouse. different worlds you so seamlessly and easily guide us through. the ending cadence was magic.

Dulce said...

why
that ruins a writer of course- good your back to say it!

Whosyergurl said...

Brian,
Oh to be concise. You do it well. This is why I majored in English and not in Journalism.
My Grandma's farm is gone. The man who bought it bull-dozed the house, filled in the cellar, cleared the land of all the buildings and of all...and turned it all back to farmland. Which, brought more money to him, I'm sure. Sad for the family, though. I've not been back there, since.
Cheryl

Josh Hoyt said...

This is a great piece!

PattiKen said...

Hey, if writers didn't have something to rail against now and then, think how boring and Pollyanna-ish we would be. We are well-served by a not-always-in-a-good-way changing world. ;-)

Anthony Desmond said...

an adventure from then to now not only in life but writing also.. great work, Sir. Brian

ds said...

Yes! But I can only respond through another poet, Robert Hass:
In the long winter nights, the farmer's dreams are narrow.
Over and over, he enters the furrow.


Keep ploughing, sir. Even though there's no field left.

Shawna said...

"pleasing the masses
desecrates
a writer's heart"

I would argue that pleasing the masses is far less of a massacre of soul than pleasing the few who really matter. Those with whom one lives and breathes, fights and screams, survives and thrives un-alone all-alone.

Caty said...

this took me back to all of my favorite childhood places, and the changes I now see when I make those rare visits home...Great 55 :)

♫♪♥PhilO♥♪♫ said...

How I wish I could just lie under the stars, and let the smell of the green grass drift me off to sleep!

Lovely words..
Your writing reaches a person's heart :)

Katherine said...

I feel this... from countryside to concrete jungle. I've seen this transformation in my lifetime alone...can't help wondering what the world will look like in 50 years from now. Hope alls been well in your world Brian...I have been super, super busy!! Sorry I've not been by in a while, it's definitely not because I didn't want to.

Someone is Special said...

budweiser ships everywhere.. I love this writer's heart Brian.. Too good.. Happy Weekend..

Someone is Special

Barbara said...

Yes, I remember.
Nice, Brian.

Nessa said...

It is so hard to not think of "your audience."

Jyoti Mishra said...

meeting consumer needs,
pleasing the masses
desecrates
a writer's heart.

These lines speaks volumes !!!

sharmishtha said...

a harsh reality for this planet almost everywhere.

James Rainsford said...

Masterly executed as usual.

william said...

yes another well written 55, so whats new lol :)

Syd said...

I just put down thoughts on paper. You write man. You write.