Tonight, she is bare back, racing
the dirt track like a mare put to the whip
on the home stretch, skin taut and wet
moaning siren songs to satin sheet music,
all ooos, ahhs and oh babys, as she
stripes fleshly shoulders between ripples
hard as a chiseled Adonis where she learns
each corner as he turns her this way and that,
rolls her over fingers like found treasure,
tickling every pleasure
She’s alive, the goddess, she never
was before, wanted and adored,
named by Adam for identity, Galaxi-es
are born in ever expanding circular
waves from the center, within her
Apple peeled and cored, seed released
on moon beams, he sleeps and to his soft breathing
she finds peace, religion in a pillow as if gentle
landings were possible, slick fingers folded
she prays Dear God please---
This is the one,
This is the ONE,
Oh God, let this be the one
but she never finds her father,
looking in the eyes of strangers
and when she wakes up in the morning
and decides to read this before slipping
home to cry in the shower and tries
to scrub and scour away these known answers,
i want her...i want her...to hear
she is loved,
even though i don't know her
she is loved,
and she ain't got to fuck
no one to prove it.
yes, you. Are. Loved.
OpenLinkNight is upon us at dVerse Poets Pub. Write a poem, grab the mic, come join us tonight. The stage is set, and MC SplitterG (Claudia) is ready to jaywalk the pub and get this party started at 3 pm EST today. See you there.
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118 comments:
i like the gritty details of the goddess you drew here... but she is lost and sad soul. i almost cried towards the end... the message is beautiful ~
I looked for my father in all my first loves. But if I had someone to tell me I was loved and didn't have to f**k no one to prove it, maybe my early life would have been less traumatic. Great mood poem, Brian.
Powerful, Brian.
I have observed some lost souls like this--undergrad was full of them.
Wow the strong emotion you convey
Here at your bay
Never figured you were going that way
After all the fun umm play
That came before
But this one had so much more
Great message too
Really through in the grit and went for the gold with f**k too
Kind of raw and guttural, but the truth and emotion scream out.
The question is how does one convey this to our young?...
She wants to find her father then let her look within for that is where he resides, always has always will. To many of us never realize it. Scrubbing away the night never helped in the search eh?
If only you could reach all those who need to hear your words.
WOW Brian....This is the story of my life. This touched me very deeply!
This was so, so sad and pierced me right in the heart.
yeah cat, i dont fire the F often so when i do it is def for effect...
how do we tell our kids this is a great question...honesty and comunication...maybe even ackowledging to them some of the places they may try to find their identity and love...certainly modeling it in our own lives...gulp....ha...
slam...for sure in undergrad...
Raw intense power to these lines... beautifully shared.
Heavy and powerful, and so sad.
I like what the walking man said.
Good, just the way it is.
Strong language is meant for strong emotions. Sometimes, they are the only choice.
Kat
wow. Powerful message
Brian, more please! I like this more raw style of writing. And I liked the piece every much. I have always said there are certain words that are the only ones that will work in certain situations. Fuck is one of those weird words that conveys a whole lot in four letters. The effect you wanted was nailed.
Scrubbing is good, Brian. Then do I not have to make some changes in my behaviors? Maybe I can work back to the "Saturday Night Bath".
Your post so lovely, sad, and so common. As a bartender for nearly ten years, I have seen hundreds of similar situations.
Always she--and we--were looking for the same comfort, in the wrong places. For God (Father) is deep down within us. In the final analysis, that is the ONLY place He can be found.
O Thank you, Mr Brian.
SO well molded, this piece!
She IS loved.
But she will never know it, never feel it, until she finds a way to love herself.
And that isn't easy in a world where values are distorted, and value is covered over with lies and swindles wrapped in shiny paper.
Time to get back to basics. The simple but true things: God. Family. Community. Integrity.
JMHO, of course.
One thing's for sure, Brian. This poem delivers.
In a world of broken families, boys and girls look for lost parents through sex, want to have something they've never known, want to stop feeling guilt thinking they were the cause of abandonment.
Commitment seems more elusive when divorces are granted for everyday arguments stemming from too much responsibility and not enough money.
Too too sad, Brian. Truly looking for love in all the wrong places...
I wish her some courage.
sad, gritty...the truth of this piece explodes from the screen...
Apple peeled and cored, seed released
on moon beams, he sleeps and to his soft breathing
she finds peace, religion in a pillow as if gentle
landings were possible, slick fingers folded
she prays Dear God please---
Wraps around MY coeur Brian, beautiful!
Wishing you a belated happy birthday:-)
I loved every small details you mentioned..!!
Its touches your soul and I could feel pain at the end... :(
lovely words...nicely crafted lines!
Wow! That was heavy! I knew students like her back when I was teaching. So sad.
We shouldn't have to search so hard for love. This was a strong piece. And, I think love is getting harder and harder to find. :(
Wow!
Beautifully and powerfully done, Brian.
One of my faves, I think.
Here's to unconditional love.
..a very familiar scene you brought with us here Brian.. sadly, but it's truly happening and one that must be halted... if only the folks especially the youth of these days knew how to handle their emotions and sadness right, things like this could be avoided.. but unfortunately today is no longer the world of the virgins but rather the world of liberation, exploration and obscenity.
Very powerful piece Brian!
~Kelvin
Sad but true.
Gosh...powerful, sad and moving...almost in tears here...brilliantly done
ha ha - MC SplitterG is so ready to jaywalk the pub...thanks for the smiles bri...needed some time to make my way here..to prepare mentally to read again..and still.. blood pressure up and tears flowing but beyond thankful, i found the father who told me i ain't got to...and yes..that i. Am. Loved.
Poor Eve...she has been wondering through centuries trying hard as she can to believe that she doesn't have to. Just too many out there willing to prove that she does, ready to take advantage and give of their love freely...for a moment or two, leaving her with nothing more than stained satin sheets and self-loathing so strong, she'll do it again to prove herself worthy in the eyes of another. Uggg...I feel a societal rant coming on, Sir Brian...been a while since I used your space as soapbox....but I will resist, and say what a freaking write! Rocked this one...hard!
..oh Brian, sir.. hopefully it's never too late to say this but i'd like to greet you a belated HAPPY BIRTHDAY!.. i just popped up over at dverse and surprisingly read the current post.. my apology for not extending my greetings earlier. (:
Brightest blessings!
~Kelvin
How do you write like you do? Amazed...
This poem hit me harder than any of your others. I don't know why.
Need to think on this one.
Sigh! reminds me of a poem i wrote long back and lost .. it wqas a similar message to a dear friend ...
touched !
wow, that's deep man...
The message is cathartic, if only she could hear this, hear you.
ABSOLUTELY powerful Brian. So many girls looking and looking and NEVER finding the one to fill that painful void.
VERY sad.
Looking for love in all the wrong places...
Intense. Amazing piece, Brian.
wow...this is great Brian.
"moaning siren songs to satin sheet music" - What an AMAZING line! Great write.
You don't often leave me completely speechless, Brian, but this one hit home. Lifting the cover on a whole other reality, and only you could end it like that. Thanks.
religion in a pillow
.... breath-taking from start to finish...
..you really got inside this one..
religion in a pillow as if gentle
landings were possible
that is wonderful! My girls are a testament to why a strong and loving father is so healthy... confident and outgoing and kind, they are. Sure of themselves and I could never have done that on my own. It is a much harder road to travel if one doesn't have a good father.
And happy birthday, btw. I've been running around scatterbrained with getting 5 kids off to school... I hope your day was awesome. ...and I'd love to see that tattoo Claudia reports your getting on your back...:)
This is sad to read and even more sad that this is reality to way too many young ladies these days. What does that say about us and our culture these days? Searching for love in all the wrong places. She is worthy, she is loved, she is beautiful....we all are. She just needs to hear it and believe it...
great job, the first half really set the scene with perfect imagery and the message at the end made me want to embrace her.
That one hit right out of the gate...this one's got snap and grit and power, and it doesn't let up. Nice one, Bri.
Love your play on words and meaning. Good flow. If only the many women out there searching outside themselves for love could here your message.
oh yeah....great message. So many need to hear it.
Pure power and it started so sultry, how you bent the image captured me right into the dark of the moment. Really well done ~ Rose
Primal! like no goddess I ever heard of. Happy Birthday. my friend!
I wish every girl could read this and know that they are worth more than what they think of themselves.
I tell my teen that she must always expect a boy to treat her well or, say goodbye because she is a person of worth. Some girls don't have that option.
This is rough, raw and sad and yes, the F word ads the shocker right where it is and makes it all the more real..
This should be preached as a sermon from every pulpit, taught as a lesson from every classroom, but if it doesn't begin at home, will it ever end?
This was very well done, Brian!
woah - what a message!!!! this is awesome! I like the power of this one...any earthquake rambling in your neck of the woods?
Brian, another quality piece. Love the passion/emotion you've poured into the write. Really enjoy checking your work out, your range is vast with all you put forth. Keep up the amazing work, really good offering for OLN
A nice match for my yearning for mother. Sad but uplifting too.
our seediest underbellies are directly connected to the most beautiful of all places within us, love, as you note.
a great read with a lot of depth.
The draw into this piece was sizzling. The message you lfet us was powerful and sad. I believe Fathers are more important than some think they are. My sisters and I have discussed this many times. A distant father will result in this. But not my father to blame, his parents are to blame. GREAT writing. I am so impressed with this group that hangs out in this pub. Almost feeling not worthy! :)
Cool.
So much beauty and sorrow, Brian. You took me there and pulled on my sympathies. Everyone has a story. Some are more painful than others. The sense of void emanates from this goddess you created. Fantastic poetry, as always.
Beth
Very powerful post Brian! I felt I was on the night ride with horses galloping and full moon.
Definately enjoyed the energy you created in your verse!
Cheers,
Roger ☺
really enjoyed this Brian-well done.
wonderful discription
I think all the adjectives have been used up. You have such a way of seeing into the lost, finding their stories, giving them voice. Real. Talent.
Thank you (and hope your birthday celebration was beyond wonderful!!).
This was a hard one to read, makes me heavy with sadness because I've seen this in real life. Seeing that kind of deep emptiness in someone is something that you never forget. Well done.
"Galaxi-es
are born in ever expanding circular
waves from the center, within her"
whew! my favorite line:
"yes, you. Are. Loved."
that's what we all want. to know someone loves us. i hope she hears him.
breath-taking... heart-wrenching... brilliant! ♥
A powerful poem/ The lines about peeled and cored and seed released are perfect!
Oh she is so sad....
I wish a lot more young women knew this Brian. So very many, myself included, searched for a father figure down the years. Awesome piece Brian.
I love "seed released / on moonbeams..." It's such a lovely image to contrast the dark tone of the piece.
This is damn good writing.
This is sad... very powerful piece... wish that message of love could get through to so many who need to hear.
Deep, deep, Brian, and truth shines through. Lovely write. Not everyone has a father to be admired, and seeking 'love' seldom works...
oh Brian, you write WAAAY too much for me to fathom. (quantity, quality, commentary, and ahem, content....)
thanks for visiting,
the 5 answers to the questions on my blog were: thumb, index, middle, ring and pinky.
but you knew that.
Have fun at open mic. I'd love to hear you read out loud, can you tape it an post it?
Di
"but she never finds her father,looking in the eyes of strangers..."
Hi! Brian...
This poem is very vivid, very descriptive and very thought-provoking and I see she was looking for the love that she felt was missing. [her own father's love]
Thanks, for sharing!
deedee ;-D
It's adults night here! Raw truth words flashing freely by. Give it like it is. How to tell the young? Sheesh! they'll tell us worst!
Wonderfully described, amazing imagery and unfortunately very relate-able (if that is a word)... Lump in my throat I silently applaud poetic brilliance!
This one was very powerful and I had to read it a few times. I wonder where you got the inspiration for this one.;)
As always, you paint such vivid pictures with your words...
xoxo
Sad.
Joy always,
Susan
oh my gosh, this is...I have no words, I have no father, but I am comforted
The last line, never too often uttered. Powerful stuff here.
Brian,
I loved this poem. It was raw, gritty, and so true. I knew so many women like this, especially in my younger years. Of course, it takes two, and there are all too many men willing to go along with the desperation.
Some things cannot be scrubbed clean. Great writing here, achingly accurate.
Oh so powerful, the feelings are drawn so clear and truthfully.
An all too familiar scenario -- wonderfully told,
Powerful and evocative, Brian.
Wow, Brian, the pathos and tenderness of this is stunning.
Great message, timeless.
Lady Nyo
You have to hope the pattern gets broken.
everytime I find a favorite you manage to replace it... literally breathtaking
Outstanding! Very powerful and moving!
wow powerful, psychological poetry ....some women just fall for a guy ! loved this powerful piece thank you x
Wow, I like how you're sharing such hopeful themes, a great lesson in this.
So much imagery awesomeness in this too.
And happy belated-belated birthday, Bri.
xo
Brian, some nice internal rhyme is this. A beautiful message.
Pamela
brilliantly executed. It possess a raw authenticity and a powerful intensity.
Your message is clear and important. I admire that you're using your voice and platform for this purpose.
intense and so powerful ...
We always seem to be searching for something that is right in front of us...accepting love for what it is - is often the most challenging of tasks..bkm
I'm sorry it's taken me so long to get here and now I have to run off to sing Nulla Pax Sincera, oddly fitting really. I love this, it is my new favorite. While I never experienced her particular pain or coping strategy I was repeatedly abandoned by my parents so I know the emotional heart of this, the seeking. Love it, every word.
This poem carried me along; I couldn't pause for a moment. How well you turned the mood!
WOW!! That was a tight one! And I do believe there are many like this.. derelict, desperate, and forlorn one looking for just the right person.. *sigh*
And in the process, all they do is get themselves kicked.. :(
Why do I get the feeling that both our poems for this week's OLN are kinda on similar lines?! Cuz maybe they are, after all.. whheeww..
Gilded Cage, indeed~ Freakin fabulous write, Brian.
A lost soul looking for love from the bed, from above...but, it doesn't ever happen unless found from within.
I think that most of us look for something we didn't get enough of as a child. We hope to find it in others but seldom do.
Very raw. Very sensual. Very powerful. It didn't end up where I thought it would, but I like where it went.
Reminds me of the book/movie "The Help" and how we all need to be told (and to tell ourselves) every day: "You is smart. You is kind. You is important."
Wow, I was in a hurry, sorry I meant Nulla in Mundo Pax Sincera.
This is indeed a powerful message for many.
Daaamym....you wrote the hell outta this piece bru...felt.
wow. speechless. love the way you can't see the ending coming till you're already waist-deep into the piece-- makes it all the more powerful.
Moves to a wonderful climax!
The truth in this piece is so palpable.
"Seed released on moon beams," one of many great lines here. The interplay of the sexual, the spiritual, the spoiled and the lovable all collide here so effortlessly. Loved this piece.
Gene
This is amazing, because I see it as a take on the Creation story as well. The father she cannot see is her Father. Am I onto something here? And the gritty language is totally appropriate. This is a powerful woman in the end.
Thanks for an excellent read, Brian. Amy
http://sharplittlepencil.wordpress.com/2011/08/25/twofer-haiku-heaven-sent/
I missed a few days of your poetry. Glad I came back to read them. Sometimes I am amazed at the way you capture what is reality for some. So sad. But as always, lovely writing.
This one hits hard - such loneliness in the act of love.
These lines are my favourite - never seen it described in quite this way before:
Galaxi-es
are born in ever expanding circular
waves from the center, within her
perfect.ly tragic.
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