Thursday, July 28, 2011

55/PJ - a smile for the mortician

i would like to die

in my sleep, preferably

after night long love

making.


the sun comes

up, as i go down,

smile on my face,

saving the mortician

some work.


a man can dream.


your hip, breaks

wrinkled sheets

like a dolphin in flight

and if meant to be

perhaps you'll be

smiling too.


Tell a story in 55 words. Give it a try or just read more, go see g-man. And Bug asked us, for Poetry Jam , to look at life when we turn 67. I like to imagine I will still be tempting fate in those days.

Over at d'Verse Poets Pub, Gay Cannon is teaching some FormFor Allwith the oldest poetry form.

95 comments:

David Allen Waters said...

ah to pick our way to go, I think most of us men would pick the same thing :)

this one made me smile..lol

Monkey Man said...

Going out with a smile. Yup. That'd do it.

Ed Pilolla said...

cool dolphin image breaking the surface.

She Writes said...

Not a bad way to go, but I do feel it would be tough on your partner. Still, you are on to something here, Brian! Love the dolphin line.

Titanium said...

There certainly are much worse ways to go...

Personally, I'd like to go out in mountain-style. One last first descent off a very, very big mountain... nothin' but air, baby.

LauraX said...

if only we could choose:-)

Who Is Afraid Of Miss Lovett? No, Mrs.Lovett... said...

"the sun comes
up, as i go down,
smile on my face..."


Hi! Brian...I would think that now is the perfect time to play the words to come to my mind game after reading your post and your followers'comments too!

bug,poet,face,poetry,jam, smile,55words,use Of,nice,mrs.miller,brian,thoughts,
way to go,thanks,for,sharing.
deedee ;-D

Daniel said...

O.K., sign me up for some of that to-die-for love makin' brother.

Laura said...

I like this story in 55 words. Very much.

Pat Hatt said...

hahaha oh that is definetly my choice to
That way sounds great when my time is due
Although if say age is really high
When it's ones time to die
Some pills may be needed for that
And a certain anatomy part may still be stiff as you head towards heaven's mat..LOL

e said...

I think I'd like to exit with a smile and love in my heart, too. I loved this, made me chuckle.

Christine said...

The mortician line was good, can't get that image out of my head now.

ayala said...

If only we could choose, we would all choose to die with our dignity. My father took a nap and never woke up. We didn't get to say goodbye so we were devastated. My mom suffered and it made us realize that my dad got to go the best way possible. This made me sad but it's really good. Thanks, Brian.

hedgewitch said...

Dying smiling is my primary goal. This made me start out in that direction (the smiling, I mean--the dying, hopefully not.) I like the attitude of your 55.

Eva Gallant said...

What a way to go!

Heaven said...

fun-tastic indeed ~

happy day~

Betsy said...

Yes, of course, let's hope she's smiling, too! :)

kaykuala said...

Brian,
You caught the dolphin thing typically as you always do. That is right! I've not seen for the life of me an unsmiled...oops an unsmiling dolphin. Great analogy!

Mama Zen said...

I love the dolphin image!

Heather said...

hmm..thought i left a comment earlier...i do like this one

Me said...

Wasn't this a Six Feet Under episode? ;)

j/k...love this 55, Brian. :)

G-Man said...

I've always wondered that if a person laughed himself to death, should you feel sad?
Loved your 55 Son...
Thanks for playing, and have a Kick Ass Week-End!

Rachel Hoyt said...

Hehe. I think we'd all like to leave with a smile. Great poem.

Alice Audrey said...

I want to go in some grand gesture after I reach the point where no one will resent my sacrifice.

- Alice

Slamdunk said...

I wonder how often morticians are delivered this gift...

TALON said...

What's scary is that 67 is that far off for me now - lol!

Loved your 55, Brian. If we've gotta go (and apparently we don't have a choice) this is the way to do it.

My 55:
Skedaddle

Vicki Lane said...

Nice for you -- kind of a bummer for your partner.

Margie said...

Awesome!
Loved this 55.
That's the way to go!

lori said...

How did I miss this one? Definitely not one to miss, lol :)

I like the 'dolphin in flight' line, too. Excellent as always!

WINDOWLAD said...

..saving the mortician some work, i think would make him/her so deeply unhappy.. and if i would have to face death i'd prefer all the things you've shattered here... and definitely with a smile in both heart and mind.(:

Good day.

~Kelvin

Janna said...

I hope I never have to die at all... but if I must, your way is as good as any. (!) :o

Thanks for another Friday 55!
Mine's here. :)

You might be thankful that I decided to spell Bryan with a "Y".
Heh.

Mijayami said...

It would be a good way to go -- but hopefully a couple of decades past 67...

Steve E said...

Brian, I understood everything except 'why were you smiling?' LOLOLOL!!!

The neatest solidly-packed 55 around these parts tonight, Thanks!

Cinner said...

I think that would be the best way to go. makes a person just thankful for another day. smiles.

KB said...

Me too.

Manda said...

Mmm... that sounds like a dreamy way to die for all of us!

Pheromone Girl said...

Isnt it glorious, to think of the lovely ways to go? Me, happy as long as water isn't involved. I'd much rather go by fire...

Mona said...

Hmmm, a thought to reckon with. I never thought how I would like to die, though I often think how I would like to live.

Probably because I don't want to die...

haikulovesongs said...

how about if both you and your partner go at the same time? far, far, far past 67 though.

great 55, as always! see you at dVerse Poets this weekend.

RNSANE said...

That is a totally beautiful 55. I always pray I die in my sleep, just after returning from a wonderful journey somewhere. I ask whatever god there is not to let me die on my way there!

My 55 is at:

http://rnsane.blogspot.com/2011/07/friday-flash-55-last-call-july-29-2011.html

adeeyoyo said...

Oh yes, me too. :D

anthonynorth said...

That's definitely the best way to go.

Jinksy said...

Bit of a sad one? Mine's in the same mood, I think...

Valerie said...

This puts a whole new meaning to the saying 'I wouldn't be seen dead without a smile on my face'

tony said...

I have to say I have never been too keen on the idea of "Dying In Your Sleep".Imagine.Your Sleeping.Your Having A Fantastic Dream.Then...You Dream Your Dying .You console yourself by thinking "dont worry.It's only a dream ,I will wake up soon.............." [!]

Alan Burnett said...

Each time an almost perfectly created poem is built around a central statement that cries out to be stated.

jabblog said...

Phew! Exhausting;-)

Dave King said...

Excellent - not sure about the breaking hip, though I enjoyed the dolphin metaphor.

Lorraine said...

I'm going to just jump right into my death, scare the living Halos out of my awaiting angels

Pauline said...

romanticism even in death - I like it

TechnoBabe said...

No perhaps about it. I am sure she would be smiling too.
This is great fun. We would all like to go this way.

Kodjo Deynoo. said...

As always nice write not a bad way to go.. We need a replacement for one stop and some thing for Friday prompt

Kate Hanley said...

So interesting justaposing the day awakening with death. My father in law recently had by pass surgery and as he was going under he thought, "I'll either wake up or I won't, it's out of my hands." I find that calm resignation so amazing. Oh, he woke up and he's fine.

Laurie Kolp said...

Hopefully you'll have 20+ more years after 67 to have to worry about that.

magiceye said...

brilliant!

Arlee Bird said...

That was interesting. I guess if you have to go, might as well leave this life feeling good about it.


Lee
Tossing It Out

AmyLK said...

that is definitely a wonderful way to go. Smile on the face.

The Bug said...

Excellent vision of the future :)

Fred said...

Really nicely played. Well-done

Magpie said...

I love the imagery here...
"your hip, breaks
wrinkled sheets
like a dolphin in flight"
That's you - always thinking of others...save that mortician a little work. :)

Fireblossom said...

As long as I don't die a horrible lingering death from end stage combination skin, I'm satisfied. I'll donate my T spot to science.

JStar said...

That would be a great way to go :)

Very nice Brian!

Akelamalu said...

I think we'd all like to go that way Brian. :)

Tara Miller said...

Well, I for one hope you don't die until you're well past 67! And since we will all eventually die, I think your way would be the most satisfying...and I would selfishly have a smile knowing I satisfied you all the way to the end! ;)

HA!

Linda said...

Sounds like the perfect way to go Brian!

happygirl said...

sounds like a good way to go. :)

Sue said...

I think my husband would like to take this route out one day.

=)

Friko said...

how pleasant that would be.

Dream on, Brian. Still, why dream of dying, when living is so sweet.

Belinda said...

This certainly put a smile on my face. Yes, that would be a good way to die.

Olivia said...

Why am I looking at a deeper essence than just laughing it off?
Wish I am happy and I die the very moment, that way I would save myself from falling off n get hurt..

hugs xox

Barbara said...

Ah men! What would we do without you?

Evelyn said...

ahhh yes.
perfect way to go...

Jill from Killeny Glen said...

Your way to go sounds just right.

bodhirose said...

Wow--fun! I really liked this Brian--what a way to go.

I'd like to go with a smile too--I don't care about what.

Liza Ursu said...

"in my sleep, preferably"
yep, me too
with some cheese
for the mortician.

Great piece Brian.
Hope you've been enjoying summer with your family.
Cheers!

Nara Malone said...

Love the image of the dolphin. Yes, to leave with a smile and leave a partner smiling sounds like a perfect end.

Ravenblack said...

That would be indeed an ideal way to go. :D Nicely written without being overly morbid or romanticized. Enjoyed this very much.

Cheryl said...

Loved that last sentence.

Donnetta said...

Brian: What a way to go! I'm thinking of falling asleep at Christmas by the Christmas tree with all the pretty lights and good smells--cookies baking. Maybe "White Christmas" playing in the background. Not a bad way to go. I'm really not in to pain, though. Just go to sleep softly. (Now I'm getting sleepy.) My 55er is up. D

Mrsupole said...

Hi Brian,

I really hope when you become 60, that you realize it is not a decade of your life in which you should be willing to die, and that you are still young. Now when you are over 100, well then you might be thinking that you are old. Life expectancy for you is getting closer to that 100 than accepting 67.

May you live a long life, and leave this world after a wonderful night of bliss with a smile on your face. May the angels trumpets blow upon your arrival.

God bless.

Syd said...

So nice. I think that is the way to go. But let's live to make it another day.

Natasha said...

Smiling indeed...there may be no sun here at my beach, but feels like it, all of a sudden. I was hoping to find a rhyme royal, well, still blushing, this commenter leaves the room. Smile LARGE Poet! You boys are such a funny species. (Most enjoyable mind you, but funny!) And an awesome write as always. The title intrigues and the piece more than satisfies the mystery :)

ladyfi said...

What a great way to go!

yellowhousecafe said...

Me thinks you've got a ways to go before you be worrying about help out the mortician, ha! Nice multi-tasking with this fine piece ~

Bagman and Butler said...

Looks like you've captured the end of the line wishes of almost all of us. Sometimes I wake in the morning with very mixed emotions.

Hilary said...

Sounds like the perfect way to go.

Goofball said...

yes that would be a very beautiful way to pass away



or dropping immediately dead in the middle of a fun dance (this happened to a teacher of mine and somehow I think he would have loved it)

Lydia said...

You are so blessed with talent. This 55 is hot, and romantic, and sweet, and simply quite lovely.

darkangelwrites said...

With any luck!

tracy said...

Darn it, you got me again. I was thinking this would be a bit morbid yet you found a way to make me smile.

Katherine said...

Yes, this could work nicely I reckon. If you're numbers up .. then why not go out contented & with SMILE on your dial :)... Good one Brian.

Madeleine Begun Kane said...

I love this part: "smile on my face,
saving the mortician some work."

Jeanne Iris said...

Oh yeah! Smilin' all the way to heaven! :)

Jeanne Iris said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Jeanne Iris said...

Oh yeah! Smilin' all the way to heaven! :)