Thursday, July 21, 2011

55 - he's thirteen and...

today, boy became man

by his own definition, (n.),
street cred built, larger
than his stature

"yeah, i did it, so?"

no re-morse, code
for, "look at me, i
am a badass."

til that hand lands
top his head, helping
him ina back seat

an'a lone tear ran

yeah boy, now you a man

Tell a story in 55 words. Give it a try or just read more, go see g-man.

Over at d'Verse today we are looking at critique, so drop in.

92 comments:

David Allen Waters said...

a sweet moment in time...you convey emotion into print like no other man...

they grow up fast, huh ;)

Titanium said...

Time for a man-to-man chat with that boy, I say. Powerfully conveyed, Brian. Felt like I was standing right there, listening.

Baino said...

Haha do they ever become 'men'? I've got a 24 year old that still gets the odd back slap

G-Man said...

Pubic hair and a voice change don't quite make a man.
Little do they know not to rush things.
Excellent 55 Son...
Thanks for playing, and have a Kick Ass Week-End...G

Goofball said...

wow that is a powerful story in 55

I hope the story changes for this boy

Lydia said...

This is riveting, in large part because it reminds me of my niece's 15-yr-old son. I visited them in Minnesota in June. She has quit her job to guide him through this summer. Judging from what I witnessed and from the reports of the heat wave, she and that badass "man" will remember this one.

Every time I read one of your super 55s I think I must try a 55....

Claudia said...

they just think they rule the world but the ground under their feet is brittle..good when they realize for a minute before they withdraw again - and good when they got someone who helps them see..he's the one you were talking about?

Steve E said...

I used to know the Morse Code...then later (after boy scout year) the No Re-Morse code.

Brian, your style is UNIQUE! (And I 'never' use that word--in fact, who does?--grin!)

Jannie Funster said...

Walk like a man, talk like a man. Who sang that? Someone with a high voice, I'm thinking I remember.

happy 55 day!

xoxo

lori said...

So, this totally made my eyes water. You are such a great story-teller, Brian. I never tire of hearing what you have to say :)

ayala said...

Nice, Brian..."an'a lone tear ran" great storytelling. :)

That Janie Girl said...

Wow. Hand on top of head, going into the police car is what I saw.

And then a boy does become a man.

WAY before his time.

She Writes said...

Manhood. Misunderstood. We all miss its meaning at times. But perhaps boys especially lose track of what it means to be a man. Or is it us who lose track of what it means to a boy to be a man?

haikulovesongs said...

powerful emotions conveyed in 55, Brian. you can get more across in 55 words or 160 characters than anyone else i know.

{going to stop crying now.}

Daniel said...

I got this one completely. I have seen way too many news stories of this sort. Everything thrown away because of all the wrong type of input. Dang.

KB said...

We think we're so grown up at that age.

Mighty M said...

Tough stuff - such a misconception, this boy's definition of manhood.

Justin said...

Brian - loving your words on this site. Really, really good stuff man! Love the rawness of this one.

Monkey Man said...

So much testosterone, so little brain.

Pat Hatt said...

I think I sorta skipped that
As Pat is still a weird duck, says the cat
But yes most think on that day they magically change
And their age should rearrange
Knowing all like they were thirty one
Eventually getting knocked down a ton

Alice Audrey said...

So I keep telling my son, but does he listen?

Josh Hoyt said...

okay this is really cool how you did this. It is so sad that so many of us realize that "being a man" has consequences the hard way.

Linda said...

This takes me back to the time my grown sons were 13, and it rings so true. Somehow they outgrow that stage and become young men that make you proud!

hedgewitch said...

Slice of life--it takes more than years and words to make a man.It even takes more than acting like an idiot, (though that never hurts.:P) I like it when you tell it like it is.

Pat said...

You're breaking my heart here, Brian!

Captain Dumbass said...

Ya, you're a man, though you'll wish you weren't.

Margie said...

Oh, I'm remembering when my son turned 13, I remember that day so vividly!
He's now 22 and a man but I still call him, "my best boy! "

Wonderful 55, Brian.
Thank you!

Margie :)

Heaven said...

I like this one.. I can totally relate to it. also, I noticed your play with words.. like re-morse.. ina back seat...(I think I should break up my words too).

I enjoy the critique today; very helpful and informative. See you~

Barbara said...

You prove 'less is more'. Great job!

Me said...

I'd love to see you try the six-word story challenge...because you've obviously mastered telling one in 55.

Fantastic, this.

Olivia said...

lolss
For once I still admire the boyish charm- their being dud like quality (or is it?) included.. :) they become man and mean (often) :(

I missed out on this portion of my life terribly.. being careless and being with a careless dude!

Weekend hugs xoxox

Mama Zen said...

I saw this so many times with my students. Great 55!

Eva Gallant said...

What was especially good, and it wasn't even over my head!

Tara Miller said...

I think in today's world a great number of boys have a misconception of what it truly means to be a man. Environment and upbringing play a huge role in shaping this role. And especially at that age - when they feel they have so much to prove to their peers.

I know one day he will look back and see that you were a blessing in his life.

PattiKen said...

There are too many of these boys who believe this is the only option open to them. Gotta hurry, though, dude, cuz at 13, life's already half over.

Hilary said...

A lack of remorse (fine play on words) doesn't bode well. It sounds like there will be many more police cars in his future. Well done.

Christine said...

great stuff, my thinking cap is on for the 55

RNSANE said...

Great write...if only we could slow maturity ( ? ) down for these 13-year-olds. Some of them won't be out of the slammer until their hair is gray!

moondustwriter said...

yeh we have alot of men die around here at 13 due to gang related shootings
too young to be a man too young to die

Ravenblack said...

Happens everywhere, boys who act tough, talking the street toughie talk. They are really scared. Excellent poem.

Cloudia said...

you well use few words!



Aloha from Waikiki;


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Myrna R. said...

It takes a lot to be a man. Hope this boy discovers what it takes.

Always a great write Brian.

Joybird said...

oh that tear coursing its way through the bravado, breaks me like nothing else to see that kind of cry.

Magpie said...

I wish the realization could come sooner. Beautifully written in 55.

Susan Deborah said...

Time for you to gear up and hear storeis from him. The old stories will give way to newer ones: heard before but unheard from your son.

Joy always and best wishes to your son,
Susan

adeeyoyo said...

Ag,shame! (SAfricanism) He's in for a rude awakening.

Celestial Dreamz said...

oh a wonderful story ... so powerfully true ... i have a 14 year old at home, I know ....

and yeah I love to pop in always :)

MorningAJ said...

Sadly that's not a rare occurence. Excellent 55!
I'm up here

Just Be Real said...

Ahhh discipline. Thanks Brian for sharing.

Alan Burnett said...

And that lone tear is the true sign of the man.

Lorraine said...

I have nothing to say....been there done that mine's 24...ahhhlife love what you wrote

SueAnn said...

I can see the clenched fist and the intense, "I am so cool" look in his eyes! I can hear that "tone" in his voice.
Well done Brian
Hugs
SueAnn

Cheryl said...

As always, grabbed me and shook me a little.

magiceye said...

wonderfully expressed!

tony said...

When The Gods Want To Punish Us They Grant Our Wishes.........

annell said...

I liked it very much! Boy into a man...

happygirl said...

Love the 55 and hate the attitude. Man-boy = body of man, brain of boy.

Cinner said...

I have a nephew whom is thirteen. I think we had this talk yesterday...you did make me laugh at this though and somehow did not feel so helpless with the little munchkin. lol. have a great weekend.

Always Home and Uncool said...

The fascinating disconnect between who we are and who we think we are. Well done.

DJan said...

Probably one of the hardest times in the life of any Boy-Man: thirteen.

drybottomgirl said...

If only integrity came with puberty! Bravo my friend and have a "chillin" weekend!

Valerie said...

Poor lad, little does he know the journey ahead.

Natasha said...

Brian, seen many friends over the years with that same hand atop their head, trying so hard to hide that tear. (Not that I keep bad company!) So many learn the hard way what the definition of a man really is...it's not jailhouse tats that's for sure. So, in 55 words or less, you've inspired this wannabe to grab her pen. Maybe relive a few of those memories, and tell a story about how well those bad boys are doing today. You can't save them all, but if you can save one, you're caring more than most!

Isabel said...

I remember being 13 and the boys at that age. so young but thinking themselves so much older. great piece.

Short Poems said...

You are amazing. I love all the created words. Well done!

Best wishes
Marinela x

Fred said...

Really nice capture of that age. Love the word-play, twisting of words in here, another excellent piece Brian. I've said it before and I guess I'll keep saying it, you totally make the most out of every word you put down to page

ds said...

Owww...

Arlee Bird said...

The unfortunate story of many kids that age. Not the reality of manhood, but the perception of manhood among bad boyz. Nice tight telling of the tale.


Lee
Tossing It Out

secret agent woman said...

There's not a boy in the world who is a man at 13, no matter what he's done.

Vicki Lane said...

Sad, the criteria that some folks use to judge 'manhood.' Or 'womanhood' either.

Maggie May said...

Well on the way to being a man.... but not really a man yet!
Maggie X

Nuts in May

Lolamouse said...

Such false bravado these young men display. If only they had real men to show them how it's done properly.

naramalone.com said...

Hope it scared him straight. Takes me back to my first ride home in the back of the cop car. Not fun.

Maggie said...

:O this one is very powerful, Brian. We see this all the time!

Jill from Killeny Glen said...

Really NOT so great to be a man is it?

yellowhousecafe said...

Dang, nice 55, Brian. So true, too. Took me back to my 1 ride staring at that metal divide. (Long story...I was innocent, swear!) "re-morse code" so freakin clever..love it ~

Rebecca S. said...

Brian...there's some good news for you over on my blog.
You've got to love teenagers (now that's a loaded statement :)

sm said...

interesting story

sheila said...

That's awefully young to become a man. how sad.

Little Ms Blogger said...

I remembered how excited I was when I turned 13, 16 and 21. It's definitely a major life event...

Someone is Special said...

he is thirteen and sweet..

Someone is Special

Unknown Mami said...

On the road to becoming a broken man if things don't change.

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Mrsupole said...

@Jannie Funster
I think it was Frankie Valli and the Four Seasons who sang that song.

Hi Brian,

Becoming a man can take a lifetime or it can be forced upon someone before their time. I have seen stories of some young boys in African countries who have lost their parents due to the tumultuous politics in their country, who all of a sudden have the responsibility of caring for their younger siblings.

What is amazing is that they accept it as someone much older might not be able to do in another country. Their life is changed in an instant, and manhood is thrust upon them.

They need our help. Can we in the world "man-up" to protect these children. Is it our responsibility? Is it not? Sometimes things like this can make us feel so helpless. Does the help we send actually go to them or does it go to the corrupt officials? Oh how I wish there was an easy answer and that it truly helped just those who woefully need our help.

Big, big, sigh!!!!

God bless.

Friko said...

how often does that happen, too often, I'd say.
boys have to learn, but maybe not this way.

You obviously have a lot of first hand experience with children.

Pauline said...

with one line - the hand landing on the top of his head - you painted and extraordinarily detailed picture!

Heather said...

sad, but true - i am traveling - but wanted to check in! good stuff, today as always. enjoy the weekend with your fam! :)

ladyfi said...

So sad and gripping.

TechnoBabe said...

Maybe thirteen is becoming a man age, but there are so many lessons still to be learned. Like a hand smacking the top of the head.

Ténèbres à la lumière... said...

Hi! Brian...
Wow!...Very powerful and truthful words and you "paint" a scenario that is
Oh! so true and yet, :-/
Oh! so very sad too! :-(
Thanks, for sharing 55 very poignant words and I hope that you, and your readers have a nice week-end too!
deedee ;-D

Syd said...

And being thirteen will feed more confusion for a few more years. I think that he will get it eventually.

tracy said...

A sad coming of age poem.