my time machine broke
before you
unable to go back
further than that moment
(shards of my hourglass
clenched in your fist)
& move forward
only so much
as a breath sucked
through teeth between
impacts
WHY.
DO.
YOU.
MAKE.
ME.
DO.
THIS.
& the faces
of those that turned
away
i still see them.
Tell a story in 55 words. Give it a try or just read more, go see G-man.
While this is not my story, it is to remind of those whom it is. Abuse should never happen.
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75 comments:
wow. my time machine broke, before you....this one grabs ya from word one...you are truly talented my friend...wow, just glad to know ya :)
It takes talent to write a story in so few words... You've got it!
And you said mine was freaky.
Dude.
Loved it.Especially the end.
I like the idea behind this! :)
the first line are grabbing my attention....then i felt you shouting your words in all caps...and the impact.
by the Lord's grace, I have not felt nor seen abuse first hand.
I should try this challenge sometimes~
"unable to go back
further than that moment"...sometimes it's impossible to move beyond, no matter how much we wish to.
"& the faces
of those that turned
away" are involved from their lack of involvement.
Great job! I like this one makes me think.
I just have to say this.
As someone, who so sadly was raised by a woman who never learned to take a deep breath before reacting, those moments you barely live through, go on with a life of their own.
So very sad.
But those scars, only a thin , oh so thin, layer of time over them.
This one hurt, B.
(sigh) If only there was an erase-a-memory-machine, so that moments like this could just disappear. I've seen, through my work, the damage that abuse can do!
Emotive 55 Brian!
I couldn't phantom the thought of enduring this as a child.
Very powerful, Brian. The one-word lines really emphasize the anger.
This took my breath away - loved it.
There must be an answer to the question "why do you make me do this" but the tension in the words and the way I read it makes my mind blank.
any parent that says why do you make me do this while striking their kid is only making themselves feel better by blaming it on them and not taking responsibility for their actions...ok off soapbox now...smiles.
^^^ couldn't agree more with that sentiment Brian
Because it's the truth and you aren't lying
Yeah everyone becomes annoyed once in a while
But acting like it's alright to abuse and be vile
Just to make yourself feel great
Pushing on the kids your hate
Is just dumb
All they do is make the kids and themselves more numb
wow, so much emotion in this....i feel bad for the people that have to endure this too.
Wowza, Brian! Every line of this one really packs a punch.
Ouch...painful seems to be the theme for tonight! I responded to your comment on my site :)
Powerful writing writing but so very sad!
Scary stuff.
HATE this topic! All too real and serious. PLAINLY pisses me off! How many parents make excuses for their attacks and then the people who boldly watch and turn away...breaks my heart.
You hit this one HOME Brian.
I have one of those shards in my fist right now. Hubby caught a cold on the vaca and is crabby. I can never let it pass. Where's my time machine when I need it?
Wow!
This took my breath away, no joke. I've read it several times now. I might read it again.
Excellent, Brian :)
I've heard these words. That and, "this hurts me more than you."
Great 55.
Even our memories end up poor time machines.
You pack so much into these few words Brian. This one is so wrenching.
I saw a mom just tearing into her kids recently. They were just being kids and her words were loud and wicked. She didn't give a hoot that she was carrying on like a monster in front of dozens of folks.
"Why do you make me do this...." Those are scary words to hear.
Brian,
It is often the order of the day for someone in authority to blame which is simpler rather than finding solutions. You ,managed it in just so many words!
Amen, Brian. Never.
I*s everybody on Vacation?
Thanks for playing Son.
Your great support is much appreciated
Have a Kick Ass Week-Ende
Hi! Brian...
What a very well-written and thought-provoking [sad]poem...I like the way in which you spelled the words Of transferring the guilt from oneself (the abuser) to the (abused) the victim.
[What an interesting use Of 55 words...questioning abuse.]
Thanks, for sharing!
deedee ;-/
Very powerful, provocative... yet controlled like the worlds you speak of... love the depth for such few words.
This made my heart feel very heavy. There is absolutely no excuse for abuse and how does one who knows of someone being abused and do nothing live with themselves and a clear conscience??
Sad....:(
Wow! Intriguing and succinct. Loved it.
Very powerful stuff. You've got a fantastic way with words man.
...and still seeing the faces of those that turned away..W O W !!!!
YUP!
Amazing poem Brian. This one should be saved for the book of poems that you are going to publish someday.
I would like a signed copy.
Brian, you have painted such a strong picture of violence, passing the blame and people turning a blind eye! Absolutely brilliant! Again! Bless you.
Hard to say which is worse, the abuser or the ones that turn away. Awesome 55!
55 words that broke my heart. by the time i read
"I still see them."
i lost it. i think this is your most powerful piece yet, Brian. it just reaches in, grabs the reader's heart and squeezes.
ugly, disturbing but brilliant!
Your ff55 poem is a self contained drama with a "Twilight Zone" weird unexpected twist. See you back to the future.
joanny
I love how you write, you put me back on track
It is the faces that turn we have a hard time letting go of.
'& the faces
of those that turned
away
i still see them.'
That had me shuddering, Brian. Very powerful stuff.
Oh yes - I know that feeling!
moments of frozen time...
oh wow!
thanks for your wishes
you create so much emotion with so few words, good job
That giveaway statement: "why do you make me do this?" is one I've heard in my mind forever. Very well written, as usual, and thought provoking, too.
Oh my goodness. So good. Riveting.
Excellent Brian, just excellent!
You actually wrote a story in 55 words, that is amazing
The seething anger is almost tangible. Great writing!
How can I get updates when you post just sent to me via emails?
I never know that you have until I see your name on other blogs comments lists.
I'm not on blogger and unless I comment on someone who is I never see my own blogger profile, so, I still wouldn't know when you update.
You seem to know a whole lot more about how this all works than I do. Is there a way I can set it to subscribe by email please?
Thanks
Abuse should never happen. I love the way you said this.
I read this one over a few times and each time felt tremendous pain....excellent write.
Great one. You really do manage to get an entire story with a serious message in 55 simple words.
No forgiving never means I forgive you now you can hurt me again.
It means, I have forgiven you for the pain you caused me and after accepting it fully into my being as mine, I have let it go. Therefore you cannot hurt me with that particular pain anymore. It doesn't mean we forget either, and we don't need to actually say it to the person for it be be real. We just need to come to acceptance of it, within. The pain is ours, to either live with, or, to learn the lesson from and if we do, we grow spiritually, we go forward having learned enough from it to go onward. If we don't forgive, we stand still in time, until we learn what it means.
I hope that makes sense?
Since early childhood (at 3 yrs old, had my leg broken on purpose)and so many, many things for me to have to forgive over many years, but as with all things, we make a choice, we can either hate the world for all its wrongs that have been done to us to cause us such pain or, we can own it as all being part of lifes long, long lessons and, we can live our lives in peace if we chose to live it in and through one thing, love. It does not mean we allow others to treat us badly, it means we've disected it all and we understand, they don't know any other way to be than the way they behave, when we understand that, we can forgive them because they truly don't know any better.
So, I hope that answered your question Brian.
Powerful.
This one hits with a wallop.
=)
Wow. I extremely enjoyed this piece. From start to end it just moved and had a great story attached to the imagery. The screaming part was pristine.
when you write all caps, i sit up and take notice:)
Brutal write, Brian, but so is the subject matter. God, how that blame game just gets me ever time... child or adult, it is a hard one to shake off, those words ~
I was just discussing this concept of it's your fault I treat you this way. Doesn't make any sense.
true, that is a long story in few words!
Powerful imagery.
Like how you emphasized that sentence not only with caps, but with each in a line; got out a lot of emotion I felt. Lovely 55.
wow, the title "behind closed eyes" makes one think beyond, and the opening lines grabbed me "my time machine broke
before you"
So sad, this picture....ugh.
You have a gift with words.
I so agree. Abuse of any kind is terrible. And it is difficult to trust another after abuse.
abuse is zero tolerance and should come equipped with a heavy sentence, another winner mate..
the faces turned away, yet their eyes were still burning on you
by the way, ever read the Timetraveller's wife? I loved that book
Wow! It's amazing what you're able to say in so few words!
(shards of my hourglass
clenched in your fist)
oooohh!
Brian, this one is so evocative..
I could feel the anguish within your words. Very identifiable!!
Hugs xoxox
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