Thursday, July 7, 2011

55 - behind closed eyes

my time machine broke
before you

unable to go back
further than that moment

(shards of my hourglass
clenched in your fist)

& move forward
only so much

as a breath sucked
through teeth between
impacts

WHY.

DO.

YOU.

MAKE.

ME.

DO.

THIS.

& the faces
of those that turned
away

i still see them.

Tell a story in 55 words. Give it a try or just read more, go see G-man.
While this is not my story, it is to remind of those whom it is. Abuse should never happen.

75 comments:

David Allen Waters said...

wow. my time machine broke, before you....this one grabs ya from word one...you are truly talented my friend...wow, just glad to know ya :)

Manda said...

It takes talent to write a story in so few words... You've got it!

hedgewitch said...

And you said mine was freaky.

Dude.

Loved it.Especially the end.

blueviolet said...

I like the idea behind this! :)

Heaven said...

the first line are grabbing my attention....then i felt you shouting your words in all caps...and the impact.

by the Lord's grace, I have not felt nor seen abuse first hand.

I should try this challenge sometimes~

LadyCat said...

"unable to go back
further than that moment"...sometimes it's impossible to move beyond, no matter how much we wish to.
"& the faces
of those that turned
away" are involved from their lack of involvement.

Josh Hoyt said...

Great job! I like this one makes me think.

The Empress said...

I just have to say this.

As someone, who so sadly was raised by a woman who never learned to take a deep breath before reacting, those moments you barely live through, go on with a life of their own.

So very sad.

But those scars, only a thin , oh so thin, layer of time over them.

This one hurt, B.

Katherine said...

(sigh) If only there was an erase-a-memory-machine, so that moments like this could just disappear. I've seen, through my work, the damage that abuse can do!
Emotive 55 Brian!

Help! Mama Remote... said...

I couldn't phantom the thought of enduring this as a child.

Laurie Kolp said...

Very powerful, Brian. The one-word lines really emphasize the anger.

Me said...

This took my breath away - loved it.

TechnoBabe said...

There must be an answer to the question "why do you make me do this" but the tension in the words and the way I read it makes my mind blank.

Brian Miller said...

any parent that says why do you make me do this while striking their kid is only making themselves feel better by blaming it on them and not taking responsibility for their actions...ok off soapbox now...smiles.

Pat Hatt said...

^^^ couldn't agree more with that sentiment Brian
Because it's the truth and you aren't lying
Yeah everyone becomes annoyed once in a while
But acting like it's alright to abuse and be vile
Just to make yourself feel great
Pushing on the kids your hate
Is just dumb
All they do is make the kids and themselves more numb

Heather said...

wow, so much emotion in this....i feel bad for the people that have to endure this too.

tracy said...

Wowza, Brian! Every line of this one really packs a punch.

otin said...

Ouch...painful seems to be the theme for tonight! I responded to your comment on my site :)

Margie said...

Powerful writing writing but so very sad!

KB said...

Scary stuff.

Jill from Killeny Glen said...

HATE this topic! All too real and serious. PLAINLY pisses me off! How many parents make excuses for their attacks and then the people who boldly watch and turn away...breaks my heart.

You hit this one HOME Brian.

happygirl said...

I have one of those shards in my fist right now. Hubby caught a cold on the vaca and is crabby. I can never let it pass. Where's my time machine when I need it?

Mama Zen said...

Wow!

lori said...

This took my breath away, no joke. I've read it several times now. I might read it again.

Excellent, Brian :)

Stranger said...

I've heard these words. That and, "this hurts me more than you."
Great 55.

Monkey Man said...

Even our memories end up poor time machines.

Linda said...

You pack so much into these few words Brian. This one is so wrenching.

Daniel said...

I saw a mom just tearing into her kids recently. They were just being kids and her words were loud and wicked. She didn't give a hoot that she was carrying on like a monster in front of dozens of folks.

Jen said...

"Why do you make me do this...." Those are scary words to hear.

kaykuala said...

Brian,
It is often the order of the day for someone in authority to blame which is simpler rather than finding solutions. You ,managed it in just so many words!

That Janie Girl said...

Amen, Brian. Never.

G-Man said...

I*s everybody on Vacation?
Thanks for playing Son.
Your great support is much appreciated
Have a Kick Ass Week-Ende

Who Is Afraid Of Miss Lovett? No, Mrs.Lovett... said...

Hi! Brian...
What a very well-written and thought-provoking [sad]poem...I like the way in which you spelled the words Of transferring the guilt from oneself (the abuser) to the (abused) the victim.
[What an interesting use Of 55 words...questioning abuse.]
Thanks, for sharing!
deedee ;-/

Reflections said...

Very powerful, provocative... yet controlled like the worlds you speak of... love the depth for such few words.

Tara Miller said...

This made my heart feel very heavy. There is absolutely no excuse for abuse and how does one who knows of someone being abused and do nothing live with themselves and a clear conscience??

ayala said...

Sad....:(

Rachel Hoyt said...

Wow! Intriguing and succinct. Loved it.

Alexander Field said...

Very powerful stuff. You've got a fantastic way with words man.

Steve E said...

...and still seeing the faces of those that turned away..W O W !!!!

YUP!

farmlady said...

Amazing poem Brian. This one should be saved for the book of poems that you are going to publish someday.
I would like a signed copy.

adeeyoyo said...

Brian, you have painted such a strong picture of violence, passing the blame and people turning a blind eye! Absolutely brilliant! Again! Bless you.

MomsJournal said...

Hard to say which is worse, the abuser or the ones that turn away. Awesome 55!

haikulovesongs said...

55 words that broke my heart. by the time i read

"I still see them."

i lost it. i think this is your most powerful piece yet, Brian. it just reaches in, grabs the reader's heart and squeezes.

ugly, disturbing but brilliant!

joanny said...

Your ff55 poem is a self contained drama with a "Twilight Zone" weird unexpected twist. See you back to the future.

joanny

Lorraine said...

I love how you write, you put me back on track

She Writes said...

It is the faces that turn we have a hard time letting go of.

Valerie said...

'& the faces
of those that turned
away

i still see them.'


That had me shuddering, Brian. Very powerful stuff.

ladyfi said...

Oh yes - I know that feeling!

Shadow said...

moments of frozen time...

magiceye said...

oh wow!


thanks for your wishes

Jeff said...

you create so much emotion with so few words, good job

DJan said...

That giveaway statement: "why do you make me do this?" is one I've heard in my mind forever. Very well written, as usual, and thought provoking, too.

Life with Kaishon said...

Oh my goodness. So good. Riveting.

Akelamalu said...

Excellent Brian, just excellent!

Poetic Soul said...

You actually wrote a story in 55 words, that is amazing

Daydreamertoo said...

The seething anger is almost tangible. Great writing!
How can I get updates when you post just sent to me via emails?
I never know that you have until I see your name on other blogs comments lists.
I'm not on blogger and unless I comment on someone who is I never see my own blogger profile, so, I still wouldn't know when you update.
You seem to know a whole lot more about how this all works than I do. Is there a way I can set it to subscribe by email please?
Thanks

AmyLK said...

Abuse should never happen. I love the way you said this.

Neva Flores said...

I read this one over a few times and each time felt tremendous pain....excellent write.

Teresa said...

Great one. You really do manage to get an entire story with a serious message in 55 simple words.

Daydreamertoo said...

No forgiving never means I forgive you now you can hurt me again.
It means, I have forgiven you for the pain you caused me and after accepting it fully into my being as mine, I have let it go. Therefore you cannot hurt me with that particular pain anymore. It doesn't mean we forget either, and we don't need to actually say it to the person for it be be real. We just need to come to acceptance of it, within. The pain is ours, to either live with, or, to learn the lesson from and if we do, we grow spiritually, we go forward having learned enough from it to go onward. If we don't forgive, we stand still in time, until we learn what it means.
I hope that makes sense?
Since early childhood (at 3 yrs old, had my leg broken on purpose)and so many, many things for me to have to forgive over many years, but as with all things, we make a choice, we can either hate the world for all its wrongs that have been done to us to cause us such pain or, we can own it as all being part of lifes long, long lessons and, we can live our lives in peace if we chose to live it in and through one thing, love. It does not mean we allow others to treat us badly, it means we've disected it all and we understand, they don't know any other way to be than the way they behave, when we understand that, we can forgive them because they truly don't know any better.
So, I hope that answered your question Brian.

ds said...

Powerful.

Sue said...

This one hits with a wallop.

=)

Fred said...

Wow. I extremely enjoyed this piece. From start to end it just moved and had a great story attached to the imagery. The screaming part was pristine.

Ed Pilolla said...

when you write all caps, i sit up and take notice:)

libraryscene said...

Brutal write, Brian, but so is the subject matter. God, how that blame game just gets me ever time... child or adult, it is a hard one to shake off, those words ~

Unknown Mami said...

I was just discussing this concept of it's your fault I treat you this way. Doesn't make any sense.

Mona said...

true, that is a long story in few words!

secret agent woman said...

Powerful imagery.

Leo said...

Like how you emphasized that sentence not only with caps, but with each in a line; got out a lot of emotion I felt. Lovely 55.

Anna said...

wow, the title "behind closed eyes" makes one think beyond, and the opening lines grabbed me "my time machine broke
before you"
So sad, this picture....ugh.
You have a gift with words.

Syd said...

I so agree. Abuse of any kind is terrible. And it is difficult to trust another after abuse.

william said...

abuse is zero tolerance and should come equipped with a heavy sentence, another winner mate..

Goofball said...

the faces turned away, yet their eyes were still burning on you



by the way, ever read the Timetraveller's wife? I loved that book

Madeleine Begun Kane said...

Wow! It's amazing what you're able to say in so few words!

Olivia said...

(shards of my hourglass
clenched in your fist)

oooohh!
Brian, this one is so evocative..
I could feel the anguish within your words. Very identifiable!!

Hugs xoxox