Tuesday, June 14, 2011

One Shot: the world is (not) flat

the gas pedal is the one on the right,
i think i will start all my poems like that,
seems some have forgot, creep &
i'm caught at the stoplight, in the bored

game, Life, wondering at the result
of the next spin, sending me round
the bend & if i have enough money
or tiles to win, as if there was

an end at which we could rest, sit &
count them, we just wash, rinse and
repeat again, until we cant even re-
member the original color of our hair,

a cover up of the road dust that collects
in the salt and pepper temple corners,
schizophrenic we seek speed in certain
circles, as if we could only get there

it would be ok, then slam on the brakes
before it slips away, but ground it out in
roundabouts, Look kids Big Ben, Parliament,
Look kids...close enough to see but never

experience, i don't want this, this suck-
ing exhaust in gridlock, perpetual tripping
around the Jones' block, while the clock
ticks & calendar flips, day after day after

so if you make as far as the parked car,
clogging the lane, have exhausted your brain
of dirty words to replace my name &
popped enough single finger bird shot

to block out the sun, you'll find my keys
on the seat, still plenty of gas, & a note
on the dash, "the game board of this world
is no longer flat."

One Shot Wednesday ~ A place where poems go to cocoon into butterflies, dancing like ballerinas in the warm summer air. Sounds lovely doesn't it. So go write something poetic, which does not mean it has to rhyme. Come Join us, today at 5 PM EST.

115 comments:

ModernMom said...

I am again amazed that you continue to produce such deep and gorgeous poetry. *clapping

Betsy said...

love this...you have some really great lines that I enjoyed so much I repeated! (not rinse and repeat...just repeat! ha) And did you have a little rhymetime in your head? I feel a little influence in traffic and board games, even if only subconciously! :)

Bonnie said...

Oh yes, Brian, - know the feeling. "...the clock ticks and the calendar flips..." - not a day goes by that I don't reflect on how I am spending those precious seconds.

ayala said...

Love this, Brian :)

AmyLK said...

I love this! And I get it! :)

Teri said...

It seems we both are thinking about appreciating the simple things in life today and not wanting to get caught up in the day-to-day stupidity. You used the same term as I did today "around the bend". Always love your "play on words": "bored game of life" "single finger bird shot". Great stuff Brian. Yes...let's leave the keys on the seat and get out there and experience the world. My point today as well! (But ever so humbly stated!). Love ya!

Bossy Betty said...

Beautiful. We can all get wound up in society's expectations.

Helen said...

Come visit Bend ... a city full of roundabouts (time could stand still if you went round and round and round.)

Sue said...

Love the rhythm and the subtle, artful rhyme.

=)

Stranger said...

I've left the keys on my seat too.

You've captured the frustration of traffic, boredom with the cycles we insist on going through and of the people too focused on reaching the end point to care about anyone else.

Nice shot.

Steve E said...

"Mommie, how come a man at the South Pole doesn't fall off the earth?"

("Well, how do we know that he doesn't ??")

Heaven said...

You are certainly very creative in your posts....

I would like to join you for Wednesday poetry.... thanks for visiting my blog~

~ Tabitha ~ said...

That was great..
Now I just need to learn to drive ;)

Pat Hatt said...

Hmmmm I'm with Betsy on this one
Seems a little rhymetime won..lol
The lines were great
And as you know traffic can irrate
But whether stuck in traffic or at the park
Guess we should try to enjoy and not just bark
Of course if you step in poo
What can you do
Just remember number 84
And maybe you'll be irrate no more..LOL

Claudia said...

yes i don't want it neither and because of this..sorry i can't comment because i've thrown my iPhone into the river and left my macbook on the backseat of my car when i left it by the side of the road and now i'm on my way to london - by foot because the clock doesn't tick any more and i will sit in front of big ben and jump up and down like a child, watching all these black suited guys with their laptops passing by and feel sorry for them..but i've printed out your poem before i left and those i like, i will let it read..

Grand Pooba said...

I love the rhyme and note at the end!

Who Is Afraid Of Miss Lovett? No, Mrs.Lovett... said...

Hi! Brian...
After reading your poem...The only thing that comes to my mind is the word game:
Life, monotonous: dull and tedious, esp because of repetition...
repetitiveness,chucking it all right then and there...Because the world is (not)flat and once again,
Thanks, for sharing!
deedee ;-D

CM said...

Sounds like my commute every day!

Nice write, my fav line is "single finger bird shot"...very creative. It's amazing to see where your mind takes you when you write. It's all connected in a very abstract but cool way.

Amy said...

Love your writing and this one is no different. I am learning to appreciate time more and more as it seems it is slipping away all to quickly.

happygirl said...

I know I've said this before, but THIS is my favorite. Hurry up to slow down. See it to check the box and not experience. Do, but not be. I think the break dust is greying my temples.

repressedsoul said...

Let's just drive shall we babe? That's going to be my new philosophy ;)

hedgewitch said...

Really like this one, Brian--I know so well that choking feeling of the treadmill, revving in place--it feels like the wheels are on your back instead of under your seat sometimes. Esp. liked "..as if there was/an end at which we could rest..." (There is, but it seems forever away at your time, and some don't make it.)
The ending is perfect.

Elaine said...

Well...you said it! And you said it very well. And I'm never tired of the way you say it.
Great stuff Brian!

Tara Miller said...

I'm right there with you...to go out there and live life to the fullest no matter where we are. I sense some anger in this post though? Did Logan's request for a "do nothing day" inspire this poem? :)

You definitely drive the point home...well done, love.

Pat said...

"in the bored game of Life.." Love the play on words. You are so gifted, man!

Heather said...

hey I am with you on this feeling and this poem - which i love......we are ALL racing around for what???? I love this ...( perpetual tripping around the Jones' block) it's sooo like that where i live. This is so well done..

anyway, go watch edward scissorhands! :)

Eric 'Bubba' Alder said...

The world may not be flat, but it's also not sharp.

Yyet, somehow, it's also not quite on-key.

lori said...

Hmmmm...I feel this one. Sometimes that 'bored' game stifles out the very life in us (or it seems to at times) - though I used to actually love the board game, Life :)

"i'm caught at the stoplight, in the bored game, Life, wondering at the result of the next spin" - love that part. you do word-play so well.

Anthony Desmond said...

you know how to hit hard, dont you Brian? indeed, an amazing poem

Asobime said...

Single finger buckshot.....that's a first for me! LOL!

Love this, Brian...because it's a strip of life we all feel....more than we wish to.

What I love about your poetry, yours in particular, is that you write from a place we all feel,and I think this is what makes poetry relevant and sing....that universal touch.

Very nice.

Lady Nyo

Louise said...

lol...you're just brilliant..

G-Man said...

I smell the cedar shavings at the bottom of the Hamster cage...

Apryl Gonzales said...

This has great rhythm, I love how you spin things Brian, well done! I can imagine this as a spoken piece.

Corbie said...

Wow you do know how to capture your readers attention. What I really enjoy about your poems is that I have to read to the end, they are just that good. The journey that you took us on today is one that many have travelled from time to time. Thank you for sharing. ~Corbie Sinclair

LauraX said...

wow Brian...what a ride...(despite being stuck in traffic)...loved this transition:

"in the bored

game, Life"

Beachanny said...

Awesome - Jack Kerouac eat your heart out. And yes the only road outta here is a two lane and we know that story well. Love the last stanza.
And btw thank you again for all you do at onestop and the fact that you are indefatigable and constant in reading everyone's posts. I am grateful and in continuous awe that you can always be there. You are awesome and amazing!

heartspell said...

if only we could get our acts together and live in small communities where we could walk or bike for needs or pleasures.... I enjoyed this one... we go round and round and round in the circle game...

brenda w said...

Very clever, "in the bored game, Life." There are so many places like that where double meaning is expertly placed to surprise and delight the reader. Excellent piece.

mark said...

Hoy Fudd, this is good. Wow...Brilliant, I'd say.

Chris G. said...

It's all about weeding through the expectations and pushing through the day-to-day...if we can just do that, we can live...potent final stanza, and a clever piece all around my friend. Like the play on words particularly in "the bored game, life".

rosaria said...

I can read 'vacation' coming up.

Leslie said...

i felt like there was a little percussion session going on behind the scenes here... wonderful rhythm. and you captured, so creatively, the "game" we play in this modern age... i don't want "this sucking exhaust in gridlock" either. great poem.

Daniel said...

The frustration permeates this piece like being stuck in rush hour traffic at the mercy of everyone else. All control lost.

moondustwriter said...

Guess the only thing you can do is roll the dice of life...

wurdz said...

wow...and i thought I was tired of the daily grind.this hit home and was exactly why i left for florida and sat on the beach for a week.they almost had to come search for me like the guy in the commercial!lol thank you for this slice of my life.wonderful write.

Other Mary said...

That is a great sentiment masterfully written! Hey, and thanks for stopping at my blog...you're very attentive; much appreciated. :o)

Vicki Lane said...

Thoreau said 'Most men lead lives of quiet desperation.' I love the ending.

Lynne said...

I refuse to give in or give up on this hustle-life... threw it in third gear and coast now.. this poem is such a good read.. i remember good reads..

thanks!!

Pastor Sharon said...

Pretty fun, this one!

... Paige said...

I send An El Smile'o your way, no birds no wagging tongue just a simple grin for your win

wolfsrosebud said...

I think I'll take my bike out... I'm kinda tired after all the description. LOL

Mama Zen said...

I totally get this. And, you said it perfectly.

Jill from Killeny Glen said...

Brilliant.

PattiKen said...

We can so easily get caught up in the day-to-day, run-run-run, always going and never seeing the life that is rushing by.

(I once got into one of those English roundabouts, drove around and around, and thought I would never get out...)

Ann Grenier said...

Great poem Brian, a perfect description of life's merry-go-round. Hope you have a vacation coming up soon.

flaubert said...

I love this, Brian. Seems we were on a bit of the same wavelength with our writing.

Pamela

TALON said...

I like the note left behind. Sometimes it pays to simply get out and step away. Awesome write, Brian.

mrs mediocrity said...

um, wow. i loved it all, the angst purring through it like the motor of a car. the revelations that come too late for some, but not you, i think. sometimes you just have to walk away, if only for a little while.

Helena White said...

Bored game of life...Great write Brian...

Glynn said...

Life is that road. Fine poem, Brian.

River said...

Wowzers! Great write Brian. I don't think anyone could walk away from this one without being effected and contemplative.

Quotes,Photos and a little Poetry said...

This was very deep and well written poem. (I have no post..wanted to say hello to everyone.)

versebender said...

Like this , Brian...just opt out of the game. easier said than done, though. Your usual excellent work. vb

Connie@raise your eyes said...

Brian...leading as we follow you on the round-a-bouts...hoping you and the family are stopping to get out and enjoy!

Reflections said...

Great piece... you do depth very well.

Ned Francis said...

Your prose reflects many of our thoughts and experiance. Recently had an acute medical issue and had hours to contemplate this very issue. I guess we need to concentrate on making memories today instead of trying to run the red light.

Someone is Special said...

Brian, after a long gap I stopped by here.. I am amazed with your poem.. Thousands of thanks for sharing an awesome poem... SmileS..

Someone is Special

alivealways said...

Brain, great write, I liked how you reached the conclusion that game board is not flat.

Margaret said...

"a cover up of the road dust that collects
in the salt and pepper temple corners,"

"and the bored game, life"

Really makes us think! :)

Henry Clemmons said...

I love reading your poems. This read best slowly, but would be good at any tempo. It had so many great lines, and pent up emotion released. Very real. I enjoyed it as always.

Anna said...

Great play on words. Real life is the best adventure!

Zuzana said...

Dear Brian, I am back after a somewhat unplanned break.;)
I am trying to catch up with everyone and it is always a treat to visit you.;) Love the way you compare the busy everyday life to a car ride. And I can certainly relate to the sentiment of not remembering the original colour of my hair.;)
Hope all is well dear friend,
xoxo

adeeyoyo said...

Very clever,Brian. '...bored game, Life,' and 'game board of this world is no longer flat.'

John (@bookdreamer) said...

visual and simple complexity

Thelonius Bostik said...

fantastical imagery! astonishing meter! the metaphysical references to the "dash": wow!
please share your vision at my site:
Models From The Earth

ladyfi said...

Wonderfully gritty. I'm so glad I don't have to commute in terrible traffic.

joanny said...

A modern dilemma -- is it evolution or technology that is running our world,while the "Buddha" sleeps at the wheel.

profound Brian,,

joanny

Valerie said...

Very deep. I'm thankful I gave up this particular treadmill.

Shadow said...

ooooo, someone experienced one traffic jam too many...

Nomar Knight said...

Okay you've convinced me. The world is no longer flat. Brilliant One Shot! There's so much to reflect upon. You are an outstanding poet!

James Rainsford said...

A skilfully constructed and brilliantly perceptive write Brian. I enjoyed it immensely. Great job! James.

Lorraine said...

Every now and then I think life sucks and it is after all a degenerative disease (I read that somewhere) but I always love your way of writing life

Fred said...

Brian, I love the racing thought process here. I read in this frantic, never stopping one extremely long chain of everything and did it again when I was done, this time a bit slower.

Anyhow I'm a real fan of narrative and a variety of styles- You did a brilliant job of conveying the fleeting effect of time, not only in words but in style.

Loved this piece, thanks for posting:)

Natasha said...

Yay! This is a mosh pit anthem for me :) You've got to move with the music and this write is hard and driven...(My god, I hope it is anyway!) Awesome way to start my day Rock~N~Roll Poet! (And the game of life was the absolute bane of my existence during my preteen years...But I think I could live with your version!) Write~on!

Quirina said...

What a lovely way to leave that world ("you'll find my keys on the seat, still plenty of gas, & a note on the dash"), giving someone else a chance at the flat world ...

arspoetica said...

love the flow to this, the wordplay both quick and deep.

Andy said...

The woes of traffic life eh?
Nice ending!

okoatokewa - the poet said...

Life is a game that we keep playing so much that's it's getting boring, to make it less boring, I like your idea of changing the game board from a flat one to something else. This is very philosophical and inspiring, another great work from the guru.

velvetinapurrs said...

It starts with the opening, and whoosh just flies from there, really excellant, loved it!

autumnraven said...

You are truly a gifted writer. I always love the way your poetry is both flowing and dessonant.

JStar said...

I love this metaphor! Your words danced across the screen, giving me a vivid picture

Olivia said...

This is as awesome as it could be!
How you keep churning these with so well chosen words and metaphors.. it amazes me no end.. wow!!

Celestial Dreamz said...

a perfect rhythm ... very subtly played.

Myrna R. said...

You know how I love your writing, all of it, but this one is exceptional. What a mind Brian. God bless it.

HyperCRYPTICal said...

Aaarh, a fan is born!

Brilliant write.

Anna :o]

Kerry O'Connor said...

I love the word play in this piece - and a very profound thought you have follow here too.

Magpie said...

Brian, did you write this one all at once? It just flows and builds momentum. I really enjoyed it.
I saw a song title today that made me think of you. It was by Matt Nathanson - The Queen of (K)nots because you're so good at using homonyms in your writing.

Joanne said...

Yep, great, great story. Stop the merry-go-round, I want to get off! Wonderful imagery and rhythm of boredom and frustration with the mundane. Ah, escape! A wonderful thought, although I don't know if I could leave my new Mac on the backseat like Claudia did....

Sophia said...

I love how you always give your readers SOMETHING to think about. Not many poets have that ability and can sustain it throughout their writing career. Kudos

Belinda said...

Nice. Reminds me of a Jackson Browne song.

barbara said...

Those off-center rhymes work a treat to carry you along. Of course, the pun snagged me right off. sucker for puns and snazzy endings.

Kavita said...

I hear ya, Brian! So much meaning and message in this one.. and I saw some internal rhymes too... superbly done, at that!
This world's getting so bulgy on its sides, that it just ain't flat anymore! Ohh..was it ever!!!!

yellowhousecafe said...

Again, another rockin' write -
first line is classic and one I say in some fashion, often- I laughed out loud at my favourite Clark comment... now, I must go collect some road dirt, on foot ~

(btw, i did record the poem...as you should this!)
(thanks for helping with "my bad"at OSP)

Aquarius63 said...

A thought provoking fine piece of work Brian.

Anita.

liv2write2day said...

There are so many lines in this poem I would love to steal...clever, cynical at times, brilliant, Brian.

Cheryl Snell said...

It's nice to see such a playful use of language in a piece with an underlying seriousness.

Joanna Jenkins said...

Whoa! This could be a Jay-Z song.
Outstanding.
jj

haikulovesongs said...

LOVE this! you can play with words like no other, Brian!

Joseph Hesch said...

Great fun and a great slant look at modern life, maybe through a slightly cracked windshield. Enjoyed this, Brian.

JL Dodge said...

I would love to hear you reading this !
As always LOVE WHAT YOU DO !!
ENJOY!

Alegria Imperial said...

...can I quote or rather copy and paste your whole poem here? But that would be giving you back what you're given me--a poem I would have written of life's perpetual grind, exactly how I feel or how I've always felt about things I do, we do. Get there, or here, and...? Does it matter? But we don't stop getting somewhere anywhere, do we? Wonderful control of rhyme, rhythm and meaning in your lines, Brian! I give it back to you with parts of my being tucked in. Thank you!

tarunima said...

brilliant.
i love the flow of words..nice write:)

Dasuntoucha said...

you'll find my keys
on the seat, still plenty of gas, & a note
on the dash, "the game board of this world
is no longer flat
...

...word.

Dig the cadence of this piece...as always you feed minds with a delightful four course meal of thought...ONE::

daydreamertoo.com said...

Very deep and full of pictures of being bored with the hum drum and of cars stuck in traffic and Big Ben and fumes and so on... Great prose.

Rebecca S. said...

Wow. Fantastic, strong-feeling statement. Love the image of the game board.
Someone gave us The Game of Life when I was a kid, and my mom hated it. She hated us to play a game that mapped life out in terms of financial success and getting ahead. She would appreciate this poem, I'm sure.