Wednesday, June 1, 2011

applying for non-missionary positions

she hung by a nail in the wood
wall of the garage, teeth so white
they'd make a dentist blush in her brush-
ing, legs tucked, bust bare as her soul
to sell motor oil - viscosity & thermal
break down are very real problems
you know, but the calendar was old
so it made no sense why it still hung a-
round but---

it was years later we were caught in
"that aisle" at the book store, with cosmos
big book of sexual positions, studying the
diagrams, number 72 looked like it might
hurt or require a Twister board, but 46
well, i am just glad i had my notebook and
plenty of empty pages to fill, when they round
-ed the corner and gave us that look---

which took me right back to the smell of gas
& grit and knowing i was going to be in sheep
dit if, and when they found out, and felt

DIRTY

so i sheepishly walked the aisle, looked up
at the prude and confessed, "it's date night"
and winked as we left, hand in hand
with my wife trying to wait
til the parking lot to laugh

then hurried home, thankful the boys
were staying at gramma's house
all night.

89 comments:

Pat Hatt said...

hahahahahaha I think I'm laughing a bit to hard to rhyme

As soon as I saw the title that is where my mind went, the prude must have gotten quite the shock.

And thank God for grandma huh?..lol

Corinna said...

Sounds like a great date night!

Who Is Afraid Of Miss Lovett? No, Mrs.Lovett... said...

Hi! Brian...
No comment!
[However, your words are thought-provoking and your description is very vivid...Because I can just envision the situation in the store.]
Thanks, for sharing!
DeeDee ;-D

Bonnie said...

Yea, who wants to be a missionary!
You're such a scallywag (sp?) Brian and that's only one of the reasons I keep coming back here.

BTW - don't you wonder why all the old prudes seem to end up in that very aisle?

Tara Miller said...

Now my cheeks are blushing as I remember that night! I'm thankful for sleepovers at gramma's too! ;)

The Bug said...

LOL - I love it!

kaykuala said...

Brian,
My, rekindling the flames of tossing and tumbling shall we say. Blush, blush.. prudes there are! They'll grow out of it!

tony said...

Ah #72! Nostalgia!

5thsister said...

You little rascal! Hope you had a wonderful date night!

lori said...

Too funny :) Why is it being in "that aisle" even with my husband, still makes me feel like I'm doing something wrong? I suppose all those years of "just say no" are still hard to shake in public. Thank goodness for privacy!

Old Ollie said...

Right on - always have that notebook ready...poems n such.

Kathy's Klothesline said...

Date night sounds interesting .......

Joanne said...

Oh, Brian! Stellar stuff! The imagery, the story, the love!

Eva Gallant said...

Oh that is too cute!

Brian Miller said...

tony, i almost laughed as hard as i did that night...

daydreamertoo.com said...

Hehehehe....naughty you, in the dirty book aisle. LOL

A very clever write mixed in with a topless calandar on a garage wall too, Brian.
It all made me chuckle.
Thanks for visiting me and the lovely comment.

Titanium said...

Still laughing too hard to type...

That's awesome.

Monkey Man said...

Hys. Ter. I. Cal. Know that feeling, boss.

Sue said...

Well now, you are a frisky little pair, aren't you?

;)

Captain Dumbass said...

Back when I used to work in retail books I always liked keeping that section looking good. For the customers, of course.

Lorenzo — Alchemist's Pillow said...

You might not care for a missionary position, but you do a good job here of preaching the gospel of a healthy, wholesome and unhypocritical attitude toward our bodies and the pleasures to be found therein...

David Allen Waters said...

Ha, this one made me snort my juice out my nose...I love it, romantic....fun and naughty all in one...perfection

Robin Dalton said...

First, thank you so much for your kind comments on my blog post today.

Secondly, what a fabulous poem. You made me smile and I could almost imagine myself right there with you. You used your excellent grasp of the English language to engage all the senses of the reader. Well done.

I believe you are a remarkable storyteller.

Austin said...

love it bro, so much love it!

Pastor Sharon said...

The title was great. My mind went first to where the poetry went. Then, I thought, "don't think you know. Brian takes winding roads."

I love date night! Every couple needs that. I am thankful for grandma's who make that possible.

thoughtsofapatcheduptraveler said...

I love this! You had me back in boyhood days and with a sharp turn around the bookcase, raised it to an adult level of fun. Grandparents are handy... hee

Katherine said...

Your too funny but a little bit naughty too & that is a wonderful combination. Thanks for the laugh!!

Margie said...

How you entertain!
Loved it and especially your ending ...
then hurried home, thankful the boys
were staying at gramma's house
all night.

Margie :)

happygirl said...

Hahaha, So glad she's still taking resume's for the position. Hope you rocked her world.

emmettwheatfall.com said...

Wow! Gorgeous man! From beginning to end. Love the topic and its treatment. It was just a refreshing read from all the other stuff we write. It's real.

Me said...

Hahahaha! Would have loved to have seen the exchange between you and the prude in the store. *Perfect!*

ayala said...

Laughing...sounds like a great date night :)

Travel & Dive Girl said...

That's AWESOME!!! I love anything that provides a shock factor to those prudes.

Nikki Rules said...

Have I ever mentioned how your writing is sweet?

ツ my cyber house rules dot com

lynnaima said...

:) a dirty jaunt when the boys are away, how could you enjoy that!! lol
I enjoyed the metaphors in the first stanza, gripping :)

Kate Hanley said...

Too funny. Just great. Hope date night rocked whatever position you decided on...

Jill from Killeny Glen said...

I absolutely LOVE IT!!!!!!!!!! Every word!!!!! What fun!

Daniel said...

I thought you were telling us about some trouble you got in as a young un, then I read on and a big smile crossed my face. Oh, this was good.

... Paige said...

love it, poor prude thought they would be alone with the book and bam they were busted

Pheromone Girl said...

That is completely awesome. You get two gold stars.

Heather said...

ha ha! you gotta love date night!

hedgewitch said...

Crack me up, man. The Twister board! Hey--we're mammals--we have bodies--we make babies with 'em and even use them to entertain ourselves--get over it. ;_)

C.M. Jackson said...

sheep dit-you had me at the title-get thee to a publisher man!!

Unknown Mami said...

I love it whenever you mention your wife. Your love is so apparent.

Stranger said...

tee hee! fun times and good for you!

ladyfi said...

LOL - nice one!

Zuzana said...

I love the way you can touch upon any subject with such an ease and make us all nod and smile in recognition.;)
I hope it was a great date night, hehe.;))
I am in for a few hot nights myself in the next few days, driving up north to see my soldier.;)
Have a great weekend dear Brian,
xoxo

Valerie said...

Never had those aisles in my day!

James Rainsford said...

Witty, perceptive and slightly naughty.
What more could one ask for? Great job Brian.

liangzhangqina said...

Even if you don’t count yourself among Chanel‘s fans, you have to admit that there are a few things Karl & Co. do very well. Chiefly among them are the gorgeously detailed and often-exotic flap bags Chanel Purse that the company releases every season in its Outstanding Pieces capsule collection, which is exactly what it sounds like – the best of the best from one of the world’s biggest handbag brands. which use alligator, stingray and python skins, after the jump.Remember that time when Karl Lagerfeld imported a chunk of glacier for the Chanel show in chanel outlet Paris and then showed a collection full of faux fur and what can only be described as yeti costumes?

slommler said...

Do tell she says with a knowing smile on her lips!!!
Ha!!
Hugs
SueAnn

Claudia said...

loved it - and being able to laugh together surely qualifies for #46..smiles...off to the book store now...hehe

Lorraine said...

oh gosh ahahhahhh love it...lol that laughter felt sooo good, thanks my friend, and Happy morning to your wife lol

darsden said...

:-D cute spin....

Hilary said...

You so made me laugh.. too cute. :)

Jess Mistress of Mischief said...

Good night :op :)

jabblog said...

Love this!

blueviolet said...

You are SUCH a dirty boy.

TALON said...

lol! Experimentation is a good thing (as is having a chiropractor on speed dial) ;)

tracy said...

I cracked up when I saw the title of this poem, Brian, but of course you had me "aw(e)ing" at the end!

TechnoBabe said...

Thank goodness the prudish mentality did find a permanent home in your psyche. Some people, married people too, spend their lives wondering.....

Hope said...

awesome! lol!

Bossy Betty said...

Love it! I want to hear more about #72 though.....

Myrna R. said...

Ha. This is really cute Brian. Glad date nights are filled with adventure.

Fred said...

Brian what an entertaining piece. The title alone, but the whole scenario that plays out was so well done. This type of thing happens and we get a good laugh at the moment, I think it's great you were able to capture this from sentiment to scene. Very nice thanks for sharing

AmyLK said...

That's my kind of date night!

Betsy said...

lol...oh, I love it. The prude was probably rounding the corner to check it out herself...for the umpteenth time.

Vicki Lane said...

Great title -- hilarious poem. So how's the Twister board thing working for you?

william said...

lol that was a gas mate :)

Menina said...

Excellent title! I smirked immediately. Great descriptions.

haikulovesongs said...

[[giggles}}

Linc said...

Amazing, potent, vivid. I especially love the reference to the old calendar. Shouldn't we all have such a thing in our manly spaces?

Josh Hoyt said...

Great job on the date night. It is interesting how we are looked at by those who don't know us.

Maggie May said...

That was very good.
Maggie X

Nuts in May

Helen said...

Blush, grin, blush, grin ~ heck, I'll just do both.

Baino said...

Awww every boy does it. Should have seen the magazines I found under my son's mattress when he was about 10!

Baino said...

Awww every boy does it. Should have seen the magazines I found under my son's mattress when he was about 10!

Deidra said...

Gotta love date night (she said, sheepishly)!

Magpie said...

You shoulda just bought the book!

Liza Ursu said...

next time, just use Google.

"it's date night"
and winked as we left
Yeah, that's awesome Brian.
This piece reads like a movie or television scene.
Hope you guys had FUN!

Lolamouse said...

Brian,
Good on ya! This is exactly the kind of behavior that keeps marriages together and I heartily endorse it!

OJ Gonzalez-Cazares said...

lol - cosmo should be placed in a plastic bag for display! it has some dirty stuff... it is definitively not a PG magazine!

Syd said...

We got caught at Barnes and Noble too. It was funny.

PattiKen said...

And those little adventures are why your marriage is so successful.

The Empress said...

You know, this made me laugh because I felt as guilty as a knocked up teen when I was 43 and pregnant and had older sons.

I felt like I had to hang my head and not ever look up, caught in the act!!

slommler said...

Congrats on your POTW Brian
Still made me smile!!
Hugs
SueAnn

Out on the prairie said...

A thousand stories came to me from this.i have that calender out at the cabin,it came with it. I wonder where she is now?

Tabor said...

How on earth you are able to "get me" each and every time. I am so glad you do not live next door, or I would have to live on alert! Sweeeet!

Cricket said...

Heh, heh. I know, huh? Good one.

There was spmething to be said for the strap-on... I mean, Snap-On tool girls, though.

Belated congrats on your potw.