Tuesday, April 5, 2011

one stop: this is not haiku

(lower case~lower caste)
truth is a commodity,
afforded to few, too few,
who refine it into food
suitable for the masses,

packaged in plastic pop
top containers, like apple sauce,
it slides down, with out thought,
or need to chew

& lies in wait along
grocery store check out
aisles for those gullible
enough pull the wings
off dragonflies so they
can experience true
freedom.

once consumed, please recycle the container at least

ancient wisdom blows
on the wind, for those
that listen, but to the rest
its flatulence, they
used to sniff, but
now barely notice,
walking in unison,
together yet alone.
love is the wind,
the wind is &

life is not a personal pronoun, its a verb.

observe & beware the
shadow puppets you cast
under the sun, they
walk around after the
lights go out and
spread your Message,
on eight legs, each
one a deadly sin, &
the extra for the next
one we think up.

we are good at that,
then cover them in
make up.

if we took our skin off
at the door and hung it
in the hall coat closet,
would you still stop at
the mirror and smile at
yourself every time
you walk in?

the interior is often lost to the pressure.

during breakfast, these things
play havoc on my synapses,
luckily I am eating Captain Crunch
so the noise of my masticating
drowns them enough to
capture this for you.

the berries make the milk taste yummy.

this is not a haiku.

Hey every body, its one shot wednesday and that means its time to write something poetic. The doors open at 5 pm. Won't you come join us. Smiles.

submitted to the 10DOM writing competition.

120 comments:

Ruthiey said...

Wow great poem. So many people let others spoon feed them "truth" and don't go and figure and fight it out for themselves.

breakfast sounds yummy =)

Bonnie said...

Powerful Brian! You have a way of distilling the truth into bite size jagged pieces that cut our complacency on the way down!

(P.S. So glad it is not a haiku - I'm a bit tired of reading stuff people call haikus on every second blog I open! Sorry to say it, but that's been my experience.)

Natasha said...

I would love to hang my skin at the door, and just be me...you know , that little ball of light and love that makes everybody smile :) This is potent stuff, Brian...not an issue that hasn't been addressed, and your refrence to wisdom blowing in the wind...I now know why so many people walk around with wrinkled up noses, as they deny the truth by tainting it as stink...sorry, again with my rambles...LOVED IT!!! :)

ayala said...

Great, Brian. The truth is definitely tainted....and so many just swallow it....... :-)

DJan said...

Well done, but I always expect that from you, Brian. Yes, the truth may be out there, but I sure can't tell it from the packaging. Did you really write this over a bowl of cereal??

happygirl said...

I guess I can't handle the truth. Because this was a little hard to take. Just call me Tom (no, I'm not gay) Cruise.

Diana Lee said...

As always, a well-honed edge to your writing, a reason to come back, always.

Little Ms Blogger said...

I really love this one. It's true about the outer shell of many people and I do wonder if they truly like what others don't see.

tattytiara said...

Truth is like a grocery store - you gotta shop around the edges. If anything you pick up contains a list of ingredients, it's crap.

Sue said...

One of your best.

=)

Raven said...

Brilliant Brian. And so astute. I loved every word.

Valerie said...

This goes to the top of the favourites list.

dustus said...

Loaded with imagery and emotion. Certainly not haiku, and enjoyed the connections between the many images.

Patricia Caspers said...

Woo HOO! I love how the speaker turns the spotlight on himself and his captain crunch at the end.

This is my internal rant every time I go grocery shopping-- but much more eloquent, of course.

Mama Zen said...

"the extra for the next
one we think up"

Excellent, Brian!

lorely said...

It's amazing the wisdom Captain Crunch can bring!

Daniel said...

Lots to think about here, not the least of which is why a grown man is eating Cap'n Crunch with Crunch Berries (smiles).

deb colarossi said...

amen ..
and I'm not a Haiku fan , so thank you.

Chris G. said...

No...much too many lines for a haiku, my friend ;). Good on you, too, for long or short, the purpose of the poem is to scope out truths, or to show some quality of the experience of living...and yours certainly hits that note. It strikes at the nature of "truth" with well-thought exposition...edgy and intelligent and packed full of imagery.

Who knew Captain Crunch was the breakfast of inspiration?

rhymetime(aka Pat) said...

Wow now that was really long
hahaha I kid there wasn't a thing wrong
Very well done
That was such fun
As not alot of people are just themselves
Some act like scary elves
And believe everything they are spoon fed
When really they should be using their own head
But wait I'm Pat
Pretending to be a cat
Does that make me hypocritcal at that
Bah I just like to chat

David Allen Waters said...

this one grabd the heart....truth is out there, but so well hiden in media flash...brilliant piece my friend.

Helen said...

Unable to hang my skin by the door, I will print this and hang it on my kitchen door!!! Smiles!

Hope said...

very well expressed intricate thoughts weaving quite a tapestry, Brian!

enjoyed it very much

Eva Gallant said...

I'm always in awe of what you write. That's why I say you write poetry, I write ditties!

Who Is Afraid of Alfred Hitchcock? said...

Hi! Brian...
Once again, your thoughts, and words are provoking.

I like this thought and these words
very much:
From "observe & beware the (and all the words in between)...up to you walk in?"
and this action:"I am eating Captain Crunch so the noise of my masticating drowns them enough to
capture this for you..."


Thanks, for sharing!
DeeDee ;-D

sonny said...

smiles....its interesting to puzzle over how your mind wanders...wonder if there is a feng shui of the mind...

most of us struggle

trying to interpret the unheard

leading to even more strained exchanges

we speak in half-meanings

well-intentioned, carefully chosen words

a blessing?

nature’s escape hatch?

the bug in the human blueprint?

in the end, we know what we want to know

we share what we want to share

and just believe or not

relying on ourselves to fill in the blanks

Heather Grace Stewart said...

"life is not a personal pronoun, its a verb."

Just awesome. I love your perspective, and your presentation.

hedgewitch said...

The irony is fighting the disgust as it mates with a slurry of flatulence and blueberry juiced Captain Crunch wherein truth is splashing on the NewYorkTimes trying not to drown...Who could ask for more? Excellent piece and definitely carrying no haiku derivatives or chemicals of any kind. Please recycle.

Thanks for the foxy socks encouragement, too. My fingers aren't just itching after this one, they're thinking about falling off.

repressedsoul said...

Really strong images, no I wouldn't smile at an anatomical version of myself in the mirror, gross indeed! Definitely not a haiku, but once again thought provoking.

Teri said...

Hey...where's my picture of Kiefer??? Did I miss a post (or two or three) while busy with family stuff to read about your NY adventures? Point me there, if so, will you?

Vicki Lane said...

Step away from the Captain Crunch and you'll feel better...

rosaria said...

How do you package this?
How do you layer truth?
How do you guide us through time and space?
How do you superimpose our sophisticated habits to our lack of wisdom?
How do you do it?

Pete Marshall said...

yep this most certainly is not a haiku...could see this being read at a slam night...there was also great subtle rhyme that kept a pace and flow ticking over...great write Bri...you the man

River said...

Exceptional Brian :) vivid piece with layers of provoking thought.

Captain Dumbass said...

Batting them out of the park lately, nice work.

tera said...

Observe and beware, indeed.

Corinna said...

...i don't really think you eat captain crunch for breakfast. if you do, you may be a bit of a masochist...if the masses consumed truth in it's raw form, most would off themselves before puberty...feel blessed that you have the stomach for it.

Monkey Man said...

I thought it was the seven deadly sins. None the less, I love the arachnid reference among other.

Anthony Desmond said...

wow wow wow, love this poem & captain crunch! the part about hanging our skin like coats is the f*cking truth man

anthonynorth said...

So much truth in this, and some great images.

lori said...

Okay, so the problem with your longer poetry is that there are too many great lines to pick a favorite. This one gets better with every line. The momentum doesn't slow or stop. One of my favorites is, "life is not a personal pronoun, it's a verb."

I have a lot of catching up to do, but I look forward to reading the poems I've missed. Nice job.

Debbie said...

I am always in awe of your talent. This one was just perfect.

Elaine said...

A few too many syllables for haiku. Excellent write!

Fireblossom said...

Woohoo! I'm so glad it isn't you-know-what!!! LOL!

Matty said...

Truth is a commodity especially among the politicians who refine it into what they want us to hear. Suitable for the masses.

signed...bkm said...

nice brian...though my days of eating Captain Crunch thankfully moved out with my children...recycle please...yes - we all need do that and eating smaller bites of everything...lesson the garbage with leave or carrying on our hips...a lot said here to be digested....bkm

LauraX said...

"life is not a personal pronoun, its a verb." BRILLIANT!!!

Tara Miller said...

Sometimes the truth can be ugly and messy and people today don't tend to want to deal with messy and ugly; we would much rather have things be pretty all the time. But then we're not really living life; we're covering it up. I really liked the line "Life is not a personal pronoun - it's a verb". SO TRUE! You did really well with this one, love!

And yes, everyone Brian does still eat Captain Crunch with Crunch Berries!!

Betsy said...

I hope I care for the inside as much as the outside...cause that's what truly matters, right?

haikulovesongs said...

no sh*t, it's not a haiku! wow! now i'm depressed ~ both from your verse and the fact that i don't have any Captain Crunch. do you ever start a day seeing the world through rose-colored glasses? i'll loan you a pair.

dani

marousia said...

Love this - so much going on

blueviolet said...

I kinda think my inside looks like my outsides. I try; I really try.
PS. I love the berries in Captain Crunch. I won't even bother with the non-berry version.

Andy said...

Very nicely done Brian.

liv2write2day said...

Brian, this is just brilliant. It reminds me of when I was a student nurse in psych and we had to write our own stream-of-consciousness, random thoughts to get an idea of how close we all are to being schizophrenic. So many of your astute observations ring true to me and a couple I've even woven into poetry...recycling. This is so good. I've run out of superlatives. Victoria

Ocean Girl said...

Strong reminder. Your first commenter summed it up for me and made the message clearer, for me.

Thank you Brian.

KB said...

Interesting stuff you think about while you eat your breakfast.

Jannie Funster said...

I haven't had Cap'n Crunch in so many years. I liked it, tho. And corn pops too. tasty crap. :)

Lately I've put on blinders at the market checkout and am much better off for it, I think.

xo

Heather said...

trying to live more in the truth as I age...I LOVe captain crunch, btw....xo

CM said...

Try oatmeal, it's quieter ;-)

Sorry, couldn't resist. Actually, I think this is about processed, packaged food and a similarity to how we all have become processed ourselves, without creativity or individual thought, as we down the pseudo food they sell on the shelves. Am I close???

Dragonblogger said...

Really great poem, I never understood people who would gaze at themselves in the mirror when they walk in as if to praise or be impressed with themselves.

flaubert said...

Brian, powerful piece of writing and
I love this stanza:
"if we took our skin off
at the door and hung it
in the hall coat closet,
would you still stop at
the mirror and smile at
yourself every time
you walk in?"

Would we indeed want to look?

Pamela

Jerry said...

oh boy...Wisdom reduced to a flat fart in a whirlwind...that is choice...so much more in this poem and how easy it is to blend into the crowd and take a la carte' mass produced "wisdom". So well said...

♥ Boomer ♥ said...

a verb! i love that! life is a verb!

emmettwheatfall.com said...

I love the long form. It takes courage to string a poetic thought out. Brian, you are so creative and you stretch our thinking. I enjoy how you weave thoughts and are able to keep things in a context. Honestly, I enjoy your poetry.

JDaniel4's Mom said...

This is amazing!

Thank you so much for stopping by and leaving such a wonderful comment on Blueviolet's post.

Glynn said...

That image of hanging up the skin by the door -- would it be truth without the skin? Great poem, Brian.

Leslie said...

Love this:

"ancient wisdom blows
on the wind, for those
that listen,"

Don't much like to think of this, but glad you made me:

"if we took our skin off
at the door and hung it
in the hall coat closet,
would you still stop at
the mirror and smile at
yourself every time
you walk in? "

wurdz said...

wow...take my skin off at the door.dam!ok i try not to use such language in comments...but dam!that line is just as powerful as this piece.great.

ModernMom said...

How can a piece that talks about Captain Crunch make me think so much?? Well done.

Apryl Gonzales said...

Impressive as always Brian, I couldn't agree more... refreshing I like the way you contrast reverence and humerus disdain. :) Wonderfully done!

janice said...

Thank you so much for your warm welcome, Brian, it means more than you could ever know...Your poem expressed volumes about where people are headed...one of my favorite lines in which you portray the truth "if we took our skin off at the door and hung it in the hall coat closet, would you still stop at the mirror and smile at yourself every time you walk by it?"
We need poetry in our lives more than ever and the brilliance and the beauty of allowing people to be part of One Stop Poetry is pure genius...thank you so very much Brian.

pandamoniumcat said...

A truly great poem. Thankyou!

Christina - Rant Rave Roll said...

Another deep one to set our minds pondering.

Ami Mattison said...

Oh, wow, Brian! Just wow! I love this poem! The reference to ancient wisdom and the poem's insistence on not being Haiku is an interesting juxtaposition. It suggests that even Haiku has been commodified and appropriated in our Western culture to the point where it no longer speaks ancient truths.

This is a "rant" at it's absolute best, offering poetic substance, something we can really chew on...um...I mean, masticate. ;) Wish I lived near you 'cause I wanna hear this at an open mic!

You hit this one out of the ballpark, brother!

Pheromone Girl said...

If ancient wisdom blows on the wind, what happens when it's calm?

Big Sur Blogisphere said...

I like this nitty gritty stuff. Your presentation and line of reasoning is smooth and contiguous.
Dissecting the wings of truth or freedom is not truth or freedom itself.
The pretenders along with their smoke screens will always weave illusory shadows into facsimiles of Life. But those facsimiles remain flaccid and inept in the face of realness. The biggest challenge is to love yourself against all odds and remain transparent.

OneLove--Tiger

TALON said...

"life is not a personal pronoun, its a verb." - brilliantly true, Brian.

Eileen said...

Wonderful, personal commentary on what truth really is, how we hide it from ourselves, and would we recognize it even if we saw it. Love this!

Zuzana said...

Some of us get very good at pretending, I too am guilty as charged in this crime.;) And the truth, that is such a difficult word to define, as it is so versatile in everyone's eyes. We all see what we want to see.;)
Thank you for this morning full of gentle contemplation.;))
Have a great midweek dear Brian,
xoxo

adeeyoyo said...

Wow! Too much in this for one reading, Brian. Are we sheep being manipulated?

...if we took our skin off
at the door and hung it
in the hall coat closet,
would you still stop at
the mirror and smile at
yourself every time
you walk in?
Love this!

Alan Burnett said...

Like a good muesli it is brimming with rich and tasty pickings.

Jinksy said...

I'm glad my porridge doesn't fill me with thoughts like these, great though they are!

Just Be Real said...

Truth is all about being real. Loved the post Brian. Blessings.

Aquarius63 said...

Thought provoking words and great imagery. I always take my skin off at the door, never smile at my reflection and much prefer my inside than my out. Damn that sounds so `Woe is I` but it's not, really lol.
Great write Brian.

Anita.

Brendan said...

A haiku of this would be a holocaustal compression of an unquiet loud truth. ... So much of modernity is ruled by the iron rule of market capitalism, where everything becomes suburbanized, every town defined by the same bland stretch of franchises, our language narrowed to the least-common-denominators of marketing, one-dimensioned politics, cant, shopping-network exultation, plastic packaging, and the vast cancer such uniculture breeds. And there's no way to avoid it, either, not successfully enough. So the room is filled with the sound of Captain Crunch filling the mouth of the poet, masticating and massacre-ing the Truth. A really fine poem. - Brendan

Lorraine said...

Oh Brian, I loved every words every space in between and thenyou said LIFE is a verb...you can't get more brilliant

the walking man said...

No exemptions for them who refuse to follow the well worn track?

TPR said...

Truth is, be quiet, and watch.

I love your work.

tony said...

A Poem In Praise Of Interiors (or lack of).One Swallow Does Make A Spring!

Kulio said...

Oh I love this.

And I love Cap'n Crunch.

And we don't think anymore, we swallow.

Kerry O'Connor said...

Good luck with the competition, Brian. This piece is definitely in a class of its own - such an interesting blend of images.

if we took our skin off
at the door and hung it
in the hall coat closet,
would you still stop at
the mirror and smile at
yourself every time
you walk in?

Eric 'Bubba' Alder said...

Too many good things here to pick a favorite - nice work, Brian!

Magpie said...

Jeez, Brian...can you stick to one life-altering topic per piece, please? This one was loaded. :)

Celestial Dreamz said...

Great poem ... beautiful images ... a lot to learn from you.

natalee said...

I honestly think this is one of my favorites...

Nancy said...

if we took our skin off
at the door and hung it
in the hall coat closet,
would you still stop at
the mirror and smile at
yourself every time
you walk in?

Wow, Brian - you are hot today.

Echo said...

There are so many details to think about. This needs reading and rereading and reading again. Thanks

booguloo said...

if we took our skin off
at the door and hung it
in the hall coat closet,
would you still stop at
the mirror and smile at
yourself every time
you walk in?

This worked for me.

gautami tripathy said...

Powerful. Your words always please me...


Here is my One Shot:
gost of a rose

Kodjo Deynoo. said...

What a point to make, now this is my kind of poem, full of meaning

Jill from Killeny Glen said...

Okay....could I love THIS more?

if we took our skin off
at the door and hung it
in the hall coat closet,
would you still stop at
the mirror and smile at
yourself every time
you walk in?

Belinda said...

The intimacy of truth is often too close for comfort, no? And yes, we do find ways to think up another to add to those seven deadly.

LadyCat said...

I find the problem to be that everyone's definition of the truth is different. Some stretch the definition pretty thin and still call it the whole truth.

Joanne said...

I'm with the hanging our skin up and making our inner...whatever it is... visible. Great gritty way of putting it. Does make me think of that museum display about the human body with all those depictions of humans without skin. Disturbing and revealing all at once. And how often do we let the Cap'n Crunch drown out our own truths? Very thought provoking and excellent imagery, Brian.

randallweiss said...

Good work about a difficult theme.

Nimue said...

i can just read and read again to make sure i get the point correct !! amazing line of thought..

JH_Poetry said...

All of this started at the grocery store. I'm digesting! insightful.. Nice one!

PattiKen said...

This is SO not a haiku. I was about to say something about it being so true, but... We've become so "conditioned" by Madison Avenue, the media and politicians, I'm not sure any of us would recognize the truth if it came up and bit us on the... um, nose.

libraryscene said...

brilliant line.."life is not a personal pronoun, its a verb"
actually, the whole piece is brilliant as it reads stream of conscious, yet with control (if that makes any sense)..

violet said...

Can't get that picture of taking off skin and putting it in the hall closet, and the question:

"would you still stop at
the mirror and smile at
yourself every time
you walk in?"

Not sure exactly what you're getting at there, but it's a compelling image nonetheless.

And I will also think twice about dropping my litter just anywhere...

Madeleine Begun Kane said...

What a wonderful poem!

trisha said...

terrific poem brian! wonderfully crafted piece.

Olivia said...

W-O-W!

Just so many lines seemed to be hitting on me.. Way too powerful and real!

It really always isn't sweet- I got it!

smiles n peace x

Luke Prater said...

As so often, very clever with wordplay, sharp on the social commentary, and just damn fine poetry. Original, interesting. Not a cliché in sight. Oh, 'life' ain't a verb, it's a noun hehe

Warmest Salad

Luke

lynnaima said...

(Visited, took a bow while taking it all in. Sometimes words can't express mastery or an impact from a read, just fingerprints) :-)

arspoetica said...

your wordplay is sharp as knives here! a lot of great lines but i loved particularly "life is not a personal pronoun, its a verb." you speak truth with a powerful voice, poet. :)

PattiKen said...

Well, I read this via One Shot and never saw that it was also a 10thDoM. I guess it's a little too far from the muse for me, because that didn't occur to me.

Goofball said...

damn you caught me smiling at myself in the mirror when I walk in

JeffScape said...

I like this. Where the heck is part 2???

William the Redd said...

Wow! Love the imagery in this.