Saturday, April 9, 2011

AD in the HD to the ASP

i am a crooked line
in a stitched straight
laced world, tied with
a bow, just to keep
the shoes on, though
i take mine off any
chance i get

slipped through
the cracks of my diag-
nosis, did you see my
cat, oh you wanted
something, what were
we talking about

i get confused when
you tell me too much
and no i wont look at
you, stOP talking, STOP
TALKING! throw
myself on the ground
bang my head on
the wall

it feels
it feels

good to know
whats coming and wearing
my red shirt on Tuesdays,
Wednesday is blue
and chicken nuggets,
but today

sorry i was counting
cars, they tell me things
like how the day will be
by the number, odds are
good, evens are not
but trucks don't
count

chances are you won't
understand me, make fun
of me, think less of me,
try to contain me, ex-
plain me, but never
see me

i am a crooked line
in a stitched straight laced
world but i don't remember
where i left my shoes.

I have never been on the Poetry bus before, so give me grace if i jack it up. Just a bit about a boy, one of my friends, I work with.

87 comments:

happygirl said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
MorningAJ said...

Wow that's excellent! I used to live next door to a young man who counted things and collected numbers. This sums him up really well.

Thank you for the visits to my blogs and for linking my FFF55 on Friday. Much appreciated!

PattiKen said...

Sounds like a form of autism, Asperger's, perhaps. I often wonder what a child with autism thinks inside that mind that is so closed to us. You may have captured it here, Brian. Powerful.

Helen said...

This Poetry Bus ticket will earn you the seat of your choosing!!!

I have four children - a daughter and three sons. My middle son was born with 'crooked stitches' as you so beautifully describe them. Almost fifty, he is blessed to live in a world that does have a place for him. I loved your poem.

Suz said...

you nailed the frustration
and there is a place for such a child
believe this

I love how you stand in a storm
and collect raindrops

Who Is Afraid of Alfred Hitchcock? said...

Hi! Brian...
You so vividly, described the young child's feelings, thoughts, and actions too!
Thanks, for sharing!
DeeDee ;-D

ds said...

No, he's a beautiful crooked line, if only someone would listen to him. Someone like you, for instance...

rosaria said...

You are constantly shedding light on these forgotten and unseen human beings. So touching.

Natasha said...

Brian...this is so much more than just a bit! You have allowed us a glimpse into a way of life many of us will never hope to understand, where routine is longed for, if only for the impression that something is okay. Assaulted by constant distraction, mind being pulled in so many directions, sensory overload and the struggle to just be allowed to breath. Imagine what life must be like! I long to embrace the crooked lines, for my own has never been very straight.

Daniel said...

I thought you were writing about me. Really does fit well.

hedgewitch said...

That world of fighting so hard for control, of counting, of obsessing, of always being the crooked line in a straight world, or vice versa--so hard to live. Your first/last stanza just nails it, brian.

The Bug said...

Oh this is excellent - I love how the bus brings out all these different takes on a prompt. This one is really special. I think I'll share it with a friend whose son is autistic.

MN accent said...

Nailed it!

Totalfeckineejit said...

I enjoyed this poem Brian, it had a dreamy surreal randomness to it that I really liked.Poems can be seen in so many ways to different readers so I was surprised to see it was about a (perhaps autistic?)boy at the end.Loved it either which way!

Sue said...

I realize this is most likely about someone on the autism spectrum, but it also reminds me of my nephew who happens to be Attention Deficit Disorder personified. Fortunately, his mom really "got" him and made sure his teachers did, too. She fought for him all the way through school. And now he has a successful music career.

Funny, the world likes his crookedly stitched self now.

;)

Penny said...

Wow. I'm speechless.
Brilliant!

Rene/ Not The Rockefellers said...

perfect Brian.
right down to the little rituals and patterns that mark the hours, the days.

Betsy said...

Welcome to my world...except nonverbal and multiply times three. But you knew that. :)

Vodka Mom said...

that was amazing,

and so much

a part of what I live with

every single day.

We love them BECAUSE of their differences.

ladyfi said...

A great description of all those kids who have been labelled with a letter or two...

Vicki Lane said...

Oh boy. You do that so well.

David Allen Waters said...

I've always found the "imperfections" or "crooked" stiches to be the most beautiful in this straight laced quilt we call life...

a beautiful tribute to the "different" ones.

:)

Hope said...

the straight laced world isn't as straight laced as you think. Crooked lines are awesome! who wears shoes?

great write!

Steve E said...

In our stitched straight-laced world I may not 'understand' you, that's true.

But never, EVER make fun of, think less of, try to contain or explain you...I always SEE you as a creature loved by God. No more, no less than all others nor me.

Well, the truth now...maybe 'contain' you--I am not perfect, ya know!

I love you--not YOU, Brian. Well, maybe yes, you also--grin!

Bonnie said...

How lucky he is to have someone like you who 'gets' him.

Me said...

Ahhh...my oldest boy is ADHD, though he has come a *LONG* way since his younger years. Luckily not a severe case, he is learning impulse control (mostly) and though social skills are sometimes a problem, he is becoming more aware of non-verbal cues. What I find interesting is, now that he is older, he can explain how things used to be for him, where he didn't have the words back then. Your poem makes me think of some of the conversations we've had...

Sorry for such a long comment, Brian. This one just really connected for me. :)

Kerry O'Connor said...

This poem has a great beat to it and conveys the incessant thought process of an obsessive compulsive mind extremely well.

Tabor said...

Once again you open the door with your few words and invite us inside and then paint the room with detail.

Rhymetime(aka Pat) said...

haha Oh this one hit home a bit
As I can be a rather anal rhyming twit
If it's mine it straight and all in abc order
So tight you can bounce a quarter
Someone elses I don't care
Sometimes if it's a big mess I'll stare
Also prob a strange ocd habit here and there
But the cat or Pat don't care
Really detailed description
About such an infliction

repressedsoul said...

I've worked with autostic kids and this routine of having things to count or specific things before school in the morning during lessons etc is really important to them. One of the kids I taught counted all the steps from his front doorstep to the step of the school every day. He could tell you how many steps to each and every classroom. You captured the small detail here that's important in someone elses life. Great write!

Goofball said...

wow

wow


I can feel his/her frustration. True, chances are I'll never truly understand. But you did bring me closer.


And what can I say: I too love to take off my shoes off !

Claudia said...

...try to contain me, ex-
plain me, but never
see me...

this hit me hard cause it happens all too often that we don't see the people
respect for both bri - for seeing him and for another excellent poem

MomsJournal said...

I think I may be raising a crooked line! ;-)

Bossy Betty said...

Very nice. A powerful poem that will connect with a lot of readers.

Captain Dumbass said...

My wife made sure I read your post today. We're only missing the ASP out of that one and really appreciate the words. In fact, my wife wants to print this so we can bring it in for a couple of teachers to see.

Pat said...

You said it so well. Thanks for letting us peek into their world.

LauraX said...

"i am a crooked line
in a stitched straight laced
world but i don't remember
where i left my shoes."

way to tie it up Brian...brilliant!

deb colarossi said...

wow.
again.
sigh..

Ocean Girl said...

You've used your gift as a stark reminder to us. We can see better through your heart.

Joanna Jenkins said...

I love a boy who's a crooked line and you captured his spirit and nature perfectly.

This left me in tears but made me smile all at the same time.

Great job. jj

Kathy's Klothesline said...

Aren't we all a little crooked? As a child I hated weekends. They were disorganized and without purpose. I liked knowing what each day would bring. Now as an adult I find myself setting goals each morning as I wake. Only after I have completed my set tasks will I allow myself random treats (blogging, reading, etc).

After my mom died I called my dad more frequently just to check in with him. We would have almost the same conversation every day as he kept me informed of every bite he ate and what he watched on TV. One day he told me he had been outside picking up the pinecones before he mowed ......... 482 of them. He counted them and did not think it was odd that he did so. I now find that I also count things ........

Ami Mattison said...

What an intriguing portrait, Brian, tinged with both the frustration and sadness that comes with being unable to fit in with social norms. Yet you offer your subject dignity and that's what really makes this poem.

Raven said...

That is a fantastic, utterly realistic picture of life with ADHD. I have it, and they told me my Midget has it (but now they are saying she doesn't, it's bipolar) so I can so relate to this one. I have a magnet on my fridge that says 'They tell me I have ADHD, they just don't underst...hey, look, a chicken!'

Life with Kaishon said...

Oh my good heavens. This was too good. Brian, I keep waiting to come here one day and hear that you are writing a book. You know I would buy it.

Sending love to one of my favorite poets on the planet.

Beachanny said...

I have an autistic grandson. I understood this; although he still cannot get very far out of himself. His favorite topic is calendars and what will be happening on certain days and how long since some event occurred or how long until the next one does. I would say you captured something very delicate and ephemeral here, Brian.

ayala said...

Brilliant, Brian .

secret agent woman said...

This reminds me of an autistic boy I worked with many years ago.

Tara Miller said...

Thank you for allowing us to see a glimpse of a young crooked line life in a straight laced world. We don't always know of the different struggles and challenges others have in life and your writing brings this to light. I think one common thread we all share is to love and be loved; crooked line or not.

Heather said...

love this one. i've worked with many kids like this, too...so tough. but oh so worth it! you must enjoy what you do -
xo - thanks for the bday wishes...

Eileen said...

A wonderful job of putting a face and emotions on someone who usually just gets stuck with a 'label'. I found it moving.

Barbara said...

Awesome job putting feelings into words! Love the rhythm.

Patricia Caspers said...

This reminds me of the _Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night Time_. Did I get the title right? Great pace and tension.

who said...

Sometimes it looks as if a line is kept straight by the pointy side of the letters A&V falling on the line. Keeping it straight. While the line has to run a crooked path around the points, in the bigger picture the grand scheme of things, it's a perfect straight line.

You have an incredible talent to say it with emotion the reader can feel. I can understand that much Brian. It's an awesome poem

R. Burnett Baker said...

Excellent poem, Brian. I was a bit haunted throughout this captivating poem, and yet I saw reflections of myself: Are we really that close to each other's humanity, after all?

Rick

Greyscale Territory said...

A wonderful, sensitive capture of someone who deals with asperger's...especially suits the boy in "The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time"!

Joybird said...

Loooooove this. I was diagnosed ADHD at 21 and oh did it explain so much to me.

Lolamouse said...

I have worked with many ADHD and autistic spectrum kids and this really hits home. It's a truly frustrating experience for them. Great job and welcome aboard!

Joseph Pulikotil said...

Hello Brian,

Well written poem, great imagination and skillful section of words to paint lovely word portraits.

Have a lovely Sunday,
Joseph

kkrige said...

tight write Brian

nance marie said...

you open up new worlds within your world. you follow good directions to get us there.

clean and crazy said...

this is amazing, may i borrow it, it reminds me a bit like my haley. i would like to make a picture of it and put it on the wall.

Maggie May said...

That was an amazing piece of work and insight.
Maggie X

Nuts in May

Pete Marshall said...

excellent as always Mr Miller...the poetry bus is knew to me..shall look into this....cheers pete

adeeyoyo said...

Brilliant. I don't know how you do it, but you can get inside anybody's head. I can't praise this one enough - one of your VERY best, but there are LOTS of those, lol! You really are a genius. PS-I got glimpses of myself in this one. Eew!

Valerie said...

You have surpassed yourself with this one, Brian. It's got to be your best work ever.

budh.aaah said...

Love never ever thinks less..or makes fun..but accepts, understands and embraces the crooked and straight as one..

sonny said...

what i liked about this write was that nowhere did it seem dismal or sad..there's this underlying thread of taking life as it comes that u captured so well brian...

Pauline said...

There's a kid in one of my classes that fits that description - you're right; hardly anyone sees him...

slommler said...

Such a delightful way of words! Eloquently describing a way of life..a way .... A life veering a bit but running along side mine. Trying to grasp the world just like me. It is truly a straight stitched world too!! Personally I like the decorative stitches the best!
Hugs
SueAnn

Jill from Killeny Glen said...

Beautifully done Brian. ONLY someone who has spent QUALITY time with a child with ADHD can truly understand their FIGHT. I would not wish it on my WORST enemy.

EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. STRUGGLE.

formerlyonlyamovie said...

I've known this kid for a long long time. Always my fave. Good for you for giving him a wider audience...!

Fireblossom said...

I almost missed this. I like it that "trucks don't count."

joanny said...

You are an empathic writer, gathering understanding I image from the world around you that you encounter with a keen eye and an understanding heart.

well written. a beautiful poem.

joanny

Flea said...

Great!!

Jinksy said...

Excellent interpretation, blogpal...

izzy said...

Of course I can relate , It is Monday and I'm late although not really!
Thanks.

120 Socks said...

Great first ride, it encompasses everything the poetry bus can be, by taking us to a place we might never have been.

Enchanted Oak said...

It's a delight to have you aboard the Poetry Bus, Brian.

Your poem is brilliant. I wonder how you do it sometimes, being prolific in a seemingly effortless way.

My Poetry Bus ticket also addresses a crooked state of mind.
We’ve all gone crooked

Peter Goulding said...

There's a very powerful message in there for all of us. I too thought aspergers, not that I've had any personal experience of it.

Magpie said...

We should all be allowed room for and acceptance of our own brand of "a crooked line".

dopey said...

This is amazing!!

lori said...

very sweet, and I think you did a great job of putting yourself in his little shoes. Sad that we try to squish everyone into the same mold. Love the beginning: "i am a crooked line in a stitched straight laced world"

As always, I love the way you string your words together masterfully :)

Niamh B said...

Great stuff Brian, there's an awful lot in there, the chaos really comes across, but also the frustration with wanting to just be seen.

trisha said...

this is really touching brian. its really tough to be different.

Syd said...

I am glad that there are non-linear thinkers in this world. Thanks for those who color outside the lines.

Sheila Moore said...

Ugh, great portrayal of one who may have adhd. If everyone could only spend a day inside the shoes of these or any others who have extra challenges along with the ones life gives us all already, the world would be a much better place to live

lucychili said...

wow it takes me there