Wednesday, March 2, 2011

we shared a moment

Osiris emblazons twin tongues
adorning his feet, tap-tap-tapping
out the beat, cypher worms in
his brain, coiling nests, bass echoes
on membrane, that would drive
some of you insane---

but to this boy-man, it fuels
fingers, cracking rhyme on note-
book parchment paper, a clay tablet
stylus, his amber eyes cast to & fro
across would be Apollos, roller
blading on winged feet around
the rink---

but he does not skate, just sits
in the neon rainbow glow, scribbling
fiddling words into place, capturing
moments of back alley shadow
hustles, proven muscle in tattooed
teardrops, Shiva dismissed on
the lips of hope's kiss---

don't confuse him as Horus, his
voice is chorus, a choice to carve
his life sentences while he awaits
deliverance to flee, out of Egypt,
on Tenth Street, and these words
set him free as he captures
the story---

greater than the underworld glory
branding the tongues of the shoes
on his feet, he finds the beat, finds
the beat, in his own brand of
silence---

imperfect prose

72 comments:

Sue said...

I am left pretty speechless by this one. Just excellent.

Especially loved this line: "...a choice to carve his life sentences..."

You do that particularly well.

=)

Brian Miller said...

thank you sue...as i emailed to her...i met this kid about 3 weeks ago at the skate rink and just watched him...i tried writing about him 4 times in my notebook and it never really came out the way i wanted it to...until last night int eh middle of the night...i wrote it in pencil on a tablet in the dark and had to decypher it this morning...yes, i may need mental help....

Austin said...

Nice Brian, great job of capturing the moment.

versebender said...

Hey, Brian thanks for painting the scene for me...really well done. Like the mythological references...heck...liked the whole thing. Vb

drybottomgirl said...

Very nice. I love how "fluid' this one is....

David Allen Waters said...

I can feel each and every minute of this one...perfection.

Old Ollie said...

back alley shadows - good writing there

Daniel said...

Like the rhythm to this one. I liked your comment too as it added something extra. Words that get pounded on but never culminate into something you put out there.

rosaria said...

The gods of yours have a lot going on in this here world. Osiris is at par with Eminem!

TechnoBabe said...

Someone hanging out but keeping to his own world.

Rachel said...

Like how you take everyday ordinary and put into poetry.

Ben said...

"capturing moments of back alley shadow." Very cool word picture. I like how varied your different poems are. I never know what to expect and am always pleasantly surprised.

Grand Pooba said...

Wow, I can't believe you wrote that in the middle of the night!

Rhymetime(aka Pat) said...

Wow really went all out, didn't leave a bit of drout.
Even better read than before, glad I keep reading more.
As far as you needing mental help goes, I'll leave that to the pros.
For I may need some too, but not quite as much as you.
Off I go, not fast but not slow.

TALON said...

There's a lovely pacing and rhythm to this that just reads effortless, Brian, though I know that's an illusion (I know there's much effort behind the apparent ease).

Алиса said...

yeah! Shiva! yeah yeah

David N. said...

Love the rhythm here. Probably my favorite poem I've read from you.

Belinda said...

What a vivid rendering, Brian. I felt like I was watching this boy-man write while everyone else skated around him. He must've stood out without knowing it. And isn't it nice to see someone so comfortably in his element being so different from everyone else?

Jannie Funster said...

Many lands travelled in just one short poem, Brian.

I hope he found deliverance!

xo

Betsy said...

scratched it out in the middle of the night...lol..you have to write it down when the muse hits!

Really, really nice...I read it twice! :)

Cinner said...

Brian, wonderful. I read your comment to Sue and I have often wondered how you write this. I guess it is good to keep a notebook handy for such occassions. lucky us. smiles.

Heather said...

very cool. i like how it came to you in the middle of the night. isn't that a great feeling, when something finally comes to you and you just have to get it out! good stuff. enjoy your night!

Luke Prater said...

first stanza has reminiscences of Cypress Hill's Insane in the Brain... hehe.

Good piece all up

Cheers me matey

Luke

Mama Zen said...

Well done, Brian!

Leslie said...

love the way you saw them as mythological characters.

Joanne said...

Loving the rhythm of the rink, well captured. He'll never know what he inspired, eh?

Joybird said...

I can see, I can see him. You know what Brian, I think you are an Impressionist poet, pointelism to be exact. You write using these little pieces, dots of color, but I can see a whole picture through the pieces.

blueviolet said...

Were you writing while everyone else was skating?

happygirl said...

LOVE. I can't skate, but I can feel it.

CM said...

So cool. It reminded me of when I use to be a youth leader with my church. There was this one girl who always went against the grain. I can still remember her face and name today.

I saw your comment...you truly are a writer. That's so interesting how you explain how you got to the final piece. Well done and thank you.

Bethany Ann said...

i don't even know who most of those characters are. maybe i should read more.

emily wierenga said...

greater than the underworld glory
branding the tongues of the shoes
on his feet,

i felt this one, in my soul, and these lines especially... the beat of a new life in the making... extraordinary, brian. really. and how you see people...

Helena said...

♥ Hεlεɳa was here ~.^ It's nice to know I'm not the only one who is up in the middle of the night writing lol! I love how you wrote about the simplicitiy of an ordinary day and created such an interesting take on it.

tattytiara said...

Awesome momentum.

liv2write2day said...

Amazing talent to be able to thread all these deities together in one poem. I've had the same experience as you: that middle-of-the night creative surge that, in the morning, you don't have a clue where it came from. I'd have to say two of my personal favorite poems came about in that way.

budh.aaah said...

'Shiva dismissed on
the lips of hope's kiss---' OMG Brian how beautiful is that

Caribbean Fool said...

Man, that was a great example of narrative imagery expressed via the symbolism chosen to adorn the poem. Very strong work uniting several disparate themes into the overarching commentary that is the assembled whole of the poem. The language was electric; you really harnessed your voice well to write this poem sir. Very impressive & quite an enjoyable read.

crb.

elizabeth said...

I can see him in my mind...

Magpie said...

So you are writing about seeing a boy-man writing about what he was seeing. Was he seeing you? Reflections in reflections.

Zuzana said...

Perhaps you can relate to this young man, who has a sensitivity you recognize.;)
Have a great day dear Brian,
xoxo

Dulce said...

great play of words so meaningful.a pleasure to read as if singing and yet that beat turned into silence- great one, brian

Alan Burnett said...

You always seem to build such a strong sense of rhythm into your poems : it makes it a pleasure to read them.

Valerie said...

OMG that's brilliant.

A voice recorder is the answer to those thoughts that need immediate capture.

slommler said...

To think of him as a winged creature scribing in the night is so beautiful!
Love this one Brian...beautiful!
Hugs
SueAnn

the walking man said...

Everyone finds their own escape. Hope this kid makes it past tenth street.

Brian Miller said...

yeah 10th street is a rough area....thus the tattoed teardrops which gang members earn for each killing...got a little too flowery with this one i think with the mythology, but the brand name on his shoes was Osiris (god of the Underworld) so i wanted to play off that to create a space for Hope....oh well...lol

patty said...

wonderful, always. love "proven muscle in tattooed
teardrops"... and the imagery, for me, bouncing b/t street gangs and gods of mythology... really. wonderful.

Suz said...

I love what Joybird said...she is spot on about your writing
and you have such a beat

Lorraine said...

I always finish a little aghast a little torn and a lot impressed

Bev said...

you never cease to amaze me brian. really. i see, feel and think things but can't put them down on paper. guess i do it through my art. sometimes tho, i just want to write it.
god has truly given you a gift!

Who Is Afraid of Alfred Hitchcock? said...

Hi! Brian...
Thanks, even going back to Egyptian "lore" and combining your poem (words) with a modern tale/event (person)...I'am with you, and hear you, loud and clear!
Thanks, for sharing!
DeeDee ;-D

william said...

another well told tale, great work as always :)

Captain Dumbass said...

"Out of Egypt,
on Tenth Street." Nice.

-t- said...

:) great write...

have i told you lately that sometimes you are too big for my brain? ...i know, i know - me and my brain :)

Claudia said...

i like how you look at people and i like how you write hope into this life and a ted kooser poem jumped to my mind where he describes a total different kind of person in the skate rink - couldn't be more opposite...still..had to think of it..

She was all in black but for a yellow pony tail
that trailed from her cap, and bright blue gloves
that she held out wide, the feathery fingers spread,
as surely she stepped, click-clack, onto the frozen
top of the world. And there, with a clatter of blades,
she began to braid a loose path that broadened
into a meadow of curls. Across the ice she swooped
and then turned back and, halfway, bent her legs
and leapt into the air the way a crane leaps, blue gloves
lifting her lightly, and turned a snappy half-turn
there in the wind before coming down, arms wide,
skating backward right out of that moment, smiling back
at the woman she'd been just an instant before.

--Ted Kooser

jen revved said...

man, you are the bard of the hour. Gimme some of that juju. Terrific poem. I have a new one up too. Your enjambment is improving and that isn't a joke, I'm sure you know-- although it does sound racy. xxxj

Goofball said...

playing with rhythm and gods huh?

deb colarossi said...

I will have to reread this.
I'd love to hear you read it out loud?

very good.

I thought of a time when I was a temp Big Sister... and we took the girls roller skating.

Nancy said...

As the mama of a boy who sees the world differently and drums on everything, I could feel the rhythm of this one. He teaches me, when i take the time to watch and listen and stop myself from telling him to stop thumping. Wonder what he'll be?

Abby said...

love this...always a story, something compelling in the people watching and meeting...so many stories the world wide...

and i love your writing in a pencil on a tablet in the dark--priceless:)

Syd said...

You do know how to capture a moment. To think of how many people we have shared a moment, a breath with--it is staggering.

Ami Mattison said...

Ah! A spoken word piece for sure! The cadence, the rhyme, the fast-as-you-can meter of it. It's just fabulous! And it's epic the way it brings different mythologies to contemporary life. So, perform it already!

kenny said...

whoosh, play with those words, why doncha! Syncopate! Rifling through your blog and you know what? You're very, VERY good.

PattiKen said...

Interesting goings-on in your mind, Brian. Scientists may want to study your brain someday. ;-)

mama-face said...

we can or should feel our lives beating away... in tune.

imoomie said...

Feeling kindred in that a simple trip to the skating rink becomes so much more to behold in the eyes of a writer and sometimes the very best things are penned in the middle of night...excellent.

izzy said...

I really like your 55! I decided to just focus on our Poetry Bus this week...Thanks.

Marla said...

I want to write like this but alas, it may never be. That's ok as long as I can continue to read your writing.

Brandee Shafer said...

Seems like you were blessed in the witnessing. I can almost see him...wish I knew what his words were...

adeeyoyo said...

This has to be one of my favourites - and that's saying something, Brian!

lori said...

Sometimes I wish I could stay up and write all night because I work better then. But, life with children doesn't exactly lend itself to all nighters :) I'm liking the mythology here, "Apollos, roller blading on winged feet around the rink---" Great word pictures!

trisha said...

fabulous poem brian.