Sunday, March 13, 2011

160/OSS - Dragon Slayer


Joe Camel, big nose
phallic symbol, James Dean
party scene, your funeral

but who should i blame
as i explain to your children,
time stolen

each hit,
butt to lip

What can you say in 160 characters? (spaces included) Go tell Monkey.


The picture inspiration came from One Shoot Sunday at One Stop Poetry.


That first one feels way too PSA, so late addition that probably goes too far the other way...

In Morning Light

Mine
is the God
of mussed hair
who smokes
in the afterglow
on my worship

when you get beyond
the painted faces.

88 comments:

the walking man said...

You won't need explain to my children they already know I been kissing those butts for half a century.

Tom said...

heh
butt kisser
somehow i think things are only going to get worse.

Who Is Afraid of Alfred Hitchcock? said...

Hi! Brian...
Not to sound like a goody-two shoes, but I don't drink and Joe Camel, never met my purse, school bag, lips, etc,etc,etc...Nice use Of 160 words.
DeeDee ;-D

Kodjo Deynoo. said...

That is it, time stolen
Brian, well done

Valerie said...

I gave up butt kissing twenty plus years ago, thank goodness.

Aquarius63 said...

A great use of 160 words, well expressed.

Anita.

TechnoBabe said...

When I was young we called them "another nail in the coffin".
The older I got it became clear this was not snarky words, this was true.

Fireblossom said...

For all the cigarette images on my poetry blog, I don't smoke and never have. I've also never owned a cat. (I'm dog-owned). Some things make better literary devices than real life accoutrements.

That chick needs to put out the smokes so she can do something about that hair and complexion! She's going down in a sea of ratty!

Me said...

That picture makes my skin crawl. You did a great job putting words to it. :)

Happily, I am also among the number who gave up kissing butts. Over 5 years since I smoked, and it's like it happened in someone else's life, now. Best thing I ever did. :)

Brian Miller said...

ah and so glad you did me and val...

Scott said...

I think that adequately sums it up... smoke free for ten years this past February. It took the conception of my only child to pull my head up and get me to give the things up.

Heather said...

we used to think smoking was so cool....I remember the Camel's...Glad I grew up and kissed them good-bye! have a great sunday brian, hope you are on two feet today! :)

Bonnie said...

Not sure I could ever say so much with merely 160 characters - but that's one of the true marks of a great poet - economy of words. I always intend to be economical, but I am such a spendthrift - even with my words - as you can see. How about a tutorial?

hpicasso said...

I Love me, I Love me not......and we used to smoke in hospitals

Peace, hp

Ruthiey said...

great ending. very effective.

my novel is a personal context (i.e. my character is similiar to myself) but I don't talk about the plot because it kills my inspiration. =)

Steve E said...

Brian, I'll take door number TWO!
(But behind the door--does a spirit really smoke?--grin!)

benmind said...

I like how the two poems work against each other; opposing views of the same person, each bound with its own preconceptions and projections onto the image.

Claudia said...

glad i slayed that dragon when i turned 18..agh...started to smoke with 14 and i guess the amount of cigarettes i had in those 4 years is enough for my whole life..
my fav. is poem no. 1 btw

Betsy said...

ah, but they never think of their kids, do they?

DJan said...

After my BIL was laid to rest because he couldn't stop smoking, I have a aversion to even thinking about those butt kissers. Great poetry, though, as usual.

Helena said...

Time stolen indeed, in more ways than one...
♥ ஆεlεɳa ~.^

dustus said...

Amazing what advertisers try to do to sell people through highly suggestive illustrations—pathetic since so many kids love cartoons. Awesome Shoot-160!

Penny said...

The first is a really powerful piece, full of pain ad regret. Great stuff.

Eva Gallant said...

Great pairing of words to the photo!

repressedsoul said...

Another butt kisser, gave up for 6 years but started again I relate, and maybe this poem will make me say farewell to the old smokes

Raven said...

Both of these were fantastic, but I especially liked the 2nd one.

I started smoking when I was 16, when I thought it was so 'cool' and now here I am 22 years later and just can't quit. Not so cool anymore.

Mama Zen said...

I like them both!

Deborah said...

Clever and brilliant ... both of them!

Myrna R. said...

I love both poems. Too hard to chose one over the other. They're just different. I never smoked, but my husband struggled to give them up. So glad he did.

trisha said...

a brilliant poem in so little words. loved it brian.

trisha

evalinn said...

Nice take!

She Writes said...

I prefer the second one. I don't smoke and never have, but I have so much compassion for those who can't kick the habit. It is a killer. Makes me want to write about smoking :).

hedgewitch said...

I have to admit, I never saw Joe Camel's nose in quite that light before. Both pieces work, but I like the lost mood of the second best.

Maggie May said...

It doesn't matter how she looks if she smokes...... she smokes and that is the biggest turn off.
Maggie X

Nuts in May

Monkey Man said...

Black death in a white stick. Great Sunday 160 and thanks for your loyal participation.

Daniel said...

Kind of a two for the price of one today. Nice.

David Allen Waters said...

Love these...you had me from the very first line ;)

Olivia said...

I wish like dopes, fag too could be declared unlawful..

A couple of years back Law declared il- legal to smoke in public space here in India.. trust me, it's being puffed away ever since!!

We may have become civilized yet "practice" the old, downtrodden ill- habits! That's just so in man..

peace xx

wurdz said...

cartoons ,smoking and kids...big subliminal tie in.the first and second pieces both tell a wonderful tale.i can feel your bias for one or the other.prototype writer's opinion!nice work.

tracy said...

I love them both!

budh.aaah said...

There is such softness as can be touch especially the second one..

haikulovesongs said...

i like both poems but really enjoyed the touch of humor in the second. great deal for us readers ~ two for the price of one.

Vicki Lane said...

I dislike smoking so much that the photo hits me as kiddie porn. But your poems are terrific.

signed...bkm said...

I like The Morning Light "God of mussed hair"...like the images in this one...bkm

Matty said...

Tried one ONCE, behind a friend's house when we were kids. I coughed and hacked myself almost to death, and never tried one again.

Jannie Funster said...

Oooo, painted faces and getting beyond to masks, yes. Good one.

So glad I never picked up smoking. I dabbled a bit in it as a teen. Glad it never stuck.

xo

Ami Mattison said...

Brian, I love that you wrote two! And it's truly hard to decide which one I like best. I kinda like the PSA feel of the first one, as it's really not too PSA. I mean, how do we explain "time stolen//each hit" to children.

Okay, but I've decided, I like the second one best. Not at all sentimental if that's what you're thinking about "going the other way." "Mussed hair" just gets me in this one.

Both are fine writes, my friend!

Alice Audrey said...

Those poor kids, to lose the time, and then face the health problems from the second hand smoke on top of it.

Glynn said...

I like them both, but I especially like the line "the God of mussed hair."

flaubert said...

I think that girl shouldn't smoke so
much, especially at one time. I believe you put it in perspective.
Nice.

Pamela

sheila said...

You sound like my mother. Talking to me. LOL

Natasha said...

I was sold on Joe Camel as part of my teenage angst...even used to put the ads up on my bedroom wall just to tick off my parents...while I stood smoking beneath them, thinking I was all that...not feeling quite so cool now :( I'm especially taken with the second one. So few words spark memories of so many morning afters...a nice and unexpected treat...two for one, oh such fun, but for now...this comments' done :)

annell said...

I've been very busy, but had to come by. Loved your post. "Time stolen" another time, another place...so many things we've been tricked on.

Meryl Jaffe said...

Great poem. I have never smoked but still love it. And the photo works so well with it!

otin said...

such a gross habit, I really don't get it.

ayala said...

I like them both, Brian.

Jill from Killeny Glen said...

I like them BOTH.

The hard/worn/wrinkled faces of women...SO MANY of them worn by cigarettes but moreso by LIFE and the hard things it holds for them. Giving up the smokes doesn't make everything okay. It's a start...

Kavita said...

Aaacckk!! What's to ever become of 'em butt kissers!!
I love the "time stolen" bit -- very effectively used here in this 160!!

The photograph is AWESOME!! And your words did justice to it...

slommler said...

I quit 22 years ago!! Thank the Lord!!
Hugs
SueAnn

CM said...

My dad smoked unfiltered Camel's for many, many years. He was diagnosed with lung cancer ten years ago. I watched him suffer through chemo and radiation. It was really sad, he looked so pale and was so sick to his stomach for a while there. Luckily, he's in remission now.

I've never smoked because watching my parents smoke and sitting in a car filled with smoke as a kid was enough to keep me from even trying it.

secret agent woman said...

I watched both my grandfathers spend their last couple of years on oxygen tanks - no smoking in this household!

Hope said...

very interesting piece. well done on the pic. prompt!

Maggie said...

Thankfully, I've never done it.

Arts Web Show said...

Powerful statement Brian.
Surely, it's not so cool once we are dead

tattytiara said...

Eh blame. We make choices. Some of them suck. Blame is just suck icing on suck cake.

Elaine said...

You said a whole lot in a little Mr Millar. Impressive work!

Pat said...

Smoking stinks! But your poem certainly doesn't! I like the cadence of it.

moondustwriter said...

I think you caught he look - the lost

Nice PSA - smiles

KB said...

Whitesnake and I are both smoke free. Yay!

adeeyoyo said...

I love them both and they are both true! I also smoked for half a century (more, actually) and, thank goodness no harm done. I don't think God is petty-minded at all. Although I do think we should look after our bodies - but we realise it very late in the day, haha.

Zuzana said...

I must be very ignorant, but what is PSA.:))
Hopefully as time goes by, smoking will be looked upon as a large mistake of mankind. But it will take many generations because cigarettes are so much part of our immediate past and culture.
Luckily I never smoked nor do I like it, but I know how difficult kicking a habit can be.;)
Very poignant message in so few words - you always do it so well.;)
Have a great Monday dear Brian,
xoxo

Lorraine said...

Oh Brian you never cease to take my breath and all I can do is repeat

JStar said...

I needed this more than you know Brian...

natalee said...

UGH..... Quitting smoking was the hardest thing I ever did................ ugh... and even now.. my addiction to butt kissing still lingers......

I told my hubby on my 90th birthday I m taking it up again

Hilary said...

Both so well done. It will be 30 years this June since I last kissed one of those butts. It's frustrating to me that my younger son smokes.. at least occasionally.

Jess Mistress of Mischief said...

oooohhhh yup, have a friend here over the weekend who smokes, it's like the air is sucked through a cloud and becomes dense and tastes bitter. Even just standing next to him outside.

BLECH!

Sue said...

I liked the twofer. ;)

Especially the PSA.

ladyfi said...

Brilliant! I'm a non-smoker so the first one works for me...

Alegria Imperial said...

Thanks for this take, Brian! I'm always taken by your precise hand--no flapping superfluities. I read the poems as together not apart. The mood and voice at fist do not pair but they do. Some tweaking? Thanks again.

AmyLK said...

They are both good! the first was a good PSA. they both made me smile but for different reasons. :)

Goofball said...

wow quite an inspirational picture


I hope she just celebrates an unhappy carnaval :p

lori said...

Sometimes a little PSA isn't so bad, right? I like both poems in different ways. Favorite lines of first poem are, "time stolen, each hit, butt to lip" - great images.

In the second one, "...who smokes in the afterglow on my worship..." - you do paint some wonderful pictures, Brian :)

mama-face said...

Thank you for the imagery of Joe Camel's phallic nose. gah.

:-)

Marla said...

Well, I LOVE the first one, so there. :-)

Madeleine Begun Kane said...

Really good use of 160 words. That's a tough challenge!

Steve Isaak said...

I only read the first poem (playing catch-up on the read-the-lists reading) - excellent, especially the closing lines.

IELOVER said...

The girl in the pic will die soon because of smoke! what for?

Syd said...

What a photo. Chilling.