i have notebooks filled
with great lines
but ask me to put
them together and
they end up something
like this
i'll post it and wait
for you to fondle
it and breathlessly
tell me how good
i am, how my
words move you
or touch you
& even though i
have only ever
hacked on 2 cigarettes
in my life, it
will make me want
to roll up this
poem & light it
just to inhale the
moment...
poets can be
pretty sick like
that...
but it's when people
tell me it sucks
that i get excited
because the truth,
as you see it, my
meter too short or
rhythm too long,
will break my heart
just enough to write
another...
smiles. can't take myself too seriously now you know. thank you to all those that regularly stop in, you keep me smiling. ~Brian
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107 comments:
wait, your meter is SHORT?
I don't believe it for a minute.
Well you know, Brian, every artist's gotta have some bad feedback every once in a while to keep things edgy and honest. Put that in your rolled up poem and smoke it :)
(too bad, I liked this one.)
Vodka Mom's comment made me forget mine! ... well almost ...
This piece truly qualifies as a piece of ---- Brian. Now get writing! ;)
Love this !
( and I wanted to join One Stop Poetry finally, but missed it again.. next week promise. )
Hah you really want bad feedback? Get your RoM mojo on Miller, show us what you've really got!
Hah you really want bad feedback? Get your RoM mojo on Miller, show us what you've really got!
I'm just too blown away by being in the first 10 to comment. I forgot the words of praise I was going to heap on you...
I don't remember what I learned in school about poetry. I only know what I like. You make me think and sometimes you make me smile.
Kat
You keep us smiling too with your poetry and your comments.
Nothing wrong in being the 2nd and the 3rd para Brian..thats just a poets psyche..on days..and God knows there are days when one lives for just that...
I like I like :)
I almost always think, "Wow!".
Once in a great while I think, "Huh?" lol.
keep writing...and yes, we love you!
Poets be like that :)
Aloha from Honolulu
Comfort Spiral
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LOL, okay it "sucks" just enough for you to write another, ROFL!!! Sorry I still love it! ;))hehe ~April (actually I so needed the chuckle, it has been a rough week!) EXCELLENT writing!
fondle, fondle
pftt, you can do better than that Miller! :P
Cute! Does this mean hounded the post someone put on the Everybody Blogs blog?
I love your stuff! I'm with besty, mostbdays I'm all WOW and others you make me stop and think. Which is a good thing!
Keep at it for us and YOU!!!
Thank you Brian for all that you write here and the comments that you make over at my blog. You are much appreciated.
I think we are all prone to taking ourselves way too serious at times...I suppose cause we are human...I feel very blessed to know you and to get to read your words...thank you...and like Syd thank you for all the kind comments you leave me at my place..very appreciated Brian.
VM...you slayed me...you know i guess if you consider a meter short...smiles. just having a bit of fun tonight...i do like a good crit...so i can be sick like that...
Why so serious? Well, then. No need for saying it sucks! You're so right in that fourth little stanza, though... I'll put that in my imaginary pipe and smoke it!
Rick
Sorry.. there is nothing more to say after Vodka Mom's comment. ;)
LOL Vodka Mom...oops sorry this is about Brian. Your the man what can I say be it a meter short or 10 meters too long. Your the man! You make me smile, that's hard these days. I thank you for all you do. Meter by Meter none other compares. I love your writing!
Hilary's right: nothing to say after Vodka Mom...
(except, I get it.)
Now he's just fishing for compliments.
Well, I'm not going to touch the 'meter' thing--WAIT! What am I saying? Holy crapola!
Better move on to rhythm...nope, that one could be 'hot' also. Maybe I'll just breathlessly tell you how good you are...but hell, you already KNOW that--grin!
PEACE!
lol! This was another fine one, Brian. Sorry, but I'm not about to quibble about meter or rythm. For me, poetry either touches me or it doesn't.
no bad feedback here, sorry =) But it did make me laugh!
I think sometimes I appreciate negative feedback more so than positive...it's easy for people to say something is wonderful, but they have to make a genuine effort to say something is not!
Unless they are mean.
In which case, you shouldn't listen to them anyway!!
I can't believe anyone ever has a problem with what you write. Your words just always flow so magically.
yeah, i get this.
I appreciate honesty too. You know the people who have had the most effect on me are the ones who have told me some truth that I just didn't want to hear and had to really chew on for awhile to come to terms with.
That said, your writing IS good so I just don't know what to say.:)
Wish I could tell you this one sucks, but I just can't. I have to admit that I loved it. Probably cuz I can relate.
Also, you should never, ever take yourself too seriously!
Smoking is bad for you!
Heehee all writers like praise, not sure about the criticism though. Someone once offered to help me rewrite a novel.... imagine how I felt after that!
Vodka Mom slayed me! Your poem, not so much! lol
How could I not? You always put a smile on my face and a song in my heart!! You take me on journeys to far away places ... places of dreams and creativity! Yes...how could I not!!??
Hugging you
SueAnn
Love it. True confessions of a poet tried and true.
It is you who keeps us smiling Brian .... and thinking.
Smoking your poem? Love that line...
I bet VM got her comment from Frank..
Brian only you could make up a cool poem from radom lines. Well done
This needs better punctuation, seriously 2 commas? Never, never, use an ampersand in place of a word. And do not use an...(ellipses) —— when you should use an N line.
ha ha ha ha Ask and thou shalt receive.
Constructive criticism in a form only you can present!;))
I guess failure at times inspires to create a masterpiece.;)
Somehow though I simply can not find anything wrong in what you write, sorry dear friend.;)
Have a great day Brian,
xoxo
I don't care for your meter...I understood this poem and didn't need to look up any vocabulary. yeay
Great topic. I did a writing workshop for a while and loved and hated the criticism because I wanted to know what to fix although sometimes I didn't know how to fix it. What always amazes me is the amount of poems you can create. It would take me weeks to produce one. But it's like what is stated in Art and Fear: Quantity produces quality. Keep writing!
Great topic. I did a writing workshop for a while and loved and hated the criticism because I wanted to know what to fix although sometimes I didn't know how to fix it. What always amazes me is the amount of poems you can create. It would take me weeks to produce one. But it's like what is stated in Art and Fear: Quantity produces quality. Keep writing!
Alright, this was a total piece of crap! A sorry and pathetic waste of my time. (Smiles)
it sounded like my poems :)
trisha
mydomainpvt.wordpress.com
:) smiles :)
haha thats the spirit daniel....
I do that a lot...write in the dark..don't have dare post it...LOL
I am breathless as I write how much I loved this excellent piece. But how the heck do I fondle it? :-)
Well, you've nailed the thing on the head haven't you? I generally don't trust all the lovey comments (what do THEY know) & only pay attention to the ones who say something a little more critical or off kilter. It's like golf isn't it? Bad or good we can't wait to tee off again!
very true Brian
this says it all
but it's when people
tell me it sucks
that i get excited
because the truth,
as you see it, my
meter too short or
rhythm too long,
will break my heart
just enough to write
another...
'just enough, to write
another...'
Very funny post! ....and....I like your meter and rhythm just fine, love. Oh, wait, you were talking about poetry - oops. ;)
I need a cofee before I can think anything of this meter business. and smoking your poetry,. I think I woke up in the sixties. lol. Appreciate all you do and all your comments and I am amazed at how you find the time...oh getting coffee, thats right.
My favorite is the 3rd stanza. I have quickly become a fan of the way you string words together. I look forward to reading your creations :)
I am beyond in love with the lines:
it
will make me want
to roll up this
poem & light it
just to inhale the
moment...
Ah, most excellent and fun to read! I think this is how almost everyone feels about their poetry at some point. At least, it feels pretty close to how I feel about sharing mine!
What I like about your writing is how much your personality comes through in your posts. If you think you as a poet can be pretty sick, the rest of us are insane.
Not being a poet or English teacher myself, I would be hard pressed to tell whether your iambic pentameter had six feet instead of five (I had to look something up to spout off about), but I do know when I like the feelings and thoughts that your words give me. So you may just have to put that in your pipe and smoke it! :)
How did it go at open mic?
That sucks!No of course it doesn't you're a great poet,don't you know that by now?haha!Really nice one :) oh if you knew how many I got on paper??In french of course because in english I sucks,there are all over the place,just like old times lost poets :)
Amazing one :)
I totally loved it!
You great so well.
I'm sorry but you ain't gonna get bad feedback outta me, cause I think I just became your fan ;)
Carry on writing! Can't wait to read more from you!
Aww...sweet! :) :)
This sucks! Of course it doesn't! I never feel like you write for adoration or self purpose. I feel you write to give many a voice and I truly appreciate that you do....:)
Enjoyed the humor.....you are always turning different corners...keeping us guessing what will be next.
Too funny :)
We all get negative feedback and if we let it, it can always help us grow.
I do like the idea of smoking a poem though. Would an epic poem count as a whole carton? Just a random thought...
You're sure about that?
I'm terrified to find out.
Bahahahah! I had a comment, but then I read Vodka's short meter and now I got nothing.
You've described it well.
I've lit up a few of those smokes myself...
;)
The whole meter thing, TMI, especially for the sister. I think good and bad feedback are always a good thing, makes us better people, keeps our egos in check at whatever we do. If you think you're perfect and can't do wrong, that's when you start disappointing. Funny...
well may I be another comment to tell you how awesome your blog is..
suck on that lol
- sy
the heart a little bit broken speaks well
Brian, I would never be so crass as to comment on the length of a married man's meter.
Good grief, I go to one of my regular reads expecting something hilarious, and she's being profound for once...I come here expecting profound and find...this. And then I start reading the comments...oh my! Oh my!
Oh my!
haha, well since you asked for the truth Brian ... :-) but what can I say else then that I love it again :-) happy day!
Brian! Youve got Rhythm ! Youve got Style!
Hope your wife is okay with all this fondling! :)
Now I want to be a poet. I've never thought I did, but now I know that my poems can suck and that's ok. Hilarious. I love having my poems fondled, even if it's a little rough.
ah we are driven by true inspiration and our esteem of others amazing what all that can accomplish :)
I've never seen anyone tell you that your writing sucked; people seem to really it. As long as you're writing makes you happy, then who cares anyhow?
with the bad always comes the good mate, and yours is 99% good all the time.
It's seems to be true that the best poetry and song lyrics come from a sad place......
no idea how to critique meter and that other thing. I just like the way your poetry slams.
dude...this sucks!
lol...kidding, just trying to make you happy:)
brillant
I think we're tied in the cigarette category (I won't talk about cigars or...) Nice poem.
Break your heart to write another? Does that mean the same thing as "praise a fool and watch 'em work?"
Go ahead, wad it up, crush it, roll it, smoke it, but at least if the meter is too short you won't step on it. . . and if you did it would hurt right? Wait. . . did I just say that out loud? Oh. . yes I did.
Now, where is your rhyth, mister? Go ahead, come up with another!
This is one GREAT piece of crap! I love it.
That final line.
'break my heart just enough to write another'
Sums the whole poem up really nicely.
wow...that was awful.
where's the catchy meter?
where's the jingle-like rhyme scheme?
Boy...you've had some good poems in the past, but this just isn't one of them.
Maybe you should try something like this...limerick style. ;)
There once was a poet named Brian
Who wrote poetry all of the Ti-em.
His poems were good
Sometimes misunderstood.
And really they are always quite fi-en.
Well done Brian. This is a fabulous piece...really made me chuckle...great language. Lots of fun.
Hi! Brian...
If I were to retitle your post I most definitely, would title it...A Poet's Lament...For a short period only!
What a very vivid, and very descriptive post and the sharing of (your) feelings too!
Thanks, for sharing!
DeeDee ;-D
Love the comparisons of the two ideas and "rolling another one". Reminds me of that phrase "put that in your pipe and smoke it". Sort of a thumb your nose at and then a way to inhale the very essence of someone... good stuff as always. You never disappoint me. Ever!
Oh Brian, every single one of us with a blog feels the same way. This addiction to comments makes me crazy. Good thing I like crazy. :-)
Well on this one -- you can enjoy the moment--- flowed like a happy river in spring.
joanny
OH!
I am going to print this.
YOU ARE SO RIGHT.
Forgive my excitement, but I just love this.
I am vulnerable to words that way.
They just excite me.
I loved this, Brian.
Cannot give you just one reason; except that it brings life to me.
"If it doesn't move you or bring life to you, then it is too small for you."
This poem is large.
That's what I'll call it: Large.
You just set my day in a different direction.
Some people are idiots. We don't write for attention, we write because we enjoy it. Keep on rockin!
I suppose there's always room for growth and there will always be negative critics. Bless them.
I'm not fond of criticism that supposedly is well intended, not any more. I have found that it is the positive feedback that fuels the ego enough to spark more creativity. I guess I'm too needy or too old to appreciate negativity.
With some online poets, I say nothing, because their work seems so horrible...lacking in every way. You, on the other hand, are a gifted writer. Still, you can continue learning. Keep writing.
niceness. i like this one a lot...
be well.
-nick
well, dear Brian, yes you metre is too short here. LOl. no, it's actually quite good...as much as I get poetry anyway. :)
Smoking poetry! No pun intended. I'm a terrible praise monger...yet find it so hard to share the really good stuff! lol Thought your Friday Poetically was awesome today, and your choice of poem fit perfectly. Cheers and bravo from the nosebleed seats! :)
Bahaha "I'll wait for you to tell me how great it is" well good sir! Love the tongue in cheekiness you've used throughout Brian. I wrote a poem last night
"A poem, that will not write itself, is a pain in the butt ~fin" lol not poetry...
Ha! I find poetry addictive. I am waiting for the government to declare it a class A substance then I can form Rhymers Anonymous.
I think this is a cool poem...
especially the last line! :)
Brian, I liked it. Let's burn one!
Self-effacing is better than haughty and disgracing.
Tiger
Brian...
can I have a hit before you put out that poem your smokin'?
Read the post at one stop several times today...really dig it and this poem...
I commented from my google account by accident...so just wanted you to know that was me!
I've never read such a mess of hackneyed drivel in my life...poor phrasing, cheap sentimentality and childish emoting...how's that? can I get another one out of you now?
===
after Hurricane Katrina, a thug met me walking down the street and punched me in my face, shattering my eye socket in three places...I pulled out a 10" Old Hickory butcher's knife and told him to hit me again... I BEGGED HIM TO HIT ME AGAIN...he ran
when I decide to run from a voice and an opinion, I'll bury my pen
I need not tell you how your words make me feel...thank you
Peace, hp
oh, yea I have one...please destroy it
Goodness you don't need a comment from me..the world has spread roses (well deserved) at your door. I always enjoy your writes though Brian and benefit from the notes you leave for me. Gay
I love this one Brian, I feel the same often times. Thanks for sharing.
i love this. really, what is there to say after Vodka Mom's comment?
i will say that i adored these lines:
"it
will make me want
to roll up this
poem & light it
just to inhale the
moment..."
very cool, Brian ~ very poetic.
"inhale the moment"...yes, inhale it!
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