a man stands at the urinal staring
even though a copy paper
sign taped across its mouth reads
OUT OF ORDER
as if his last hope is a flush
that just got rolled by four deuces
& even though it goes
against guy bathroom protocol
eyes level i ask:
hey buddy, you ok?
& he grunts and goes on staring
the stare that guys get when
they think they can handle all the
junk they been carrying as if
it were some ritual to prove you
could wrestle a grizzly, if called upon
or that manhood were me-
assured by the amount of shit
you can take and still keep your
mouth shut, until the paint peels
in long strips from your sanity
as it claws its way out, i been there,
but i know, so i say:
alright then, have a good day
& as i head out the door
the air freshener hisses its con-
demnation in a spray of antiseptic
floral scent, which is super manly,
but even that won't cover up the
fact that he is dying under the weight
of two ply lies he tries to hide inside
Welcome to One Shot Wednesday - where all the best poets jump in the mosh pit...hey we are all legends in our own mind right? smiles. write soomething poetic, come join us. It all gets rolling at 5 PM EST.
A special request of all my friends that tweet...we are in the running for a Shorty Award over at One Stop Poetry...currently in second place with one week to go. So if you tweet, please tweet a vote for us in the #art category...matter of fact, go HERE and vote for...
@OneStopPoetry in #art because...(you must give a reason) we create community in art, we promote youth poetry or whatever...
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
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120 comments:
There's a reality in this one that I have seen and lived from both sides. Good one.
Gritty, raw and honest...well done. Very well done!
This is outstanding and very, very real.
Nailed it bro.
One of your most "earthy," yet. Powerful stuff. "until the paint peels
in long strips from your sanity
as it claws its way out"
Wow.
You had me at
"a man stands at the urinal staring..."
:)
those lies are damned heavy...
Real and gut-wrenching.
I tweet therefore I vote.
This is a very strong write!
I could smell this one. Men's rooms are quiet places of despair. Two ply lies...thats good.
Goodness gracious the man can write!
Hi! Brian...
I have to agree wholeheartedly, with the previous commenter...this post is very real, very honest, and
most definitely, very well-written.
Thanks, for sharing!
DeeDee ;-D
you are the best cheryl! ty
There's been a lot of peeing lately... or am I imagining that.
Yes the weight of lies is too much to bear..
I would like to cast my vote for this shorty awards and how to go about making my twitter account - I dont have one. I think I'm gonna hardly use it but I want one so I can vote for one stop poetry..
So true, I love the "out of order' sign taped to his mouth. Real strength comes when you can admit you need to lean on somebody else, and share your burden....
I'm glad women don't use urinals. The capturing of an intimate moment...shared with a stranger and a glimpse into a "manly" world...very well done, Brian.
"that manhood were measured by the amount of shit
you can take and still keep your mouth shut, until the paint peels in long strips from your sanity as it claws its way out"
Now, THAT line takes no prisoners.
Well done!
=)
yes - love it - makes me aware of these countless men (and women) who try to hide that they're dying under the weight they carry around..
I think the sign was the icing on the cake of his bad day or bad life..very well penned.
I was going uh oh this is going to be about men comparing...well...ahem...anyway...I saw the honesty, great piece here Brian.
repressed...there is something inherently wrong with talkng about 'that' and asking for help to win the shorty award...just shaking my head..lol
Not a setting you see written about very often. Loved it!
Ah, what and analogy. Haven't seen this settin' much!!! Heeeehhee!
God bless and have a glorious day man!!!
I thought that about the shorty award but wasn't going to say anything! lol.
Brian, your writing just keeps getting better and better. I always leave here amazed. xo
Wow -- stark and true.
Two plie lies...
Something that men often leave in the men's room
Bri how do you segue way to the shorty awards??? Good luck with that.
we would love support for the Twitter shortys tho - One Stop is close folks here's the URL (not urinal) Here
I know I'm a shameless hussy for votes
smiles
And yes so it happens... well we take it or we leave it...but I guess peeing we cannot leave!
A harsh reality perfectly described.
oh Brian...you are the ultimate witness of life unfolding. Beautifully written my friend.
The vividness of the language, the growing dread of the narrative as it moves forward, or downward -- this is one cool poem, Brian.
Wasn't sure where you were going with the first line, love the honesty and the way you tied the beginning and the end back with "out of order".
You made me a fly on the wall as I watched this exchange take place. I'm almost left blushing, as it's not often (never!) that I get to visit a men's room. I'm sure it's an exchange that's happening all to often as the pressures of this dark and dirty world try to take us down. Another awesome adventure...bravo!
Now how the hell did you manage to take THAT topic and make it a good read?
Hi Brian
Thanks for the feedback. I think I need to do it differently...the difficult font is not actually the poem. I should explain that somehow. The poem follows the pictoral part....
Thanks for the feedback, I will work on it right away...I will be back to read yours....thanks again
A very real portrait of people, no matter what gender.
Excellent.
Pamela
Whoa! I've always wondered IF there was mens bathroom protocol, and you gave us a little view of that. LOL!
Very powerful poems, Brian.
Makes me wonder though, what the two-ply lies were? Great line, too.
and that hissing deodorizer? Priceless.
Lady Nyo
Just today I saw a man for the first time who teared up as he told me that he was starting to break under the stress of having to be the strong one as he battles brain cancer.
I enjoyed the raw truth in this. Well done!
so powerful. As you probably know woman feel the same way, we just get to do it in stalls.
Roles can be stifling and kill the soul, and so few really look behind the mask at the price being paid. Excellent piece, brian.
VERY REAL, AND RECOGNIZABLE MATE :)
Thanks again for the feedback on the hawthorne zep. I changed the font and made it more obvious where the poem is. (Hope you will return for a re-read)
I really like this clever piece you have written and it is one that surely all men can identify with!
From a copy paper Out of Order sign to two-ply lies! Good stuff Brian.
The last time I was in a man's bathroom, I was five, pulling my mum in there by accident. Oops. Never again--but somehow, you brought the world (and pride) of a man's urinal back to me in a whoosh of images with this one. Original, honest, wicked.
Hell of a setting! Location, location, location. Clever use of the super manly scent at the end of the piece, that fails to mask the stench of fear. A very confident write Brian.
The raw grit of what is real with the perfect setting. . . you nailed this one.
I had to laugh a bit when I first started reading this Brian, not because I found it humorous, but because on a whim, in the nursing building, a urinal was out of order and somehow it struck me as "hey, something tells me I can write about this", so I snapped a pic, yep, of an out-of-order urinal, but never did use the pic. Guess what I thought of when I read this thought provoking piece? Yep, urinal. I suppose I can let the pic go now, you've done it well brotha:)
Somehow, I think I understand guys a little bit better after reading that. Great job.
jj
Love "two ply lies" and that whole line - the almost continuous rhyme (with "dying" in the previous line as well):
dying under the weight
of two ply lies he tries to hide inside
This kind of pride sure doesn't do its possessors much good, ever... been there myself.
I find this hysterical. So "man code" perfect.
Interesting and intriguing. Well done!
Kick Ass Bathroom Poetry Son!!
"until the paint peels
in long strips from your sanity
as it claws its way out" from someone who's been there to another one who's... been there: this is the perfect visuals!
Words like flush, grunts,long strip, two-ply,shit,manhood -so appropriate to the image created.
I always look forward to your poetry. So real and raw...
Sometimes it's just the soft skin caught in the teeth
Makes me glad to be a girl. We can be tough if we want to, but we don't have to. We have it made :)
Kat
great juxtaposition of the weight of keeping everything bottled up to prove your manhood set in a men's room ~ the last place i'd normally be thinking of such a serious subject. nice one shot! dani
Ah men.. something about you creatures... lol
TOMORROW, tomorrow, and tomorrow, I shall try to conjure a blog posting while at the urinal, and when someone asks "Hey buddy, you OK?" then later, "Alright, have a good day."
I will know that is YOU, Sir!!! GREAT One-Shot!
Gritty - I can smell it
*cringe* Oh man...now there's a slap of reality for you. Gritty and unapologetically honest...a "manly" world indeed. Good analogy, good write.
Sometimes we just need to stop and let it all sink in. One little thing can push us over that carefully crafted edge & then watch out. You are such a master of observation Brian. Nice
best part?
"me-
assured"
that just about sums it up, doesn't it?
bravo!
Guy bathroom protocol...what a hoot!
an honest eye opener, Brian
nicely done
enjoyed the read
thank you
Honest, very. The reality of the man burden sinks in through this imagery. Thanks!
Wow! Beautiful. Honest. Brilliant Brian!
Wow, Brian, my heart just went out to all the men in my life that shoulder so much responsibility. Thank you for that.
This absolutely rocks because it's real-- and it's in the details-- something many don't realize when swept with the emotion that leads to wanting to write a poem. Tough and loving. Thanks for your kind words to me, Brian. xxj
Love the way you make a scene in a restroom reflect the skeletons in the closet and the excess baggage we all carry, some of it less than clean.;)
Your writing always moves and stirs.;)
Have a great Wednesday dear Brian,
xoxo
Wonderful...powerful!! I could feel the weight bearing down on his head. I could feel his hopelessness. Great piece Brian
Hugs
SueAnn
"two-ply lies". I just love that phrase and want to write something so I can incorporate it.
hitting bottom, man
when you fall you need something a little deeper than two ply...
I know a lot of guys like this but me...aww hell no I always scrape a half portion of shit onto the plate of the one trying to feed it to me. If they take the first bite I may consider taking the second. If they don't chew and swallow, neither will I.
sometimes I forget I'm reading...
very interesting poem brian.
trisha
mydomainpvt.wordpress.com
Takes gritty to a new place, or perhaps a new stall. "Two-ply lies" is a wonderful phrase. It's an interesting venue for a piece of writing, and you should be congratulated for writing something this strong which doesn't stoop (or squat) for the easy cheap laugh.
This is a great piece! It is so real with both individuals.
I loved these lines because I have felt them:
"assured by the amount of shit
you can take and still keep your
mouth shut, until the paint peels
in long strips from your sanity
as it claws its way out, i been there,"
Thank you for visiting my site!
So real!!!
WOW... how original, at least to me! lol So, so many talents in writing you have, Brian! :-)
Hope you're having a Great week!!!
~ Coreen
Jeepers my comment might get lost in the 80 some here. You are understandably becoming a very popular poet. :)
Such honest truth of the sad world of emotion you guys have to endure. Great write!
Awesome, Brian. It's sad that so many feel they must stand tall under the weight of something (problems, depression, sadness?) crushing the soul.
ah you men. you take the world upon your shoulders. I can see this in the men I know. Other than the part about the men's room. Never been there. Oh, there was the time or two I walked in by mistake.
oh, this is a good one. And fun, even in the midst of its darkness.
Very real, that's for sure! I have NEVER understood why the mens bathrooms don't have stalls ... open urinals have always confused me. Just sayin'...
TWO-ply? That's a fancy bathroom!
I enjoyed the word play, Brian... nice One Shot!
(Or was that a deuce? LOL!)
I was a bit apprehensive when I first saw the title of this one. Very deep and intense, but occasionally you used phrases that did have me smiling.
A great message of what lies beneath, well written.
Anita
Brian, I love the two ply lies too...and how much sh't you can take and still their mouth shut... you call life as you see it...that makes for excellent reading...bkm
I will be writing this on a bathroom wall soon.
The Stupid Q
I've tried to hold it all in with that two ply. Wait, that just sounds all wrong.
Only you my friend could take a gross bathroom and make it something meaningful!!!
I am glad that you asked. It sounds as if he needed someone to ask.
Whheeew!!! Now this, I am in no position to corroborate (for purely anatomical reasons :))
But I must say there's truth in this...seen it in some of my friends too.. (sigh)...
Why.. I really wonder why!!
Very thoughtful of you to ask this particular man though... I don't think he ever expected anyone to bother!
An excellent write, B... aahh... when the urinal inspires, things really get smelly, don't they? :)
I really like your choice of imagery for all the shit men must quietly carry around.
Brutally raw. Loved it.
Why do men never speak what's on their mind until it's too late? An touching insight there as always.
What a freaking kick ass poem, Brian Miller!!
I usually try not to be reminded or even ever have to think about men's urinals, but your thoughts here more than made up for it!
I've been that man!
But I'm perfect now!! :) :)
xxoo
"two ply lies he tries to hide inside" -- I love this line. Men keep so much bottled up inside. Your words and imagery describe that so much better.
My One Shot: Stop Licking the Drain
Goodness gracious Brian there's nothing much more that I can add. I've returned to poetry that is about cold desolation, winter and the pressures of a hardknock life.
Yours strong, insightful, and honest. Well written sir. Gay @beachanny
Ha ha.
Brilliant imagery in this one.
Nicely done Brian
I voted!
This one makes me a little sad because "they think they can handle all the junk they been carrying" when really we just want them to lay it all down. Walk away with us, free.
I always wonder how men make it without communicating. I just can't imagine holding things inside.
Fantastic and cleverly written. I love when poetry pulls me by the scruff of the neck in the first few lines, and this one did that.
wow....lots of comments here!!!
Good image to show the expectations of masculinity.
Terrific poem, Brian! How craftily you handled the theme and the subject! I love the last stanza where you clinched the heart of manhood. Thank you for sharing this wonderful work of yours!
Reality knocking at the door,
well done one shot, or just plain WELL DONE!
joanny
...but even that won't cover up the
fact that he is dying under the weight
of two ply lies he tries to hide inside...
...two ply lies...love it...champion write.
Wow - this packs a punch... so much sadness kept locked inside.
Guy bathroom protocol does not take precedence over humanity and you took the step again.
argh men...why can't they just spill it out ;)
Clever, relatable, distinctive/life-true situation, great wow-able word pictures.
until the paint peels
in long strips from your sanity
as it claws its way out...horrifying description and yet most appropriate...great one shot, liked it lots!
"...two ply lies..." I've known a few of those in my lifetime...
I voted and tweeted! Good luck!
One doesn't alway expect such mastery of words when drawn in by a bathroom reference. Unless that person knows you. Great work.
I like this!
I tweeted/voted. Hope I wasn't too late.
Love this one. It's crazy good, and raw/real.
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