Thursday, January 13, 2011

55 - premeditated

all together now...

we push buttons
sliding plungers
down needled hallways
who knows who
placebo or killer
leaking into veins
paralyzing then killing

wind whistles through
the room in
unanimous exhalation
streets safer
for the moment, justice
slowly cooling, still
strapped to the table

deathrow, so slow
but how we roll
justifying...

murder.

Tell a story in 55 words. Give it a try or just read more, go see g-man.

I am also hosting a music prompt over at One Stop,  I wrote another 55, with a bit more love, to go with the song.

91 comments:

Daniel said...

This had a good pace to it from a writing structure and form point of view. Looking past this into the subject and intent I was pulled into deep inward thought. I guess that is the greater beauty here.

Mighty M said...

I AGREE WITH DANIEL!!

:)

Monkey Man said...

Some topics we wish were black or white. This is not one of them. Great 55. After 5 PM Pacific my 55 will be HERE .

TALON said...

It's funny how our instinct when things go horribly wrong and terrible crimes are committed is to respond by wanting to wreak punishment with the same actions we condemned.

5thsister said...

Hmmmm...of course the debate shall rage on, however this was a perfectly penned prose dealing with a very difficult subject matter. Very nice work!

She Writes said...

We can justify anything. It's the human condition gone awry.

Eva Gallant said...

Thought provoking words on a controversial topic.

Brian Miller said...

and everyone seems to be walking around the landmine...darn it...smiles. yeah i was trying to be provocative...grins.

moondustwriter said...

I was thinking hospital or psych ward until...

a loaded 55 to be sure

mOoNiE sMiLeS

Miss Nikki said...

Aw shucks, I got another award for you... (blushing)

my cyber house rules

Kathy's Klothesline said...

just jump right in!

secret agent woman said...

It's state-supported murder in my book. And wrong.

Cloudia said...

Chilling!




Aloha from Waikiki

Comfort Spiral

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g-man said...

Kill em!!!!
Thanks for this Can of Worms 55 Son!
Brilliant as usual, thanks for playing, and have a Kick Ass Week-End!

Mama Zen said...

Excellent. Saw a headline just the other day that the FDA was helping the states find the "safe" drugs the need for executions. How crazy is that?

Myrna R. said...

You write controversial poems with the same beauty that you use for love poems. How do you do it?

I'm against the death penalty, yet I truly don't know how I'd react if a crime came close to home.

SandyCarlson said...

There are days I think we have a moral obligation to perform this (What's the word?) task. I am thinking of a case here in Connecticut recently that led to one of the robber/rapist/murderer/arsonists being sentenced to death. How to face the father/husband/survivor with any other sentence?

As MLK Jr. said, I cannot be who I ought to be until you are who you ought to be. We're stuck with each other, and sometimes we're on a very slippery slope....

mama-face said...

i'm just trying to figure out the music prompt thing...:)

Alice Audrey said...

Yeah, is it really so much better than hanging?

King of New York Hacks said...

Good tackle..right at the belt buckle..you knew we'd all dance around your landmine..well done.

Yvonne Osborne said...

Thank you for writing about this. And in such an effective manner.

I like "needled hallways"
and "how we roll."

Terrifying, isn't it?

Neva Flores said...

As a widow of a murder victim, I did not see justice as being carried out by returning murder with murder. A very powerful poem.

Brian Miller said...

neva, first, i am sorry, but i am glad you weighed in on it...that is powerful statement...

tattytiara said...

Fantastic rhythm in this piece. Wow.

Bernie said...

I am not in favor of the death penalty but you have captured this event very well my friend...:-) Hugs

Steve E said...

Once I dreamed of being on death row. I felt good about it, that someone else was doing what I could not.

Next morning, I was sorry to realize it was a dream....

These 55's lend themselves to you-neek-ness, and Brian, U R U-NeeK!

Thank so much. Do you have other work? Like 9-5, etc? Do you sleep? --grin! WHEN?

Pastor Sharon said...

My father was killed by a drunk man who had no business behind the wheel of a car. Yet he had to have one more case of beer for the night.
I can't get that man's face out of my mind as he stood there with a sentence of "GUILTY". I find myself praying for him sometimes as often as daily.

The act of strapping someone to a table hooking them up to an IV with pumps that literally PUSH fast into their viens what will kill them within a few minutes makes me want to scream "STOP!!!! Isn't there a better way to find justice?" Or maybe it is my soul begging for mercy for the person who is being killed that way.

Zuzana said...

This was heavy and serious, but important. It is profound to consider at times, how humans play gods with other lives...
Happy Friday dear Brian,
xoxo

Shadow said...

a very controversial topic this. you get me thinking...

ladyfi said...

Wow - powerful writing! And indeed - I often wonder the same.

anthonynorth said...

Great words. As for me I am totally and absolutely against death penalties.

budh.aaah said...

Cannot hear the song, really wanted to write but the systems faulty where I am nowadays so no audio. Posting everyday as it is -is a luxury:)

Belinda said...

Loved this! "justice slowly cooling" -- brilliant; great title, great ending.

TechnoBabe said...

The one word title says it all.

Valerie said...

An eye for an eye is not my idea of punishment, but what else is bad enough for those who commit heinous crimes?

magiceye said...

wow! this was superb!

Dulce said...

Yes to Talon... I agree

Eaton Bennett said...

Very Sobering Brian and a perplexing subject. Well tackled.

Maggie May said...

I always think that it is barbaric to kill someone, after all, two wrongs don't make it right.
Maggie X

Nuts in May

Lorraine said...

Oh sweety you got that right murder is murder, by individual or state...

Scott said...

mmm stark, true, honest and painful...

how we justify murder... well put my friend!

Lorraine said...

oh and for child molesters, a room made of iron and throw away the key

Jill said...

HOT TOPIC...lots of opinions, in the meantime more and more join the ranks of death row...

kaleidoscope said...

no one makes us thin k quite like you do my friend, well done;)

Kulio said...

"who knows who" -- very good! To convey the thought in as few words as possible...you did it!

Nessa said...

The collective sure can justify anything. Very poignant poem.

blueviolet said...

Nothing will ever justify it in my mind.

CM said...

Even though I work in law enforcement, I still don't agree with the death penalty. Who are we to play God? Just my opinion.

dopey said...

Looks like I will be going against the grain, but that is my norm isn't it? I think if somehow the fear and helplessness that the criminal's victim felt can be put into their mind and feelings then so be it. The criminal should not induce these feelings and not be held to a higher standard than he gave his victim/s. Just an opinion...very thought provoking Brian :)

Raven said...

Very provacative. Personally, I'm against the death penalty for so many reasons, but I won't go into them all here cuz it would take forever. This is a great 55.

clean and crazy said...

my oh my how you invoke thought. wonderfully written 55 thanks for stopping by

slommler said...

Murdered as they have murdered. Is it the action of sane men? Or revenge...exacting pound for pound.
Hugs
SueAnn

Jadey said...

You rock thanks for sharing this 55 and have a wonderful weekend.

BLOGitse said...

In Finland we don't have death penalty.
What kind of crime(s) and how many is the limit for us to kill a guilty person...
Great poem!

darsden said...

Strong...

Kay said...

a world of which i hope never to visit...

other than, of course, through the imagination of writing...

ugh. unsettling. the reality.

Anonymous said...

Some things in life should be decided very slowly. punishment is one of them.

trisha
mydomainpvt.wordpress.com

Nancy said...

This left me pondering - as it was meant to do.

Justin said...

nice.

Claudia said...

oh snap - hot topic - we don't have death penalty in germany and i'm thankful and honestly - we always think it's strange that america still keeps doing this..

tera said...

Hmmm, heavy. One of those hotly debated topics. I think it's a waste of space, time, effort and $ to keep someone indefinitely in prison, when they are so bad/unredeemable/evil/crazy that they can never be released.
What I find funny (meaning "not funny at all")is that some of the people who are the loudest AGAINST the death penalty are the same ones who are FOR abortion.
???

Jannie Funster said...

Chilling. Awesome set of words and thoughts. An eye for an eye is a hard pill to swallow.

xo

drybottomgirl said...

An eye for an eye? It feels like it should be justified but it isn't. I leave these judgements up to the one who has all authority, and that isn't me. I admire how dehumanized the poem is, an act of death is happening and yet the cart is rolling along...a nice write with a glum subject...Have a nice weekend :)

Stranger said...

Love the beat, the flow of this! And the content! You rock the empathy beat so well, Brian. It's always a pleasure reading you.

Brian Miller said...

way to crank it up a notch tera...

tera said...

Ha! Anytime...you can count on me! :)

Eric 'Bubba' Alder said...

A 'killer' 55. Brian!

The Empress said...

I really have been thinking of trying this in 55 words or less. Just a whole notebook of them.

I love it, it's like poetry. Where you can get a solid sock to the brain, just like that.

My kind of writing.

Thank you for this.

sage said...

Words of a difficult subject. Well done.

Heather said...

it's a tough topic.

Also, just came from the music prompt page, wow, such coool words you have over there... Good thoughts on love, it's all what you make it....enjoy the weekend! xo

Who Is Afraid of Alfred Hitchcock? said...

Hi! Brian...
What a "powerful" use Of 55 words and what an equally, "powerful"
statement about the death penalty.

[Postscript: I too don't believe in the death penalty. (An eye for eye...even though I'am well aware of the fact, that some people are strong advocate Of the death penalty.]
Thanks, for sharing!
DeeDee ;-(

natalee said...

wow.. controversial topic... YIKES...

ModernMom said...

Oh my...sounds like the opening of a very scary book!

Hilary said...

Chilling. And controversial for sure.

Cris Ferreira said...

Short and yet so powerful. I loved it.

Arts web show said...

The death sentence, wow what a great interpretation.
It is a curious issue.
One that can be swung both ways.
Excellent poem Brian

Arts web show said...

The death sentence, wow what a great interpretation.
It is a curious issue.
One that can be swung both ways.
Excellent poem Brian

Sue said...

Lots to think about here in only 55 words.
Perfect title.

=)

Lulda Casadaga said...

Timely piece...something for all of us to ponder!

hedgewitch said...

Well said, Brian. Tight and full of uncomfortable images.

Magpie said...

This is such a confusing subject. I have the opposite view point from what Tera was talking about. I'm for the death penalty but against abortion. One is an innocent - the other is not.

Vicki Lane said...

Nice. You say so much in so few words.

Margaret Bednar said...

...with some of the evil that is done, justifying doesn't seem so hard. ...that is on the surface.

Kavita said...

This was MOST appropriate, considering I am currently watching CSI on TV! And as I watching one episode, I actually had the same thought myself! JUST HOW can one justify taking the life of another on purpose!!! Whheeww... the thought itself gives me the chills! And capital punishment?!?! SERIOUSLY?!?! What purpose is really achieved by that, I wonder! Oh.. I can go on with more and more of my 2 cents here.. but never mind all that.. Let's all have a great weekend instead! :)

A great poem, Brian... hit the nail on the head!

Mrsupole said...

I am sometimes for it and sometimes against it, but the one thing that bothers me about it is when an innocent person is put to death. Because of the chance that someone could be innocent, I think that only certain cases where there is 200% to 300% proof that the person commited the crime should the death penalty be enforced. But then I also am aware that it would be almost impossible to not want the death penalty enforced if the victim was one of my children or grandchildren, and I would still want the guilt proven to where I knew it was the correct person made to pay.

And I have been changing my view about abortions after seeing so many sonagrams showing the babies alive in the uterus. Are we not commiting a crime when we end the innocent childs life. I am just not sure that I have the right to force my new views upon someone else. I just wish that unwanted pregnancies did not happen.

And what are we when we put our pets to sleep, are we any different by putting a pet out of it's misery then we are when we put a sick criminal out of their misery and our misery? I guess we should also ask for forgiveness when we swat a fly or stomp on a spider. Why do we murder animals to have a nice steak dinner, or a burger, a chicken sandwich, bacon and eggs. When we eat an egg did we just eat a future chicken? Okay, that is a duh question, but is there any difference? Is not the criminal who murdered an innocent victim an animal?

Okay, you know that I could go on and on, but I just hope this comment posts. It is frustrating to have a messed up computer system, not being able to post, and so I could commit a crime against my computer but then again who can afford to replace one.

God bless.

PS...What do you think should be done to one who slaughters a nine year old child? This is why I sometimes agree with the death penalty.

hope said...

There is irony in the death penalty, which did not accomplish what "they" said it would: ending murder.

Nicely written!

Anonymous said...

have a marvelous weekend.

trisha
mydomainpvt.wordpress.com

adeeyoyo said...

This is Great writing, Brian! Can 2 wrongs ever make a right?

boycottamericanwomen said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Liza Ursu said...

"but how we roll
justifying...

murder."

Brilliant stuff Brian.

Sumit Sarkar said...

hmm..very deep..nice :)