Monday, December 20, 2010

one shot: today

she is just a girl
but today is different

daydream walking
she spies an old gas can
name emblazoned in
red & yellow on the side
marred by cracks,
large sections of paint
peeled back, eaten away
by rust runnels running
through in red brown streams
puddling in the whirls
of concrete fingerprints
on the side walk beneath

& everything in her wants
to feel its weight, sloshing
to and fro from her fingers
like the last time, cracking
the lids grip and spilling it,
all over, watching it burn
entranced, it was just a
regular day until now...
but now sits on her chest,
seven stone, & tries to escape

twitch, twitch, the itch,
she reads the words etched
in her arm from before, the
razors hiss, sweet kiss giving
air to her lungs, even for just
a bit..do it, do it, take a hit...
the tiger stalks her thoughts
ready to pounce on any scared
rabbit that runs out, pant,
sweat, breathe, please...

but today is different
she is just a girl
but today is different
because she keeps on walking
& today is different
because she knows
she is not alone

daydream walking
into today, it's a new day

One Shot (not quite) Wednesday - It's holiday time so we are starting the party early and leaving the doors open late. It opens around noon EST on Tuesday....write a poem, I'll see you there.

Also, its the last One Shot that is eligible for entry into the running to be in our first anthology. What you did not hear about that...well you better jump over now and check it out.

88 comments:

nance marie said...

a hope-filled ringing

kaleidoscope said...

this one seems different to me than most of yours...always beautiful,heartfelt...im not sure what Im trying to say,just a different voice...

brilliant dude

Slamdunk said...

Stories of the tiger's defeat are always inspirational--as we all can relate to some type of battle.

Hilary said...

So inspiring. Today is different. Nicely done.

clean and crazy said...

this had me pulled in like an addict wanting a hit. then they walked away, that left me with a feeling of hope for today.

Melissa Campbell said...

I like the different. There is hope for all. Great, last one-shot for 2010!

Deidra said...

"rust runnels running"
So clever.
A new today. Now, that's a gift.

ladyfi said...

Thank goodness for hope! Lovely writing as usual.

River said...

I poem of hope. :) Great time to remind that theres always a new day in the worst. Have a wonderful holiday.

Fireblossom said...

Sorry, what was your poem about? i was too busy huffing Mile Maker Supreme and missed it.

Bernie said...

So glad she kept walking....:-)Hugs

budh.aaah said...

Yes today is different because she knows she isnot alone anymore. That gives so much more strength to face each day.

Lori said...

What would we do without hope and a new day? I love the part where she knows she is not alone. That can make all the difference. XX

ashbeezone said...

Nice Thoughts ..
Take a look on mine ..
http://ashbeezone.wordpress.com/2010/12/10/love-is/

Chocolate Covered Daydreams said...

That speaks loudly to me!

Who Is Afraid of Alfred Hitchcock? said...

Hi! Brian...
This post called Today is very descriptive, and well-written too...and leave a lot to the reader, imagination.
Thanks, for sharing!
DeeDee ;-D

Zuzana said...

Love the two last lines, they carry so much optimism.;))
Happy Winter Solstice to you dear Brian,
xoxo

OJ Gonzalez-Cazares said...

today... one day at a time. Hope and willpower! poignant read!

Cheryl said...

Deep breath; walk away. Hope in not being alone. Beautiful.

slommler said...

She inhales deeply...remembering the smells.
I loved the phrasing on this one...and the words slowly seep into you...very cool!!
Hugs
SueAnn

Lorraine said...

It strikes you...this walking pain, have a super Christmas Brian :)

Katherine said...

Hope reigns!! Some days are different, especially when the burden is shared & you're not alone!
Lovely poem Brian, as always!

Daniel said...

A lovely hint of promise.

Harnett-Hargrove said...

I do like the way this one sings a sad song. Is there pyromania in all of us? -J

Tabor said...

This seem not promise to me...but sadness.

Liza said...

she is a woman,
hear her roar!

Pat said...

A poem filled with hope. :)

Travel & Dive Girl said...

Hope and promise is what keeps us going... Thanks for this.

Everyday Goddess said...

so inspiring! choosing to go against those strong urgings is quite a theme.

Anonymous said...

fantastic poem brian. tautly written.

trisha
mydomainpvt.wordpress.com

Eva Gallant said...

Nicely done; the ability to resist the urges.

Candie Bracci said...

Colorful I must say.Everyday is a different day.You create your own sky.

Monkey Man said...

Love the hopeful ending.

Jill said...

This time she just keeps walking...SUCCESS! Huge success.

I have a lil gal like this, she has NOT reached success ----yet.

rosaria said...

I do hope, for her sake, that this is the day.
Looking forward to that anthology!
Merry Christmas!

Tina said...

I know this girl. Glad she can see the gift of today. Nice, gripping write.

Claudia said...

but today is different..i'm glad she managed to withstand..
excellent write brian - esp. like how you describe the temptation scene - i could almost smell her sweat and feel her heavy heartbeat..breathing...yep..and she made it cause she's not alone

Heather said...

i am glad she kept on walking...so powerful! xxoo

Myrna R. said...

I sense your work with kids influences your writing at times. How can it not?

This was lovely, hopeful, so nice.

Eric Alder said...

A little difference can be a big thing. Nice One Shot, Brian!

The Bug said...

My troubles aren't as serious as this girl's, but I wish I could have that different day - to just walk away from what calls my name. Instead it feels like Groundhog Day around here!

Iliteratepoet said...

Great Poem, thanks for sharing :)

She closed the Jar quickly, but all that was left inside, was hope.

Desert Rose said...

there is always hope Brian,only a day away..heartfelt one here :)

hedgewitch said...

Took awhile for me to understand this one(if I have) but well worth the effort. Every day is a fight, every day we win cements the difference in our lives, because of what we choose.

Mama Zen said...

Today is different. Yes, it is.

poemblaze said...

Wow. Your descriptions are so vivid and perfect. The weight of the gas can, great touch. Thanks for sharing this!

Beachanny said...

I felt this was a reaching out in the season. A word image, a story of one who stands for hundreds, thousands - the downtrodden, depressed, angry, alienated, abused, ignored among us who feel hopeless without someone to care, something to lift them, hope. Beautiful Christmas message. I wish joy for you too, dear Brian. Gay

Refuge Insomniac said...

I found your use of key words extremely visual, with each adding weight or light or depth as needed to the structure. What a wonderful poem! Have a Wonderful Christmas and New Years! Cheers, Dave

repressedsoul said...

Great visualisation of a girl who woke up today a little different. I was there Brian, hopeful tomorrow will be the day!

booguloo said...

Today she has hope, a respite, but has many tomorrows to contend with.

signed...bkm said...

love the hope in this poem, a fresh day, a fresh year....it will be an amazing one...thank you..bkm

Goofball said...

quite self-destructive ...I hope she finds rest

Just Be Real said...

Willpower..... nicely done Brian.

Asobime said...

Woof....I wasn't sure I would be able to understand this...our experiences in life differ, but then a sneaky resonance crept up and grabbed me hard.

A poem of hope? A poem of many layered structure and sentiment.

Sometimes the simplest looking poem hits the hardest.

Lady Nyo

itslovelyannie.com said...

Today she is just a girl...that is so powerful, brian...the old triggers that weigh you down with the old labels...but not today...today was different...

this poem hits home...wondering if I could share it with a close friend of mine? its ok...I just feel it would speak to this person...

please say no if thats not cool

fab one shot brother

DeLi said...

i like the all-embracing positivity in this, so contagious!

lukepraterswordsalad said...

some wonder descriptive language in this - in particular here:

by rust runnels running >love the alliteration here
through in red brown streams
puddling in the whirls
of concrete fingerprints >superb imagery

great piece, enjoyed

Stay warm and merry

Luke @ WordSalad

Paul C said...

You give flesh and blood to the affirmation that each new day brings hope.

gayle said...

Beautiful! Thank goodness for new days!

LauraX said...

Oh Brian, my hand was on my heart the whole time I was reading, my eyes growing wider, frightened...and then you opened a new possibility for her...so beautiful...if only more girls and boys, men and women could set the can down, the razor, the pill, whatever the monster desires.

Thoughts Not Lost said...

Wonderfully written. So dark, sad then so much hope at the end. It was a journey in progress. Loved it.

Shewriting said...

the need to escape...it is better to do so by daydreaming...to stay in the present day...and much easier to do if not alone.

I really like the last line..."daydream walking into today, it's a new day." Reminds me of how when we are having a bad day, we can always start it over at any time...sometimes I start mine over 3 or 4 times in the same day...lol Awesome write!

Carrie Burtt said...

Inspiring and hopeful....love the repitition of but today is different! Hope you and your wonderful family have a blessed Christmas Brian! :-)

Me said...

My new favourite. This one knocked me OUT, my friend. Wow.
-C

moondustwriter said...

Fantastic - one less teen consumed by gas and razors and death

Thanks Bri for your concern for these kids

Merry Christmas to the Miller Family

Cloudia said...

Great opening




Aloha from Hawaii

Comfort Spiral

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Teresa said...

So glad this day doesn't have to be the same as every other. Last time sounds scary.

Vicki Lane said...

"now sits on her chest' is a wonderful line!

TALON said...

I'm glad she could make a new day and a better one.

Great writing, Brian.

Michelle Cox said...

This is such a powerful poem...I like how the "daydream" starts and ends it, and ties in with the today, new day theme...also love the ending :)

Sam!! said...

Such an inspirational post..thanks:)

Take care

TechnoBabe said...

Thankfully there is a new day. Living through rough times and able to remember them but also know it is possible to live a new and better way is hard work but so worth it.

mel said...

brilliant on so many levels...i love that no matter how grim your material, you weave threads of light...there is magic in that.

wonderful, wonderful, wonderful.

One Stop - The Place For Poets, Writers and Artists said...

so good to see you finish this wonderful write in such an upbeat way...have a great festive season and thanks for all the support with both One Stop and myself over the year...and i hope the new year bring you great things...cheers pete

Rob said...

You always have a way with words.

dustus said...

You hope desperately for her to recognize she is not alone... "the
razors hiss, sweet kiss giving
air to her lungs, even for just
a bit.." Saw"brilliant" written in a previous comment—I definitely agree. Hard hitting topic; great sound/wordplay and stream of conscious feel to the flow.

Merry Christmas!

Glynn said...

One of th ebest of yours that I've read -- and that's saying something, because they're all good. Outstanding, Brian.

Mmm said...

another wonderful entry. Indeed she woudl not be alone but for her to know it, there's the rub.

kaykuala said...

day-dreaming can be engrossing. It fills a void in oneself. Good one!

Alegria Imperial said...

They've said it all for me, Brian! But I'll repeat how I feel about your poem with lines I could not imagine I could write about this "hard-hitting topic" as Adam described. Your poem captures it superbly, lets the it go yet hints at not really letting it go.Thanks as always!

Sophia said...

"the razors hiss, sweet kiss giving
air to her lungs, even for just
a bit.." ----- ......will she EVER feel she is not alone?....I wonder.

Steve Isaak said...

Wow-vivid work. Excellent.

ds said...

Oh, I hope it is a new day for her! That's how caught up I was in your poem--I believe her to be real (really real, not just "based on" real). Excellent piece--beautifully done, and so powerful...Thank you.

Laura Lynn said...

I think I need to read this again! I love the style of this poem. I keep reading it over and over. Great piece.

kkrige said...

keep walking
don't look back

Ps. your muse was more awake than mine to be sure! My poem for tomorrow's family story is FAR superior. It sucked my brain dry twould seem. Merry hoho

Magpie said...

I'm glad today was different and she got to be "just a girl".

Syd said...

Every day matters and is filled with hope, if we open our hearts.

Kavita said...

One's never to stereotype a day I guess.. After all, each day is a new one! And with each new day, comes a new hope.. and isn't that just beautiful?!?!
Loved the pace of this poem, B.. had me hooked till the end..