Tuesday, November 9, 2010

oneshot: outside, myself

fierce clarity grips
the ebony sky
in opaque fingers
stars popping like
water on a hot skillet,
a million fireflies from
which my finger plays
a furious game of
connect the dots

wind having lost
its voice, sits on a
corner stool counting
how many seconds
it can hold its breath, leaves
nestle firmly,huddle
together in silent masses, as i

stand steadfast, watching,
waiting for the heavens
to fling down one of their
own, a skipping stone
across our atmosphere
harbinger of wishes

& the first one i see
i grab in my fist, fearing
to look as i might go
blind, i wrap my words
around it with bailing twine
& duct tape a four leaf clover
i found hide n seeking
behind a blade of grass,
for luck,

& fling it as hard as i can,
hoping that one day it
reaches you, because you
need it just as much as me,
and what a selfish prig
i would be if i kept it
all to myself.

One Shot Wednesday - write a poem & come join us. It kicks off tonight at 5 PM.

126 comments:

SY said...

I love the way you personified wind here.

To think that when the earth is still and the air is unmoving that the wind is holding it's breath, is a beautiful concept

very thought provoking.. I love this piece

Who Is Afraid of Alfred Hitchcock? said...

Hi! Brian...
What a well-written, lovely prose/poem...very vivid.

By the way, I have never visited One-Shot Wednesday. Hmmm...I may have visited O-SW once I hope to stop by soon!
Thanks, for sharing!
DeeDee ;-D

Lorenzo — Alchemist's Pillow said...

Great imagery of the stars popping like water on a hot skittle and the wind sitting on a corner stool holding its breath. I am big on stargazing and just love what you capture here in this piece, Brian

annell said...

I love this write, so beautiful, it takes my breath away.

JStar said...

Great imagery

Pearl said...

Feels very autumnal to me. Lovely.

Pearl

TechnoBabe said...

An autumn gem for sure, Brian. Wonderful writing full of positive and bright communion with nature.

n. davis rosback said...

you're a good shot.

though, i have never heard of a skittle, except for candy.

Kim A. said...

Another picture painted in prose...it went so well with my mood and internal state. I also love the "wind" part...divinely inspired, no doubt.

♥namaste♥

Steven Anthony said...

no one does one shot better than you friend...brilliant;)

Daniel said...

To understand and still let go is such a sign of grace and maturity, ..., and love. Great post.

Claudia said...

yes - love it - even the clover is not that bad...for luck..smiles
also like the title - can be read with a double meaning..nice

Jodi said...

Wow, Brian ,this is a beauty. Outside ourselves is the best place to be most times.

Mighty M said...

And you are no selfish prig.

Jen said...

I could use a wish. All I see is airplanes...too much light pollution to see any stars. Sigh.

budh.aaah said...

Oh my God, now that was very beautiful and touching as well hmm..

Kat_RN said...

Very nice images and you are willing to share too.
Thanks, I could use a little star light.
Kat

Hope said...

this was actually quite beautiful!

great imagery and awesome ending1

thank you

Mama Zen said...

Excellent, Brian!

lakeviewer said...

What a charmingly romantic poem, full of great imagery.

Caty said...

I think this might just be one of my favorites of yours. I love the images you brought with the wind, the stars, I could feel a breeze. then you caught a shooting star and added a four leaf clover and on top of that shared all that good luck with someone else! Awesome :)

Brian Miller said...

jen, honestly that song did influence this poem...i was jamming out to it yesterday...not even sure if you are refering to it but...

sirplanes by B.o.B

The Muse said...

a life entity, the wind becomes just such...in your work, and i like it :)
the words themselves flow over me like the gentle autumn breeze...

i am a fan, and a lurker :)

ladyfi said...

Wonderful imagery here! I love some dramatic weather.

TALON said...

Sweet, Brian. A really wonderful poem of vividness and the art of sharing.

Baino said...

I still wish upon stars. Silly I know.

Unknown Mami said...

My imagination never would have had me picture the wind holding its breath, but I am so grateful that your imagination turned mine on.

Eva Gallant said...

lots of great images in this! the stars popping, wind sitting and holding it's breath, great stuff!

Tina said...

Loved your images and personification. Thanks for sharing the wishes and your inspiring work!

Titanium said...

You roped the wind, lassoed it in and wrangled words around it so neatly with this poem.

Kay said...

"stars popping like
water on a hot skillet"

an image so pronounced, yet who would put water in a hot skillet anyway...??

your imagery always remarkable. powerful, as always.

Makes me want to stand on the edge of a field searching starry skies... sigh. maybe tomorrow... ;)

Nessa said...

Lovely. I am glad you shared with us.

I have something cued up for tomorrow.

Bonnie said...

Beautiful. Great shot! I caught it. Thank you.

drybottomgirl said...

Simply beautiful and thanks for sharing your luck.....

Myrna R. said...

I was outside myself, wishing on a falling star, reading this. Beautiful.

Jessie said...

so lovely...we are both thinking stars and the sky, yours is ebony while mine is onyx.

so much movement, sounds, warmth...

warm smiles,

Bernie said...

I love being outside myself but could never explain it as well as you have my friend, good work...Hugs

Debbie said...

It is perfect for the season.

Candie Bracci said...

I just love it!So love it!Beautiful piece Brian!

moondustwriter said...

I love playing with stars - they get kinda beat up here on the moon

It is such a beautiful piece
glad you shared it and the star

another perfect shot for One Shot

smiles from the Moon

Dulce said...

and yet I can see your self among it all
;)

Marla said...

Beautiful Brian. I love when I get a visual as I usually do with your poems.

repressedsoul said...

Stunning, I could see all the images in my head. You paint pictures with your words. Thanks for sharing Brian

anthonynorth said...

Autumn alive, and with personality. Great.

Eric Alder said...

Oh great! Now I feel like a JERK for keeping that 4-leaf clover! (LOL!) Nice write, Brian!

L.L. Barkat said...

The part about baling twine and duct tape... that was marvelous. It feels like that sometimes, when we try to put our words into some form that will stay long enough to pass them on. :)

River said...

beautiful- great imagery. :)

Chris G. said...

Nice imagery, Brian! A charming and potent piece, all too perfect for the season. The personification of nature was splendid.

SuziCate said...

fabulous piece....love this -wind having lost
its voice, sits on a
corner stool counting
how many seconds
it can hold its breath

Kodjo Deynoo said...

Another Great piece from you.
Always enjoy reading your work

Melissa Campbell said...

I love the image of the wind holding its breath. I feel like I'm standing out there with you on a clear night. Maybe you weren't by yourself afterall. Lovely words. :)

Magpie said...

Love that line..."stars popping like water on a hot skillet". Touches sight and sound. Great, Brian.

Tracy said...

Oh, Brian, the images in this are just wonderful! You outdid yourself this time. (Is that possible?)

Beachanny said...

I'd gather the stars from out the skies and give them all to you. What a generous and beautiful piece!
All the metaphors were strong and effective. Thanks, Gay

PattiKen said...

There is such a wonderful melody to this. And look, here comes a little duct-taped bundle of luck hurtling my way. Hooray!

Asobime said...

Damn...all I can say is this:

Wish I had written this!!

Excellent work....haunting imagery.

Lady Nyo

kavisionz said...

WHAT A THOUGHT!!!! How you can ever come up with such a piece, I shall never know!
Brian, hats off to your imagery! Really!

Very often, I look at the moon and think, we all stare at the same side of the moon... So, how far apart can we really be?!?!
And reading your poem today brought this thought once again into my mind...
Yes, the well-wrapped package of hope and love will reach across indeed! Most of us need it!

Fireblossom said...

Guys and duck tape, I swear. ;-)

I loved the last stanza. It's perfect.

Glynn said...

To fling a star -- or a firefly -- and it will reach its destination, Good one, Brian.

Monkey Man said...

Giving is good. Beautifully sculpted One Shot.

G.K. Asante said...

Excellent imagery, with a nice personification of wind/breath.

slommler said...

I thought of so many things as I read this. Fireflies, meteors, stars, wind and leaves. So beautifully crafted...loved this one!
Hugs
SueAnn

Gigi Ann said...

So enjoyable reading your poetry, I never thought of the wind as holding it's breath.

Thanks for visiting and leaving such a nice comment. Always appreciated.

marousia said...

Masterful writing

Belinda said...

Sharing a four-leaf clover -- you are a lovely man, Brian!

Manda said...

After reading this I wanted to sing "catch a fallen star and put it in your pocket, save it for a rainy day"... thanks for sharing!

The Retired One said...

Wonderful, wondrous imagery!! Loved this one Brian!

Cor said...

Fantastic imagery. Thank you for sharing your luck, as we should all be sharing it with each other. This is one of
My favorites out of your collection. Great one shot and thank you for hosting!

June_Butterfly said...

This one made me think!Oh,how I wish I could play words the way you do.Since English is not my first language I really need to dig down my brain for my vocabularies.

This one made autumn lovelier.Though it seems to be over already on my side.What with the cold creeping on my insides.

Great one-shot.As always.

Brian Miller said...

hey thanks everyone this was a fun one to write...it was a beautiful night, that night

poemblaze said...

Wonderful, vivid imagery and great word choices.

signed...bkm said...

Great write, the third stanza the bailing twine and duct tape...the four leaf clover....so much here --the sharing of all that we are, our luck our hopes our dreams ...huddle it, fling it towards one who needs some too....love the the fantastic images throughout the whole piece...bkm

G-Man said...

Brian...
Your stories are always spellbinding.
Plus I LOVED your First time!
You are such a treasure to us all Son, we will cherish you while you are still Not Famous...:-)

OJ Gonzalez-Cazares said...

thanks for sharing your piece of heaven...you captured it!! - loved the wind holding its breath part.

Tammy said...

This just made me giggle and smile all over the place.

Betsy said...

Oh, I love this one, Brian!

faith said...

I love to watch the night sky and consider it a real treat when I "catch" a falling star. Thanks for sharing!

Khakjaan Wessington said...

In your rewrite, start it where it ends. You're trying so hard to say something new about the night sky, it comes across as purple.

I do think there's a nucleus of a poem in there tho; but it's (as is often the case) only genuinely articulated in the last stanza.

Steve said...

Strong sensory info, nature-self intimate

natalee said...

Perfect!! The imagery in this rocked.... !!!! Great one shot!!!

patty said...

Loved how the leaves huddled together waiting for the wind to kick in again. Your poem created a lovely movie in my mind...xo

gospelwriter said...

You are so good with words - love love love the imagery, the wind on the corner stool holding its breath... my favourite:

...i wrap my words
around it with bailing twine
& duct tape a four leaf clover
i found hide n seeking
behind a blade of grass,

Teresa said...

Truly beautiful and touching. I love the imagery.

hedgewitch said...

A lot of impact from a cascade of images and a restrained vocabulary in their service. And I agree, the giving is the whole point.

CM said...

How beautiful and self-less. I like it.

Katherine said...

Brian somehow I find it hard to believe that you could ever be a selfish prig!! This was absolutely beautiful to read! You evoke such imagery with your choice of words..I just love it! Actually, I love all your work!!

the wid0w said...

very vivid imagery used
powerful one shot entry

Teri said...

Love that line "stars popping like water on a hot skillet". You sure know how to put words to music. And nice that you cared to share you tokens of luck with someone...falling stars, three-leaf clovers, if only finding them within our grasp really could bring us the luck that we need sometimes; the luck that we NEED sometimes!

Caribbean Fool said...

"duct tape a four leaf clover
i found hide n seeking
behind a blade of grass,
for luck,"

What a great image! The ending of your poem is very strong, really brings the focus into laser-like accuracy. Your choice to use more aggressive language gave the poem a depth of meaning that is hard to accomplish under any circumstances. The phrase "wind having lost its voice" really reached out and grabbed me. Fantastic poem; every time I read one of your poems I can't help but feel impressed by your grasp of the concept as a whole. Thanks for posting via 1SW, always enjoy swinging through your poetic vision.

crb.

adeeyoyo said...

Brilliant, Brian! I love the wind holding its breath, and the leaves nestling... huddling... descriptions are spot-on!

ladynimue said...

The wind lines were the best !!! and so was the closing lines ! perfect !!

Zuzana said...

Oh, I wonder if you got inspired to write this the other night, when you went outside...;)
Lovely and poetic as always, there is nothing that makes one feel more small and humble than the night sky.
Have a lovely day dear Brian,
xoxo

Just Be Real said...

Brian this was so wonderful. Maybe in heaven we will actually see what wind looks like. Probably just the breath of God. Just a thought. Thank you for sharing. Blessings.

Madeleine said...

Ooh I love this: 'stars popping like water on a hot skillet'
Great poem. :O)

Becky said...

I agree a touch of autumn in this one.Im loving it.Beautiful Brian!Thanks for sharing!

Pete Marshall said...

another top write...you are on a rich vein my friend...pete

Vicki Lane said...

I love using the skipping stone to carry your words -- and the wind, holding its breath.

Vicki Lane said...

I love using the skipping stone to carry your words -- and the wind, holding its breath.

Shashi said...

Dear Brian
Very beautiful... I enjoyed being with the breeze and your words take a different meaning when you play with them... like
'wind having lost
its voice, sits on a
corner stool counting
how many seconds
it can hold its breath,'
The end was so beautiful, full of love.. Good one shot.
Thanks for sharing...


ॐ नमः शिवाय
Om Namah Shivaya
Twitter: @VerseEveryDay
Blog: http://shadowdancingwithmind.blogspot.com

the walking man said...

I was wondering who was throwing rocks at me. It's OK though I threw it on to someone else.

Carrie Burtt said...

This poem is breathtaking Brian...i love love love it! :-)

Jess Mistress of Mischief said...

God placed a special and great gift in you. thank you for sharing it!

I am grateful for you and your beautiful, emotional, poigniant and fierce poetry!

ModernMom said...

You can see the forces of nature at work here:)

PS Thanks for the comment on my "Coming Out" post today!

Tabor said...

Another gem! But it may be a year before you wend your way down to 104!

Lorraine said...

do share your vast talent my dear

gautami tripathy said...

How I wish to hold the wind! Especially after reading your poem...

certainity of the uncertainity

Anonymous said...

simply fantastic brian, what a way of writing a poem, and fantastic imagination.

trisha
mydomainpvt.wordpress.com

Suz said...

oh my goodness
some days we just write a poem that
is
and this one IS
I loved it

Aquarius63 said...

Exquisite. I love the imagery your words evoke.

Anita.

Beedeebabee said...

This is so, so pretty! :)

liv2write2day said...

Exquisite images, Brian.
Victoria

The Exception said...

The vivid nature of your images is wonderful. The wind offers vast creative opportunities as it travels and explores. I like to think it has stories to tell – it is definitely emotional.
This was fun to read.

mairmusic said...

The flow and pace of this is great, and how it changes direction at the word "fling" great write!

blueviolet said...

Being unselfish yields even better rewards.

Baobab said...

lovely evocative strength Brain. very nice.

Ranee Dillon said...

Capturing a piece of the fallen sky and passing it to another....a truly wonderful notion. Your imagery is strong in this poem. I loved it!

betweenhearts75 said...

I always love reading this words of yours Brian, you have a fascinating flow which really can be quite moving, I especially like the "quiet air" and smiled for the finish that didn't hold all to yourself! Very nice!!! ~April

Sophia said...

"& fling it as hard as i can,
hoping that one day it
reaches you, because you
need it just as much as me...."

So INCREDIBLY touching and amazing. I've read this several times now and oh so very moved.

Emmanuel Ibok said...

These words drove deep:

"because you
need it just as much as me,
and what a selfish prig
i would be if i kept it
all to myself."

Nicely done, B.

Cheers!

kkrige said...

if it is offered to you, then you need it most

others get their gifts when they need them, by their own divine providence

you cannot change the world, but I love that you try

Goofball said...

hmmm very cryptic this one

did you just throw wind at me ? that's why a storm is approaching here ;)

Jen Chandler said...

A brilliant way to catch and share a falling star, a wish.

Beautiful :)

Cheers!

Liza said...

This is just marvelous Brian, and that last stanza frickin' rocks!

Syd said...

Those clear still nights in the fall are magical.

Deborah said...

What can I say ... Brilliant!!

Helena Malheur said...

full of vivid imagery... lovely write.