Friday, September 3, 2010

apples 2 apples


the silent darkness of the room is broken only by the orange pool created by a lamp on the nightstand. spread across the bed on her back, she lay vulnerable, arms akimbo by the halo of blond hair surrounding her head. she is wrapped in a crimson dress, slit riding high on her thigh, exposing a contrast of tender pale skin.

on the nightstand, Vanity Fair, left open, ready to be read, topped by an apple. one bite missing, the flesh of the fruit slightly browning around the teeth torn edges of the void. slight moisture still clings to her lips from their kiss.

he stands in the shadows, by the only window, cool air leaking around the drawn shade, tickling the hair on his neck. he admires her still form. her fingertips delicate, except one jagged nail, he smiles at the memory.

circling the bed, he takes her in, with his eyes, tongue dampening his lips. his fingers work the buttons of his shirt, which he folds neatly, placing it on the chest at the end of the bed. he takes his time removing all that he is wearing, until it forms a neat pile. this is important.

she has not moved, not that she can, lost in some dream at this point. this is where he will find her, when the time is right. standing over her, he grasps the apple, working his eyes around it's circumference, noticing the blemishes. bringing it to his mouth he feels its firmness against his teeth before it gives way, juices spilling over his lips.

he looks a her while reducing the apple to little more than a core, which makes a soft thump at the bottom of the plastic bag in the trashcan. he will take that out later, before the flies arrive.

closing the magazine, he turns the knob on the lamp, rewarded by a soft click and darkness. the darkness is his friend. leaning across her, he inhales the spiciness of her scent. he pauses, just to breathe her, then lets his weight slowly melt into her.

"mmm...," she dances at the edge of dream and reality, unsure which way to scramble. with a sharp inhalation of breath, she surfaces, realising where she is, what is about to happen.

"i was having the best dream," she sighs.

"me too."

silence lies broken in the apple scented air between them...

This is a 10DOM Magpie Tale.

115 comments:

Baino said...

Sweet, I thought this was going to a dark place but all ended happily.

Kat_RN said...

Very nice,
Kat

Tom said...

yes, it did have a creepy feel at first. good stuff

Cheryl said...

Nah, I could tell this was going to be a hot one. Just had that Friday night vibe going.

Eva Gallant said...

It made me a little nervous, too!

n. davis rosback said...

very cunning poetry

Gabriela Abalo said...

u got me! I thought this was going to end bad... thanks for the sweet ending.

lovely Magpie.

:)

JeffScape said...

Yeah, nice bait and switch.

What is it with 10thDoM entries and OCD characters lately? Hah!

Lori said...

I thought it was going in a different direction but then you surprised me. Nice. Hope you and your have a wonderful weekend. :)

The Bug said...

So he's NOT the Apple Serial Killer after all!

You know, I think we all sometimes imbue innocent scenarios with sinister plots - makes life more exciting!

The Retired One said...

You fooled me Brian..I thought it was going to become dark too...whew! ha

liza said...

"arms akimbo"..I love how you gave it a sexy thriller feel to it. The first line was a grabber. Awesome as always!

Helen said...

'teeth torn edges of the void' ~~ I especially liked those words. I never thought it was going in a dark direction ... felt only the sensuous.

Kay said...

I like this side of you... a great writer, writing about romance...

nothin' better. And tantilizing as well, did she- would she know he was there? Was he someone she knew, was waiting for?

An apple never had it so good.

Bernie said...

The most fun I have reading your writings Brian is that I never know where are are taking us until I have completed the piece.....I enjoy the anticipation....Hugs

Me said...

Initially, I got this Snow White vibe, with the apple and all...and was a little concerned for the poor girl. Obviously i need not have worried for her...she's doing just fine! :)

-C

Liza said...

"before the flies arrive"
I really like that.

This is HOT stuff Brian.

Teri said...

Nice how just a bite out of a apple can turn into a sultry evening. You do know how to spin a tale, Brian.

CM said...

Ok, seriously...when are you going to write a NOVEL for us??? We await impatiently...;-)

Way good writing and oh the trickster you are!

Bossy Betty said...

Yowza! I gotta go get me some apples!!!!

TALON said...

I loved the set-up...her so vulnerable, him so stealthy...and I was completely relieved when it was all okay. It's in the details and you write those beautifully, Brian.

Suz said...

I wish there were more pages to this story!
wonderful..but I'm not sold that it wasn't dark

secret agent woman said...

I was so sure this was heading in a creepy direction!

adeeyoyo said...

Great twist, but it's still open to another twist back again! Love it, Brian.

Jen said...

The neat freak stuff creeps me out.

Templeton's fury said...

you had me at "the silent darkness"

Hilary said...

It had such a sinister air about it at first.. but not at last. Nice!

Susan Deborah said...

I wanted this one to go on without stopping. Sometimes it is so easy to get lost in the realm of imagination when reality is the only respite.

Joy always,
Susan

signed...bkm said...

You had the anticipation going...glad it had a happy ending...with great dreams.....bkm

Elizabeth said...

okay, everyone thinks this is a happy sexy ending. Not sure that it is. There are a few sneaky little details not explained at the end. Why would he take the trash with him when he leaves? Why does he say that he too was having a nice dream, and how does he know she was dreaming and that he would be meeting her there in a moment? There's more that leads me to believe that a happy ending, at least for her, might not be in the cards. I think you are lulling your reader into relaxing, then intend to take this somewhere else.
And I happen to like that ambiguity on the end. Leave em, wondering.

Elizabeth

Selma said...

Oh, why did it have to be a dream? A feast of imagery and feeling and expectation. The scent of the apple in the air between them is a master touch!

surbi said...

Awesome...what an awesome read...i was a bit scared..but the line ..." not that she can't move" reassured me of the happy ending...i love happy lovedovy endings. Hot sizzling magpie...

Valerie said...

Yes, I was a bit scared as I read this, without cause as it turned out. Loved it, Brian, it so held my attention.

Zuzana said...

I had to read a few comments to make sure it was not just me who thought this was going to be somewhat dark.;) I love the way you keep surprising us dear Brian.;)
Have a lovely Saturday:;)
xoxo

Brian Miller said...

smiles. i did leave it a bit open...the darkness at the beginning is intentional, but really what is he doing more than taking off his clothes at the end of the day, folding them as he has been asked, not throwing them on the floor...enjoying an apple and looking at his wife who has fallen into slumber before even changing clothes...but that is the edge to everything and some of the most mundane ordinary things can be creepy...

Jess Mistress of Mischief said...

Love the juxtaposition of the crimson and pale tender skin of the two delicious figures in his vision.

There's so much in this story. So much detail and complexity revealed.

Sue J said...

A good read! I thought he might be a vampire or something before I got to the end.

Vicki Lane said...

Very dark cast to this -- I was expecting him to choke her with the apple. But then he ate it. Nice use of detail.

Claudia said...

aaaahhh - he smelled first - then "bit" - that's the way it should be…smiles
excellent brian - enjoyed every single word

Shari Sunday said...

Vivid description. Very suspenseful. The ending surprised me. I would love to read more.

Carrie Burtt said...

Brian this was so captivating...very well written, and i love the ending. :-)

Tracy said...

Crikey, I suddenly am hungry for an apple. *smiles*

annell said...

It think creepy is the word -- you never know how those creepy things get here?

SuziCate said...

I also entered this with a creepy feeling ansd was pleasantly surprised. Your writing has that way of pulling us one way and then redirecting...always a lovely journey! Great job!

Syd said...

A tantalizing one Brian. You had me going.

ninotaziz said...

Either way it goes, good or bad - a very sensual piece.

ladyfi said...

Great stuff... creepy yet lovely.

slommler said...

Wow! I wasn't sure which way you were going to take this. Yes it was sort of creepy and then.....!!!
Well done!
Hugs
SueAnn

Catherine said...

I can totally smell the apple scented air.

Sam Liu said...

Brian, you are a master story-teller! The beginning is dark and haunting, your words have a resounding solemness to them, a cruel sensuality. But, as the bet writers do, you catch your readers unaware and provide the most beautiful ending. A great magpie.

Raven said...

I thought it was going to a dark place too, but love the sweet ending.

Kate Hanley said...

I love how slowly you turned it around from weird/creepy to happy. The words just quietly worked their way to a nice ending. Beautiful.

TechnoBabe said...

You added the word "vulnerable" in the early description, which turned the switch in most minds that this would be a a dark story. Good for you that you walked us through a sensual apple eating session to end with an enjoyable awakening session. Sigh.

Magpie said...

Nice way to lead us into the weekend.

Kaylen said...

This paints such a picture-you have such an amazing way with words. I felt scared and dirty and hungry and happy all at once!! :)

God Whispers said...

Ahh nice turn out on this one Brian. Very nice. Blessings.

Teresa said...

I was totally caught up in where this was headed. I had no idea how it was going to turn out. Lovely suspense.

BLOGitse said...

Great twist...
now I go to buy some apples... :)

Jill said...

Who would have thought that an apple would/could lead to such an end?
Scrumptious!

~ Tabitha ~ said...

o m g
fo shizzle......................xo

Nessa said...

I found this frightening and ominous and dangerous. But so much of life is.

alexandra macias said...

awesome very cool
):)(:(

Madame DeFarge said...

I remember those moments. Not sure that M. DeFarge does, as he tends to fall asleep straight away. Sighs loudly.

Kathy's Klothesline said...

I really was wondering who 'he' was and what his intentions were.....

Emmanuel Ibok said...

Perfect narrative abilities you got there, B. Nice one!

Lyn said...

I for one wouldn't have minded if it ended badly..still not sure it didn't..tease is good..so noir...

william said...

another fabulous story, was a tense atmosphere, but it was gripping :)

Bloggin'withAmanda said...

Wow your writing is beautiful, so creative every words sets the mood it gave me visual, and a scent, even some texture! I really enjoyed this!

Pauline said...

you sure can tell a story!

kathew said...

romantic sweet good night. Lovely take on the apple!

Becky said...

I loved it! very nice Brian.I will admit I thought it would have a sad ending.Im glad it didnt go that way,lol.

Cindy said...

I found I was holding my breath from the very beginning. Very nice Brian...

SW said...

I was hangin' in there, though I had goosebumps.....I kinda felt it was a husband thang, but couldn't quite trust myself.

ModernMom said...

So glad it was a dream with a happy ending:)

otin said...

aww c'mon! where's the blood?? lol

emily wierenga said...

this reduced me to my core...

JamieDedes said...

Created a bit of tension there ... a good thing ... I didn't know how it was going to close. Nice work as always. Like the photo too.

Acknowledgement here for you.
http://wp.me/pne74-45b

Erin said...

You are incredibly talented and I enjoyed reading this immensely.

Thank you so very much for stopping by my blog and commenting on The Empress' guest post.

I loved this so much that I'm about to become your newest follower. Hope you're having a wonderful weekend!

Erin @ The Mother Load
@erinlynn76

She Writes said...

Here I thought she was dead!

Sarah said...

I'm not so sure that this ended happily.

Joanna Jenkins said...

I think I need a cigarette ;-)
Nice job. jj

Cloudia said...

*Applause*





Aloha from Waikiki

Comfort Spiral

Jinksy said...

Another well written, tension filled tale - where do they all come from? LOL :)

spacedlaw said...

I thought he had poisoned her (and the apple).

Angie Muresan said...

Brian, I was so relieved it ended the way it did. An excellent piece!

goddessdeels said...

Who said women write better erotica than men. The smell of apples lingers still..

steviewren said...

Whee....where's my fan...hot, hot, hot!

willow said...

Sexy Magpie/Tenth Daughter combo, Brian!

Hold my hand: a social worker's blog said...

Simply brilliant! I love the twist.

Doris

Tina said...

Since I've been reading you for a while now, I know to expect the unexpected. THAT is what makes your writing so great. I hate predictable, formulaic crap. Loved this piece.

Betsy said...

I couldn't bring myself back from serial killer to loving husband! ack...

Tumblewords: said...

Oh, yes! All's well that ends well!

Suja said...

Brian that was some nicely written stuff..enjoyed the imagery and flow of words...
Suja

AmyLK said...

Lovely. I was waiting for the bad stuff though. :)

CherylK said...

Well, I waffled between believing in the darkness of this and believing in the beauty. Wasn't entirely sure until the very last sentence. You are a genius.

rxBambi said...

I think I need a cigarette

Men know how to fold???

take me now

Systematic Weasel said...

Excellently crafted post!

-Weasel =)

Nes said...

Great job on this one! I was immediately drawn into the story. You had me sitting at the edge of my sit! I love the happy ending though. At first it felt so sinister! Powerful piece.

Janice said...

A sensuous, thoughtful Magpie Tale. I was captivated from word one.

ds said...

There's more to this than meets the eye...very very nice.

Patience said...

i was so worried about her. . .i do like happy endings. great one as usual.

Daniel said...

That photo is inspiring. Like others, I thought this might go in a different direction.

mama-face said...

okay, probably everything has been said-but i must say i LOVE the title!
and yes...i was more than a little worried at first...

Marla said...

Oh my goodness.....I was all tense reading this, waiting for one of your creep me out endings....and then you go and get all mushy on me.

Nice, Brian!

Reflections said...

Holding us up, leaning toward a creepy intensity, only to take us intensely to the sweet romantic essence of the apple. Great writing!

Pat said...

The TRUE story of Adam and Eve!

Mighty M said...

Captivating.

PattiKen said...

Oh, you had me worried there for a moment. I'm relieved that it ended well, with her alive and all. Nice one.

Goofball said...

I find it very creepy

kavisionz said...

Oh boy!! He has a thing for order and cleanliness,doesn't he?!? :)
Well written, Bri!! Hot stuff! Conjured very many images in my head... :)
Very nicely played! Phhheewww.. you write so wonderfully! I was drawn !!

Not For Jellyfish said...

Weird. I thought it was sweet the whole time but had that momentary thought that it could go in a dark direction.

Lydia said...

111 comments! And you need one more telling you this is so highly sensual, very loving, excellent in the extreme? --signed #112

x said...

nice misdirection. i wonder if you were afraid to go to the dark...

hvninhell said...

I held my breath and broke the silence with a sigh of relief!

Katelyn Likes This said...

ok...akimbo is my new word of the day...