Sunday, September 5, 2010

160 - narcissus building sandcastles

like pharoahs,
we build monuments
to our life,
so we will be remembered,
after death,
by those
we made carry
the stones
on their backs.

though only briefly.

What can you say in 160 characters? (spaces included) Go see Monkey Man.

75 comments:

Alan Burnett said...

Excellent piece. All told, our blogs are better tombs of narcissus - at least nobody has to carry the stones.

the walking man said...

"'DNA damage and cell death' do not constitute a bodily injury in the absence of the manifestation of an actual disease or injury," the panel wrote, later adding: "Plaintiffs must necessarily establish that plutonium particles released from Rocky Flats caused a detectable level of actual damage."

From the 10th us Circuit Court of Appeals

I am willing to bet that this stone will be remembered for a long time.

Selina Kingston said...

It's uncanny. My daughter forced me to watch Death On The Nile with her (it featured David Suchet, her hero, but that's another story) and I said exactly the same thing .....sort of!!

Dulce said...

Only briefly... I don't know the real pharoahs still have those hug monuments and those who crried those heavy stones are also still remembered... Well I do not pretend that much ...do you?

great 160!

blueviolet said...

I would prefer not to be remembered! lol

slommler said...

The stones weighed so much that they beat down those who carried them. They died before they turned 40! Such a high price to pay to be remembered. Me...cremation here...no tomb. Ha!
Hugs
SueAnn

JeffScape said...

Not a huge fan of 160s (you know this), but this one rocks. Get it? Hah.

No, really... very good.

La Petite Gallery said...

Beautiffully said, and so true.

Yvonne

Fireblossom said...

Isn't that why Goddess invented staff? Am I missing something here?

joanny said...

Brian:

A profound 160, I see some very witty comments mentioned here, and all I can say is you are very versatile in your prose, poems, and short stories, I appreciate it, you always keep me questioning, from whence you may write may it be --wry, humorous, serious, empathic, etc. but you never fail to delight.

Joanny

Zuzana said...

Beautiful. Your writing shows of your multifaceted intellect. And it always comes best to view in your shortest posts.;)
Have a lovely Sunday Brian,
xo

Just Be Real said...

Yeah only briefly. Thank God that He does not think that way about us. Blessings to you Brian.

5thsister said...

wow...so much truth in 160 characters!

Claudia said...

…sometimes we try so hard and it's only sandcastles that are left…your 160 made me think brian...
hope you're having a great sunday

Jannie Funster said...

I'd rather carry a bunch of daisies and a tune in a bucket than a stone on my back anyday.

Great 160!

xo

otin said...

I am lost as usual!

Monkey Man said...

Others shouldn't have to bear the burden of our remembrance, but we chould provide those memories to them to flow lightly as a loose robe. Great 160. Thanks for playing.

Lorraine said...

well put Brian...:)

Eva Gallant said...

profound and precise, all at once!

Kulio said...

Nice, I was sort of analyzing this and realized that putting "like pharoahs" at the very beginning saves a lot of characters, huh. It puts an image in the readers' mind, gives you an instant backdrop for telling the story. Using less words is something I really want to develop - sometimes I do it, sometimes, like this comment, I do not :-)

Nessa said...

Wow. That's a really interesting thought.

Jess Mistress of Mischief said...

LOVE this ... so much to contemplate!

Catherine said...

Very nice. 160 characters is challenging! I might give it a try one of these Sundays.

Mama Zen said...

This is excellent.

gautami tripathy said...

If only we reflected on it, we would quit doing that!

I liked it.

unmasked

Tina said...

Brilliant. Concise. Insightful. I might have to try one of these some time...being concise isn't really my thing...

Jill said...

Honestly? I don't think I can say ANYTHING in 160 characters!!

Great job. SO MUCH said in SO few words.

Boonie S said...

Delightful irony, beautifully highlighted. Thanks for this.

Have a nice day, Boonie

rxBambi said...

nicely done. I'd have to agree with alan tho, I think bloggers in general are narcissistic -- isn't that why we do it? not quite as heavy as stones, but someone has to carry it.

annell said...

Nice job Brian.

annell said...

Now, I am thinking....if only we can remember who we are.

Bonnie said...

I would love to show this to our neighbor who has lived his life consumed with building stone structures including a pyramid the size of a small bungalow in his back yard and an obelisk about over 30 feet high that we can view from our property. These efforts at memorializing or immortalizing himself do not count the numerous stone bridges, walls, arches, stairways, and brook walls he has built. His family have carried the stones literally and figuratively - his wife in particular who raised their 6 boys alone. His sons rarely visit and when they do can be seen standing at a distance watching their father work on another stone memorial project.

Your poem and the example in front of our eyes every day, prompts me to wonder what price my family might pay for the legacy (conscious or not) I leave behind.

Thank you Brian - great food for thought.

mairmusic said...

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Bossy Betty said...

Ooooo...I'm going to be thinking about this all day....

Magpie said...

The more I read it the more layers I find. Wonderful job!

Sam Liu said...

Your metaphor is so beautiful and very profound, Brian,

"by those
we made carry
the stones
on their backs".

A powerful thought. Your poem is poignant reminder of our own mortality, of the transience of human existence.

Angie Ledbetter said...

Exceptional from title to last word!

Valerie said...

Stones and pillars and aching bones, yet their spirits remain to remind us.

n. davis rosback said...

well done.

ds said...

You've done it again: said more in 160 characters than most of us can in 160 sentences. Much to ponder with this one. Thank you.

natalee said...

WOW!!! This was deep.....excellent

Jen said...

Makes you think about what kind of legacy you're leaving. I certainly hope I don't leave my daughter with too much of a burden.

PattiKen said...

Well, you know I like this one. When I posted my poem about the slaves building the pyramids, a commenter who was an Egyptologist said that the slaves carried those stones out of love. That may be the most extreme case of Stockholm Syndrome I've ever heard of.

Julie Jordan Scott said...

Makes me wonder what shape my monument it taking. So evocative. THANK YOU!

This week's Sunday 160: Silenced.

TechnoBabe said...

Not all of us want to be remembered in this life. I choose the next one.

Eddie Bluelights said...

Very thought provoking, Brian and beautifully written.

Some others have said they don't want to be remembered in this life after departure. I agree, other than the immediate family and friends. It's the next one that is the 'biggy'.

Vicki Lane said...

NarcissUS -- perfect title!

Christina said...

Poignant and true.

Leah said...

Wonderful piece. I don't know how you do these 160s! A big challenge.

I like what Alan said.

sheila said...

The only monument I'll have is my blog. :o)

Tom said...

i don't think i'll create anything that last 3000 years after my death. talk about a legacy!

ananchorage said...

The households of stuff. The lasting pains of how we treat others and they pass that on.

Thoughtful.

Gloria

Pete Marshall said...

that was a deep pondering 160..good write my friend..cheers pete

william said...

the egyptians were very advanced, great piece friend :)

Alice Audrey said...

Like the "Great Ozymandias" looking out over the deserts from his statue, bragging on his works, which are no longer apparent.

Victoria said...

Powerful and precise. Thanks, Brian.

Tracy said...

So true - and deep thinking for a Holiday weekend. :-)

suja said...

Ah wonder what the epitaph would be I wonder sometimes..will anyone remember or notice...Nice one!

Caty said...

a narcissistic lot aren't we, the human race. Very good 160!

G-Man said...

They are called children

CherylK said...

You really do have a remarkable talent, Brian. Thanks for sharing it and for throwing out the challenge. One day I will try this, I think.

Cheryl said...

Narcissism creeps in sneakily in all areas of our lives when we're not paying attention, doesn't it?

I like your portrayal immensely. Got me thinking of all the ways we strive for immortality causing harm without even being aware of the damage done.

Maggie said...

I have missed your writings! :)

And as usual you always keep us thinking... :)

Harnett-Hargrove said...

Nice work. It is interesting to find what we leave behind for others to ponder. -j

Bing (PinkLady) said...

wow... there's so much depth in your 160! a narcissistic approach to life and death- that's quite profound. i love your writing style, brian.

Unknown Mami said...

Wow, this is deep. I really like this one and it makes me want to reconsider some things.

moondustwriter said...

That's a sad commentary but too true Bri.

Have I got a tag for you if you feel like being trivialized to death
go here
to learn trivia about yours truly and if you want to get on the band wagon you are invited

Moon smiles

adeeyoyo said...

How many of the leaders in our world have achieved their fame on the backs of their 'assistants'?

Daniel said...

What was the inspiration for this one?

Marla said...

Hmmmm....I have been thinking about this very thing a lot lately. Interesting.....

secret agent woman said...

We build sandcastles, I think, to remind us that it is engaging in beauty that matters. It's transitory nature only adds to the richness of the experience. Much like life.

Syd said...

Just read about the Koch brothers and their monuments. Makes me sick and tired of so much wealth.

Goofball said...

your blog seems a good monument that will last

Kim A. said...

Narcissus would have benefited from some therapy. I love this 160. How you put words together..Wow! Alot of truth today.

♥namaste♥

Scott said...

that's really good... by those who carried them on their backs, not the legacy we ought to be reaching for, ya? But, closer to the truth than many of us might be willing to admit!